INT. TATE MODERN, ST IVES - AFTERNOON
Stable shopkeeper DR GREGORY BUTTERSCOTCH is arguing with sweet housekeeper MASTER HARRY CHAN. GREGORY tries to hug HARRY but he shakes him off.
549Please respect copyright.PENANASOZOwB4pqy
GREGORY549Please respect copyright.PENANADPnthYji2l
Please Harry, don't leave me.
549Please respect copyright.PENANAwQk8uD8xMc
549Please respect copyright.PENANATfDfZpCJSr
HARRY549Please respect copyright.PENANAfUZtXaBVgM
I'm sorry Gregory, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.
549Please respect copyright.PENANAlwu98iMOnY
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GREGORY549Please respect copyright.PENANAor1YF3vzUg
I am such a person!
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HARRY frowns.
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HARRY549Please respect copyright.PENANAZKLufRj4X5
I'm sorry, Gregory. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
549Please respect copyright.PENANAzg5PJXPsmZ
HARRY leaves.
GREGORY sits down, looking defeated.
Moments later, hopeful doctor MRS CHANTAL MALKOVICH barges in looking flustered.
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GREGORY549Please respect copyright.PENANALjBjEqlEJ8
Goodness, Chantal! Is everything okay?
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CHANTAL549Please respect copyright.PENANAj9TeXgDoTP
I'm afraid not.
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GREGORY549Please respect copyright.PENANAq0MtBAhrmX
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
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549Please respect copyright.PENANA9DII1ov8Y3
CHANTAL549Please respect copyright.PENANAvR42nlLeeK
It's ... an alien ... I saw an evil alien exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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549Please respect copyright.PENANAQ85dXGLtXi
GREGORY549Please respect copyright.PENANAJsreN3WkM6
Defenseless swimmers?
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549Please respect copyright.PENANAtP5rPeVASX
CHANTAL549Please respect copyright.PENANAxZklIBA8KL
Yes, defenseless swimmers!
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549Please respect copyright.PENANAUpiG7ZNLHy
GREGORY549Please respect copyright.PENANAmJ0T9H4znl
Bloomin' heck, Chantal! We've got to do something.
549Please respect copyright.PENANA4pcRjKw3ym
549Please respect copyright.PENANAXBMIy7pw8b
CHANTAL549Please respect copyright.PENANAt6tsbTcESe
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
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549Please respect copyright.PENANAVVOEVdd9Zt
GREGORY549Please respect copyright.PENANA4COmpnXgdA
You can start by telling me where this happened.
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549Please respect copyright.PENANAP8XXYTjDY3
CHANTAL549Please respect copyright.PENANAgd5lwPdnXW
I was...
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CHANTAL fans herself and begins to wheeze.
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GREGORY549Please respect copyright.PENANA6mHzs1ZJ8M
Focus Chantal, focus! Where did it happen?
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549Please respect copyright.PENANAnys92giq5o
CHANTAL549Please respect copyright.PENANAF2YB3Dh1z3
National History Museum, London! That's right - National History Museum, London!
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GREGORY springs up and begins to run.
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EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS
GREGORY rushes along the street, followed by CHANTAL. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.
549Please respect copyright.PENANAZIqB6Mn3gh
INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - SHORTLY AFTER
SHARON PIGEON a spiteful alien terrorises two swimmers.
GREGORY, closely followed by CHANTAL, rushes towards SHARON, but suddenly stops in his tracks.
549Please respect copyright.PENANA7mNZOTyhSP
CHANTAL549Please respect copyright.PENANAulVWyFlH0f
What is is? What's the matter?
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549Please respect copyright.PENANAhHu02QpKEz
GREGORY549Please respect copyright.PENANAkc2QmModuD
That's not just any old alien, that's Sharon Pigeon!
549Please respect copyright.PENANATLDQu0ZTVP
549Please respect copyright.PENANAzSdqtfX28U
CHANTAL549Please respect copyright.PENANAmWYwusLlYm
Who's Sharon Pigeon?
549Please respect copyright.PENANA98AUP5CTvz
549Please respect copyright.PENANAsCVaUe0iYM
GREGORY549Please respect copyright.PENANAEgY7ZVB2m3
Who's Sharon Pigeon? Who's Sharon Pigeon? Only the most spiteful alien in the universe!
549Please respect copyright.PENANAb0Lgdt8OlD
549Please respect copyright.PENANAujOneyE7KV
CHANTAL549Please respect copyright.PENANAO0z2qsBbxF
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
549Please respect copyright.PENANAkjnpPK2BmM
549Please respect copyright.PENANAAaFvzuYnN5
GREGORY549Please respect copyright.PENANAYJdpYpvC0l
You can say that again.
