《最接近的陌生距離》(二) - 23

我成個世界開始崩潰，睇緊嘢開始轉成灰暗滲淡嘅色調。

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唔知點解，我冇嗰種平時電視劇見到嘅要生要死嘅狀態，我只係好淡然問左一句：「點解嘅？」

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可能，呢份痛已經大到直接令神經都痛死埋⋯⋯我開始咩都感受唔到。

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「分手，係對你最好！」Miss Wong簡話一句，低頭飲泣幾聲，就轉身匆匆離開。

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我成個人呆晒，連挽留佢嘅力氣都冇。佢亦走得好快，好快，即刻喺學校都好似突然消失左咁。

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我個初戀⋯⋯真係就咁樣玩完？

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身體同靈魂好似剝離左。身體好自主咁返去訓導室隔離，當靈魂返黎身體時，我先知道原來差唔多放學。啲功課⋯⋯Lunch之後開始就一份都冇做。我已經頹到咩都唔想理。

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我覺得一切都好唔真實，冇可能架⋯⋯我同Miss Wong剛剛開始兩星期。喺上星期三，我同佢個關係仲昇華左。佢知道我係認真！佢仲親口承呢段關係！呢段感情應該會好穩定架！

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點解⋯⋯

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即使看似堅固嘅愛情，點解都係不堪一擊？

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最後，雖然今日冇人要我留堂，我都係留低做埋啲功課先走。因為我想留耐啲，等Miss Wong收工，睇下有冇機會同佢傾下。始終我都係唔相信佢咁容易去放棄呢段感情。但事實總係令人失望⋯⋯

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「阿匡，仲喺度嘅？」黎Sir執好晒野準備走，時間係晚上七半。佢笑住咁話：「乖仔喎！留低做埋功課先。不如，我車你返去啦。」

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「阿Sir, 已經冇晒老師喺學校？」

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「得返我咋。」

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「吓？！咁Miss Wong呢？」

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「啊—！你今日隔離，應該唔知道。Lunch後我幫佢代咗課。佢話佢唔舒服，下午拎左病假。」

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「佢病咗？」我擔心咗講，心又諗應該係因為分手令佢情緒太差⋯哼！真係謊謬，既然係辛苦自己，點解仲要分手？

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點解要行一條咁辛苦嘅路？！

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「⋯⋯你知唔知呀？學校可以將功抵過架。幫自己搵多啲小功返黎，咁你積落嘅缺點、小過、大過呢啲就慢慢咁抵消返晒架啦！嗱，我有個方法，你睇下得唔得啦⋯⋯」

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我坐緊黎Sir車，只係短短車出校門路程，佢已經可以不斷咁對我進行精神轟炸。係！黎Sir真係好好人，但佢實在太煩，太膠啦。

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坐喺助手席嘅我完全冇心機聽黎Sir嘅幫我大計，我剩係目光呆滯咁望住車外景色遊移。

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就好似走馬燈咁。

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「我地分手啦。」

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個世界又得返Miss Wong同我講嘅最後一句說話。

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「喂，阿匡。你冇事呀嘛。」黎Sir緊張嘅聲音，將我從思念中拉返嚟現實。

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呢個時候我地架車原來已經停左喺紅燈前，黎Sir拎左張紙巾比我，話：「做咩無端端喊呀？」

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原來我自己喊左都唔知。

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「唉！傻仔黎嘅，記過好閒架咋！你肯改嘅，真係過眼雲煙咋！又唔係留案底，唔怕喇！」黎Sir唔知我喊緊咩，不意外，佢又繼續發表偉論：「嗱，聽我講。我安排你見下社工吳姑娘啦！佢有好多義工活動架。完成一個活動，我記你一個優點，三個優點就一個小功⋯⋯」

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佢繼續叭喇叭喇有佢講冇人講，我終於忍唔住講句：「黎Sir, 其實你係咪唔講嘢會死架？」

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「係啊！」

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我頂你呀，你夠膽死答得咁爽快？

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呢下我真係比佢激親，我又話：「其實你係咪唔係好識感受人地嘅感受架？」

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我應該講中左佢，佢遲左兩秒先講：「點解咁講呢？」

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「你見到我而家呢個樣，真係會因為記大過而喊咩？」對住呢個傻佬，真係乜眼淚都慳返。

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黎Sir開車前望左我一眼，話：「你仲有嘢要煩架咩？」

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我反左白眼，話：「黎Sir, 你失過戀未？」

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黎Sir個戇樣傻笑左一下，佢副厚鏡片眼鏡令佢添更多傻氣：「嗱⋯⋯見係你。唔好同人講⋯⋯我連女仔手都未拖過！」

