我還是小時候就受到爸媽的愛護,而爸爸從小就给我播「七龍珠」,我就形成「只要努力,我就甚麼都能做到」的感覺,而我哥則是很討厭我,因為爸媽都只關愛我,而不是他,爸媽的說法是「你已經受到足夠的愛了,就不能讓讓你弟?」但事實是,我哥從小就不被關愛,受了傷,被全校學生和老師針對和欺凌,我爸媽都沒理會過他,而我小時候喜歡畫畫,但哥哥卻總是笑我,我不忿氣,努力自學、練習,技術已比同齡人高強,我以為會得到哥哥的讚許……確實有啦~但只是成為了他的畫畫工具而已……我從此下定決心,不能讓我哥發現我的興趣,不然他只會搞破壞,我小學四年级前還是挺頑皮,但四年级時,拍班照,我忘了當時說了甚麼,但記得是說班主任看起來挺醜來着……怎料被人聽到,結果人傳人,一人添一句,再傳到班主任耳裹,他十分生氣,在全班面前問我「聽說你叫我死八婆?」我也真是的,就突然失憶了,想不起來,再望向全班,明明平時那般善良,現在,他們全都是惡魔,是個只想沒事找事的惡魔……我絕望了……我只好「承認」了。我從此變成社恐,失去了熱血,整天在想人生意義……最後,我找到了老高。他讓我認識了科學和哲學,我……踏上了尋求真理的道路。上高中後,我知道和明白了許多科學知識,也明白了許多人性真實面,但還相信着,只要努力,就能改變一切,我……擁有自由!但一件事情讓我很快認清事實,我媽……中風了……她喪失了記憶,活動困難,最重要是……性格變得任性,還要聽不懂我們在說甚麼,說話也說不清,每天也要付昂貴的醫療費, 我爸也變得嚴肅起來, 每天都對著我們訓斥……這讓我明白了……無論付出多大的努力,命中注定的事是無法改變的……一切結果從宇宙大爆炸那刻便已注定……所以我便開始研究如何改變歷史……直到現在,我是有套方案,可以改變歷史,但無法驗證,除非直到人類開始用量子糾纏探索黑洞,發現平行宇宙……很明顯,我能力不足、沒錢也沒有權力,這時候,我才發現自己是多麼渺小……已經對一切不抱期望了……反正沒人會相信我……
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什麼是絕望?
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什麼是絕望?
Published:
Aug 15, 2023
ENTRY #42
越是知道,越是感到絕望
Author:
宇珞
Published:
Aug 15, 2023
2 Mins Read
695 Words
LIKES 5
READS 422
BOOKMARKS 7
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