INT. TATE MODERN, ST IVES - AFTERNOON
Stable shopkeeper DR GREGORY BUTTERSCOTCH is arguing with sweet housekeeper MASTER HARRY CHAN. GREGORY tries to hug HARRY but he shakes him off.
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GREGORY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTrAsPSNyld
Please Harry, don't leave me.
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HARRY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH5n7jiUBRT
I'm sorry Gregory, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.
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GREGORY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3S7YRHwS0e
I am such a person!
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HARRY frowns.
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HARRY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVzqgHPOOvM
I'm sorry, Gregory. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
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HARRY leaves.
GREGORY sits down, looking defeated.
Moments later, hopeful doctor MRS CHANTAL MALKOVICH barges in looking flustered.
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GREGORY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxebtdPrsTL
Goodness, Chantal! Is everything okay?
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CHANTAL257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLP3Q6e2SB3
I'm afraid not.
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GREGORY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0JUL2Oq3HQ
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
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CHANTAL257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXrOpivTYAN
It's ... an alien ... I saw an evil alien exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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GREGORY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWx7FpdbiUl
Defenseless swimmers?
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CHANTAL257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbSOwW2KE3u
Yes, defenseless swimmers!
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GREGORY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡccQWm5OaYU
Bloomin' heck, Chantal! We've got to do something.
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CHANTAL257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdkQEDdUUy3
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
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GREGORY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjhpp793jaz
You can start by telling me where this happened.
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CHANTAL257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYVGk5DehLt
I was...
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CHANTAL fans herself and begins to wheeze.
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GREGORY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ06YjXwmGZf
Focus Chantal, focus! Where did it happen?
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CHANTAL257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnR9DUEwn8q
National History Museum, London! That's right - National History Museum, London!
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GREGORY springs up and begins to run.
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EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS
GREGORY rushes along the street, followed by CHANTAL. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - SHORTLY AFTER
SHARON PIGEON a spiteful alien terrorises two swimmers.
GREGORY, closely followed by CHANTAL, rushes towards SHARON, but suddenly stops in his tracks.
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CHANTAL257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5POI1kBEvb
What is is? What's the matter?
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GREGORY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkVCYbgkaNi
That's not just any old alien, that's Sharon Pigeon!
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CHANTAL257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4pcainvvKL
Who's Sharon Pigeon?
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GREGORY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡazhm4x84Or
Who's Sharon Pigeon? Who's Sharon Pigeon? Only the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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CHANTAL257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiBceenX6Dg
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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GREGORY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7K59d93ux2
You can say that again.
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CHANTAL257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOs5f02ENdk
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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GREGORY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfQCl3rrdiW
I'm going to need ropes, lots of ropes.
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Sharon turns and sees Gregory and Chantal. She grins an evil grin.
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SHARON257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhW4PL5eomi
Gregory Butterscotch, we meet again.
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CHANTAL257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrbHbfdwpOF
You've met?
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GREGORY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSx94h3cezV
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...
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EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME
A young GREGORY is sitting in a park listening to some drum and bass music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.
He looks up and sees SHARON. He takes off his headphones.
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SHARON257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy7YxQe5g0p
Would you like some chocolate?
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GREGORY's eyes light up, but then he studies SHARON more closely, and looks uneasy.
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GREGORY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmVfN3CSa3L
I don't know, you look kind of spiteful.
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SHARON257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwXA8qzNr9l
Me? No. I'm not spiteful. I'm the least spiteful alien in the world.
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GREGORY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrmpDqgJ7zE
Wait, you're a alien?
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GREGORY runs away, screaming.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - PRESENT DAY
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SHARON257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyG3DaCNFIq
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
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CHANTAL257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5a1qlTuSGZ
(To GREGORY) You ran away?
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GREGORY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhbjM0mxsT7
(To CHANTAL) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
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GREGORY turns to SHARON.
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GREGORY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVzG30lL75g
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
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GREGORY runs away.
He turns back and shouts.
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GREGORY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBYRBX9UXrs
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with ropes.
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SHARON257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi7fwylzxlD
I'm not scared of you.
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GREGORY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzKLF94f1HN
You should be.
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EXT. A LIBRARY - LATER THAT DAY
GREGORY and CHANTAL walk around searching for something.
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GREGORY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoWJZqtW67Y
I feel sure I left my ropes somewhere around here.
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CHANTAL257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXeSvVTVWOE
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly ropes.
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GREGORY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHp95n2tbLV
You know nothing Chantal Malkovich.
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CHANTAL257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOx0xrdBiXI
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
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Suddenly, SHARON appears, holding a pair of ropes.
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SHARON257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPOANzNQhrY
Looking for something?
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CHANTAL257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpvwWFVa91X
Crikey, Gregory, she's got your ropes.
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GREGORY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJDhEjwlsQ5
Tell me something I don't already know!
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CHANTAL257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQkaNzw5OaB
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
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GREGORY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkFna5FK2eN
I know that already!
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CHANTAL257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBErGe23jAP
I pick my nose and eat it.