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「What the⋯⋯」我真係比佢突擊，但好快又覺得好合理，我話：「咁就真係唔怪得你，你根本都唔知咩叫失戀！」

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我再指住自己話：「望清楚咩叫失戀啦！」

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講完我又望返出車。我以為黎Sir被我收左皮，但佢好快又話：「唔係呀，我知失戀係咩感覺架！」

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「你冇戀過，點失呀？」我冷笑一下：「咪吹水扮Fd喎。」

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其實我咁講有啲冇禮貌，但黎Sir又冇咩所謂，只係笑一下，話：「失戀個感覺就好似個心穿左個窿咁囉，唔止痛，啲風好似不斷吹緊入心咁，好凍，點避都避唔到。會無端端自己流眼淚，但明明心情冇特別差，甚至可能你開心緊或做緊你鍾意嘅嘢。」

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我有啲驚訝黎Sir形容失戀嘅感覺咁真實⋯⋯係我而家嘅感覺。

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「估你唔到喎黎Sir。」我好奇咁問：「你究竟係點樣喺冇拍過拖嘅情況下感受到失戀架？」

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我竟然唔怕佢長氣，想聽佢嘅故事。

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「失戀唔一定要拍過拖先感受到嘅。真心愛過一個人，你都會感受到。我之前有一位由中一就識嘅女性朋友，我地一直同班到中學畢業。我同佢太老友嘅關係，其實中學時代真係對佢冇意思。但緣份就係比你第二次機會，我同佢去左同一間大學，讀同一科。嗰時我就鍾意佢。但我份人真係太老土，我覺得要出黎做左嘢先可以正式追人⋯⋯」

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「唉，你真係戇居！」我忍唔住指住佢黎笑。

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「係啊！好戇居架！但喺大學嗰幾年，我同佢嘅關係好好，然後發展曖昧關係。我地成日出街，會關心大家。會互相呷醋、嗌交。其實同情侶一樣，但就係差我嗰一步。」黎Sir嘆左口氣：「到出左身之後，一切都變晒。佢同左佢上司一齊，而佢冇打算一開始同我講佢已經有男朋友。當時我唔只覺得失去左識左十年嘅朋友，個心好似穿左個窿咁。然後我就一直頹到而家啦！哈哈哈⋯⋯！」

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佢好少有地講嘢咁有吸引力。或者，我感受到佢明白我呢刻嘅難受。諗諗下，我又不自覺流緊眼淚。

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「一齊左好耐？」黎Sir揸緊車講。

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「兩星期都唔夠。」

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「第一次？」

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「嗯！」

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「哇！好傷。我明白。」

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「咪吹水啦。你一定覺得我好幼稚兒戲，兩星期貨仔有咩感情可言。」

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「唔係架！就算係愛得嗰一秒，到失去時都好痛架。」傻佬呢句說話直接打左入心：「兩星期⋯⋯夠架啦。」

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原來被人明白個感受真係好舒服。呢刻我有少少愧慚自己成日笑佢係傻佬。

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「阿Sir, 對唔住。」

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「做咩呀。」

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「我以前對你好冇禮貌。上星期三同埋琴日你幫咗我好多，我都未同你講多謝。」

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「你都傻嘅！我係你嘅老師嘛！保護你同教好你就係我個責任！」啲人話熱血嘅人係傻傻地⋯⋯唔係，唔可以咁講。

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傻傻地嘅人，通常都有一份單純嘅熱血。

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黎Sir唔再係傻戇咁簡單，佢好似日本啲熱血漫畫跳出黎嘅大哥人物。係差個夕陽喺背景，如果唔係就fit晒。簡單嘅對話，我對位呢老師嘅觀感改晒。佢都成功開解左我失戀嘅情緒，成個人有返少少感覺。

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不過⋯⋯同情敵講自己失戀個感覺都幾奇怪。

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「咁你有咩打算呀？追返人？定係算數啦？」

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「算？」我搖頭講：「我係唔會就咁算數嘅！」

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「好事啊！咁你知點做啦，最緊要呢點！」

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「我打算繼續守住我同佢嘅約定，我要大個仔啲。我希望佢會知道我仲未放棄！」

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「Very Good！男人就係要咁樣戰鬥到底！黎Sir撐你！」黎Sir笑住咁開車：「你唔知我係點樣喺失戀中振作架？」

