「你還可以嗎?」715Please respect copyright.PENANAS4MLr8Ej5C
715Please respect copyright.PENANAR7sHi2Ju56
「無法不可以。」715Please respect copyright.PENANA9fpfNnvYqe
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「如需幫忙,來找我吧。」715Please respect copyright.PENANAh3qiQOStJe
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「謝謝你。」715Please respect copyright.PENANADstdAKy5Yp
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我對隸屬同組的小妹報以虛弱苦笑。與她向來關係不錯,概略知道彼此家庭狀況——同是經濟支柱,一屋老嫩。聽到她主動提出幫忙,我除了感激,更多的是恥感。715Please respect copyright.PENANAV4olr6QhVQ
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唉!多講無謂,反正既成事實。倒不如動腦筋思考如何向妻子說明狀況。715Please respect copyright.PENANAbowgf6GWXv
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疫情關係,全球經濟不景氣。我和妻子預料這段艱難時期將會維持好一段日子,早已節衣縮食,積穀防饑。但我們慢慢沒有想到老闆會有此一著:工作日數減半意味薪金減半。715Please respect copyright.PENANAQOokVx0B8R
715Please respect copyright.PENANAxt2ON4u8bx
供樓開支無法削減,父母醫療開支不能削,孩子教育開支不能減。唯一可以削減的只有我們夫妻倆的花費……715Please respect copyright.PENANAXFbpwKMdLA
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飯後,兩老早睡,兒女溫習,妻子洗碗。我怯怯到廚房去。715Please respect copyright.PENANAIKfOA3FNzb
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「老婆……」715Please respect copyright.PENANApmuJhuhv4X
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「有困難?金錢?」715Please respect copyright.PENANA2LJh4tdH2P
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妻子搶佔發言先機,內心不安的我更覺虛怯。715Please respect copyright.PENANAovc9VeUetJ
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「是。明天開始,只需星期二、四上班。」715Please respect copyright.PENANA0aAXZwmQBA
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「嗯。」715Please respect copyright.PENANAfJrvikprPG
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妻子沒再多話,專心洗碗。她的冷靜淡然在我意料之外,卻又在情理當中。無力改變現實,也就只得接受和硬撐,呼天搶地無補於事。715Please respect copyright.PENANA9YJmKxYdlU
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我回睡房躺在床上發愣。715Please respect copyright.PENANA4ZdPiKIzlw
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無能。無力。無奈。715Please respect copyright.PENANApZFvmGmKMv
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千思萬緒化作團團亂線。715Please respect copyright.PENANANLXBeCIduW
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剪不斷,理還亂。715Please respect copyright.PENANA58Ozsvbcyj
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勿剪,別理。715Please respect copyright.PENANAK9VIlRLqru
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待時日將其化解。715Please respect copyright.PENANAXE0pAwdR8y
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莫操心。715Please respect copyright.PENANAH1Eeis7r62
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莫操心?715Please respect copyright.PENANAjWlNyNgx54
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如何莫操心?715Please respect copyright.PENANAiFFHegtJTm
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我知道困境必定會過去,但我必須硬撐直到那天到來。715Please respect copyright.PENANAd9o6S4ip38
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撐多久?如何撐?715Please respect copyright.PENANA5YOO4GSwXd
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不知道……715Please respect copyright.PENANAOqSiKkMaBE
日出。星期二。上班員工人數銳減,辦公室冷清不少。715Please respect copyright.PENANABbtkQ5Ihh3
715Please respect copyright.PENANAavSRlrQL6t
有人若無其事,有人變得寡言,有人大吐苦水。不論個人感受如何,公司繼續營運,世界繼續運轉。715Please respect copyright.PENANAcvObOKgAlc
715Please respect copyright.PENANA3NXs5qrl8G
啟動電腦。電腦桌面背景是站在浮冰的北極熊。毛色暗啞,骨瘦如柴,神色虛弱。想必多日找不到食物,飢腸轆轆。絕望?誰管你的!天地蒼茫,白皚皚一片。無論北極熊是否存在,北極仍是北極,我仍在地球另端為家庭財政傷透腦筋。715Please respect copyright.PENANAlCoiogBjKE
