I scrutinized him from across the table. Tapping on his phone, ignoring my existence since we sat down. His brows furrowed as he concentrated on responding to someone, using his forefinger like a person who'd only just learned how to text.
I started scratching my palm tucked away into my pocket. Tapping my foot impatiently, altering my gaze outside the window. There was still an eerie glow on the street outside, starting to rain now so the puddles dimpled with the rain droplets hitting the clear water.
I let my head drop back onto the seat behind me still focussed on the world outside of this awkward cafe. The figure of a hooded man strode across the pavement the other side of the road, I tried to ignore the quiet murmuring of anxiety buzzing through my veins or the slight cramping in my gut. He continued walking, careful in his footsteps and flicking his head sidewards towards me occasionally. Through the rain I could see the mask covering part of their face but that wasn't abnormal.
Even now, years after the pandemic some people still wear them. It's personal preference now, it's usually those who are trying to protect family or friends.
After the pandemic, people learned, or at least some people did that you had to take steps to protect others from infection in an increasingly densely populated world.
Masks helped and just being more aware helped too.
And the pandemic made people aware, how fragile everything was. How the entire world could stop for something so small, proving once again that the concept we as humans are above and superior to other species was wrong. We're still susceptible to the same things as anything else.
I pause in my thought process because the man stops right outside the window, and stares at me. I stare right back unmoving, breathing increasing and thinking back to a particular night that I don't want to think about.
What is he doing?
I was suddenly jolted up at the sound of the waiter coming back.
By the time I've flicked my head back to the window, my breath gets stuck in my throat because he's not there. As if he were never there, my plate gets dropped onto the table in front of me so I send a small shaky thank you to the waiter.
I took in a large gulp of air, digging my nails further into my thigh, searching the visible space outside the window and scanning for him once again.
Inching my spine straighter in my seat to get a vantage point.
"What are you looking at?" I nearly crick my neck to look at Jake as he glanced between me and outside.
I look back too just in case.
But of course, there's nothing.
I almost say it, spit out about the weird man on the other side of the window except I realise that he would think I was crazy. Instead, I shake out my hand in my pocket to rid of the jittery nerves and ignore the feeling of the sharp sting from where my nails dug in.
I shrug which seems enough for Jake before picking up my fork and knife to start eating.
It was silent for a while as we both sat and ate. I thought he would have brought it up by now, about Thomas but he hasn't, and I wasn't about to remind him. I would rather ignore it.
As if he could hear my thoughts, he paused in eating to take gulps of his water.
"So... How is school?" I shrug in response.
"Have you decided on what you want to do?" I shrug again.
"Are you going to talk to me at all?" I smirk a little as I shrug. I know it's annoying him and I love it.
"Honestly, it's like talking to a brick wall." I snorted glancing up at him as he almost let a grin become exposed, hiding it by shoving food into his mouth.
It was quiet for a while again before I eventually spoke up.
"I don't know what I'm going to do next year... I'm thinking of taking a gap year." He nodded his head in acceptance.
"I'm sure Mum had something to say about that." I continued eating, nodding along with him.
"It's only because she expects so much from you." I waved it off, not really believing him at all.
There was a pause before his voice dropped in tone, a sigh falling from his lips in disappointment. "What were you thinking?" As soon as I heard that, I very slowly lowered my fork. Brushing my fingers through my hair to tuck it behind my ears. Pulling at the hair slightly in aggravation.
"You just destroyed weeks of therapy, your words matter." I couldn't look at him as he scolded me. I felt bad enough as it is.
"It was a mistake." My words came out quiet, I wrapped my hand around the cold glass of water, trailing my fingers along the glass edge feeling the condensation wet my finger.
"Mistake or not, you need to learn from this. You need to make it right." He leant forward, hands clasped together in front of him as he stared me out. I couldn't keep a steady gaze on him but the feeling of guilt stuck in my throat.
"I don't know how, he won't speak to me and June doesn't want me seeing him." I mess things up notoriously all the time, how am I supposed to fix anything when I can't get it right in the first place?
I look up, Jake's leaning back in his seat contemplating his next words.
"You need to be more patient. You can't push him to fit with your own schedule. He needs more time." I glance out the window again, the rain falling harder now. A satisfying pelting of the rain against the window.
"You can't fix everyone."
I rolled my eyes, that's not what's happening here. But I let him have it, too tired to argue with him.
I move for a change of topic, desperate to stop this. "How is work?" I start eating again, finishing off the food waiting for his response.
"It's going well, I'm getting an evaluation next month so I might get a pay rise and hopefully, a new project to work on." He smiles, and I take another gulp of the icy water watching him.
"Sounds cool." I nod.
I placed the fork and knife on the plate, downing the rest of the water. "You coming to dinner on Friday?" I look up at him, his head nodding along with me. His eyebrows screwing up, scoffing partly.
"Of course, I'm not going to pass up on Mum's cooking."
I smiled; she does make great food.
"Are you going to bring one of your bakes?" He nodded with a smile.
"Damn right, no point in you coming round otherwise." I joke.
Over the years, he found a hobby in baking. He was actually really good now, took a bit of practice but he's starting to experiment more which is good for me. So many times, after I had a bad night. we would sit in the kitchen, and I would help him bake.
I missed that, now I just sit in the dark on my own.
