從屍詞歌賦談到雕生哲學 - 【同人創作】當阿飄遇上科技宅

（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）

　　我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZEsKLUfHqf
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuq6AyhO0qz
　　「啊，我不小心撞到了。」809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSN6UpiYwGj
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1JthOMyMcW
　　戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6we31bO0Xu
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiu1Ngkwjhz
　　我滿意點頭。809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk3biM75qbu
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ97sCjme03O
　　很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4QjCLmcISq
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIEkKDLcMkp
　　一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDDDbQ99ryJ
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVT9rKUxns2
　　「不知貴不貴？」809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRO32pn3T6A
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFeMGzliCT3
　　「應該還好。」809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy0umqKamVo
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtRQxZwvLIe
　　「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuPUVmyJjXL
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡketB3RSnKF
　　「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUF4ixHk6Vx
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvUH3WEQFey
　　兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtsfqZbx3mW
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSow5GWyEsM
　　我震驚了。809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmFoGJvreTk
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQrqcsJGDBp
　　不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAHbiyuPdlN
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwYuTxdOxiP
　　話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJonOlWQ50V
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKVOa3ZzxJ7
　　「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpJ9FRowy3n
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4uA3GuH12Y
　　喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE3qeJ2L1Eu
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuTJghqbEAn
　　What the hell?809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOS0A50eQst
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn2IK60XKhK
　　那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9J1RV7vlUj
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3gEPPQrD0L
　　幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ44o2cuh004
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVCm1XOuzs3
　　嘶——809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwxASAPIZg9
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEmKRVB6Ruk
　　我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡukKSJi1pNA
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmxPyNzAMjA
　　陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoLDlQL1tuS
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK78kMHBrJ2
　　「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLmVKoodwoO
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT7Kgq0k1fb
　　正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTe7g9o0v6T
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoZIKld6shm
　　矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsHonx0ce9y
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJXri0pm62c
　　「嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOl1uss9Dq9
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvYxktWPxDt
　　我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfAAzhS1887
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQBXgD6PjHO
　　但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKlU3Wfq8d4
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXLd3tESw0b
　　然而高個子不為所動！809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI6lUv7TfDT
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqQ6S2vqh5G
　　我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR21q9efp6V
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgzsjImUkWA
　　高個子依然面不改色！809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIK0N9NnKC6
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡORHO4Zo6jL
　　我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg1sF4WZ1VF
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ1AWVYqUY1
　　這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpifr0wH0v0
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvm1uN3I7tv
　　這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlrzmfdZ3hS
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8iCb73kl3B
　　矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1f9xzUtzpt
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz1jWMwNUmx
　　高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvqQO4Bwq5H
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNoY8ky00oz
　　馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXgfXrPJ9gC
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcOv9TQNFbU
　　受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMoWmBfdzXz
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYrXhTjC8J1
　　方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY6VjH2a7bP
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfAUAWhxUQY
　　這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdjYIysF4kJ
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3QsPeLjOP6
　　「為什麼要擺那包零食？」809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEXfcy4ival
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKY96h5aNwR
　　「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwksn9nvYIc
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrMf3VHLWu9
　　「所以不能吃嗎？」809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX6JV6znmKW
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHRW8Q5X304
　　「不能，吃了就沒用了。」809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSvMghf6EAU
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLwM3w3v5Kl
　　「但我餓了。」809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo2OASgBjr2
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC36XiiitL8
　　「……」809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4o6eVO4O4M
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKGEIH5XgQw
　　此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnKKbwuNAVj
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB1kYtQ3mqK
　　哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0YVI3ndXJs
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHUsa6ikBfD
　　「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgM5L7CrmSa
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXblycO1PBj
　　「小語……小語……」809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBNSRE4A7Ql
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4AHLNjBw5e
　　Gya——809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡefeuFr9cgB
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmmaFq9p16s
　　我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3WViWxsQRj
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDPhTpPPx3p
　　They are fucking gay!809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHQqtA6EPC9
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCQzr82eAz2
　　這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjhu8E4RDHk
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8IhFXp7fy7
　　Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3mbQA0TOJ6
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoH1fiNjIH9
　　五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7CbD6Vh00t
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡug6AlfOncP
　　浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH0IuaEkFnc
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb48yZHtCag
　　「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdlbGzQeIc0
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ16PhUbAWpV
　　秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF1JrpuVIKk
　　809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3l8exaDvB1
　　Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！809Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkFgQKAg0YN