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SHARON257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUsfULDXaCO
(appalled) Dude!
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While SHARON is looking at CHANTAL with disgust, GREGORY lunges forward and grabs his deadly ropes. He wields them, triumphantly.
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GREGORY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOvvFP5TftM
Prepare to die, you spiteful cauliflower!
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SHARON257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6foIpO22rH
No please! All I did was exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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HARRY enters, unseen by any of the others.
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GREGORY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwutY8T9jTU
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those swimmers were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Gregory Butterscotch defender of innocent swimmers.
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SHARON257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGwOWXyJNeo
Don't hurt me! Please!
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GREGORY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsXYXxCrsJS
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these ropes on you right away!
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SHARON257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoHkRkqMtAs
Because Gregory, I am your mother.
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GREGORY looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.
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GREGORY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwjl8vCPhB5
No you're not!
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SHARON257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs1V4d73dZb
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
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SHARON tries to grab the ropes but GREGORY dodges out of the way.
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GREGORY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmWtVGi7lkF
Who's the mummy now? Huh? Huh?
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Unexpectedly, SHARON slumps to the ground.
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CHANTAL257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOSjv0hLCXI
Did she just faint?
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GREGORY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh1kGbf8K5u
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly ropes.
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GREGORY crouches over SHARON's body.
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CHANTAL257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiCwXR6N4yE
Be careful, Gregory. It could be a trick.
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GREGORY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3As7J9nuYh
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Sharon Pigeon is dead!
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GREGORY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFVJ5iPNYPy
What?
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GREGORY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk9bwS23vb5
Yes, it appears that I scared her to death.
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CHANTAL claps her hands.
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CHANTAL257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoGRZWfTGqi
So your ropes did save the day, after all.
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HARRY steps forward.
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HARRY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe6gWq1uGwI
Is it true? Did you kill the spiteful alien?
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GREGORY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqCIw6VbCJ3
Harry how long have you been...?
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HARRY puts his arm around GREGORY.
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HARRY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVtm9DmNDW5
Long enough.
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GREGORY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ZflOk5GOG
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Sharon Pigeon.
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HARRY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡemnIe28f3l
Then the swimmers are safe?
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GREGORY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyLfIlQwZrx
It does seem that way!
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A crowd of vulnerable swimmers enter, looking relived.
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HARRY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5oz51LiYy9
You are their hero.
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The swimmers bow to GREGORY.
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GREGORY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfqM8oifpnN
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Sharon Pigeon will never exterminate swimmers ever again, is enough for me.
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HARRY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqMu75NWBQ2
You are humble as well as brave!
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One of the swimmers passes GREGORY a magic ring
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HARRY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG5lEqD7LTD
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
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GREGORY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxiio9UUE6d
I couldn't possibly.
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Pause.
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GREGORY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmwZ0wComhP
Well, if you insist.
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GREGORY takes the ring.
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaodSlg8saa
GREGORY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT5H9HMrRHt
Thank you.
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEsglMrIc5u
The swimmers bow their heads once more, and leave.
GREGORY turns to HARRY.
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡho68UyReLI
GREGORY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Ww11ATl3C
Does this mean you want me back?
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf4RDFV0SJU
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrUC7mHIrGQ
HARRY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnHgMc2lVoS
Oh, Gregory, of course I want you back!
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqBIfuVUlF0
GREGORY smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfkb15sf6Wk
GREGORY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFc04DbQsxY
Well you can't have me.
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAITqcRVmgs
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg1YY2fQBzc
HARRY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp5VjNclaSy
WHAT?
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhWCYnJ8SLK
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoI42wZDXKD
GREGORY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFn773gJr0f
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a alien to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT6iKtva9i3
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8CPo3WYPkp
HARRY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡowYtODJ3EE
But...
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnPt9P3Kbmo
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc2mOpA0sMi
GREGORY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN2FeTuU4cO
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Chantal.
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnOMaWJoz3w
CHANTAL grins.
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2wyEG4sY8O
HARRY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyUslKU472V
But...
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQYtwNKpKCY
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfNmHXMDwFg
CHANTAL257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRPFf1ycaEA
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYUunBJ7QVh
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgO5L5Xvv8e
HARRY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB0s4cuAAOO
Gregory?
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡievYzro3Xv
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLptJPzdso5
GREGORY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpBrgqgvur9
I'm sorry Harry, but I think you should skidaddle.
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgTLylRxlqG
HARRY leaves.
CHANTAL turns to GREGORY.
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb3sDWJcxsl
CHANTAL257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhGD0StCUoC
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFHD95hLY7r
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzlCwlczUfX
GREGORY257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjrgL7dmdCl
Of course you are!
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡod4x33SdaD
The two walk off arm in arm.
Suddenly CHANTAL stops.
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr64P1VAnjb
CHANTAL257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxnmBOPAQ1U
When I said I pick my nose and eat it, you know I was just trying to distract the alien don't you?
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIrTA097vOi
257Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGUMlXLeRDB
THE END
ns216.73.216.206da2
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