從屍詞歌賦談到雕生哲學 - 【同人創作】當阿飄遇上科技宅

（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）

　　我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4yEMSXEOLQ
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGI2OILWQU9
　　「啊，我不小心撞到了。」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIkJ2QjzsQt
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3y6zdZIq4N
　　戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1h1glIAicX
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡELAodvQ4Tn
　　我滿意點頭。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfjW7WQ1XrX
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Rx3Cqksss
　　很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8b5aMI7BAE
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgDXvqB4pGt
　　一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMjHt3IaToj
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbbUAqlKZA3
　　「不知貴不貴？」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjXq48ucfE7
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR3sRG3eCpJ
　　「應該還好。」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwgFue4wYQb
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTgAFCvJe6d
　　「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6KMYKiW1ik
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVHDaMWdMdW
　　「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4QHzSHQ8jL
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLTWOyduxN2
　　兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5CpYeYNEDB
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkEQVtqZ1F9
　　我震驚了。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPtlIgi7VD8
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv1COiOQqeN
　　不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMoEa0Om1TS
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlfHYgvhLvy
　　話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjFtozrwuDx
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvqs52cLo0d
　　「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ13bRWXuO92
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHwFbo7Im80
　　喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuxmSCYIM69
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7c2EGIKMI2
　　What the hell?869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY7paitwoqH
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡftUGQ8jEwB
　　那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaXNV0WN5AH
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgPLvneNNsz
　　幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEf3pZRNQdy
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvC6V9J1HTQ
　　嘶——869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaZKnzea2H9
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHORs5H98JA
　　我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSygHTBA3b7
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZr5Twmpwkm
　　陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXeOJTieKi5
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT2njp1ZMds
　　「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyoVru6lBZh
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfsdejISB60
　　正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHjPfn75vNx
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTOYH4kEhjF
　　矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpU0PYoM2DD
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfBun1ReF8G
　　「嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnouJ2izM3R
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMl73ypPeec
　　我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOGADUJEtj4
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK91TLxecTr
　　但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgSpKvbX2wt
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcnmNXWeAGO
　　然而高個子不為所動！869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhCFNr5owEf
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhP2CA1QtqJ
　　我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVRTfEiZswg
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrk61GBl2Fw
　　高個子依然面不改色！869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8BpGoCeZZp
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcEmvNcphna
　　我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSc2E56YkbF
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIQGR6bgF5f
　　這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuiFkwLFZS5
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNLrWAxvxKt
　　這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0jCmVOIPbs
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC70AZrVv1a
　　矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Xxqayj8ij
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3GowDWqbjy
　　高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMPKA17bdZW
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7q0nuCwd3S
　　馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV78Vy48buW
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe6deDrdXEL
　　受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmlYOelsCET
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU128dxWgzm
　　方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE4Z4Kfe4Kv
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd0KEj4CFaw
　　這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKJi4NK25Ef
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSQqeCDzQfl
　　「為什麼要擺那包零食？」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQLwuGrsiMa
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSjReRMG4VP
　　「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ureEOWzjF
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡABfCKKd0z0
　　「所以不能吃嗎？」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡasiMzlsF0e
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIHkX9ptTxu
　　「不能，吃了就沒用了。」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqAASlRA8vf
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhCqS9UUiVS
　　「但我餓了。」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIJ5gMSNBqs
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡotSAm8ETx8
　　「……」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHXOIM0Vv9H
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2fiGaFrN7u
　　此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhfNqHbXCtI
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEz4DquY8fO
　　哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpnt2BRTR5d
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWW8esK6gRI
　　「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEaO75aSlIW
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKO6P1RTuMy
　　「小語……小語……」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhDdk3H8Ak0
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFYk3ERBVpO
　　Gya——869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbvbYFJ4cgU
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPRG3DdnUnU
　　我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMrFmJ8nYqQ
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQYZIafxVMw
　　They are fucking gay!869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDFP5mNUiCa
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlDe67R9Epg
　　這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTjguutTIG3
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRKNYOkHkaN
　　Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1qppzb32iL
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBkcyDxJe5S
　　五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjsv2mpyWJ2
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpfdTjshtNx
　　浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhtvc4xKVNH
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8RXy16Y05a
　　「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ6vjwkXpeL
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfZHX3gpO6R
　　秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdNJ70EawOu
　　869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIDi7EiufQs
　　Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！869Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoMnbJQxDi6