「你還可以嗎？」818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCPtSNXHV1l
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgCvmgi6HWr
「無法不可以。」818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdQnPPXLH3v
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡczHWng8hOJ
「如需幫忙，來找我吧。」818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡca3U3QHrec
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLk68xuMDQ7
「謝謝你。」818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDl4wF4o36V
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUJ8Jupnplq
我對隸屬同組的小妹報以虛弱苦笑。與她向來關係不錯，概略知道彼此家庭狀況——同是經濟支柱，一屋老嫩。聽到她主動提出幫忙，我除了感激，更多的是恥感。818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh4nvBp7MuD
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzDcgv7QHGd
唉！多講無謂，反正既成事實。倒不如動腦筋思考如何向妻子說明狀況。818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlRoY8hsoDk
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR9hyUSn21O
疫情關係，全球經濟不景氣。我和妻子預料這段艱難時期將會維持好一段日子，早已節衣縮食，積穀防饑。但我們慢慢沒有想到老闆會有此一著：工作日數減半意味薪金減半。818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpZu9M3rtUQ
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFfgwx9QBeg
供樓開支無法削減，父母醫療開支不能削，孩子教育開支不能減。唯一可以削減的只有我們夫妻倆的花費……818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkPkaiHrJLo
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm3N6pA4dZH
飯後，兩老早睡，兒女溫習，妻子洗碗。我怯怯到廚房去。818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcrtTYzy10U
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtLE17FpLYr
「老婆……」818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhCcxk9VpA7
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAf1hBLZOOn
「有困難？金錢？」818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqQ3FHAANGZ
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ2VBStMFiO
妻子搶佔發言先機，內心不安的我更覺虛怯。818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6wNlYaENZE
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbnvHtB3MPL
「是。明天開始，只需星期二、四上班。」818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD3ilvgvRkg
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO2YQWTbjFB
「嗯。」818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1fNPm0N0vH
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnH70qnPcf6
妻子沒再多話，專心洗碗。她的冷靜淡然在我意料之外，卻又在情理當中。無力改變現實，也就只得接受和硬撐，呼天搶地無補於事。818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvms78wj7T3
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlKeQi2O009
我回睡房躺在床上發愣。818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8GjgYapgU1
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXCk9N6zDMV
無能。無力。無奈。818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAgriqzjc4d
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9RqXj2mLIA
千思萬緒化作團團亂線。818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡosRAFslIFP
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7fyYwGp3mT
剪不斷，理還亂。818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Xw2usboBa
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIzgzY5XVt1
勿剪，別理。818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWxdhr0Uzxe
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlv5HzpTfpA
待時日將其化解。818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK3dro1KJgY
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTUbqqY6XHC
莫操心。818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡadIzYnmNfj
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYy3HDXj0Fb
莫操心？818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUwLAhbzcCZ
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyXXugconub
如何莫操心？818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU268os2BBU
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLJRu8CMfmx
我知道困境必定會過去，但我必須硬撐直到那天到來。818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9BKM8HF0yI
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKxKJ03Ngr8
撐多久？如何撐？818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡACw9i6UD6a
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4SPK9Z8sXk
不知道……818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoLSXDULbRa
日出。星期二。上班員工人數銳減，辦公室冷清不少。818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyaS0pH5Ufk
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbOTmoH7WkT
有人若無其事，有人變得寡言，有人大吐苦水。不論個人感受如何，公司繼續營運，世界繼續運轉。818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLkauHksuzB
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM3o39lHd8t
啟動電腦。電腦桌面背景是站在浮冰的北極熊。毛色暗啞，骨瘦如柴，神色虛弱。想必多日找不到食物，飢腸轆轆。絕望？誰管你的！天地蒼茫，白皚皚一片。無論北極熊是否存在，北極仍是北極，我仍在地球另端為家庭財政傷透腦筋。818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcUacMCaCJH
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfqhWIb9iUk
午餐。翻熱食物。是昨夜飯餸，白飯菜心排骨。白飯黏糯，菜心苦黃，排骨柴乾。想要一支豉油。下班後去買吧！不了，豉油不是必需品，不該浪費金錢買奢侈品。818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZOGUVYOu8I
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX6VfAXYGHu
下班時間，加班。加班同事還不少。沒法子。減少工作日數不代表減少工作量，也不代表工作進度可以放慢。818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwrzt6FeaYL
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGQHLw1Qqbr
每次想及時間、日子，位於電腦屏幕右下方的時鐘就會顯得格外礙眼：它在提醒我妻子的飯菜變涼了、孩子掛念我的心情變淡了、父母與我相處的時間變短了；它在催促我加快手腳完成當前項目，接下來的工作將以排山倒海之勢襲來；它在教導我人生大道理，一寸光陰一吋金，吋金難買寸光陰，更何況加班沒有加班費……818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYCetv0w7bL
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYaTv7DMdsm
關機，正式下班。心情太壞，說服不了自己留下來。回首，同事們仍在埋頭苦幹。理解，但無法奉陪到底。818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs9aKSMvJWk
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9n5cxLkgUt
大街上，人影疏落，商店無燈。車站無人，想必有一班次剛剛離站。等。車頭燈或白或黃，在黑夜暗色環境當中尤其刺眼眩目。節慶煙花，演唱會螢光棒，無燈飯廳裡的金魚缸，床頭小燈，被窩裡的手提電話屏幕……腦袋失控，只管想著一堆毫無意義、不著邊際的雜亂畫面。累？是吧。818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhl0Ze2KKme
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaE1zwYO7er
我笑。818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw2WOIs59qq
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNEWL0fiAex
在巴士入站之際決定轉身離開。818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4RUGAGSbSJ
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiJOxbtXvuv
忽爾不想回家。818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjEPz9wypo2
「飯餸在雪櫃。你自行翻熱吧。」818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDIcolBHBBA
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNAucB6LW86
「好的。」818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcUuI8SNQDg
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn0AvlJa5HM
我敷衍回應妻子幾句後也就洗澡去。熱水沖去臉上油塵，皮膚霎時變得乾淨而乾燥，微癢微痕。或許每個人都是因為這些不著眼的小耗損而老去。無可避免。無可奈何。是否只得順從？是否只得接受？不順從又如何？不接受又如何？818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0bSXPky4T1
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSitccba2kz
只會苦了自己。818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE9BhWjCWXu
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPei35ESYwM
努力改變過，極力掙扎過，然後一切依舊——世界依舊不似預期。818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXjmRC69Ngo
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMavQRwWJO8
通體蝕骨的無能無力無奈。818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡix6NZNdhjw
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjXegWXXVYv
浴後，睡床上。妻子望著天花發愣。天花燈沒有亮著，光源自窗外滲入，剛巧側照伏在天花的小蟲，以誇張得滑稽的比例拉長小蟲影子，如怪物，如鬼魅。818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqzhUTcKL4G
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiR6NuqsOsr
「你的同事有沒有跟老闆反映近來遇上的問題？」818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWRxtN1gABV
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTcUcOzOfft
「沒有。大家都在座位上邊罵邊工作。」818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnOEVhMTE4t
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG9olxCBsCj
妻子乾笑一聲，側身面窗睡去。818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjC0yZg0F0A
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh0em1plIY0
我實在笑不出口，呆望天花數蟲子。818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdE7fa9ptSz
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd0dhrnQjQ0
一、二、三、四、五……818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ1NglJcQfi
註：818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQwC5umrb7f
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjEwEiLJ2pS
***題目其中一句問「不知道大家有沒有因為這場疫情失去了甚麼呢？」818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCpruOHUgyk
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcHivRzvU4z
我認為大家除了關於物質上（例如金錢、生活質素）、生理上（例如生命、健康）及心理上（安全感、與親友相聚的快樂）的失去，還有自我認同（例如對掌握自身未來的自信、對於自身的道德批判）的失去。818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiReqPipaku
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUMoWi6C8mg
未必關乎大是大非，每次小小的自私自利或是小小的屈辱或是小小的啞忍退讓，足以大大貶低自我形象。這是否疫情過去就可以彌補的傷害？誰知道。818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV4jGshu92O
818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxyRgkjeLKS
***此篇會另外收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》818Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeaeJwCgCKT
and then Add to home screen.