(原作:美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍)
我是鬼,五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印,今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。599Please respect copyright.PENANAIu6XcyOCet
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「啊,我不小心撞到了。」599Please respect copyright.PENANAcgm376JK8m
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戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架,那十字架做工精細,將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生,偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子,這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動,嚇得他面色一陣發白。599Please respect copyright.PENANAuHe9wkiLec
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我滿意點頭。599Please respect copyright.PENANAa6vzlFpFLY
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很好,這就是我要的效果,愧疚吧!顫抖吧!你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧!599Please respect copyright.PENANAMq5b5SbDka
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一旁的高個青年放下行李,接過十字架研究了會,搖頭說:「沒辦法,賠錢吧。」599Please respect copyright.PENANAGT3vZHJfB0
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「不知貴不貴?」599Please respect copyright.PENANAMcBcZ2vTex
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「應該還好。」599Please respect copyright.PENANA4AfnIu1ZPh
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「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」599Please respect copyright.PENANA8ZDcWCknv2
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「我也是,也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」599Please respect copyright.PENANAPsHncoF3c6
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兩人說著,就扔下十字架,各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器,分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。599Please respect copyright.PENANAufPB1Ppocw
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我震驚了。599Please respect copyright.PENANAqeO2NS6wGA
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不對啊,你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎?怎麼可以這麼鎮定?599Please respect copyright.PENANAOCpW5ZdYVF
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話說回來,剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言?599Please respect copyright.PENANAlbKit7nYGR
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「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊,「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎?」599Please respect copyright.PENANAx724Im7sII
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喔,總算聽到熟悉的語言,我立刻湊過去,邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計,誰知我一靠近,就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。599Please respect copyright.PENANAALhviF2TOj
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What the hell?599Please respect copyright.PENANAp1wVfjlFUv
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那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西?為何每一個拆開我都懂,合起來我就看不懂?難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文?599Please respect copyright.PENANAypaWGqVCEV
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幸好我躲了半天,都沒感覺到不適,才又慢慢飄過去,聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話,什麼Project,什麼Function,If不If,還有……Parent & child?599Please respect copyright.PENANAgi2ihOLYFs
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嘶——599Please respect copyright.PENANAxghxcgRLw0
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我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉,開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣,管他們是日本人還是越南人,就算是印度來的,只要是活人,這口糧我都吃定了!599Please respect copyright.PENANAVS988TUiRm
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陰風輕輕地吹,一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。599Please respect copyright.PENANAI7eCnMvt5E
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「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦?很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑,捶了高個子一記。599Please respect copyright.PENANArDzm2Is1BR
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正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭,投以茫然目光,「哈啊?什麼?我聽不懂。」599Please respect copyright.PENANAACErep3WKD
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矮個子撇了撇嘴,咕噥一句「又來!」就看回「鎮鬼經文」,「沒什麼,你看這裡……」599Please respect copyright.PENANAnCqm7awMCl
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「 嗯。」高個子應完,就順手攬住矮個子的腰,看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。599Please respect copyright.PENANAjMQRS8wTau
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我也投以茫然目光,感覺哪裡怪怪的。599Please respect copyright.PENANAwzj9YKsiwF
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但身為一個高端的鬼,必須不能使用重複伎倆,於是我飄到高個子身邊,俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語,「嘻嘻嘻,要不要陪我玩?」599Please respect copyright.PENANAwiXJj6tT8b
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然而高個子不為所動!599Please respect copyright.PENANA7ZRxHghJJy
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我不死心,再說:「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了?」599Please respect copyright.PENANA429MdpIYbV
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高個子依然面不改色!599Please respect copyright.PENANASocEXgWk6K
