INT. TATE MODERN, ST IVES - AFTERNOON
Stable shopkeeper DR GREGORY BUTTERSCOTCH is arguing with sweet housekeeper MASTER HARRY CHAN. GREGORY tries to hug HARRY but he shakes him off.
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GREGORY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHHmpCXEvvH
Please Harry, don't leave me.
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HARRY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyFhBNKzyuZ
I'm sorry Gregory, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.
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GREGORY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOxiYIPAKkM
I am such a person!
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HARRY frowns.
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HARRY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBNGQQy26OG
I'm sorry, Gregory. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
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HARRY leaves.
GREGORY sits down, looking defeated.
Moments later, hopeful doctor MRS CHANTAL MALKOVICH barges in looking flustered.
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GREGORY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlttE9V8E4W
Goodness, Chantal! Is everything okay?
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CHANTAL215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeSniZ9GO1v
I'm afraid not.
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GREGORY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiEuY00jrXF
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
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CHANTAL215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡco66M4m5cW
It's ... an alien ... I saw an evil alien exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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GREGORY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLd2fMxV48u
Defenseless swimmers?
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CHANTAL215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqNclO6zg28
Yes, defenseless swimmers!
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GREGORY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWLko05BBYr
Bloomin' heck, Chantal! We've got to do something.
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CHANTAL215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8D2WPSjuap
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
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GREGORY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSZD9Lg4ttG
You can start by telling me where this happened.
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CHANTAL215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQs8IELktIE
I was...
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CHANTAL fans herself and begins to wheeze.
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GREGORY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXDVxQtLgIJ
Focus Chantal, focus! Where did it happen?
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CHANTAL215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxhxlMC80r5
National History Museum, London! That's right - National History Museum, London!
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GREGORY springs up and begins to run.
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EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS
GREGORY rushes along the street, followed by CHANTAL. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - SHORTLY AFTER
SHARON PIGEON a spiteful alien terrorises two swimmers.
GREGORY, closely followed by CHANTAL, rushes towards SHARON, but suddenly stops in his tracks.
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CHANTAL215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFIpnuWG6uO
What is is? What's the matter?
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GREGORY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh3DRqinbWZ
That's not just any old alien, that's Sharon Pigeon!
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CHANTAL215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPpThz42Czt
Who's Sharon Pigeon?
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GREGORY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNycMoCrkww
Who's Sharon Pigeon? Who's Sharon Pigeon? Only the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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CHANTAL215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9dfs1l8rCc
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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GREGORY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDrvij7A3tV
You can say that again.
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CHANTAL215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo0bGINDkhX
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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GREGORY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu413N5dkn9
I'm going to need ropes, lots of ropes.
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Sharon turns and sees Gregory and Chantal. She grins an evil grin.
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SHARON215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMXIecIGaBs
Gregory Butterscotch, we meet again.
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CHANTAL215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnt28wUsCVy
You've met?
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GREGORY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjALWeyxR9d
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...
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EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME
A young GREGORY is sitting in a park listening to some drum and bass music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.
He looks up and sees SHARON. He takes off his headphones.
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SHARON215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4mngOuiBg6
Would you like some chocolate?
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GREGORY's eyes light up, but then he studies SHARON more closely, and looks uneasy.
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GREGORY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM3MxRHlmhD
I don't know, you look kind of spiteful.
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SHARON215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYpJOkxcG52
Me? No. I'm not spiteful. I'm the least spiteful alien in the world.
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GREGORY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQmJ6dP8x6Y
Wait, you're a alien?
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GREGORY runs away, screaming.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - PRESENT DAY
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SHARON215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWSPBKNiM9F
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
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CHANTAL215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRJ6dvdjUn6
(To GREGORY) You ran away?
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GREGORY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVG8CzAX5gi
(To CHANTAL) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
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GREGORY turns to SHARON.
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GREGORY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6nTsx7YSPV
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
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GREGORY runs away.
He turns back and shouts.
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GREGORY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvBrPFiDyyk
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with ropes.
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SHARON215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbueLnWbbHJ
I'm not scared of you.
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GREGORY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmIIFT70Sl9
You should be.
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EXT. A LIBRARY - LATER THAT DAY
GREGORY and CHANTAL walk around searching for something.
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GREGORY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKGaVqSg2JH
I feel sure I left my ropes somewhere around here.
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CHANTAL215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxwsySzWN8W
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly ropes.
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GREGORY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJTZEi4vtlp
You know nothing Chantal Malkovich.
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CHANTAL215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLQncPeuDjB
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
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Suddenly, SHARON appears, holding a pair of ropes.