715Please respect copyright.PENANAsnKaQqlApo
午餐。翻熱食物。是昨夜飯餸,白飯菜心排骨。白飯黏糯,菜心苦黃,排骨柴乾。想要一支豉油。下班後去買吧!不了,豉油不是必需品,不該浪費金錢買奢侈品。715Please respect copyright.PENANAbheR41CFyt
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下班時間,加班。加班同事還不少。沒法子。減少工作日數不代表減少工作量,也不代表工作進度可以放慢。715Please respect copyright.PENANAS0Zbgb5cUv
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每次想及時間、日子,位於電腦屏幕右下方的時鐘就會顯得格外礙眼:它在提醒我妻子的飯菜變涼了、孩子掛念我的心情變淡了、父母與我相處的時間變短了;它在催促我加快手腳完成當前項目,接下來的工作將以排山倒海之勢襲來;它在教導我人生大道理,一寸光陰一吋金,吋金難買寸光陰,更何況加班沒有加班費……715Please respect copyright.PENANAqaYESoap43
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關機,正式下班。心情太壞,說服不了自己留下來。回首,同事們仍在埋頭苦幹。理解,但無法奉陪到底。715Please respect copyright.PENANAtVBs8rY3WM
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大街上,人影疏落,商店無燈。車站無人,想必有一班次剛剛離站。等。車頭燈或白或黃,在黑夜暗色環境當中尤其刺眼眩目。節慶煙花,演唱會螢光棒,無燈飯廳裡的金魚缸,床頭小燈,被窩裡的手提電話屏幕……腦袋失控,只管想著一堆毫無意義、不著邊際的雜亂畫面。累?是吧。715Please respect copyright.PENANAdkvd8XuYvQ
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我笑。715Please respect copyright.PENANA9zZVEHMesF
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在巴士入站之際決定轉身離開。715Please respect copyright.PENANA9nBcMs8OUs
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忽爾不想回家。715Please respect copyright.PENANAmZRlHaNVsG
「飯餸在雪櫃。你自行翻熱吧。」715Please respect copyright.PENANApvMl07Az0i
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「好的。」715Please respect copyright.PENANAtQl2Ctz5ME
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我敷衍回應妻子幾句後也就洗澡去。熱水沖去臉上油塵,皮膚霎時變得乾淨而乾燥,微癢微痕。或許每個人都是因為這些不著眼的小耗損而老去。無可避免。無可奈何。是否只得順從?是否只得接受?不順從又如何?不接受又如何?715Please respect copyright.PENANAj72Xx99MCR
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只會苦了自己。715Please respect copyright.PENANAxzdCs7KzYU
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努力改變過,極力掙扎過,然後一切依舊——世界依舊不似預期。715Please respect copyright.PENANApYEntO6uGg
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通體蝕骨的無能無力無奈。715Please respect copyright.PENANABQtRye7SQq
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浴後,睡床上。妻子望著天花發愣。天花燈沒有亮著,光源自窗外滲入,剛巧側照伏在天花的小蟲,以誇張得滑稽的比例拉長小蟲影子,如怪物,如鬼魅。715Please respect copyright.PENANAKLeRRxf8I3
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「你的同事有沒有跟老闆反映近來遇上的問題?」715Please respect copyright.PENANAavTzuAeJRY
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「沒有。大家都在座位上邊罵邊工作。」715Please respect copyright.PENANA7aEgf1ZDqt
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妻子乾笑一聲,側身面窗睡去。715Please respect copyright.PENANAOo0spa6Nmb
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我實在笑不出口,呆望天花數蟲子。715Please respect copyright.PENANArOC7vHqVgO
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一、二、三、四、五……715Please respect copyright.PENANAkmKBAvHlnJ
註:715Please respect copyright.PENANAfEdPOOQjjs
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***題目其中一句問「不知道大家有沒有因為這場疫情失去了甚麼呢?」715Please respect copyright.PENANASYgPGz5LBo
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我認為大家除了關於物質上(例如金錢、生活質素)、生理上(例如生命、健康)及心理上(安全感、與親友相聚的快樂)的失去,還有自我認同(例如對掌握自身未來的自信、對於自身的道德批判)的失去。715Please respect copyright.PENANALh5IhJEDIL
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未必關乎大是大非,每次小小的自私自利或是小小的屈辱或是小小的啞忍退讓,足以大大貶低自我形象。這是否疫情過去就可以彌補的傷害?誰知道。715Please respect copyright.PENANASwktZdm5Xa
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***此篇會另外收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》715Please respect copyright.PENANA7O7ID96EJf