549Please respect copyright.PENANAEYSuFARGD0
549Please respect copyright.PENANAywqin817sA
CHANTAL549Please respect copyright.PENANAM25NDbyQS3
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
549Please respect copyright.PENANAVUDB8j51zM
549Please respect copyright.PENANAGvk5XMX7zH
GREGORY549Please respect copyright.PENANA9jao7Gr0Jj
I'm going to need ropes, lots of ropes.
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Sharon turns and sees Gregory and Chantal. She grins an evil grin.
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SHARON549Please respect copyright.PENANA5LBMqr6Iva
Gregory Butterscotch, we meet again.
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549Please respect copyright.PENANAHWRAlyb6b6
CHANTAL549Please respect copyright.PENANAc7sLiYpLr8
You've met?
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GREGORY549Please respect copyright.PENANABQuXv1GDu5
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...
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549Please respect copyright.PENANAoM0gTLTgPc
EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME
A young GREGORY is sitting in a park listening to some drum and bass music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.
He looks up and sees SHARON. He takes off his headphones.
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SHARON549Please respect copyright.PENANA8fNly0iOQo
Would you like some chocolate?
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GREGORY's eyes light up, but then he studies SHARON more closely, and looks uneasy.
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GREGORY549Please respect copyright.PENANAkfZZ4Wx3xC
I don't know, you look kind of spiteful.
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549Please respect copyright.PENANAWMdJYfAEWo
SHARON549Please respect copyright.PENANASiiXET3qiU
Me? No. I'm not spiteful. I'm the least spiteful alien in the world.
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549Please respect copyright.PENANASKgrVNZ3wx
GREGORY549Please respect copyright.PENANAaFzpmpvwYy
Wait, you're a alien?
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GREGORY runs away, screaming.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - PRESENT DAY
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SHARON549Please respect copyright.PENANAhcTpzFc4AU
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
549Please respect copyright.PENANAvdAnc3Pe2Z
549Please respect copyright.PENANAd4LWXRUoSs
CHANTAL549Please respect copyright.PENANAGQqGQArS3a
(To GREGORY) You ran away?
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549Please respect copyright.PENANA5BNsLNrFrl
GREGORY549Please respect copyright.PENANA8lzBcGWPPB
(To CHANTAL) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
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GREGORY turns to SHARON.
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GREGORY549Please respect copyright.PENANAcwph1jqUBD
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
549Please respect copyright.PENANAPIrv6efUFF
GREGORY runs away.
He turns back and shouts.
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GREGORY549Please respect copyright.PENANAQM2VXLCW9L
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with ropes.
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549Please respect copyright.PENANAnongEY9GEj
SHARON549Please respect copyright.PENANA8qzvLU0ziZ
I'm not scared of you.
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549Please respect copyright.PENANAHlUG2K7kIZ
GREGORY549Please respect copyright.PENANAR4QymfciFR
You should be.
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549Please respect copyright.PENANAW5WzYq4CVL
EXT. A LIBRARY - LATER THAT DAY
GREGORY and CHANTAL walk around searching for something.
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GREGORY549Please respect copyright.PENANACeg6GAfocg
I feel sure I left my ropes somewhere around here.
549Please respect copyright.PENANArilb2wPyzR
549Please respect copyright.PENANAMKY1W8psZZ
CHANTAL549Please respect copyright.PENANA2N7bN1c7CH
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly ropes.
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549Please respect copyright.PENANAdmWPUCBCHf
GREGORY549Please respect copyright.PENANAeEfU7h4IBL
You know nothing Chantal Malkovich.
549Please respect copyright.PENANAsfyrEHyPpP
549Please respect copyright.PENANAdOEQ0ki4WI
CHANTAL549Please respect copyright.PENANAucuac3JAOy
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
549Please respect copyright.PENANA2SXHQwbkak
Suddenly, SHARON appears, holding a pair of ropes.
549Please respect copyright.PENANALuRDW2HT0l
SHARON549Please respect copyright.PENANAOba7eBpBfo
Looking for something?
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549Please respect copyright.PENANAZ9DjWWesIu
CHANTAL549Please respect copyright.PENANAEhiNkjEMoh
Crikey, Gregory, she's got your ropes.
549Please respect copyright.PENANAoIThU2Y8AW
549Please respect copyright.PENANAxCfjigyqap
GREGORY549Please respect copyright.PENANA5SvT6Yenq0
Tell me something I don't already know!
