【原文出處】
https://www.penana.com/article/1606896
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2lHYtLNUmI
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuGt8wltKBZ
以下是我看到某參賽作品以後，所寫的留言轉正文，供大家參考。
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqheQs7hMNn
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1HvBrfLCRs
感謝參與～82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ35W3KjjXp
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFza9dXeCKX
老實說，這篇給我的感覺不是十行詩，是散文十行。82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl1uzrHjDiR
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnFlM2PNkqY
雖然文章有哲理，但是詩度很低。詩的要素，如節奏、意象、音樂、譬喻都很平淡，甚至欠奉；內容太趨近說明，解釋過多，太黏了。82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiIZzFX3gXN
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA7opQHln5D
～～～～分隔線～～～～82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKRJxG0x2Hw
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡekSt3x3Hio
我回頭看我自己寫的詩，有些也算不上是詩，例如82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRVRI4fNzgl
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcpnfbMpenQ
〈限制和自由〉82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXK4PCY2QA6
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTmL6mZt8Fm
penana.com/article/102489582Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX2bnIMJxoH
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDndsBLwJlb
現在看來，我覺得它不是詩 (但為記錄故，還是收進詩集)。82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWytukPUnaH
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBZKW6R1ssX
詩度 0。82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8bjTx6UuZf
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO4r5HafUeK
～～～～分隔線～～～～82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4mxQu6A7f3
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〈問〉82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKzosIWvMJk
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1roDdLlRpF
penana.com/article/102494482Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡewou4XDQSs
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMyENkrQeeJ
詩度高一點。82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz3aswjyPvq
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy9Ym1SYlue
～～～～分隔線～～～～82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9bFWoBZknV
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡARCprCpSwE
〈摩天之輪〉82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeaGcZc9QH7
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTKP6JAekGZ
penana.com/article/104570582Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbH0FowksiU
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2zPMrP3JFc
詩度再高一點。
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxJVUIhdLPW
～～～～分隔線～～～～
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWNgGmyknFI
〈蝴蝶酥〉82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2qMiLYH0AF
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8N3aY015NC
https://www.penana.com/article/159771382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡowt1jjEj96
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE84kdZeRuf
詩度比前三首都高。
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPN5TVTby3P
～～～～分隔線～～～～
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡetxG1S20M9
我最近在看台灣詩人蕭蕭的詩論，詩人有句話簡單卻有道理：「詩，是『換句話說』，『再換句話說』」。82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFkb5rxcQe7
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhAd3udOawI
我在筆記本上面，寫下自己的句子：「詩，是常句和變句的雙人舞。」82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYzOiOTERZK
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgiZjEhsJQx
跟你分享。
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcImoSR5AAS
～～～～分隔線～～～～
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZRcSDg4jqZ
此外，這篇連結文章也可作參考。82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLcG6Gp4LHq
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡollsgzJDEO
【認識新詩的基本元素】82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZAMMQSZSKo
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIni7RhAC6j
blog.udn.com/shesiya/11359719382Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWDguJC9qsK
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl1mmnUrMfL
我之後應該會就我最近對新詩的思考＆自己詩作/非詩作的例子，寫一篇文章放在我的《寫詩這件事及其他》裡面。82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuo9RHtHcGy
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHlqL0wwKjM
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGUgMLenM66
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsYB0ROuPJf
【我後來回答參賽者「希望較符合你的標準」的留言】
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0IVlaDtxLL
這不是我的標準啦，算是台灣詩人對新詩的定義。82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡByKflE66bL
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxFwLMIcNLj
第二版「詩度」有提升，因為用了複沓/排比結構，綿延的音樂性增加了。82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ170ynOL4qJ
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNNeUcPhoaN
寫詩要多看詩，也不用急，我檢視自己這兩年多密集寫詩的成果，發現好多不熟的，甚至是皮球假裝成果子的，哈哈～
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwvDsy5dEwc
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE14TzSWIDq
【這次全新寫的感想】
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdMCfVXb0FX
我拿自己青澀的詩果，甚至非詩的皮球作例子，無非是希望讀者能做個比較，認識一下不同詩度的詩，長什麼樣子；這裡再拿我寫的〈詠栗〉為例：
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〈詠栗〉
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwCmg5bRkrH
殼斗，第一層愛
張牙舞爪威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
豐美的內在
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡED0NVKNHat
剝去愛，尚有
木訥果皮和刻苦種皮
無口而全然
環抱整個子代
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0gWhySUmTK
充盈在手中打開
當秋天到來
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRIzql28xOZ
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3PVvW7ePVW
如果寫成
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〈詠栗〉
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwgYyYtsCbH
殼斗，第一層皮
長滿尖刺威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
內在的果實
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcRAGu3mKeI
剝去殼，尚有
木質果皮和苦味種皮
沒有裂口而且完全
包覆整個子葉
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI8KiCGt3o4
栗子在手中打開
當秋天到來
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd6xgHd6RFc
詩度就不見啦，成為一篇分行的散文，而且是說明文。
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUvC3k0BVOl
會寫詩的讀者，可將自己詩裡的詩句 (＝變句)，換成一般常用的句子 (＝常句) 玩玩看；而苦惱於抓不到詩度的讀者，反其道而行，將自己作品的句子，改動幾個詞彙，以「一般不會這樣用」的語詞 (也可改變詞性) 代替，或可抓到一點詩的感覺。
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnNJgFx3g2M
當然，詩的面向不僅在於詞彙，但這是一個開始。
82Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwsjNeEt86x
祝各位被詩淋透，不，淋得半濕就好。
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然後按「加至主畫面」