"This is a lovely day. A lovely walk, on a lovely path, in a lovely forest."
"You know, Quickie, you could become a superhero called 'The Living Thesaurus.'"
"Come, Professor Sassy, I thought my being redundant would make my words sound poetic."
"You say tomato, I say tomahto. You say poetic, I say pathetic."
"This has gone beyond teasing. What is irritating you, my lovely Jennifer?"
"Quickie, you are holding back. I'll repeat: Do you have a girlfriend or wife?"
"I don't. I'm going to put my left arm through your right one, and then we can even skip like children if we - "
"Oh, my goodness, Quickie!"
I saw a blurry cylinder strike and knock him down. I want to check on his head wound, but I also need to get out of here like yesterday.
Jennifer picked Quickie up in her arms and began to walk back to the beginning of the path trail.
"Slice the honey ham! What was that?!"
A blade cut my calf muscle. I felt pain. That was not a nick appearing on my radar. Me, the near-invulnerable Mother Hulker, is wounded. What to do, run away as fast as possible with Quickie?
"Holy smokes and 90s chokers! Ow!"
A rapier-like poke to my exposed heel. This time I saw a silver blur. I bet I could take a lot of these cuts, but when it comes to Quickie, one overhead chop might take his noggin clear off.
Time to lay Quickie down. Of course, when it comes to the "fight-or-flight response," my "fight" option is the one kickin’ in. Should I goad him in order to give a one-man-show appearance?
"Confrontation time, bud. Let's settle this man-to-man. I mean... you know."
Think. Jennifer. Think.
Wait, I got it. Have to become a tree-hugger. Be fast and minimize Quickie-unprotected time.
Jennifer flung her arms around a tree's girth and pulled it out of the ground, roots included.
¡¡¡Ai-yai-yai!!! A gash across my Achilles's tendon.
"Hey swordsman, however you slice it, you're super annoying."
I'm downplaying this with typical superhero battlefield banter, but I'm dizzy from losing blood.
Jennifer grabbed near the end of the tree trunk, and swung it in an arc parallel to the ground.
"I call this my signature 'Louisville Slugger'."
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"Alright, @decafsoda, use this opportunity where we do a 'break down the fourth wall' dialogue back-and-forth thingie to inform our non-American readers that a 'Louisville Slugger' is a type of baseball bat."
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Direct hit, heard some bones breaking. I get it, he's wearing a reptile mask. Let's see who this is.
"Alright, looks like you're starting to settle down to take a long Labor Day's nap. Who are you?"
"My name's "Sixty-something Samurai Salamander."
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"'Sixty-something Samurai Salamander' @decafsoda? I heard that he's the superhero with the secret identity name Old Man Withers, owner of the amusement park. Superheroes are being turned against us? I know stories need conflict, but can't you lessen up on the gas?"
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and then Add to home screen.