The silences are always long when we catch up, when it's just the two of us. It's probably because we live fairly mundane lives, there isn't much to talk about. We avoid drama where we can, and we see eachother every Friday for dinner so nothing happens to us of interest between seeing each other.
But then I remember and I smile with a little excitement. "I entered a competition." He raised his eyebrows, surprise on his face.
"Didn't you get a concussion last time you entered one of those?" I laugh, shoving my hands into my pockets.
"Barely. Doesn't matter anyway because I'm going to be better this time. I was only 15 last time."
"So you'll be training with Lucas I presume?" His tone of voice was sarcastic and unimpressed.
"Yes." My tone teasing him, I knew he didn't like him. I've given up trying to persuade him.
"I don't like that guy." I bit my lip trying to hide the smirk.
I watched his reaction, jaw ticking as he stared right back at me "I've gathered that from the multiple lectures you have given me. He's my friend, I don't understand your problem. He's done nothing wrong." He rolled his eyes across the table, sighing as he brought his phone from out of his pocket. He briefly checked it, swiping slowly through his messages.
It was then I got a text through my phone.
Lucas: You better not be eating trash tonight. I will know! I have eyes everywhere
I snorted quickly, hiding my screen when Jake's head shot up, eyeing my phone.
"Is that him?" He dropped his phone on the table loudly.
"None of your business." He grumbles with disgust before responding to me.
"That boy is nothing but trouble." I glared at him, shooting daggers at him whilst the waiter cleaned our table before leaving to get the bill.
"He is not a boy... He's 20, an adult just like I am, we're not kids anymore. He's one of the few people that actually want to be friends with me." He scoffs a laugh, darting his head to the side to look at the rain before centering back on me again.
"It's not my fault you have an off-putting personality." I huff at him, hitting him in the arm hard across the table. Instantly he grabs it, moaning about a dead arm.
I smile except suddenly his fist reaches across the table and punches me in the arm hard right back.
"Serves you right!" He hissed at me.
"Why are you so annoying!" I grumble, leaning forwards across the table.
"Because you're a sensitive little bitch." He bit back just as quick.
I started to laugh at that, watching him as his facade dropped and a smirk grew on his face.
Finally, the waiter came back and we paid.
"We better get you home." Sighing, I nodded along with him. The nerves began to build, I forgot that I would have to see June eventually.
We both walked out into the heavy rain and the feeling of that man seeped into my head. I couldn't help but look around the car park briefly, pausing at the door handle to the car. My eyes scanned everywhere until they landed on a dark figure across the road from us. A large hood over their head and with their position, you couldn't see under it, the face swollen up by the black absence of light. My grip tightened on the car handle, the cold rain soaking my hand as my breaths shallowed. Staring right at the person, my breaths coming out in whirls of white in front of me because they weren't moving positions which just leaves my knees shaking under the nerves.
My head was frozen in position, daring them to move, daring it to do something other than remain motionless and unnerving. Suddenly, I'm broken from my thoughts and stare as the car door opened from the inside and Jake's voice shouts at me from within it.
"What are you doing! Get in!" He looked at me in confusion and worry. I shake my head of the rain, glancing back up above the car and finding no one there, there's no one there. I let go of the deep breath I had been holding before getting in the car quickly, trying to avoid the odd look Jake was giving me.
"Are you okay?" His voice dropped an octave, his body partly twisted towards me.
"Of course, I'm fine." My voice wavered frustratingly, breaking my hard exterior. Nothing even happened, it was just a random person.
They weren't here for me, so why was I being so pathetic?
It wasn't the same, this wasn't the same as before.
"You can always go and see-"I quickly cut in.
"What? No! I don't need to see her again. I'm not crazy." He lifted his hands up in surrender at my tone.
"No one said you were crazy Ella. But if you are having night terrors again..." I cut him off again.
"I'm not." I spoke a little too loudly. Abruptly shutting him up.
It was silent for a few tense moments as he realised, I didn't want to talk about it anymore and thankfully he didn't push it. The silence seemed to last forever before he turned the ignition, and the radio came on to drown it out.
We didn't say another word the rest of the drive and my head didn't move from staring out the side window. My teeth grinding in nerves and my hands scratching at my face.
Eventually, we pulled into the driveway, most of the lights were out, now that it was nearly 10 o'clock.
I quietly grabbed my bag from the backseat and slid it onto my shoulder before shutting the car door behind me. I started walking across the gravel to the front door with Jake walking a step-in front as he led me to my death sentence.
"Jake! Good to see you." I watched as June wrapped him in a strong hug, rocking him side to side slightly. It was never-ending whilst I stood there shifting my weight between my feet. I just hoped that she wouldn't see me, or at least forget about me.
"Good to see you, mum!" They pulled away from the hug, Jake twisting sidewards to indicate that I was just behind him.
I hate him... I really do.
It was then that June's eyes met mine, disappointment as clear as day. If Armageddon could happen, then please let it be now.
Without saying a word to me, her eyes switched to Jake. "I've got the kettle boiling. Tea?"
He chuckled moving past her towards the kitchen.
"You got some biscuits?" He half-shouted as he made his way into the kitchen. June shook her head before following him, leaving me standing there at the door unsure what to do with myself.
Sighing, I turned around to slowly close the door, the rain still pummelling down creating a rumbling of noise in the dark evening.
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