從屍詞歌賦談到雕生哲學 - 【同人創作】當阿飄遇上科技宅

（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）

　　我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkHcQS0unZR
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqADIRIJgBg
　　「啊，我不小心撞到了。」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3uJgLOM1wD
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaOljdWAHJH
　　戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7UYT4Fx91O
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCLwUzMgap7
　　我滿意點頭。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0AODGQCUSK
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ7De5Fd132
　　很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9wPiPob3Ex
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRsxVTNPoOT
　　一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuXEMvKADU6
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrRc0XZU0UV
　　「不知貴不貴？」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡemqlDQ9MM1
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUpzkRj6GPf
　　「應該還好。」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAx2u3slo3N
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSCnqdZWzqr
　　「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPoUi7W8xpq
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHdPHuHkUhh
　　「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU9se2jner8
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAezPKpw3we
　　兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ09FHgpAkXy
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1r3HHYnXFR
　　我震驚了。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpuiAjgM02U
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3rZYKfhTyF
　　不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxSTcwhT4Od
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIl8stukN6n
　　話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQxph5H6460
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVKdFjjdIgL
　　「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ84JAnEHrb
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrmJUYrmrr8
　　喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaG4lyAs8Cy
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf1LoZPS3ok
　　What the hell?826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk6oXNWTxIV
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkPO30uikqO
　　那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbaAKXsPuk0
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYj13uPydpH
　　幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoTuRmuPKnO
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMITS8lnbAb
　　嘶——826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLpfRdHlHm1
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡljTJLorHgM
　　我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwPkEt02l3g
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxug1UjaRFc
　　陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaG5E2ycxyR
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡougzZSRDDz
　　「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI0IXXaoZ6i
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX9edaCuPMz
　　正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMV5TaQNI83
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC0Qu4qKdno
　　矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGTn6h4WSz7
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡciNNwuhmzG
　　「嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrKXipKNQD3
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIUOVbygy0v
　　我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiybaS08Hs9
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzHz34Ll7L9
　　但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxpEKO1cv1m
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy9dNccMmpN
　　然而高個子不為所動！826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW9THM8v8fM
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2eD1gbaWNb
　　我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe49K06E5ZK
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzCYC9aZf7u
　　高個子依然面不改色！826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwOdxyQo4zJ
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxAbSRjG9D2
　　我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz5OoXAWeXd
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3IU0yAUx8C
　　這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3fSGz9GQzK
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI4xx5O9DUi
　　這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJFbNn8RiKU
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZOalPwQGZ9
　　矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQmWRRqln2J
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPuJxSWf3qw
　　高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRku7km4Lku
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPiY4orW63v
　　馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMddSjPtNOs
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbXCWdCugAo
　　受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVtKJNUCbRu
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr6pou0fC3r
　　方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaKB867Ls1j
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSLBFIXTJtp
　　這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡknKWEn5QMs
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjTHL6FgvXb
　　「為什麼要擺那包零食？」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnUOtfR2T8Z
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ43sbRZi4Dy
　　「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQiyDPEFKqG
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrLv4Te4aAA
　　「所以不能吃嗎？」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYHOTFgdHM9
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa97sWXd6Rn
　　「不能，吃了就沒用了。」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAZUQdCsIm9
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaIybS2z1eP
　　「但我餓了。」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA0fK5XCsH9
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfyTb1cSY79
　　「……」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgINjF5DbbO
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpGkANVhmMB
　　此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiaWRYfycV8
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFBFu7FK2Xl
　　哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIYInRlQhdi
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBG6KlfR6ZB
　　「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxXkbQ8euGW
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzQTkCpR6A0
　　「小語……小語……」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmetihZcAqv
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRm3GkuVPCs
　　Gya——826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzbBIVJELhP
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdGuNoWyZY5
　　我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI8x4Owd52l
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiyxvisSIYc
　　They are fucking gay!826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeXIYRMCbVx
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtdHSyvH6nU
　　這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnucYyn9yOG
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGeM7LvGXyP
　　Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoXjlEvQyCp
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHg8D2RgBP8
　　五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdDC6Fb4QSb
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKLcJqo4npn
　　浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmlaM2fANGw
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL7hGlIwTCp
　　「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZmVJEdNU3c
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFEQUAJvwiE
　　秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn2PuBhm8UK
　　826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkfB6u9AtMG
　　Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！826Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ40LN0TnUOk