「你還可以嗎?」530Please respect copyright.PENANAIEIRUN8bA8
530Please respect copyright.PENANAHX2a9MAKUG
「無法不可以。」530Please respect copyright.PENANAVpcaWpLgGN
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「如需幫忙,來找我吧。」530Please respect copyright.PENANAAm7n3l0t8I
530Please respect copyright.PENANAhcIiNbM12D
「謝謝你。」530Please respect copyright.PENANA7luRHvghC0
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我對隸屬同組的小妹報以虛弱苦笑。與她向來關係不錯,概略知道彼此家庭狀況——同是經濟支柱,一屋老嫩。聽到她主動提出幫忙,我除了感激,更多的是恥感。530Please respect copyright.PENANAWA4RdCnAh1
530Please respect copyright.PENANAXQifbFblvj
唉!多講無謂,反正既成事實。倒不如動腦筋思考如何向妻子說明狀況。530Please respect copyright.PENANAOjupyWcWPr
530Please respect copyright.PENANAWct6rRMu9P
疫情關係,全球經濟不景氣。我和妻子預料這段艱難時期將會維持好一段日子,早已節衣縮食,積穀防饑。但我們慢慢沒有想到老闆會有此一著:工作日數減半意味薪金減半。530Please respect copyright.PENANArmvhJ7efF8
530Please respect copyright.PENANAXEzWRtYkhv
供樓開支無法削減,父母醫療開支不能削,孩子教育開支不能減。唯一可以削減的只有我們夫妻倆的花費……530Please respect copyright.PENANAlumxdjQYYJ
530Please respect copyright.PENANAXETGtqhA4h
飯後,兩老早睡,兒女溫習,妻子洗碗。我怯怯到廚房去。530Please respect copyright.PENANA8OyJBqnCXu
530Please respect copyright.PENANAwOsJhRkSQE
「老婆……」530Please respect copyright.PENANALtbSwKfQDa
530Please respect copyright.PENANA6xa5ZhW4e7
「有困難?金錢?」530Please respect copyright.PENANAGEgrUhrUqY
530Please respect copyright.PENANAnXH1BGcjPp
妻子搶佔發言先機,內心不安的我更覺虛怯。530Please respect copyright.PENANAwSjbhusNii
530Please respect copyright.PENANAZDkLkrVOm5
「是。明天開始,只需星期二、四上班。」530Please respect copyright.PENANA1YjQuZ0UFG
530Please respect copyright.PENANAKfTUGgXdfF
「嗯。」530Please respect copyright.PENANAFIdi9PVhhM
530Please respect copyright.PENANAtzr0jrJGDb
妻子沒再多話,專心洗碗。她的冷靜淡然在我意料之外,卻又在情理當中。無力改變現實,也就只得接受和硬撐,呼天搶地無補於事。530Please respect copyright.PENANAFT5tbTAH2m
530Please respect copyright.PENANAec0mVYyHaE
我回睡房躺在床上發愣。530Please respect copyright.PENANAqwUIK8TuII
530Please respect copyright.PENANAFoQbx16CCg
無能。無力。無奈。530Please respect copyright.PENANAa7M0MjGORq
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千思萬緒化作團團亂線。530Please respect copyright.PENANA7RAMM3cECU
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剪不斷,理還亂。530Please respect copyright.PENANA7XNq91uyTt
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勿剪,別理。530Please respect copyright.PENANAx1tZo3yQWL
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待時日將其化解。530Please respect copyright.PENANAPNe1fDNuaL
530Please respect copyright.PENANAC5MO6OoO9m
莫操心。530Please respect copyright.PENANAVrYpwBgkzI
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莫操心?530Please respect copyright.PENANAzHmYPkYR13
530Please respect copyright.PENANAzKPsmYHRrI
如何莫操心?530Please respect copyright.PENANAEP5GjjB9xH
530Please respect copyright.PENANA6Srk7EKvm7
我知道困境必定會過去,但我必須硬撐直到那天到來。530Please respect copyright.PENANAcDgHz8fKaW
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撐多久?如何撐?530Please respect copyright.PENANA5ES1rqASI4
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不知道……530Please respect copyright.PENANA6Y1jo1ZPAK
日出。星期二。上班員工人數銳減,辦公室冷清不少。530Please respect copyright.PENANAnZYDtQeZFs
530Please respect copyright.PENANAGfX721uglQ
有人若無其事,有人變得寡言,有人大吐苦水。不論個人感受如何,公司繼續營運,世界繼續運轉。530Please respect copyright.PENANAm2BP6xk3k0
530Please respect copyright.PENANA38HcY7oUby
啟動電腦。電腦桌面背景是站在浮冰的北極熊。毛色暗啞,骨瘦如柴,神色虛弱。想必多日找不到食物,飢腸轆轆。絕望?誰管你的!天地蒼茫,白皚皚一片。無論北極熊是否存在,北極仍是北極,我仍在地球另端為家庭財政傷透腦筋。530Please respect copyright.PENANAxl9L2e9Kez
