An Elucidation Diegesis - The Fear of Mistakes

Everybody wants a hand to hold...

Or so that's something I was told.

I have a family, that I don't wish to lose.

But it's not like they know those views...

My precious husband, who holds me close.

My engaged son who proudly rose...

My newest son, who I fear the most..

Because even I still see their ghost.

My actions were horrendous, terrible.

The memories that have become unbearable.

I have a family, I feel like I'll lose because of ME.

I have a family that I want to wake to and SEE.

But doubts are everywhere, they never end.

I have something I want to desperately defend...

I fear a day where they are gone from my arms...

I fear that my words and hands will cause harms...

I fear that my husband will look at me and utter what I dread...

"I don't want to be with you anymore. Go ahead.

I don't want to see you or talk to you ever again."

Those possibilities bring so much pain..

I dread hearing my precious son's echoing voice,

"Dad, I don't want to see you, that is my choice.

You've always been a horrible father to me."

That simply stabs me, I do agree...

I fear...

I fear. I fear...

Watching my son's life disappear..

"Dad! Dad! Dad!" The screams sound so clear...

I want my family to simply understand...

I don't mean to utterly demand...

But please, understand this isn't fake..

I fear BEING the mistake...

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