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549Please respect copyright.PENANA5nMHDhzLfv
CHANTAL549Please respect copyright.PENANATcBUzay2j2
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
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549Please respect copyright.PENANAUuQDImwV2d
GREGORY549Please respect copyright.PENANAFQzfw0B5d8
I know that already!
549Please respect copyright.PENANAh1Rj1FBb3E
549Please respect copyright.PENANAEYsSZofWUx
CHANTAL549Please respect copyright.PENANAzrpJkwk0CL
I pick my nose and eat it.
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549Please respect copyright.PENANAdfaLFgXU7n
SHARON549Please respect copyright.PENANAp0Wjso63p4
(appalled) Dude!
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While SHARON is looking at CHANTAL with disgust, GREGORY lunges forward and grabs his deadly ropes. He wields them, triumphantly.
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GREGORY549Please respect copyright.PENANAyJoiOsMa3a
Prepare to die, you spiteful cauliflower!
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549Please respect copyright.PENANAFvIeVkgpN4
SHARON549Please respect copyright.PENANAebmYm7beWN
No please! All I did was exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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HARRY enters, unseen by any of the others.
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GREGORY549Please respect copyright.PENANAUtkSWlCBxA
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those swimmers were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Gregory Butterscotch defender of innocent swimmers.
549Please respect copyright.PENANAGi1Z4zshW3
549Please respect copyright.PENANA7gD86cy95O
SHARON549Please respect copyright.PENANAKEzaQLBKec
Don't hurt me! Please!
549Please respect copyright.PENANA4WR72Wgboc
549Please respect copyright.PENANAhD9cJUO8qk
GREGORY549Please respect copyright.PENANA6dOxrofsqo
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these ropes on you right away!
549Please respect copyright.PENANAg5csdadKnC
549Please respect copyright.PENANAiYzHfXOktz
SHARON549Please respect copyright.PENANAQfItRW8GHt
Because Gregory, I am your mother.
549Please respect copyright.PENANAdF1F6xM8WD
GREGORY looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.
549Please respect copyright.PENANAkg2Nn0hMYJ
GREGORY549Please respect copyright.PENANADqNukXAxRY
No you're not!
549Please respect copyright.PENANAy55pZMztrv
549Please respect copyright.PENANAPwDVgEB24Q
SHARON549Please respect copyright.PENANA91iijJCnlp
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
549Please respect copyright.PENANAL7BXgkJdZ6
SHARON tries to grab the ropes but GREGORY dodges out of the way.
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GREGORY549Please respect copyright.PENANAvwPcJpDiu0
Who's the mummy now? Huh? Huh?
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Unexpectedly, SHARON slumps to the ground.
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CHANTAL549Please respect copyright.PENANA7rf8T0pkyo
Did she just faint?
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549Please respect copyright.PENANAUt9tXdP8zc
GREGORY549Please respect copyright.PENANA4kmQHcf1Eo
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly ropes.
549Please respect copyright.PENANA4FZnpsQbox
GREGORY crouches over SHARON's body.
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CHANTAL549Please respect copyright.PENANAnfG557uYA2
Be careful, Gregory. It could be a trick.
549Please respect copyright.PENANADyeVoXvksd
549Please respect copyright.PENANAJHUgSaW3my
GREGORY549Please respect copyright.PENANATPN6ttWUTl
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Sharon Pigeon is dead!
549Please respect copyright.PENANAQ4jXdsMsMw
549Please respect copyright.PENANAZNTdSpODvG
GREGORY549Please respect copyright.PENANAG0ik01ywAX
What?
549Please respect copyright.PENANA20ZWjqkIMU
549Please respect copyright.PENANAyKJijrvZ13
GREGORY549Please respect copyright.PENANAtvACjWGGjf
Yes, it appears that I scared her to death.
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CHANTAL claps her hands.
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CHANTAL549Please respect copyright.PENANAq5VcWohEXY
So your ropes did save the day, after all.
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HARRY steps forward.
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HARRY549Please respect copyright.PENANAZX0VeG3xtb
Is it true? Did you kill the spiteful alien?
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549Please respect copyright.PENANAiLwNo9lkI5
GREGORY549Please respect copyright.PENANAxjbVPPUNdb
Harry how long have you been...?
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HARRY puts his arm around GREGORY.
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HARRY549Please respect copyright.PENANA5nTUZUm4vH
Long enough.
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549Please respect copyright.PENANAuNbPzvax2i
GREGORY549Please respect copyright.PENANAzeonyckeg5
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Sharon Pigeon.
