"If you yelled like that at your dad I would understand why he would push you."
Yeah, not exactly the most harmful-sounding statement but one that stuck with me. You see, I’ve gone through a lot of shit. But before this comment, I had an encounter with my dad that made me question if I was safe in my home. It wasn't much- he pushed me around, tackled me to the couch, and screamed in my face. Honestly, people have been through much worse. However, comparing traumas is never ok, even if you're the one doing it.
Another thing that's not ok is victim blaming- it’s a vile thing to do. Even if it's just one person doing it, the result is- the invalidation of a person's entire reason for hurting. It brings them back to where they were damaged and inflicts more pain.
The first time I was victim-blamed was when a toxic friend tried to convince me it was my fault when I was groomed. That fucked me up. I was 15 when it happened, I'm 16 now, and it's still a fresh wound. If anything- instead of healing, it's just festered and begun to rot.
The second time, I was told it was my fault for becoming trapped in a toxic relationship with my parents. I was also 15 and did not understand boundaries thanks to childhood and generational trauma. I was still 15, for context I've been 16 since august. This happened on my 15th December, over a year ago.
The most recent time was after I had fought with my dad. We were starting to rebuild my relationship when I got into a fight with my mom. She said the quote above. To me that wasn't just victim-blaming, it was a reminder of all my past traumas and many I haven't written about in this.
This isn't just a vent, this is because I need you all to know that it's not your fault. I knew coming into this that most of you will still be holding onto guilt, thinking to yourself that you deserved it in some way. Unfortunately, some people are just assholes and will hurt you. 161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIdMnVFnKC2
I also need you all to understand that there is no time limit on healing, you need to take your time, and I sincerely hope you do. Take care of yourselves guys <3161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeRGmc3GmSk
161Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5MPh6P8F8k
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