從屍詞歌賦談到雕生哲學 - 【同人創作】當阿飄遇上科技宅

（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）

　　我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvZ2C7wRRWi
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡixLJJl3UXO
　　「啊，我不小心撞到了。」837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ffPHq23H1
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNLF5JeNTRr
　　戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZoQpypLqOB
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBeHCLW5iAT
　　我滿意點頭。837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmj3PVjop4u
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF35DYoYNSB
　　很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwqDD0Ws7bZ
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2CEb8FrT8q
　　一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE0TXqQBozU
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQPTJIHiow1
　　「不知貴不貴？」837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSEhGBf5OSh
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡixkkt4Ty6S
　　「應該還好。」837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQLRY1mdiWL
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3doBp0n7p1
　　「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHlnaDxtXRq
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVU9IMRc9kb
　　「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjqCszUA4Xt
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjIZkEnOeDK
　　兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZKiqtkHtxI
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRBbFXlP5hw
　　我震驚了。837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM8Fvz9nk2O
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMrltWBItEo
　　不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLaZzMyY1qO
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJzJIz5Nz2l
　　話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM9uOXkVTZD
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiJQMHdaAbi
　　「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK0IiJQzWfM
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnOYTnI1BY8
　　喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmS6ykvJkK9
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz1NXAAhvIq
　　What the hell?837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFLy6qSYDzb
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJRDiJYEj3Y
　　那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv0d7WeK7CK
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFjY4aw69DK
　　幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ifAG3muG4
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsSYz0UjykA
　　嘶——837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8tGrw0MDO8
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7yMJyEZGq4
　　我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQrmH54G2fk
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡodjuy9pkYr
　　陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rWrJX56AA
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKMIyz2Qx5B
　　「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ358OdGjZWy
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLkNHKCW4iu
　　正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKPTXY5QQ8d
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHZfuH9c96z
　　矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLYMGEgXVt5
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoqmYooWQnh
　　「嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk3CLa8OrrM
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8zWwWLsMaw
　　我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡltAjlDZYij
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRSewLae9UW
　　但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDD4ciX8BwZ
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO04rIZS2dN
　　然而高個子不為所動！837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ25tWDHMNwk
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaz5T72K8WW
　　我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX313ki6TEQ
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoIylGKorja
　　高個子依然面不改色！837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLwBcqEZRlU
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKhYnppZ0nz
　　我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcjWqtLlmQ4
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsRsQiNttBt
　　這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4EJqqFpC1r
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoLZtCXFwaV
　　這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgOFRauuMVh
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡffjizPxjFs
　　矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4lB3tMffj2
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ49JcEJDViU
　　高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoKflGqoaRL
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhdj2l0ULIg
　　馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRNkqaM8TIq
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb8JMw3sWNZ
　　受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdc2xOen97n
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk1WC0uFJoq
　　方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVlr6JHh6Os
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVXq9NBv7gY
　　這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXmaiKzc3BS
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx0uERxIRFF
　　「為什麼要擺那包零食？」837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpjeRZQYL6a
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbux9T7LMRQ
　　「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvpId1bpwHC
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrUwKyktFwY
　　「所以不能吃嗎？」837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXkAq7bP3yv
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcdB0d6UhEa
　　「不能，吃了就沒用了。」837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ4yz8tbin9
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZcYj9X3iWY
　　「但我餓了。」837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpU9CKXL9tt
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ47GxE7bH2E
　　「……」837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDW5LyyrfgZ
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUFZD4ZxHo2
　　此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyuAOclMHF8
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZlwdGSLIKM
　　哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSk3kHui2gv
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy2Btx2umYz
　　「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtJ6iqFkRZR
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbvS9WHPhEk
　　「小語……小語……」837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzEiC6puymX
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRhIeazqagy
　　Gya——837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZL6yWcYQ8d
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡALDoiEy3uR
　　我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIwT9YR1QoS
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtpLaXG1cSD
　　They are fucking gay!837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbICIH3RLXt
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU8nkcRQzw6
　　這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhujAys3Viw
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFJzzDEcTfe
　　Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr1HK6cbMNB
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7pi1sJM4eG
　　五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV6uZT8Knvw
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5AyZAfH6ej
　　浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHUSoEQIcUE
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxaMPwdfBce
　　「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw1e7eviqaC
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxOx8FWRbtr
　　秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzO1rvUXNSz
　　837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2dlgfhy30N
　　Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！837Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzwvvIYHs64