從屍詞歌賦談到雕生哲學 - 【同人創作】當阿飄遇上科技宅

（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）

　　我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh14FKMkTOD
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR1a4qNeoEL
　　「啊，我不小心撞到了。」758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTED6LFcSCu
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡViKgBKPgj2
　　戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnau5SHFFKY
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZeCQK8nW9k
　　我滿意點頭。758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkKbV9svNOE
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4z4kv0KjOs
　　很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrZPzBBgKNX
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡznXEhI12Pj
　　一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQZptvtkxcT
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡICZL8U24N5
　　「不知貴不貴？」758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Dz3yq3EsS
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx9lQvWFgxq
　　「應該還好。」758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI6iYi2usxh
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv0TcKyWTFI
　　「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6DWSBE3SyO
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5SN2JeIpya
　　「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN6eCIduugH
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlMhc68oKoz
　　兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5vYuQJxt4z
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAXIiew6pFc
　　我震驚了。758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ6jN8YXD8S
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7coguzcUHB
　　不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkpmcnVHR1l
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSHLYMNUUPW
　　話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCRyiaE9K3i
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLDxIUcQ5Lr
　　「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡroVgzvNyOc
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA6XqUC3I17
　　喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuaopSTLXji
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcAoKe2PBMC
　　What the hell?758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0aXNqG6h5M
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ81QMkkLwhi
　　那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5bgR66Zb15
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5x5BbZcXYk
　　幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7SnTDEe6Pr
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZwHxp9Lcaj
　　嘶——758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8EGT4lllrR
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOp4YD9zgXL
　　我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2zt3H0j1Bv
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK9bGbo3JY1
　　陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsHCOZPNIoK
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCPPeUE6hIe
　　「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgfP0TqfhHb
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPaV9iz3UzI
　　正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQIskNAkYYw
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpmD4xtsx9u
　　矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQq71sGJzTJ
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuT7CFphYO1
　　「嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Y7UhKSeeq
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZUu0KjM8Nu
　　我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeFSwgrGX7l
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSlUwycEVtu
　　但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm7LOjdQI8E
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRev48vWvf1
　　然而高個子不為所動！758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyLeRQhmV03
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5KmJIMyV5c
　　我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoCUaT3XrCO
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUg4izGqUmn
　　高個子依然面不改色！758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk985QXbEcz
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJzYvF9LNtP
　　我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1SPV5QetA2
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqpxcb3HAl2
　　這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYA2f2xGbXY
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB6Zit3VIwq
　　這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFLR1NP4a8S
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkLaT7u2bXn
　　矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpMuzfoabRm
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc239x2M6Kf
　　高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJA4kbYdWjM
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIdYt9EG101
　　馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbDaHU2iKRR
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1RIoQdOMqn
　　受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡva2y8gIfXw
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQswwrBAqFr
　　方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsY5GmEXc7F
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9FUqZyg0SU
　　這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡntMJb0QCyY
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5lnOtwHgdz
　　「為什麼要擺那包零食？」758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLclveZ26b7
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡICaIP8tnHR
　　「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwBswGSlkv9
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrx7wSJg5zi
　　「所以不能吃嗎？」758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwG00et0sha
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUGnBLCY89I
　　「不能，吃了就沒用了。」758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsuiT3iyVqp
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCJfbJApyr5
　　「但我餓了。」758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaWQgqakIqQ
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvwVK5vrSyf
　　「……」758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUxGaPM7yrf
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcrv3p0KJY8
　　此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl2EYcVYvum
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq3ms9Gxti1
　　哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAcb6dxMvK2
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡztxwlfhGob
　　「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdxly2pMAzR
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcD0T8dyKod
　　「小語……小語……」758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVI29DmMKBG
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsmAQddHtOc
　　Gya——758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBJkXCuB22q
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPOUmwniK0z
　　我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSjDnczAaC7
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnw9F3dxREl
　　They are fucking gay!758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE36hspQ2CX
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgNx6VAgcYd
　　這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4rm6Fk2Dp2
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ75tqu0MqUv
　　Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8O140MO2Rd
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIjbvFE3ce2
　　五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRFkLhPwOEa
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPoOyTVduYh
　　浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwGuwIzXTrF
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr29XLY5p1Y
　　「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeKK8cPO9c2
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE1IHzzihkG
　　秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWAWe1Knw9m
　　758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG7nmpl2anU
　　Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！758Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr1U6MayEBO