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「點架？」

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「睇得起自己！好好咁令自己變強！」

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「打機咩。」

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我笑左一下，但諗落有啲道理。

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所謂變強⋯⋯就係長大吧？

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就算Miss Wong決心離開我，我都唔可以自暴自棄。

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失戀⋯⋯或者係一個令我成長嘅契機。

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黎Sir知我今晚老豆老母要開工搞到冇飯開，佢就車我去食好嘢，佢好人到話呢餐係佢請。喺坐車嘅過程中我同佢好好傾，原來呢個傻佬平時正正經經，戇戇居居咁，但鍾意嘅興趣原來同年青人好相似！

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「咩話？！你都鍾意高達？！」

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「有男人會唔鍾意架咩？」

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佢竟然認識「高達」呢個國際男人語言⋯⋯唔止添！佢仲鍾意幪面超人啊！雖然佢鍾意昭和時代嘅超人，我就係平成超人嘅鐵紛，表面睇係有啲代溝架啊！但因為我同佢興趣係一致，我竟然同呢個傻佬一下子就做左無所不談嘅朋友！

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更令我意外嘅係，黎Sir原來係攝影高手，仲要係玩最燒錢嘅鳥攝啊！

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「一支500mm鳥攝鏡成⋯⋯成三皮嘢架喎！」

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「哈⋯⋯哈⋯⋯係架，所以我好窮架！」黎Sir:「我車尾箱就放左部機同鏡，要唔要感受下鳥攝個威力？」

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「好啊——！」我兩眼發晒光。

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講講下，我地又喺紅燈前停低。我地本來傾打機、攝影傾到慶慶地，但就被路邊嘅嘢吸引住。

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「黎Sir你睇下！」我指住遠處路邊嘅車，話：「架車咁熟嘅？好似係⋯⋯周Sir架喎！」提起仇人，我就開始燥底。

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「係喎。」黎Sir好平淡。

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我再望下街邊情況，竟然比我發現佢泊左喺時鐘酒度附近！言下之意，條狗公一定又走去爆房！

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佢今次爆房嘅對象係邊個呢？隔離校嘅學生？金髮外藉老師？定係⋯⋯Miss Wong ?

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痴線！唔好亂諗嘢！Miss Wong憎到佢死，又點會咁做！

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呢個時候黎Sir開車，當行駛到時鐘酒店時，我見到有個男人攬住條女行緊出黎。但我睇唔清楚男人個樣，只係知個身形好似周Sir！

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「黎Sir 揸慢啲！」我已經準備好手機。如果我捕得到佢，咁我就可以收佢皮！

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「慢啲呀！好似係周Sir呀！」

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但黎Sir冇咁做。

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「大人嘅嘢你唔好理咁多啦。」

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我嗤左一聲，有啲不滿

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黎Sir愈走愈遠，倒後鏡上疑似周Sir嘅身影亦愈來愈細。

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Whatapps

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「阿盈⋯⋯」22:00（雙灰剔）

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「我做晒今日嘅功課啦。我冇鬆懈到呀！以後都會交齊功課！」 22:01 （雙灰剔）

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「其他科我都會追返上黎。我應承你嘅嘢，我一定要做到。即使已經同你分咗手都好，我都會守住個承諾。」 22:04 （雙灰剔）

53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxLLYBFnEdC

「我會繼續聽你話，會學識控制情緒、唔再衝動，我會大個仔架啦！」 22:08（雙灰剔）

53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuQ8a8kUB7g

「阿盈，其實我唔相信我地咗咁就完咗。你係咪有苦衷？」22:10 （雙灰剔）

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「阿盈⋯⋯」22:10 （雙灰剔）

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「我仲好鍾意你。」22:11（雙灰剔）

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唉⋯⋯

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= = = =

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一早起身，我第一時間Check whatapps 。值得高興嘅係，我send 比 Miss嘅msg都雙藍剔左。雖然佢冇覆，但起碼佢知我諗緊咩。

53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE3qynfI7jP

但係今日又點會係順利嘅一日？一返到學校校門口又見到面目可憎嘅周Sir。今次我望都廢事望，直行直過。但條撚樣硬係要撩我一兩句，而且佢嘅說話係直接衝擊我個理智。

53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFzBcZ8oEsT

「失戀呀？」

53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ1Sv6RwhaQ

本來我已經行過左佢，都比佢呢句叫停左。我回頭望佢，佢一面滿足同囂張。

53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbvUSKeYvOj

佢慢慢行黎，嘲笑住講：「真係慘，成個人頹晒。」

53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ3kTIrd1rW

我有萬般嘅不解，分手係我同Miss嘅事，佢點會知架？啊⋯⋯係啦。琴日Miss同副校長傾左陣，應該係傾我同Miss嘅事。雖然副校長信我同Miss係清白，但我估副校長要求Miss同我保持距離，所以Miss先決定同我分手。而周Sir應該係從副校長知道咗呢件事，所以佢就估到我地已經分手。

