INT. TATE MODERN, ST IVES - AFTERNOON
Stable shopkeeper DR GREGORY BUTTERSCOTCH is arguing with sweet housekeeper MASTER HARRY CHAN. GREGORY tries to hug HARRY but he shakes him off.
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GREGORY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTwO9JVLNX3
Please Harry, don't leave me.
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HARRY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXYu8C9VPpZ
I'm sorry Gregory, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.
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GREGORY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBf4UfvtCs0
I am such a person!
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HARRY frowns.
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HARRY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUiJw6Liixh
I'm sorry, Gregory. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
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HARRY leaves.
GREGORY sits down, looking defeated.
Moments later, hopeful doctor MRS CHANTAL MALKOVICH barges in looking flustered.
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GREGORY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8YFOxrWfcy
Goodness, Chantal! Is everything okay?
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CHANTAL263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR8MwLHxI7L
I'm afraid not.
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GREGORY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhmm5qV0PX8
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
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CHANTAL263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfELQm6Pkkq
It's ... an alien ... I saw an evil alien exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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GREGORY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1zzhEYZn1w
Defenseless swimmers?
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CHANTAL263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡubnYSiRfJR
Yes, defenseless swimmers!
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GREGORY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOI7T8v8L8a
Bloomin' heck, Chantal! We've got to do something.
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CHANTAL263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8mgfQSZkDj
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
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GREGORY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxjXTYTjYKG
You can start by telling me where this happened.
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CHANTAL263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Va9DbpeRj
I was...
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CHANTAL fans herself and begins to wheeze.
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GREGORY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9AWUXHFM6a
Focus Chantal, focus! Where did it happen?
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CHANTAL263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBn7j0ZcAjr
National History Museum, London! That's right - National History Museum, London!
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GREGORY springs up and begins to run.
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EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS
GREGORY rushes along the street, followed by CHANTAL. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - SHORTLY AFTER
SHARON PIGEON a spiteful alien terrorises two swimmers.
GREGORY, closely followed by CHANTAL, rushes towards SHARON, but suddenly stops in his tracks.
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CHANTAL263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGkTpDMaDgm
What is is? What's the matter?
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GREGORY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ98WRK0nqoQ
That's not just any old alien, that's Sharon Pigeon!
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CHANTAL263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYK2E2lqSv3
Who's Sharon Pigeon?
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GREGORY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB0rjvzJUCq
Who's Sharon Pigeon? Who's Sharon Pigeon? Only the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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CHANTAL263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwmmaGObzUl
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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GREGORY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpPUFdyA2jf
You can say that again.
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CHANTAL263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYXVxczv94v
Blinkin' knickers, Gregory! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful alien in the universe!
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GREGORY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpdg9HhRMn2
I'm going to need ropes, lots of ropes.
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Sharon turns and sees Gregory and Chantal. She grins an evil grin.
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SHARON263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡomWiEb84mc
Gregory Butterscotch, we meet again.
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CHANTAL263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡExbOgaJCUO
You've met?
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GREGORY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrRDOxt6jyN
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...
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EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME
A young GREGORY is sitting in a park listening to some drum and bass music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.
He looks up and sees SHARON. He takes off his headphones.
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SHARON263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtnG2speBkz
Would you like some chocolate?
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GREGORY's eyes light up, but then he studies SHARON more closely, and looks uneasy.
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GREGORY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAEItbMbLtY
I don't know, you look kind of spiteful.
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SHARON263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxbl69udHlH
Me? No. I'm not spiteful. I'm the least spiteful alien in the world.
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GREGORY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVo1WhA0CnO
Wait, you're a alien?
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GREGORY runs away, screaming.
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INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - PRESENT DAY
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SHARON263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0q1utMFLVB
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
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CHANTAL263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaaT5EFiuMB
(To GREGORY) You ran away?
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GREGORY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZIcQU96cxj
(To CHANTAL) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
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GREGORY turns to SHARON.
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GREGORY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlatkQOCnvJ
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
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GREGORY runs away.
He turns back and shouts.
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GREGORY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQKYTGHBVV2
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with ropes.
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SHARON263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRZ80eywmCi
I'm not scared of you.
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GREGORY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXqqHaeviUF
You should be.
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EXT. A LIBRARY - LATER THAT DAY
GREGORY and CHANTAL walk around searching for something.
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GREGORY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfZskwO8L7N
I feel sure I left my ropes somewhere around here.
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CHANTAL263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1CgJTG6BCY
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly ropes.
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GREGORY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM4bY48IvHq
You know nothing Chantal Malkovich.
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CHANTAL263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6eEc34CR6g
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
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Suddenly, SHARON appears, holding a pair of ropes.
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SHARON263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGS159s1uwm
Looking for something?
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CHANTAL263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCvriaBEtDR
Crikey, Gregory, she's got your ropes.
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GREGORY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFPwZN7SdAB
Tell me something I don't already know!
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CHANTAL263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi3j3OkJ0xr
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
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GREGORY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtViN1FVqSQ
I know that already!
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CHANTAL263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWCAn9l5H8B
I pick my nose and eat it.
