從屍詞歌賦談到雕生哲學 - 【同人創作】當阿飄遇上科技宅

（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）

　　我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdxmTuOnoOy
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDWpm6CsstZ
　　「啊，我不小心撞到了。」827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ65bfLwO8wA
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo5DZGzfzBu
　　戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhOfNYArDOO
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4HbKgA6oiZ
　　我滿意點頭。827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHEGACBhYlF
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEmxfAHeqfh
　　很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGM5LHEq6gT
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4J6653ICJL
　　一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMHTob8FI3l
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq0cp45eVBw
　　「不知貴不貴？」827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtkXKOHbv0M
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ72ZdS9Q8Dg
　　「應該還好。」827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKCxOvc28Yr
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE1sqozMmCW
　　「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0HEwHabAbF
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIx62JWhT3x
　　「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO3KECNerst
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvLGIbqz9gu
　　兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV9mdQ7dKkx
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3IFDQ4nY2h
　　我震驚了。827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPW7Orc6NiA
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3OjJjlTtGl
　　不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbIprUoyP3r
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2EEhDplEDm
　　話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ667T3E7y7V
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4adypkQcWa
　　「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXNoMPEVE9c
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8sisFWlsDd
　　喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtqxBPrjjUD
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGtEv50qQ1I
　　What the hell?827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwzsOlGnLOk
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ16ojKRDBWf
　　那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtljNTVsyZq
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYFc1XsDwIq
　　幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNjf069RAVh
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxJcFxpivG3
　　嘶——827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRrI32vMAUD
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtpghxuUUAZ
　　我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwIGR7uRUnk
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTahfDnxBmg
　　陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM1V3TCFUCY
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOijuJeGedt
　　「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡia4gZ7OC49
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtpBgvWf5ia
　　正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtQWVpIr1xw
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDYqKwWoj0d
　　矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz86j37IhpW
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9FAYtwFMZm
　　「嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡub3mvUa9B9
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhaLBubvxee
　　我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCuQgBo6a80
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl6qXpU5a9q
　　但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEbbZg5yyMs
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlUialIAgIB
　　然而高個子不為所動！827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY0lFviZ8zO
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHrg47Sq2sw
　　我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIwuHpWYYjB
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG191DrP0UQ
　　高個子依然面不改色！827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAcGDuf3thL
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ114pvnP1TQ
　　我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcmBhbUOcCy
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWpB68uEGFw
　　這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡznRREhQ86a
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXGO6sWZ5zj
　　這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGzrMboklvy
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmCNdK7xCdr
　　矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlsS9wrl0Jr
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡigKG0gqyIq
　　高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW0sXeGO30w
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡigqR4MVLUM
　　馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiRTTX8Oerg
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKUtWRkZsUp
　　受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgirrR19PQa
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoaK91iH4rl
　　方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7nrIVmWXoQ
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZSI6OMudtP
　　這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ71REFAzbKc
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxJnjvKHu5g
　　「為什麼要擺那包零食？」827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr9NL7ZXLf5
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZBfy60RkHt
　　「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDDqgTCS4Tx
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlfkCC1SVBz
　　「所以不能吃嗎？」827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJhyJZB3bhk
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKS2RJ0NSb8
　　「不能，吃了就沒用了。」827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoIHGMQ8v37
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo7uNYjXvwE
　　「但我餓了。」827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ45zvRQnwUM
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtTjeKGj0w0
　　「……」827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi6SYkfuQBA
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvDcvRa3AQf
　　此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuVKKcY0ESF
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaLoPZScwNq
　　哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ242vaUBBPW
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡafrjtPMdV4
　　「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJkQPdJBSJ6
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKObQZHIf35
　　「小語……小語……」827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0iTvdXiw26
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbl4ZE3Cs0u
　　Gya——827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsgC8cbjtCd
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ8lPANx2Hb
　　我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNz1STayhSt
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVDYnB5W24q
　　They are fucking gay!827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZKqcGxDTxB
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpQ5XUaVnHZ
　　這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhQLJIw8kAd
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbr38dIZ4IC
　　Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtW1ERLUCCW
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLVAkkDf3mx
　　五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsMIX9yrDBn
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvCut0U46D5
　　浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡABFsvY2kp3
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTAfvbSh7N3
　　「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt3rhGrzdtt
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2tqYNHDvcg
　　秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuNmk43fMPp
　　827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2q0DNj4uR8
　　Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！827Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD2xpTdCxLW