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不過，其實都唔洗估，睇我今日呢個樣都知咩事啦！

53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUSGXZarGQG

「琴日做唔死你兩個，但搞到你地分手，唔錯啊！」佢一面得戚囂張。

53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSQ4mjCz9wH

我攤一攤手：「仲好添啦，你永遠都唔洗查我同Miss啲嘢。你慳啲啦！」

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「我要搞死你兩個有好多方法嘅。」

53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdqgquRXOdW

我廢事再同佢嘈，佢以一個勝利者姿態咁望住我走。但我走唔夠幾步，忽然諗起啲事，忍唔住要同佢講。

53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLbohslfH81

「周Sir, 下次泊車唔好亂咁泊喺街。特別喺啲唔正經嘅地方出面。」

53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo1OOzmTNpu

「哈哈⋯⋯！」周Sir冇比我激親，反而開懷咁笑：「係呀？」

53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcMcnMtZHKQ

雖然串佢就冇咩用。但起碼拎個尾彩，我條氣順返少少。只係佢笑得令我有啲唔舒服。

53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVLoU8ES5N7

喺返上去「臭格」之前，我特登走左去校務處扮拎嘢。事實上想睇下教師缺席表，睇下Miss Wong有冇返學。

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結果⋯⋯Miss Wong有返學呀！

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嗯，一個好開始。

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Miss Wong有返學的話，成個世界就唔同晒。起碼有返少少色彩，而我嘅努力亦變得有返意義。

53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡscfTyAdgcu

由第一堂開始，我就不斷做返之前欠落嘅功課，一本追一本。我好想一陣小息時就比Miss Wong 見到我即使分左手，我都冇自暴自棄。我更奢望嘅係佢會因為咁而回心轉意。當我有呢個個目標之後，我就更努力去還清啲功課債。有趣嘅係，我竟然忘記左分手嘅傷痛。

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鈴————！

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我期待嘅小息鐘聲。

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我得到黎Sir批准休息後，就拎住欠落Miss Wong嘅功課去返班房搵佢。我手上嘅功課只係清到上星期，而且只係Miss教嗰科，條路仲係好漫長。

53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoyRGdiGPSE

喺我以半跑半走嘅步速行上樓梯時，我冷不防比人個黑影由左邊攝入黎。然後我心口痛左一下，一股強大嘅衝力就將我推左落地。

53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr07Q6TCPq6

噗——！我只覺得眼前一亂後，個屎忽好痛。原來我成個人跌左落地下。我想執返啲功課時，被一隻皮鞋踩住左，然後聽到「嘿⋯⋯嘿⋯⋯」嘅笑聲。

53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPx9FGVMLCc

我抬起頭，咬牙切齒講：「肥 B!」原來係佢推我落樓梯！

53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXw5KoI0pYP

「叫肥B哥啊！」

53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx0vA1hQXq8

佢都未講完，佢嗰兩個跟班就喺佢身後走出黎，將我扶起再捉實。

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「上次當我沙包呀嗱！」

53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5TZHPhvHTW

嘭——！一拳打肚！

53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8q4wemjHLR

「嗚——！」我有一下痛到抖唔到氣。

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「反轉佢！」

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然後佢啲跟班就將我個背脊對住佢。

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「我話過會覆你卓架！」

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嘭——！背脊極痛！

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喺劇痛之時，佢啲跟班將我對返住肥B。肥B捉住我下巴，笑住咁講：「上次好巴閉架喎！為左條女打我？！」

53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlhwneLJsmA

我敢怒不敢言。

53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuD0dWXEPrV

「做乖仔？我等緊你還手呀！」

53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVhR9KWVNpR

再一拳打肚。

53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhYzOtEda3Z

我痛到成個人都企唔直！

53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1kDNSBlchS

我雖然好嬲，但唔可以還手！一還手就白廢！唔可以衝動！我只能夠繼續怒目而視！

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肥B好欣賞咁笑，話：「忍得住喎！」然後佢面目又變，語帶挑釁咁講：「你想唔想知你條女同周Sir嘅真正關係係點呀？」

53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8nGqGX5tpx

佢又想⋯⋯侮辱Miss Wong?!