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SHARON263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡatFwo0ECSf
(appalled) Dude!
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While SHARON is looking at CHANTAL with disgust, GREGORY lunges forward and grabs his deadly ropes. He wields them, triumphantly.
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GREGORY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcKHyWZ3xEL
Prepare to die, you spiteful cauliflower!
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SHARON263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSwSfqyoHrp
No please! All I did was exterminate a bunch of swimmers!
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HARRY enters, unseen by any of the others.
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GREGORY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFPHf9ptdep
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those swimmers were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Gregory Butterscotch defender of innocent swimmers.
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SHARON263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR7KhkPxznh
Don't hurt me! Please!
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GREGORY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuRbVKxuehp
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these ropes on you right away!
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SHARON263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUiYpZFGtiv
Because Gregory, I am your mother.
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GREGORY looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.
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GREGORY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Cod2gFfQC
No you're not!
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SHARON263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJPOsIR5urv
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
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SHARON tries to grab the ropes but GREGORY dodges out of the way.
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GREGORY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzwsfZBI8FO
Who's the mummy now? Huh? Huh?
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Unexpectedly, SHARON slumps to the ground.
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CHANTAL263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOY0S0F0YgB
Did she just faint?
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GREGORY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRzu90AjfJp
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly ropes.
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GREGORY crouches over SHARON's body.
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CHANTAL263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4rsdA2M7oj
Be careful, Gregory. It could be a trick.
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GREGORY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0nNWSrWT1i
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Sharon Pigeon is dead!
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GREGORY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqGkpZzJNfV
What?
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GREGORY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMpzO4eoJLE
Yes, it appears that I scared her to death.
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CHANTAL claps her hands.
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CHANTAL263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXX3cSfVI8q
So your ropes did save the day, after all.
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HARRY steps forward.
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HARRY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEJEYziNfbJ
Is it true? Did you kill the spiteful alien?
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GREGORY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4hN5VRbLvJ
Harry how long have you been...?
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HARRY puts his arm around GREGORY.
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HARRY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHJcdpq7Sq3
Long enough.
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GREGORY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzmZL9mbeNh
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Sharon Pigeon.
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HARRY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzWwbySROvU
Then the swimmers are safe?
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GREGORY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkWNyVGCr2o
It does seem that way!
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A crowd of vulnerable swimmers enter, looking relived.
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HARRY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJmef9EuZnC
You are their hero.
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The swimmers bow to GREGORY.
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GREGORY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡujb61PYdTd
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Sharon Pigeon will never exterminate swimmers ever again, is enough for me.
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HARRY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlXEtDRftip
You are humble as well as brave!
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One of the swimmers passes GREGORY a magic ring
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HARRY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpRamHeObdF
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
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GREGORY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuxHCkD8YiA
I couldn't possibly.
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Pause.
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GREGORY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqNDKiVI7qt
Well, if you insist.
263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfR6b1i50RW
GREGORY takes the ring.
263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXrgGbwIx12
GREGORY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjpPppxwyLg
Thank you.
263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡybyD8C856m
The swimmers bow their heads once more, and leave.
GREGORY turns to HARRY.
263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMJkGBWuOs3
GREGORY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ06NBa2OaGr
Does this mean you want me back?
263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv9uauIqPqG
263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHNaIRzCL4f
HARRY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoZ21bp4Cyt
Oh, Gregory, of course I want you back!
263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5g9mKagXeU
GREGORY smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.
263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ7o2NoLR5m
GREGORY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡomVaciA4kd
Well you can't have me.
263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQaWYIx2KNc
263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA4yZ25YQek
HARRY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH6AhObD7EM
WHAT?
263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvWaK5RVHnJ
263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlTZRoFgIzP
GREGORY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYrI5cNAaFi
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a alien to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe0Ii9jZnfr
263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT8d9tgwqkl
HARRY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1xs9YUFxs2
But...
263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs36SwKyDWE
263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJjpTra458R
GREGORY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2FZQ9zcjpg
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Chantal.
263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkRJh8eKTRE
CHANTAL grins.
263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOYsvO0yl9a
HARRY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXOX8WjrwtV
But...
263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5SV8W0mweJ
263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzehGo2u4t4
CHANTAL263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiIhzlZRAcD
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJyQEtPhbau
263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFsLwVeVClk
HARRY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ91d6H7V4Id
Gregory?
263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMQ6E4fMQcC
263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxwUYMXaPRV
GREGORY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0zedOvZZFS
I'm sorry Harry, but I think you should skidaddle.
263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgzHqqiWPiX
HARRY leaves.
CHANTAL turns to GREGORY.
263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUvYllLVaXK
CHANTAL263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLgxbYggT9B
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3hOnIlT3ej
263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGMKEZfviDy
GREGORY263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZLsqsKMbUh
Of course you are!
263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtvU461CXnS
The two walk off arm in arm.
Suddenly CHANTAL stops.
263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPBIxl33qOh
CHANTAL263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5pp9qgUr39
When I said I pick my nose and eat it, you know I was just trying to distract the alien don't you?
263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVjbfyoIQTo
263Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0F4hZISO1y
THE END
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