549Please respect copyright.PENANAZZ6cknCV8m
549Please respect copyright.PENANAE43rih4ZE4
HARRY549Please respect copyright.PENANAHeK7TlPlTb
Then the swimmers are safe?
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549Please respect copyright.PENANAFnEJQG3e1S
GREGORY549Please respect copyright.PENANAqB5rp22SZl
It does seem that way!
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A crowd of vulnerable swimmers enter, looking relived.
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HARRY549Please respect copyright.PENANA61WyQfSH06
You are their hero.
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The swimmers bow to GREGORY.
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GREGORY549Please respect copyright.PENANAg7DhHQG9aG
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Sharon Pigeon will never exterminate swimmers ever again, is enough for me.
549Please respect copyright.PENANAKJuoGeTNt2
549Please respect copyright.PENANAKZbb8RPySk
HARRY549Please respect copyright.PENANAuu8Ru3zJYF
You are humble as well as brave!
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One of the swimmers passes GREGORY a magic ring
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HARRY549Please respect copyright.PENANAyt6DOCpf8l
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
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549Please respect copyright.PENANAxTPLfYhTr2
GREGORY549Please respect copyright.PENANAFaKu6zHHdO
I couldn't possibly.
549Please respect copyright.PENANAvPPzPoZQhG
Pause.
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GREGORY549Please respect copyright.PENANArwZvOJRxPz
Well, if you insist.
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GREGORY takes the ring.
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GREGORY549Please respect copyright.PENANAQu9dignjsz
Thank you.
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The swimmers bow their heads once more, and leave.
GREGORY turns to HARRY.
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GREGORY549Please respect copyright.PENANA1CBxY985h0
Does this mean you want me back?
549Please respect copyright.PENANAryNA4yzSTM
549Please respect copyright.PENANACxGE1YzvvU
HARRY549Please respect copyright.PENANAVkRM20NuWi
Oh, Gregory, of course I want you back!
549Please respect copyright.PENANAG0QCSt2VvC
GREGORY smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.
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GREGORY549Please respect copyright.PENANARRPDUKqwTj
Well you can't have me.
549Please respect copyright.PENANAWBQH3PEmsY
549Please respect copyright.PENANAy8cLLjqz0J
HARRY549Please respect copyright.PENANAcbxOraONC7
WHAT?
549Please respect copyright.PENANAzVLC8M31Yn
549Please respect copyright.PENANAbv88WJdk33
GREGORY549Please respect copyright.PENANA9aS1ySLD1A
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a alien to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
549Please respect copyright.PENANApxdexdLIkR
549Please respect copyright.PENANAWbglHVIBqK
HARRY549Please respect copyright.PENANAPDGH0DIJJ0
But...
549Please respect copyright.PENANAI0s4o3xuqX
549Please respect copyright.PENANAeLMKJvEU17
GREGORY549Please respect copyright.PENANACdi9PrLrGp
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Chantal.
549Please respect copyright.PENANArMNlaKTVL8
CHANTAL grins.
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HARRY549Please respect copyright.PENANABr2Vy3YG81
But...
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549Please respect copyright.PENANAnhNisG8it0
CHANTAL549Please respect copyright.PENANAkLgEFAdhFg
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
549Please respect copyright.PENANAf3JnxmVJOb
549Please respect copyright.PENANAF3Eb1jko2j
HARRY549Please respect copyright.PENANANlURGFhYB8
Gregory?
549Please respect copyright.PENANA86jJkp4Ycc
549Please respect copyright.PENANAWA0cBFd5l7
GREGORY549Please respect copyright.PENANAZcTnypfh5Z
I'm sorry Harry, but I think you should skidaddle.
549Please respect copyright.PENANApgzJsAHYFC
HARRY leaves.
CHANTAL turns to GREGORY.
549Please respect copyright.PENANAMIBj3Eys24
CHANTAL549Please respect copyright.PENANA2iT2e5MDrF
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
549Please respect copyright.PENANAa6Kgt75GBM
549Please respect copyright.PENANA8ySgScBYkn
GREGORY549Please respect copyright.PENANAZSpRRmrGo5
Of course you are!
549Please respect copyright.PENANA0n922QShGp
The two walk off arm in arm.
Suddenly CHANTAL stops.
549Please respect copyright.PENANAShW15pBq7p
CHANTAL549Please respect copyright.PENANAwoiwGUqzOa
When I said I pick my nose and eat it, you know I was just trying to distract the alien don't you?
549Please respect copyright.PENANA3oEq0GfZut
549Please respect copyright.PENANAKPN6Jz6XrW
THE END
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