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SHARON215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwkg28Du9Rs
Looking for something?
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CHANTAL215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqf0ybY37ij
Crikey, Gregory, she's got your ropes.
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GREGORY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpbgg0be1qe
Tell me something I don't already know!
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CHANTAL215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjhDDUkxiZ5
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
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GREGORY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBlmJpss7py
I know that already!
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CHANTAL215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ372ruTrlH
I pick my nose and eat it.
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SHARON215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsZfjdHyz6b
(appalled) Dude!
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While SHARON is looking at CHANTAL with disgust, GREGORY lunges forward and grabs his deadly ropes. He wields them, triumphantly.
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GREGORY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzdb86fDDVk
Prepare to die, you spiteful cauliflower!
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SHARON215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDFQ8qSy4QG
No please! All I did was exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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HARRY enters, unseen by any of the others.
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GREGORY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjttnHmzKNh
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those swimmers were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Gregory Butterscotch defender of innocent swimmers.
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SHARON215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9NfKJUa6Dq
Don't hurt me! Please!
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GREGORY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaG7SSNclnt
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these ropes on you right away!
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SHARON215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyZrpLUvsD5
Because Gregory, I am your mother.
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GREGORY looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.
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GREGORY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8zA0KYSTuC
No you're not!
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SHARON215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMcW1dQ7AUc
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
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SHARON tries to grab the ropes but GREGORY dodges out of the way.
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GREGORY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgvtxSpIGMq
Who's the mummy now? Huh? Huh?
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Unexpectedly, SHARON slumps to the ground.
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CHANTAL215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBoDRHO2JKh
Did she just faint?
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GREGORY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwBObsXjevO
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly ropes.
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GREGORY crouches over SHARON's body.
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CHANTAL215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNFT5HyWGE9
Be careful, Gregory. It could be a trick.
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GREGORY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSmHWczwG5t
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Sharon Pigeon is dead!
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GREGORY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9QICBM1Lov
What?
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GREGORY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt1qnRN6yNi
Yes, it appears that I scared her to death.
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CHANTAL claps her hands.
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CHANTAL215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡppEcVPqW2K
So your ropes did save the day, after all.
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HARRY steps forward.
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HARRY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKLPMdrLuxP
Is it true? Did you kill the spiteful alien?
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GREGORY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiyGj0CX6s0
Harry how long have you been...?
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HARRY puts his arm around GREGORY.
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HARRY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7qBI8u7F55
Long enough.
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GREGORY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh6GKiFM3QK
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Sharon Pigeon.
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HARRY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsot4gpanD2
Then the swimmers are safe?
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GREGORY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ClfiovzRp
It does seem that way!
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A crowd of vulnerable swimmers enter, looking relived.
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HARRY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2OdBJUUSPu
You are their hero.
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The swimmers bow to GREGORY.
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GREGORY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ7ErnDEfU7
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Sharon Pigeon will never exterminate swimmers ever again, is enough for me.
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HARRY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYHWInISU75
You are humble as well as brave!
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One of the swimmers passes GREGORY a magic ring
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HARRY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡht3lrXKlPy
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
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GREGORY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5wrXtq04R9
I couldn't possibly.
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Pause.
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GREGORY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSvHyDFTflr
Well, if you insist.
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GREGORY takes the ring.
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GREGORY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8cZATQK4Dx
Thank you.
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The swimmers bow their heads once more, and leave.
GREGORY turns to HARRY.
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GREGORY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡafkj1X4Ohn
Does this mean you want me back?
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HARRY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYwuPJWuPLg
Oh, Gregory, of course I want you back!
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GREGORY smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.
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GREGORY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡipl7lFnllo
Well you can't have me.
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HARRY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmjwwBVgGVR
WHAT?
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GREGORY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoDLr9aFHXZ
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a alien to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
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HARRY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrGQdarjvWS
But...
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GREGORY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqgLLdOYGnB
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Chantal.
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CHANTAL grins.
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HARRY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQP0079iD2w
But...
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CHANTAL215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDK9m37PJR3
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
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HARRY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbvixIjJPOj
Gregory?
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GREGORY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcpTGiGL1Ht
I'm sorry Harry, but I think you should skidaddle.
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HARRY leaves.
CHANTAL turns to GREGORY.
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CHANTAL215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ7V2elV5u4
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
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GREGORY215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPEQVNBLXqz
Of course you are!
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The two walk off arm in arm.
Suddenly CHANTAL stops.
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CHANTAL215Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAk62LW61Z0
When I said I pick my nose and eat it, you know I was just trying to distract the alien don't you?
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THE END
ns216.73.216.179da2
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