從屍詞歌賦談到雕生哲學 - 【同人創作】當阿飄遇上科技宅

（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）

　　我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLM6HC8Ji5j
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSuNKNp7kV6
　　「啊，我不小心撞到了。」779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8QwgdXuPNq
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsuOxGNV0rR
　　戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSTmVxCQhbv
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ297Z2h8pEn
　　我滿意點頭。779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQUrcmP01m6
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNsMibI2adX
　　很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP0CELCsup0
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIYHRZvoQRS
　　一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc3xKryDpJd
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoWdwN3RhKM
　　「不知貴不貴？」779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡePmQgVW2p6
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2pLw65PKuu
　　「應該還好。」779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz6HFL8SDZO
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw3DMzVYBbG
　　「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ21lbJ93giX
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy0oXwWdtme
　　「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCQtUKo0laS
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcvpELqkHJn
　　兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdbainEiP0m
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1wc39Hda9H
　　我震驚了。779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9mg4Urzh9u
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiHlm8qUbn7
　　不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJXehy8Syw
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3FRS5AEWwy
　　話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNoAE7AbdVz
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnWoHbekh9U
　　「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvR5hJ8JG2E
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPIT4mzwgpm
　　喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMmS0CH0KuK
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfv1WcBpYTg
　　What the hell?779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlmPRsfyb2x
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcsPeTS4PbL
　　那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2CFbjAn5rb
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqkZfGPLFhv
　　幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvW7ds6PbZs
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuGl6ZFhgpw
　　嘶——779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8IaAh3FCnH
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjWgpj3dO50
　　我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRH6hcRMhMA
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Cf7asmdgG
　　陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2HDOVdbarJ
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsZXhz2RBNN
　　「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwlsCvazgqa
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY77cSudkAe
　　正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEHsFPrfzRA
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbG43ozTSPv
　　矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBuMnJUpV6D
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeCzE3eCTGX
　　「嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnqHu5t09lk
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHrtFeHAtke
　　我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeJPKjERnny
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGfaCxEHwOF
　　但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpgjlIMrRdK
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLNVAVGBHay
　　然而高個子不為所動！779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvFzYCtm727
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeuX2KsXt9I
　　我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp7A3XqrW3w
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVV13x0nNGW
　　高個子依然面不改色！779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMqpjsNOy7m
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzTYzSMlevp
　　我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqUUmWCDfFs
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv4TIkfDky3
　　這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnCDCSOADzU
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ53AfCgZRDy
　　這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9hlsOk2qcH
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKrJePJ4KPu
　　矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyh2gCQqKdS
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ZOhDB7BXd
　　高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYiGTO5gdho
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnfvDIuxQLp
　　馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVzarPE68FO
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsiuvRTkMJZ
　　受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnJvMo0dbyH
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR5sbNLZK8l
　　方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡownHqWuLCG
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpJxRnpJqXI
　　這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlOOVlrB0oB
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLlAX0Y8uEU
　　「為什麼要擺那包零食？」779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZh5y4qnHqP
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdomMvoN931
　　「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡurlKEEfHzl
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhUwFa8AEcc
　　「所以不能吃嗎？」779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8QswVK9xrl
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMuSnRUNEmh
　　「不能，吃了就沒用了。」779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCXAL11sSqm
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5vA72aY8R6
　　「但我餓了。」779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA1ax5EmiIP
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA9Xx0GIFmL
　　「……」779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUHSjf7LCId
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlon32KEnYK
　　此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6FB3BqEdBC
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeSdiAxHrM0
　　哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBaMDQl3wiU
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCYbYarwrmA
　　「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOfmzay47r3
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9q7JwmRmSI
　　「小語……小語……」779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH611LhMi6K
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9hqhZTWkAR
　　Gya——779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOQLVOxTF9D
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRFAGfe7QC0
　　我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA9Q0fSxhyY
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSuX19TQexU
　　They are fucking gay!779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnTTIdpcT3o
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuTeCyOWcvG
　　這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlvEJyetZJu
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMEcpLsKIsZ
　　Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz0Q0yAD9lL
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFYJQpGVHuY
　　五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWJF6SzOWvr
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1YxD6hLSaz
　　浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLZBGkDulVL
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSFTabdL3mU
　　「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZyyeX3J2My
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzDuZrg9kO2
　　秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCLu84yK5sq
　　779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYzlJPX3ZEz
　　Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！779Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTtMG4K5z9Y