從屍詞歌賦談到雕生哲學 - 【同人創作】當阿飄遇上科技宅

（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）

　　我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Y25YyyGrB
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3zG7Wzniks
　　「啊，我不小心撞到了。」811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGjx8DnfMwc
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlPSuGUHcr3
　　戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz055O7SDPY
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7aYrog1Zfq
　　我滿意點頭。811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrPPOMl7dHL
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡodarQsAvUR
　　很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3fHpIUhgLA
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW6Qkjos9VS
　　一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvW6ypKxWbQ
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDLJOmUQt0t
　　「不知貴不貴？」811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBX0hjncZr6
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAJA0dSvjRp
　　「應該還好。」811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUDCeTc572Z
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrq3civSpYn
　　「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8SyXOFcW6X
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU23Q2oD6Fs
　　「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD5lLrLx5tG
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5XMQ8deP4o
　　兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpXUIjy26GJ
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyyt2EbKabE
　　我震驚了。811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8y6ehApWuN
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡysaUhvif0G
　　不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBksVcK7ZhH
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQOcgA6Mz6d
　　話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPWlGZyiJux
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZTJASZIScY
　　「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxSZq3OFXqu
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxT4h1IdmRy
　　喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw7L1omvtYB
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQmqEztS3C8
　　What the hell?811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrLi2FKeucy
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbIx0fZpSlr
　　那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN5Fc8moN0r
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlrFv2InXLQ
　　幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1blm9onRi5
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP88HYHLeP9
　　嘶——811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKbcZlZvxZA
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRnDtQ3fpzS
　　我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiTuFyoecTY
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJjnVTrRCgo
　　陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1xhvVTl1VY
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlu3RrgB6ZK
　　「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgDKw0yILTv
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHmVVP0i0oD
　　正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGv6rGBufEh
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpeiQJZ3Ocl
　　矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSMEPfQy41d
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRvN4OJ8W5t
　　「嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnR3tWQ32qb
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXGYls2ANeN
　　我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV2HlNKgJZM
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs19re5QBSf
　　但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIOMURjL7XZ
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC92JQrm5RN
　　然而高個子不為所動！811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRae7ZYHadm
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi5rVjD6Xkz
　　我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvFIT0UaGmu
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA4ZNJz0pY4
　　高個子依然面不改色！811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvGALgnPHtj
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzf3MwjMTv2
　　我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8FVeu7dY1b
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7GfBOwwBI7
　　這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNXY2cm1V5c
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhPfzLjjGoY
　　這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU77z1UOWqL
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWM6nMUdJQN
　　矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtrTb7LhBfW
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyKoCqgngYi
　　高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSYyhoKjv2D
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgLsJtb3WfS
　　馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb2TrVNRErb
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLazzTOJsiL
　　受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ97hnX1Cb1z
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFPahYPIuLi
　　方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYperOvNKej
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF6Ym9aGGcS
　　這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbMmWocxDGj
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX6NBkzIYrc
　　「為什麼要擺那包零食？」811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV9QiPaDmpq
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡungwhJNfeQ
　　「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡifmlnmPhtJ
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK8Ejpn9Dwi
　　「所以不能吃嗎？」811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Pdfb9OVYn
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXedoxUwlxK
　　「不能，吃了就沒用了。」811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr8wKAyHt1D
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUFji3JReif
　　「但我餓了。」811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV3v2ZZnl2N
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJkM4KS5MPq
　　「……」811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6hYeY8eKfV
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡghYCvXjxsB
　　此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6NgpouJf4U
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzUzzPxSSW5
　　哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXshGq9taxW
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfWf7sw6UE9
　　「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy4D7wZKCcQ
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzxJSiQYeKP
　　「小語……小語……」811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ7oiz5cZ9G
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmDEz3uccWp
　　Gya——811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXmfEAjD4NJ
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi1oSXKL63T
　　我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZQL2qpoMSO
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYUsgX9sCRe
　　They are fucking gay!811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBwCzZ7mkOn
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmQ5Lj9TzK8
　　這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMJje9MZQdh
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu5raOzTGri
　　Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdVGjWjb8PN
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl8jGWjFxgL
　　五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdWzUJ87iNl
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLwqrNQ9mvY
　　浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBVZW3bhRij
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡojyv2RnQMq
　　「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxuG7ADVPsA
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Dl0vauAsp
　　秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnyhJWxgATt
　　811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi5IuW7BDL5
　　Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！811Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNpk8lPL44P