53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBm89PYGr3M

內心嘅衝動、怒火，就好似一隻被籠困住嘅猛獸，喺度不斷撞擊鐵籠！

53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7wkOrU7240

但有一把聲音就即時馴服咗我內心隻猛獸。

53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdPIavOb9MB

「你地喺度做咩——！」

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溫柔又嚴厲嘅聲音，我個救星，Miss Wong。

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「佢碌落樓梯咋，我地好心扶起佢唧！」肥B狡辯。

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Miss Wong慢慢喺上層行落黎，厲聲說道：「你哋係咪打佢！」

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「喂！Miss你望清楚！」肥B捉實我個樣，再擰去Miss Wong度，大放厥詞：「佢仲青靚白淨架！邊有打佢呀！」

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我明白左佢頭先剩係打我肚嘅原因！

53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSOl18ah5vU

「即刻放開佢！」Miss Wong已經行左落黎，同肥B對峙。

53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNh0D5BxqOn

「好呀！Miss叫到實聽你話。」肥B示意佢嗰兩個跟班就放開咗我。

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喺肥B走之前，再回頭同我講咗聲：「啱啱開始咋！」

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肥B走左之後，我拾返起啲功課。而Miss Wong 亦都行咗埋嚟，問我：「同學你有冇事？」佢慰問我，係好事。但⋯⋯點解我覺得好似有啲怪嘅？

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「洗唔洗去醫療室？」Miss Wong 同我企開約有兩身位距離。

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Miss Wong依然對笑面迎人，但係有一種距離感。我⋯⋯我唔識去形容呢一刻係咩感覺。就好似面前嘅人仍然係佢，但入面嘅靈魂已經再唔係Miss Wong。我而家成個人呆晒，剩係拎住啲功課，咩說話都講唔到。

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「交比我嘅？」Miss Wong上前嚟拎左我疊功課，佢隨意拎起一本揭左幾下，就話：「做就做晒，但係啲字仲係好似打風咁呀！啲字再咁核突呢，我就要你重做架啦！」一如以往咁嚴肅⋯⋯

53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAy4jrBEUJI

我望住佢檢查我功課嘅樣，正正係我最喜歡見到嘅側面。令我回憶起我地偎依嘅時候，我用手將佢啲頭髮圈喺耳背時嗰個令我心動嘅樣貌。佢散發出嘅嗰種美麗動人氣息同以前係一樣，只係⋯⋯多咗份陌生。

53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKfeMprh7V7

除左陌生，仲要係一種好強烈嘅師生距離。

53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0K4snMkmM7

最接近的陌生距離。

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「做得好。」Miss Wong 滿意咁點下頭：「不過你仲差其他科嘅功課。你真係要慢慢追返晒佢啦。Miss要巡樓啦，冇特別事就係咁先啦！」

53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLfS7BA7H1A

Miss Wong拎住我啲功課想走，我即刻叫停佢：「阿盈！」

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我竟然不自覺地喺學校裡面叫左佢個名。

53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrcJPKxDhIV

Miss Wong望返過黎，有啲嬲咁講：「班長，唔可以直接叫老師個名，咁樣好無禮貌架！要叫Miss Wong，或者黃老師。」

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我覺得⋯⋯心入面嘅窿好以比呢句同矛一樣嘅說話整大左。啲寒風不斷咁吹入黎。

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佢叫返我做「班長」⋯⋯

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「Sorry⋯⋯」

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「係咪有嘢想問？」

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「Miss,我⋯⋯」我好努力咁強顏歡笑：「我頭先好努力咁忍耐。我有聽你話，我冇再衝動！」我期待嘅唔係一般嘅讚賞。

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我仲爭取緊！仲爭取緊⋯⋯

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Miss Wong微笑：「嗯，我見到啊！你做得好好！」

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咩話？呢樣嘢唔係你所期待架咩？

53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlNU8PshzeV

講完之後，Miss Wong 就想走，我再叫停佢：「仲有啊！Miss，我承認過你嘅嘢，無論點我都會做好佢。啲功課我一定會清晒，唔係係剩係你嗰科。係每一科我都要做好佢！」

53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJKghSroluT

Miss Wong 聽完之後，冇即時回應我。好似諗緊啲嘢，而我內心就不斷咁納喊，好想佢下一秒變返做我熟悉嘅Miss Wong!

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就喺下一秒！Miss Wong 變返我嘅女朋女叫我一聲：「低B仔！你做得好好呀！」

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但係⋯⋯

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「嗯！」佢點頭，笑住咁講：「咁你繼續努力啦！」

53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEVXLJHd91f
53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyeND4e012Y

呢次佢真係走，我冇再叫停佢。

53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPSCsWkcEPC

剛才發生嘅一切，我完全招架唔住，身體嘅傷已經唔再痛。惟一令我仲感受到嘅感覺，就係個心係慢慢、慢慢咁裂關崩落嘅感覺。

53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpJhCqHZSIE

我終於意會到，原來呢個世上係有一種痛，叫做——

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53Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPh2SEDfrkJ

你把我當成了平凡人。

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