從屍詞歌賦談到雕生哲學 - 【同人創作】當阿飄遇上科技宅

（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）

　　我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqhKWd3G2ia
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrNB63NT7pH
　　「啊，我不小心撞到了。」807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS2MvipAnxV
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8SMUkMHefY
　　戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLC8BaGL5DK
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTLjMRQCT7b
　　我滿意點頭。807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcHMFa9FHMs
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡREYGiadf2R
　　很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvQqpuHNoYK
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡshdm2VLK5x
　　一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Do1sCzltI
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBT6AibKnRL
　　「不知貴不貴？」807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhnB3Rro82q
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRO9ij8PS4C
　　「應該還好。」807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZcupyQwlZa
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQcWEZLtMHf
　　「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNwiYF8JST2
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5O9puqBdLp
　　「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0PnXnaOHBs
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDxy73fqCIs
　　兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsOPbyC9Jcv
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrrenwOh7p0
　　我震驚了。807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKV2iD8xMpC
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfdZ8u1JHl3
　　不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo9C38lYAkw
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ZNfWkjmUd
　　話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFsCtiT3ZZf
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1u2RAkXg3h
　　「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXodnoQSQc5
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo1GUo0F2ba
　　喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAApX2deosg
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuhM29K3oK1
　　What the hell?807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh543Tuyi1G
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB9Y0EKJz48
　　那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgXsGG6S6Wm
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXKhetHfWQZ
　　幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqYbCDKJOkf
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw4ro6Y8yKq
　　嘶——807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM8ntIwlALM
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv8y0AfKKRL
　　我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXhU1vggGjz
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgymZAlI27X
　　陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDbTi7klKwT
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcgwp0tKwlU
　　「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYd4eAztliI
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAUrMgRzhm1
　　正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT0DGxRy0bG
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMLzeogedve
　　矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQn0E593prX
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvZtlyu2TJB
　　「嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB4KV1ZdM3Y
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ47Rnyri1NC
　　我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡObrK8wHRD5
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBNOcv9Huk3
　　但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3leF7MNgaW
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLH4lnuUDjE
　　然而高個子不為所動！807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoItn9Wb0WU
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv9H4m5DaT7
　　我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLx9AejNX8i
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoZLcStRPr2
　　高個子依然面不改色！807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjmi5XpZQFr
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlGNGhsnKnU
　　我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8AwqPnUHOi
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMI6IBHIPlO
　　這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡooZShp0IIE
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Sfr5pwnYq
　　這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfZU8X7VTAr
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGCWMwPx8mx
　　矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUQK1SI7TsX
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1vGW1T4O5z
　　高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsVX4QyqngN
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPIOZVkv7Yk
　　馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO7qRzCqifF
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqSpwVyuiH1
　　受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡizYBFZBrO4
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeAS21m3NwR
　　方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu9lAaFW6IM
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNCFOcbceNo
　　這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2eenkWaOoC
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAJze8BQ2RZ
　　「為什麼要擺那包零食？」807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZh3XC4jh98
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtiuIfOdMR0
　　「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg8bzDj1iZ9
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGt5rjOPzkM
　　「所以不能吃嗎？」807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHHpAtNs50K
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbJlZkObWpK
　　「不能，吃了就沒用了。」807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSYma9vw9Sl
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNaVM97WVqm
　　「但我餓了。」807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc6IhonAY7O
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDK1JaBGBFg
　　「……」807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡimvhkotRqp
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMdS8K1iXdc
　　此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBZCP7A0rYu
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡheH9hX1V3P
　　哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW0q8UsdqjT
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwV5Bx4cK53
　　「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdN4zoyjX7e
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4I9bL8XdVL
　　「小語……小語……」807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqcSXgXwlo6
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPYxqwy3KUn
　　Gya——807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrnJOOcUW1M
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt6jgYDdz8j
　　我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9N7dPc94R7
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDsG2Fq5Sn4
　　They are fucking gay!807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZA6dBHIGft
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡejmdvSed6d
　　這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNxmml2N1HS
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwmO6QmKfPR
　　Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHrFjgicgBP
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIhOhg7wGex
　　五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2FrHbwR9JY
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ29CrSyFgGR
　　浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIiITLEoP7h
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡblKuNMrMaY
　　「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlra8iSG2cZ
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPFMvx8kvL9
　　秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZc64SjG7t1
　　807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2XcCdI7MKw
　　Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！807Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqvCZKIBL2L