Dear Sunshine,
Before we met, my perception of love had to have been skewed. Many times I found myself sitting alone, observing as couples within my vicinity would offer each other romantic gestures - a hand brushing against another hand, a soft gaze shared between two pairs of eyes, a warm kiss planted on the cheek. Far too often I've wondered what it would be like to share this kind of relationship with someone else, and far too often I've tried and failed to reciprocate back the loving feelings and affection associated with the status of lover.
That's all it is, right? A title you own when someone thinks you're special enough to share the rest of your life together with them. It's a word that binds two people together that shows the rest of the world you're no longer alone. At least, that's all I thought it to be - something to share.
When I grew more attached to you, it taught me something different. The word "love" grew to mean more to me than some form of social statement. It started to mean more than just holding hands, being together, and sharing things. Love is the warm feeling deep in the pit of my stomach when we make eye contact. It's the moments we share together where you allow yourself to express freely, where you do something only Sunshine would do. Love is the realness in your smile and the sparkle in your eyes, when something inside glows. It's the longing to be together and the genuine excitement that comes when I get the chance to see you again.
Soon, the gestures came along with time. Instead of allowing our hands to hold one another, I felt myself naturally inclined to reach for yours and intertwine our fingers. Instead of feeling like I was supposed to tell you that I love you, I felt like I wanted to. Every day we share together feels completely voluntary, and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else in the world. Together feels special, and it means something to me.
I understand if you don't feel the same, however. Putting so much time and effort into keeping a relationship stable with someone you don't feel the same about would drain your energy over time, and eventually you might not be able to get out of bed even though you feel obligated to. Waking up every morning to immediately be overwhelmed by bad thoughts is something I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy, and certainly not upon my favourite person, either. Even though we've been together for nearly three months, you're still allowed to change your mind. I don't want to keep you for myself; I just want you to be happy.
Sincerely,
Your boyfriend
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