從屍詞歌賦談到雕生哲學 - 【同人創作】當阿飄遇上科技宅

（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）

　　我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvlGE20AKBq
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmNZIEyvpUj
　　「啊，我不小心撞到了。」838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAucMdR6V9J
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgHMyWKul3C
　　戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgTAN8Iqp3W
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdlJbIjUifR
　　我滿意點頭。838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡScMudxOe0U
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7oYwEYX3Bp
　　很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Adg3h4PDp
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmwMweOQZzF
　　一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0CaRXeqkVR
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ52PNcxt0HW
　　「不知貴不貴？」838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg3crXRD6eP
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwrn8jDdAN7
　　「應該還好。」838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmRHOx7Kphl
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtSxhJwb1ur
　　「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx13vUWHF3X
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoQXigZwSlA
　　「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkfTCv0qTf2
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuvcnfyp2vS
　　兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Edw45wNgQ
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQo0vCOi8hP
　　我震驚了。838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgjnidh9neP
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡywg9fdRweh
　　不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Drds7HPUl
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCdjuWVFxyF
　　話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGi3gmCFzse
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ9dP0UdsSx
　　「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXqj89FO75E
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfcbBkOuiyO
　　喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn58IOvQOIR
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Cf967e6yl
　　What the hell?838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPdk4lkvvbw
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfNGkIVk47Z
　　那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeJjG7axPoL
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKZMEI3b77j
　　幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡngUIeZl0MD
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQWIkRt0Hfe
　　嘶——838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ567aIftr25
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEeQI6FmCb8
　　我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡClhCWOrTbN
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEQkCtPG2wX
　　陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoJTB6wwS56
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJloGnXQgTH
　　「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRXIF3hT1Tg
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvex6ZHCJVI
　　正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxJRKBhwqWZ
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqVSlq4Oas0
　　矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBvsWu5TnfP
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS33503djJ3
　　「嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpc3l4K7JSl
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGQqW17U60Y
　　我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCC9UThF0ut
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Rj3qXMasb
　　但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCNUQtaQTnU
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE6JEFcMHVG
　　然而高個子不為所動！838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1ahEyhDRQY
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡngH5QYkQyB
　　我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQmiecfTmoJ
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZd5RhzssTZ
　　高個子依然面不改色！838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoIl5XjvG90
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡekVVkKG8V2
　　我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLiZc9wWpxE
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkpqI06IPay
　　這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfamRAOBRCW
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaLb1mps4y6
　　這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc1QabEtVLP
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTldk0qVpcl
　　矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkyBqkLAZGD
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA8iVRP8Ejt
　　高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ75UtsLRtZJ
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvjrX4Fvzc0
　　馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmx8hAhX93d
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjlxhaV4Mot
　　受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUoHsi7k7b0
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO3rwT7ETWs
　　方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOPWtxrYkN7
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjLpYgEXT7l
　　這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1b794Fstbp
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmz3rhwnlbk
　　「為什麼要擺那包零食？」838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0TDJNzdBbN
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHgVlt6CE02
　　「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZLPevRdMMt
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvrenlatutP
　　「所以不能吃嗎？」838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0i6yOlTUQY
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEhEfhvi6vK
　　「不能，吃了就沒用了。」838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr6PUP8CFyg
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlw4FRC5uoI
　　「但我餓了。」838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYXDyCcm9XK
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq7ogwgXLz9
　　「……」838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQED6XlLacp
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLKF6vtmU3X
　　此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQz53gFwpmt
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzSnpHVFHfl
　　哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS7tMlcWkNv
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwID06cbELV
　　「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ80EaevqZAa
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfmrUyprTdC
　　「小語……小語……」838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm92hFEykAs
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1MX8z5vAEp
　　Gya——838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmGxKaqr7Zb
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw0OA8tB7MQ
　　我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLs72Yk6sSD
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUmivcznNGP
　　They are fucking gay!838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxjJ19TC6od
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLswVZyyW4M
　　這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ013bKInyX
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQpk30vZtmf
　　Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ccPS0de2v
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpo4wochzvs
　　五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxsY9KyQI2a
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwXf6oatLpB
　　浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP60JYo8YE0
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaR31ni9UGj
　　「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOqwLfRkXiE
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAr95TQW46f
　　秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUlmq99SLO2
　　838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHZuBRQehaD
　　Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！838Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgY24zOFo7k