So I don’t really know what made mom think this but she said so much mean things to me. 😭😭😭😭😭 so we were eating and my mom was like “are you going to eat all of that?” Like I was like uhm yes I’m hungry? And she just told me she is like “I kept on passing by your room and seeing if you would even get up to eat. You’re so lazy. You don’t even remember to eat.” I wanted to say so badly “F**K LIFE DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW MUCH I GO THROUGH EVERYDAY? DO YOU KNOW WHAT IS ON MY MIND RIGHT NOW?!” I wanted to say so badly, but if I do I would probably get kicked out. 😭😭😭😭 and I know she doesn’t want me here like on the earth. Im scared. When I  try to talk to her about my depression she says “ I DONT GIVE A F**K ABOUT YOU WHY SHOULD I CARE I F***KING HATE YOU SHUT THE F**K UP B**CH”. Why? Why me, what did I do to deserve this poor life. The only reason im here right now is because of genesis. Right now she is on a call pretending like I’m not crying my eyes out and yelling and screaming. She always said “You have to die a few times before you can really live.” And I guess she is right. I still am dealing with depression and trying to live my life. I act happy though I’m not. I smile though I’m sad. I try to live but I’m dead inside. I can’t feel life. I just need a spark like a reason to live. Im the one who basically does everything for my brother. I was the one who basically helped him through everything. When my parents fight my brother cries and screams and I take him to the room and play calming music on headphones and put them on him. My brother doesn’t even have a fun childhood. He deserves the type of childhood a real kid had. Just because my mom didn’t have a fun childhood and she couldn’t go to school doesn’t mean we don’t. She won’t let me have a little freedom or fun. I just want to live a normal teenager’s life. I wanna know how it feels like to actually live. One day I dream to get along with my mom and for my brother to live a good childhood. On the other hand my 언니 is a regular teenager you would expect. She has a cool iPhone and is always on Snapchat goes over to anyone’s house. And basically has the best life ever. She works out has a hourglass body clear skin and the dream body. While me, im a disgrace to my family since I’m the middle child. Im a fat lazy b**ch. If murder wasn’t illegal Geni would murder my mom already. She already told me she would soooo……. But anyways? 😭