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我大怒,直接用吼的,「你死定了!我要殺了你!殺殺殺!」599Please respect copyright.PENANAMtXh05javZ
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這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵,取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。599Please respect copyright.PENANA4GW7BrDjOQ
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這一刻,我吐血,如果鬼還有血的話。599Please respect copyright.PENANAla0NafVbMI
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矮個子比手畫腳地問:「怎麼了?」599Please respect copyright.PENANAP7rgVHmE4j
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高個子搖搖頭,「助聽器有點雜音,大概之前下雨淋到了。」599Please respect copyright.PENANAfV36MTPPAN
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馬的!原來這傢伙是個聾子!599Please respect copyright.PENANArCYTrALsET
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受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉,直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器,起身從行李掏出衣物,一前一後地進了浴室,我才精神一振。599Please respect copyright.PENANAuFOfF9fvC4
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方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係,才讓我出師不利,現在就應該趁他們不在,先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前,準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時,就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物,那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛,這殺傷力不大,但污辱性極強!599Please respect copyright.PENANAM2opEptzkX
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這時,浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。599Please respect copyright.PENANAWCHsDfaPU2
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「為什麼要擺那包零食?」599Please respect copyright.PENANAtbr7D5hVps
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「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神,只要有綠乖乖,所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」599Please respect copyright.PENANAeXw7BrAu7w
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「所以不能吃嗎?」599Please respect copyright.PENANAyu7SR0AuWX
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「不能,吃了就沒用了。」599Please respect copyright.PENANAeKq6XK2Ubn
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「但我餓了。」599Please respect copyright.PENANApCXhAK2zGq
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「……」599Please respect copyright.PENANAnccSe6X2Am
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此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智,絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁,只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看,便動用所有力量顯現身影,以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室,並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。599Please respect copyright.PENANArKV4Okedli
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哇哈哈哈,驚嚇吧!恐懼吧!人……599Please respect copyright.PENANAo3kRFKKAET
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「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」599Please respect copyright.PENANAqnEQnJwvSs
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「小語……小語……」599Please respect copyright.PENANA5Zf0zO5ZIM
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Gya——599Please respect copyright.PENANAqFZMbZ2i8N
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我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。599Please respect copyright.PENANAuC5b1Na9gf
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They are fucking gay!599Please respect copyright.PENANAOmeaewCy1P
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這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在,徹底嚇破我的小心靈,讓我一秒縮回十字架,還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。599Please respect copyright.PENANAslmEMxiFlQ
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Oh no!No!No!No!No!Hell no!599Please respect copyright.PENANAppq4EM7Ain
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五十年過去,沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下,上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊!我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。599Please respect copyright.PENANA0CAgzMqyBZ
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浴室裡,秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人,沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧,「等、等一下,你剛有沒有聽見什麼?」599Please respect copyright.PENANAw9jzInubFR
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「嗯?什麼?」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺,臉上的神情既迷離又色情,顯然是又聽不見。599Please respect copyright.PENANAoPxTps1R1s
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秋瞇了瞇眼,心想算了,就夾緊雙腿,繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。599Please respect copyright.PENANAHYOOd6s8vk
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Treat or trick,不給糖,就「搗」蛋!599Please respect copyright.PENANAza3pRRczOf
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(P.S. 被關五十年的美國鬼,觀念保守,用詞不政確,請見諒(艸)599Please respect copyright.PENANAcaz6XLTco4
後記:
此為噗浪幾位文友自辦的【原創文手交換寫同人】活動,這次我抽到的交換對象是歐巴龍,恰逢萬聖節,就來應個景啦XD
難得參加活動,真的是非常有趣的體驗,為此我還重看了一遍《美宅男夢工場》又作了很多筆記,結果最後都沒用上🤣
本來也想隱藏風格,來寫個憂鬱正經風,讓文友猜不到我是誰,但我想來想去,實在想不到切入點,就索性放飛啦XDDD
另外,抽到我的文友是君羊,寫的是《因罪溫存》的顧懷唷,喜歡顧醫師的歡迎點以下網址來看!
#猜猜我是誰 #原創文手交換寫同人 #喵芭閉關坑司機中: #因罪溫存 #賭博
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