從屍詞歌賦談到雕生哲學 - 【同人創作】當阿飄遇上科技宅

（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）

　　我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9e78XDDXF3
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ64EStXFiL
　　「啊，我不小心撞到了。」744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYFqHHx2MTA
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqZX2XbQ4cG
　　戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ2D5w0Ip7n
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4G1QWUEiF3
　　我滿意點頭。744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwsOc7uNsp4
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡetvQ6hvL8D
　　很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNMzMx9PlyB
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd0XzwuUpJa
　　一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTs1LoyFdoE
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo9kcESKCcw
　　「不知貴不貴？」744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs4hcG4tsCn
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAZHkbTRbmt
　　「應該還好。」744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR2vH5AI77W
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtMnjLOXvsY
　　「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpvTkuecAao
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUPV32Y2kW4
　　「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVd3zs8fzw6
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMmlVPdnxyl
　　兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS5tafwxYIh
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpSZDWl9DaP
　　我震驚了。744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP5VtseP7js
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKHPK0uYxwv
　　不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkkGF3jqTF6
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmb3D6VWmBF
　　話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTmUCz8QmlN
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFdDDqclKv2
　　「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNn5IwUv0q5
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjO33S6gL7K
　　喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGYdjJ7A3Ic
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdUNriEhjTG
　　What the hell?744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqhpilbAHLj
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5nKRiPr9Kp
　　那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgaFnR19RKP
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡduh2pX9PnP
　　幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW6GQa6bwoD
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFCee7F5v0Y
　　嘶——744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhUMPaPzUXO
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDyOBcw77qF
　　我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGMBl27jEtG
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8eaq48GSqp
　　陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7HDEtuRCa4
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPSLi6vEjy3
　　「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5TK9WNjzbV
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdzTUmSiAV3
　　正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzJDh9axEYx
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH4Zavim0Cv
　　矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrrsdjvHsSV
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTbFQMTZDRZ
　　「嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMH8BXB6Qrw
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyqYG8UEFp3
　　我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvH9av4O1kz
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrjzEwdKHBv
　　但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGDrNPxzrvn
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlB4QWUo1yO
　　然而高個子不為所動！744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAySI63IIP5
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSmDIO7ThQd
　　我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlOsN8vV1Kz
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJGktO8R3w4
　　高個子依然面不改色！744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNXUbuH89bh
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ONnh7ExK7
　　我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxjLdhI8Lj7
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWjOTfPT4C2
　　這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡboDhvmTBmr
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCTHpWsQSr4
　　這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpfwjxsBMIg
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR9jFBQXC47
　　矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfZmkT4ezOn
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfYPDYzTjRB
　　高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsxvuOwzbnp
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt09xdWjyE8
　　馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRmzlaM71YT
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnvSj4W6vN0
　　受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq6W6O4S4WW
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGuJGnRpk2o
　　方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl588YKJPkk
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxd1wpNvmPu
　　這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqweHMbgEcJ
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡISNeH0LU6w
　　「為什麼要擺那包零食？」744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd6dIzHZv6h
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1erRCgCrYU
　　「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfQHq3Dsl8L
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgyA1V10h36
　　「所以不能吃嗎？」744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX6WOURquWX
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡReNiu5e71l
　　「不能，吃了就沒用了。」744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcddV5Iu7bM
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwmX5pHe6cK
　　「但我餓了。」744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTzlcyPXq3u
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9LOhcqXK1A
　　「……」744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡojoZfbZFgj
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCjEw8N3weS
　　此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaJUxPRuO8B
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQpYRiyeMeJ
　　哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqKNYeYJPHF
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuN3iebdsrU
　　「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbIJQI7u24A
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjvwzwsufwA
　　「小語……小語……」744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEeddcrowLE
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHrO9yRrqPU
　　Gya——744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo9f4Fu0Una
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcur7vR8NCE
　　我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1OwscrCdid
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPxCGRepkJY
　　They are fucking gay!744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjaM9gfbPcT
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ38kjBzeUMw
　　這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeFy3Cs4Ntx
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5QSDtj9xJC
　　Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoAd8FSar1S
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPVQYXkY6YI
　　五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB9msFp9ARS
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTfNuIwwlBi
　　浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO3rPlbLMkn
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDSRzRjD5vA
　　「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNyT18vhW2p
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIyJTTJc4CU
　　秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0LEoLl9gNp
　　744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpAmsUWi2Y8
　　Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！744Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtVIVZB2vX8