530Please respect copyright.PENANASiDZOpN1yU
午餐。翻熱食物。是昨夜飯餸,白飯菜心排骨。白飯黏糯,菜心苦黃,排骨柴乾。想要一支豉油。下班後去買吧!不了,豉油不是必需品,不該浪費金錢買奢侈品。530Please respect copyright.PENANAbjpmFhP10I
530Please respect copyright.PENANAmRLeF7byX7
下班時間,加班。加班同事還不少。沒法子。減少工作日數不代表減少工作量,也不代表工作進度可以放慢。530Please respect copyright.PENANAmqpWH90Sfg
530Please respect copyright.PENANAITKanzqs1d
每次想及時間、日子,位於電腦屏幕右下方的時鐘就會顯得格外礙眼:它在提醒我妻子的飯菜變涼了、孩子掛念我的心情變淡了、父母與我相處的時間變短了;它在催促我加快手腳完成當前項目,接下來的工作將以排山倒海之勢襲來;它在教導我人生大道理,一寸光陰一吋金,吋金難買寸光陰,更何況加班沒有加班費……530Please respect copyright.PENANAsXES8CftOw
530Please respect copyright.PENANAjYyGNebBxO
關機,正式下班。心情太壞,說服不了自己留下來。回首,同事們仍在埋頭苦幹。理解,但無法奉陪到底。530Please respect copyright.PENANACR6UmVG4gT
530Please respect copyright.PENANAdol5WuDPBg
大街上,人影疏落,商店無燈。車站無人,想必有一班次剛剛離站。等。車頭燈或白或黃,在黑夜暗色環境當中尤其刺眼眩目。節慶煙花,演唱會螢光棒,無燈飯廳裡的金魚缸,床頭小燈,被窩裡的手提電話屏幕……腦袋失控,只管想著一堆毫無意義、不著邊際的雜亂畫面。累?是吧。530Please respect copyright.PENANAjOwJM5k5BN
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我笑。530Please respect copyright.PENANAQF9pnkEKRq
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在巴士入站之際決定轉身離開。530Please respect copyright.PENANA4ayOKr9Mr4
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忽爾不想回家。530Please respect copyright.PENANAvFs0LAmEmY
「飯餸在雪櫃。你自行翻熱吧。」530Please respect copyright.PENANAJEJ6XAEtC5
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「好的。」530Please respect copyright.PENANAqaZR7MCRNb
530Please respect copyright.PENANAMLQ2mFFo0J
我敷衍回應妻子幾句後也就洗澡去。熱水沖去臉上油塵,皮膚霎時變得乾淨而乾燥,微癢微痕。或許每個人都是因為這些不著眼的小耗損而老去。無可避免。無可奈何。是否只得順從?是否只得接受?不順從又如何?不接受又如何?530Please respect copyright.PENANAbRDq564RRr
530Please respect copyright.PENANAfqHm9Xc2Jx
只會苦了自己。530Please respect copyright.PENANA5Vxrs667pR
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努力改變過,極力掙扎過,然後一切依舊——世界依舊不似預期。530Please respect copyright.PENANAWfIM9EcQbv
530Please respect copyright.PENANAjzH62YTp6a
通體蝕骨的無能無力無奈。530Please respect copyright.PENANAdW9m2Pt4fx
530Please respect copyright.PENANA37FqkFwRf3
浴後,睡床上。妻子望著天花發愣。天花燈沒有亮著,光源自窗外滲入,剛巧側照伏在天花的小蟲,以誇張得滑稽的比例拉長小蟲影子,如怪物,如鬼魅。530Please respect copyright.PENANAqDygZKdbcf
530Please respect copyright.PENANAHm6kWYMzMW
「你的同事有沒有跟老闆反映近來遇上的問題?」530Please respect copyright.PENANAbPGSaFLsk3
530Please respect copyright.PENANAJAcy0Le0eV
「沒有。大家都在座位上邊罵邊工作。」530Please respect copyright.PENANAMSWtl2CFLX
530Please respect copyright.PENANAy8WvcsZaTQ
妻子乾笑一聲,側身面窗睡去。530Please respect copyright.PENANA1d4mwhhsTN
530Please respect copyright.PENANATheNWDZJ2p
我實在笑不出口,呆望天花數蟲子。530Please respect copyright.PENANA6x8Go3BaSm
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一、二、三、四、五……530Please respect copyright.PENANAQowp8Fc9g0
註:530Please respect copyright.PENANAwAJts9xprt
530Please respect copyright.PENANAQJMJqjwCyG
***題目其中一句問「不知道大家有沒有因為這場疫情失去了甚麼呢?」530Please respect copyright.PENANA9kYlJb65fR
530Please respect copyright.PENANAnznpa4N2MS
我認為大家除了關於物質上(例如金錢、生活質素)、生理上(例如生命、健康)及心理上(安全感、與親友相聚的快樂)的失去,還有自我認同(例如對掌握自身未來的自信、對於自身的道德批判)的失去。530Please respect copyright.PENANAxEJ5yKFJzr
530Please respect copyright.PENANAKFVD8MKwMJ
未必關乎大是大非,每次小小的自私自利或是小小的屈辱或是小小的啞忍退讓,足以大大貶低自我形象。這是否疫情過去就可以彌補的傷害?誰知道。530Please respect copyright.PENANA7BFx54gYen
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***此篇會另外收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》530Please respect copyright.PENANA8Zzao1QayG