從屍詞歌賦談到雕生哲學 - 【同人創作】當阿飄遇上科技宅

（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）

　　我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH0Z7m3vfQ9
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvikkdxcGek
　　「啊，我不小心撞到了。」759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY16QoX2gPb
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjbjJ1CGGqW
　　戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWOB2FdnQL9
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3XcSIevHSP
　　我滿意點頭。759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR8vngvrdyp
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKr0f67xFMz
　　很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfTizAr8CuZ
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN92wa39c5V
　　一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDJIjF0mxR1
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtUWTrFEtcb
　　「不知貴不貴？」759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5CE8GMKW0F
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMVVS2Ugfe6
　　「應該還好。」759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7OO5Bpaud4
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtg8VPyl702
　　「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZfORUeuOEz
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTDWDzlcLyb
　　「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH14A8gMn0b
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSsPBEj1XSK
　　兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcKGVcYlbyV
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtlZniVutcP
　　我震驚了。759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdwWjieR45H
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYWTeZ0hgDF
　　不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD5lCHNKfJF
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3rS4lhtk8v
　　話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgrCKrqnTul
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg8SV1e51g7
　　「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaI3AM0h4wP
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRCSyfOwRoo
　　喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBccqhoSHH8
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPZMKdzoLTj
　　What the hell?759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVHhMCQRzoO
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTBfeVBvSl3
　　那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlVXzOyr9Uk
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5JpDxNDXlN
　　幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhwyCTJ0cFu
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4INhAo1ZJT
　　嘶——759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9xnCPoAB8U
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYxpC9Jd6mo
　　我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ULeqaTYKQ
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWjYIq8x6iu
　　陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtmcIDlintV
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7z7Fg6qmBf
　　「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrHLBpTFue3
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYWsZgDOvwm
　　正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPmg2TvC5ZE
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡocvfzwYkSm
　　矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzoR6BkPr4T
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmXzeVjDBbL
　　「嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgLFggPZ5PD
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJjzG3rvD4A
　　我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0JvzakKW62
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDyOwzWm7JD
　　但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCagps7m8Zj
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfQr1TklBGB
　　然而高個子不為所動！759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGhVyYTSy8t
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiCY4nUrjQm
　　我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRJKht8pZRI
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGSyagOQgF9
　　高個子依然面不改色！759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhg37agILXy
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuw57L7MvjP
　　我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTvEIUhYZ1N
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPXeg6BeAa6
　　這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMDJRbO7WcT
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpyRvDllngC
　　這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3WQe8rOXHO
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrRdmhJfZjf
　　矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ51bEFNwnaX
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKQVQrBncy6
　　高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNLUtDrO4qw
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQwCFeTNW99
　　馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Umb3aYJgU
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZCImW0RWEd
　　受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPrNsW9zEbC
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡArna2MNMFl
　　方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgzxDxBYjUK
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1S2ljLlfmS
　　這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHn1lNYyOFh
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7o6puhcAdf
　　「為什麼要擺那包零食？」759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV4qEU2fd1r
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVRfhCC2f0q
　　「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHJhVKS9Il8
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYLbLQwiaMQ
　　「所以不能吃嗎？」759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxxDDt7ZiUM
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡviNct2PClj
　　「不能，吃了就沒用了。」759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnJSvPZOwo9
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIyT8NcapUQ
　　「但我餓了。」759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuqT5jtkKDR
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0HsKKHW3As
　　「……」759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ74Div6lENP
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSAmG0j3oeA
　　此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYF1VvZ5t2k
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡflTJhJ4jS9
　　哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA9pfw4qpFD
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ781oq1D9ys
　　「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqINmj62pHO
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD7S8zvNrUA
　　「小語……小語……」759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSLLMrSFlGM
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfgguvI5IHe
　　Gya——759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9sQZBLPCJc
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJimoYq7acK
　　我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgrwUZHz75C
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡolPceMylRN
　　They are fucking gay!759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡja09eR3d63
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSuMwxaoiGN
　　這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNQgnyMdMu7
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKzNRakcqZK
　　Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMRyQZSdl26
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVh1MXIkxdR
　　五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxBzaJ1CTbd
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaRTk4Tswxk
　　浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYDJ1TnT7H2
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh5voTLCIiR
　　「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDoB1ux5DcP
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0cwso3JVxo
　　秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡklJFHlwH1O
　　759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3tNvBqJ15Y
　　Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！759Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg9EzYFj4EP