【原文出處】
https://www.penana.com/article/1606896
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnoxXrlJ1st
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuQTPS8Ru1u
以下是我看到某參賽作品以後，所寫的留言轉正文，供大家參考。
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwZ7dHhht6Z
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqTbRCBhgCx
感謝參與～58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYfE3fEqAtW
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtCO5pUD5Ux
老實說，這篇給我的感覺不是十行詩，是散文十行。58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfqwHrNRlky
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9pAhu97o0D
雖然文章有哲理，但是詩度很低。詩的要素，如節奏、意象、音樂、譬喻都很平淡，甚至欠奉；內容太趨近說明，解釋過多，太黏了。58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgniPl1PrWa
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbhflcCN99r
～～～～分隔線～～～～58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwm2NWoxByy
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkz9Tw0S8Yg
我回頭看我自己寫的詩，有些也算不上是詩，例如58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡde0EgLVI3S
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsd4tL3AGF3
〈限制和自由〉58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlpw4MB1IHj
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl8VqCZR9Xj
penana.com/article/102489558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ01ibJuvxGq
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTHbmPd69LH
現在看來，我覺得它不是詩 (但為記錄故，還是收進詩集)。58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7PtqEoFxK8
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIyUU7qWGSe
詩度 0。58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW0Nje83Djm
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH4hPmP635V
～～～～分隔線～～～～58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIQDql9315R
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Aq9Tx679D
〈問〉58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpkhGFNRkGh
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTMEqbTyS3D
penana.com/article/102494458Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTdGUcgUEXy
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYEiFSz8uVJ
詩度高一點。58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlC037KuDHI
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxKmBmaGWdC
～～～～分隔線～～～～58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOc4isn5LyX
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7hu63lZJYU
〈摩天之輪〉58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJUYMRYOugj
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5BhtDQvUld
penana.com/article/104570558Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfC5b5oko8Y
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNd4EzWfGgk
詩度再高一點。
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEmIxY13Dxe
～～～～分隔線～～～～
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGdsXjXo5OP
〈蝴蝶酥〉58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgd6ppRaisz
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUq8AYu5hvC
https://www.penana.com/article/159771358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqKHd7tf2Vl
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOcaVmBjy3H
詩度比前三首都高。
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqjhd0gjSf7
～～～～分隔線～～～～
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡygthP8Xqgn
我最近在看台灣詩人蕭蕭的詩論，詩人有句話簡單卻有道理：「詩，是『換句話說』，『再換句話說』」。58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGenFXQXzIl
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOq15y6hTYy
我在筆記本上面，寫下自己的句子：「詩，是常句和變句的雙人舞。」58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxLrgIt3HvS
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtRLoNxbCic
跟你分享。
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWptaIezHYD
～～～～分隔線～～～～
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXGycrZTz9L
此外，這篇連結文章也可作參考。58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNoDFkCLhOv
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9rwRKZDO66
【認識新詩的基本元素】58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbAnsT7aCes
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4LGb4DYfof
blog.udn.com/shesiya/11359719358Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl19ot5ZRei
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVBzKDMKKtS
我之後應該會就我最近對新詩的思考＆自己詩作/非詩作的例子，寫一篇文章放在我的《寫詩這件事及其他》裡面。58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBY0Aq75AjC
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58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡet4Mg3LgfH
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk72J0akMfR
【我後來回答參賽者「希望較符合你的標準」的留言】
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTrD62nG34l
這不是我的標準啦，算是台灣詩人對新詩的定義。58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5W10JTED4J
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcTsu2T60Pp
第二版「詩度」有提升，因為用了複沓/排比結構，綿延的音樂性增加了。58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5JaRtIPhx5
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1RFcJ56xub
寫詩要多看詩，也不用急，我檢視自己這兩年多密集寫詩的成果，發現好多不熟的，甚至是皮球假裝成果子的，哈哈～
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG6WFpfHpPs
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdtgbk8SWQi
【這次全新寫的感想】
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX13Fso0mEh
我拿自己青澀的詩果，甚至非詩的皮球作例子，無非是希望讀者能做個比較，認識一下不同詩度的詩，長什麼樣子；這裡再拿我寫的〈詠栗〉為例：
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxlMTHUb1tj
〈詠栗〉
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjpDSyqxBau
殼斗，第一層愛
張牙舞爪威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
豐美的內在
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTZsugdpSCQ
剝去愛，尚有
木訥果皮和刻苦種皮
無口而全然
環抱整個子代
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1cmNFZyl9j
充盈在手中打開
當秋天到來
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvGU6hK7RXw
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTL9yer18w3
如果寫成
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr9DNNMsCdf
〈詠栗〉
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUL3WhuqPrE
殼斗，第一層皮
長滿尖刺威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
內在的果實
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCKpB9M80w0
剝去殼，尚有
木質果皮和苦味種皮
沒有裂口而且完全
包覆整個子葉
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoGlaKpTZyo
栗子在手中打開
當秋天到來
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtSDUtKy9Hd
詩度就不見啦，成為一篇分行的散文，而且是說明文。
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP41ztwL0le
會寫詩的讀者，可將自己詩裡的詩句 (＝變句)，換成一般常用的句子 (＝常句) 玩玩看；而苦惱於抓不到詩度的讀者，反其道而行，將自己作品的句子，改動幾個詞彙，以「一般不會這樣用」的語詞 (也可改變詞性) 代替，或可抓到一點詩的感覺。
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvM3kJfVJMz
當然，詩的面向不僅在於詞彙，但這是一個開始。
58Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS5yl3HeUte
祝各位被詩淋透，不，淋得半濕就好。
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然後按「加至主畫面」