從屍詞歌賦談到雕生哲學 - 【同人創作】當阿飄遇上科技宅

（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）

　　我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwmLC2JqXwb
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFd5JaVSdpy
　　「啊，我不小心撞到了。」771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVQIDIMgYt1
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ18UovQD3p1
　　戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW4F8qJ0Uj4
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHhOyh20JOl
　　我滿意點頭。771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDTP5aj1Ih1
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc9giyTWE6c
　　很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEREJsSEuiJ
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZQT8aLdMy8
　　一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqV4NYT7kHy
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL7uABAMoDz
　　「不知貴不貴？」771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡES9qNcFuaq
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiWlre9YBCp
　　「應該還好。」771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ37RnQdV9YL
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡebcukBX5XY
　　「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxvAMFqWxXj
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNEvpGdGMkH
　　「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKc7FeZLIdv
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ah8OXg2yA
　　兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpy1MOxPcaa
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqSr0wFvgLk
　　我震驚了。771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtkhC6z9pdO
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOIFa6spSdJ
　　不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkX8CNfjIYZ
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiomTENWXi6
　　話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNVlAKJjd0j
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8HkU9LS347
　　「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvATfnNHUEy
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdaE5nA5Qx0
　　喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQLNP0ddPRC
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrpX8hkdGvW
　　What the hell?771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAnH0yiQowl
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMKltNqAoyN
　　那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGiy02rOJt4
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT67YypiRev
　　幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1BIG1eTUQk
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaFp7hwjk70
　　嘶——771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEdV8s9Gzca
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrrxzaUGn0D
　　我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMnKF722FDB
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCP3UZ1oI4P
　　陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOCvjSHmDrv
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN7ic4swrAb
　　「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡao2wR99uLZ
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM3ZU1W2lx6
　　正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN5zusldKhn
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuPnJ0IrhaW
　　矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDy6JnbYPDR
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnD0ftgTIAE
　　「嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMgqMk60Des
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOqC9Tcu9y8
　　我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMlBlgyNVN2
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTCbJgGoLRT
　　但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC8KaYHFh55
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcM1wZ7p2vO
　　然而高個子不為所動！771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdGKJo2K7sQ
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9BvWN1c2yw
　　我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYCXdVBdkk1
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ5nuPj1GZD
　　高個子依然面不改色！771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTCbISoGs92
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb35iO96RP4
　　我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx8ipBlSDMb
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZBwReNvwwN
　　這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTb1knvOu5a
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXzPV1dKIbK
　　這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTSSPOBnbkO
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6oH2AGenHZ
　　矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNxpfxVLuQs
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0TBQAk5WGO
　　高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5PV4TlmNpl
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ01JAIWv7v3
　　馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiTUY1n0Dpy
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFtLXW17Smm
　　受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo0ZzkeFfgr
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Rpq8nIZyB
　　方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf0na6iR8sZ
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI5mNmoDPBR
　　這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVGhbnzHFxD
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1jIkX6V9ht
　　「為什麼要擺那包零食？」771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQWUR7nBmh
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDllnZCUQJP
　　「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLWCGmHlxoI
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaWL1rD5096
　　「所以不能吃嗎？」771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRCgoTw834z
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5wCrgVMKQk
　　「不能，吃了就沒用了。」771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxeabf1bBdN
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWFLDyU66WT
　　「但我餓了。」771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnhlsNT5SIf
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtngySvDNYh
　　「……」771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡleF3f2HtiP
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoAeTAQpe1G
　　此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGYEFiy2z2Q
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF8Vvztz8k9
　　哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKMyPbVQjqD
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyRMQzZnnex
　　「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVvMQQei3ug
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj4ilS3UiQr
　　「小語……小語……」771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBpf9f1v7vx
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzQzrnZd0eE
　　Gya——771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpQo66g9a0Y
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSOtLlrAap5
　　我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLuYV9KWPo8
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbZTgUi5S2e
　　They are fucking gay!771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3qITRcMYWA
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcOzbZTXKtD
　　這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvUcdblKnrE
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUwi4zqz0sa
　　Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡprWB7ILhD2
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ66WE81ZhtJ
　　五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8EbE7BYgL0
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRoXTRtPg5G
　　浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2DPSj2GHE2
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEf214skpHF
　　「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4QLToPIsEM
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxt4D5UZpGy
　　秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBauZ6DYiQY
　　771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ08LSLKkPbU
　　Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！771Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZB2VrUouf9