從屍詞歌賦談到雕生哲學 - 【同人創作】當阿飄遇上科技宅

（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）

　　我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY8dDcGcKDa
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw837Itr3Lx
　　「啊，我不小心撞到了。」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlErCfRh4yj
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkt2DGe4zKB
　　戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn1806JpcA1
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdyhWyKAi0I
　　我滿意點頭。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ86Euszh0CJ
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJo69clH7R5
　　很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu6u9dUdcw6
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK2Ct91xaWH
　　一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjPWWAQQSi9
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpWF2wkhY7x
　　「不知貴不貴？」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhtclY3kFOf
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbNjQ7wwegH
　　「應該還好。」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPD21JDD6q6
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU99rAhYJhc
　　「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLRKfjkUUo7
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1eBD0ZBbtA
　　「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡom4DthZ0oE
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNqPrhsLSin
　　兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Upau4u0UM
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTOBAKt49LJ
　　我震驚了。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnnjPcCKcQ8
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFPxMFCvJ7M
　　不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiydXOXnqia
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvLd7MlPWRC
　　話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj41ywL9AQH
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNR8X9pNtEn
　　「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1SzGpQuKHd
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWBKqXlqm6K
　　喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3gtS5s5oS4
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc7B7AzHhj4
　　What the hell?871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnFZaRg1lBs
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ0vpze2SRj
　　那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡojvEJc8Ml0
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSiDMz6VeUs
　　幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzgT0wMxXsm
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPc5TKUZ2z7
　　嘶——871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBdb3AONWSG
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmj4GrYsnBu
　　我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUq9cwTQsSq
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh4pb2CPxXP
　　陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFzf0Ax2YQT
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsYaay3gf3q
　　「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRlceGFQNGY
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpglgBnvGXg
　　正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡinHFkyX4XS
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ15t1ZtHWJK
　　矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCaQYL86LGH
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQJTwWvo7s1
　　「嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmoqE4whBeg
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjT6ic4VAvW
　　我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs0h4KHgi6A
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡthT5CEDEUj
　　但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgncIsPuAII
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOiL22fX6jP
　　然而高個子不為所動！871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvKez7z30hS
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBr4WrzUbLK
　　我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH5UjYXaHhG
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGctmdUbTy0
　　高個子依然面不改色！871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAKeQDeP5cT
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3z2AjZeE4C
　　我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy58jezsER7
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpj6YGeTHmX
　　這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEFvlLDKDH2
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi38trtofO7
　　這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZLND3OmJTp
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhwOMgg1uWo
　　矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdTDQ87XH4w
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe59Q7DVtTi
　　高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3qhG8gq3Nb
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ13nzfZ23xy
　　馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqRJpaS7XwO
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnTcynYMKxo
　　受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPNUqYlv5mC
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUlEvzKIldW
　　方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrHKnmvnPfJ
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlgegoboGZw
　　這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcIm451zwkw
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1I4h9yz8Sg
　　「為什麼要擺那包零食？」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYee2t2tLzV
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5sDDwoeevM
　　「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCc2rJbjUNJ
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjkbCx1dZX5
　　「所以不能吃嗎？」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡefvdFnL04g
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXS3C7U3WIS
　　「不能，吃了就沒用了。」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl5iApqrGr3
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPdrM3zA1uO
　　「但我餓了。」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM6uBvf5qzl
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAwqu5VtZOh
　　「……」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9W7bFmdjw4
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrTqXllW99c
　　此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwfblxWMOG3
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeYCR1ywd7b
　　哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmdtwTJuy05
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7GqfIi7BBk
　　「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhkhMe8NsAh
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnZZRu5w97T
　　「小語……小語……」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIhgR9le8pE
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIa9wEKE3zR
　　Gya——871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNqjViByRQ4
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡACCy3KQQH2
　　我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK1g2vyls78
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡan1bVZYmB0
　　They are fucking gay!871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡolAyvvPlW6
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxHGSHhd9XO
　　這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHROP7StA5H
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvpcuyGHkLE
　　Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡghXH7HqfTX
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGeAEPuCKFi
　　五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE56iOWOAZy
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtA0xuP7dcN
　　浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT0tGSgucjC
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL6AOD7U0Zd
　　「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk4pyztgSJz
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBOdLy8E88S
　　秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN3KISQsgGM
　　871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKQCF4o1Ti9
　　Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！871Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8cqAlzFeJ6