從屍詞歌賦談到雕生哲學 - 【同人創作】當阿飄遇上科技宅

（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）

　　我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcgfQ93IInA
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM7ox7KqKaF
　　「啊，我不小心撞到了。」745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaVaoiRmcON
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAThgaKGy0u
　　戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ58nBgr50ne
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1x4TsQNuoU
　　我滿意點頭。745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYUkAJd4CLO
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjamwIijapb
　　很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTGsodt5cpZ
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3lsLwuX9ot
　　一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡki3hjpeEsC
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3CoP7xgwNF
　　「不知貴不貴？」745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSTVeKByWBX
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGLW5ptr1Hl
　　「應該還好。」745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Z5tSKENkJ
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCNjU3NFEKF
　　「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrOyWNV77ba
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYB1LEfhGeI
　　「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDi5teJhQ0h
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ68JAdib3gO
　　兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeS83OuAfAB
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡngwN2ZHbnq
　　我震驚了。745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYneZ4cYiIT
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjEwch8Yb2K
　　不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhUhHEJfWjp
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLYNUBZIT2u
　　話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUJxBrVtDnu
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy4loKKQ0gp
　　「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy6qrCJV8yL
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjV2qSdhYV8
　　喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGE853uxEuQ
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmXLUb6K9bW
　　What the hell?745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAQ6As495s2
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ78D5JSOo35
　　那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbLUXfSPq4T
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN06UfzPkcu
　　幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNhCo8vMsnu
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeP22JjvMgq
　　嘶——745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKir39QkXTG
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYEASiL4T9l
　　我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ442ZOaSyKQ
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK2H1ifvHHk
　　陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGikAVz1hOH
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ610PLzyw4q
　　「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrg3S7sdBqq
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGroOAPxlnl
　　正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNLN1FHl6ch
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLCDlqB2Qx2
　　矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiOiwdfZMTn
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP793VAPFaX
　　「嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQzM2ghjECK
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNWslZOogtq
　　我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4xaTk9n0Uj
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvaMJ94rRZ7
　　但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM56ObunvVi
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjDNM3Mt0qW
　　然而高個子不為所動！745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0iqTRrYkyq
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyxnxWKRh20
　　我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJJOZYigkx1
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2PJJERmlGg
　　高個子依然面不改色！745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMeI2p3xvWf
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfoaVlmmurd
　　我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6JCk3OnLMG
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjL4VtH1FQK
　　這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBnkC00vpA8
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvJBNJbrRkz
　　這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXuvwZAfnVx
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiL614DKoPs
　　矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxMLYNEXsQR
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtNBUcNaPQh
　　高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡARrebyDq4g
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6HyyNlz6Rh
　　馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCkCCDl21TM
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZOR5r0WwFS
　　受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGys2CVIDVu
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8QgGEUCCyc
　　方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDMeh6Y553Z
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN9U653jtn8
　　這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfT1sehxYOX
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMDkZgTxMqV
　　「為什麼要擺那包零食？」745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8sLhMkCel5
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB4ei8yS4qF
　　「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLBzmLZ3GPG
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGL7EKxC2eK
　　「所以不能吃嗎？」745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCPYkVQA8uV
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFIteUQk4ve
　　「不能，吃了就沒用了。」745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcBumHqvISu
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEOeAtxFFjU
　　「但我餓了。」745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwmxTRCVnTq
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN5tctNVfH7
　　「……」745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJH1byi4Und
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh9apTwHNbM
　　此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvMEImg9GBg
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxtVSEhS13M
　　哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3fKIfgw163
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVK4SRzSOXR
　　「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzBjfKtgUyX
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdu4XKNevXV
　　「小語……小語……」745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhJjlLT99ND
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGKczrW3PvT
　　Gya——745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp1P9saBU64
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPdJBU78pDr
　　我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnCMMfkAcMh
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKYQ7AFOcaY
　　They are fucking gay!745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtmoBJgCCv0
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0bN9AbHqOj
　　這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwVrEszVfNk
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvah0g1cswe
　　Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0KYYdHmAhW
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUGlNMDBSes
　　五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpIfblTGFwE
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjrSIgDNzxU
　　浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkRsJJpNWLN
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf3xrBzCxMJ
　　「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5UYfwcLiaM
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXU6up1XWVT
　　秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX4e0mmkism
　　745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzzOCI9hi6D
　　Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！745Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzPMDcUajRS