【原文出處】
https://www.penana.com/article/1606896
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以下是我看到某參賽作品以後，所寫的留言轉正文，供大家參考。
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感謝參與～57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgDKRj8uflS
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老實說，這篇給我的感覺不是十行詩，是散文十行。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7LkRYUqrg
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkLP28GW46I
雖然文章有哲理，但是詩度很低。詩的要素，如節奏、意象、音樂、譬喻都很平淡，甚至欠奉；內容太趨近說明，解釋過多，太黏了。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYtSLmn43D4
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡal10YUr36y
～～～～分隔線～～～～57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEBRT8Mh9Z4
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBWcqFPhBzi
我回頭看我自己寫的詩，有些也算不上是詩，例如57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCm8UjULGK2
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〈限制和自由〉57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDyu0GdURmQ
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKfvBxtCkvG
penana.com/article/102489557Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡioPLaroQxl
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTwuVHgJoZq
現在看來，我覺得它不是詩 (但為記錄故，還是收進詩集)。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0jM34BUEYY
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJyDnUYQPH
詩度 0。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ26VJWDTL1l
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiBd5xxTl3N
～～～～分隔線～～～～57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtVH6VGp0QW
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〈問〉57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyUalopWpoQ
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMAJylU44aq
penana.com/article/102494457Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqdjheGOZmb
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEzctsFRQoW
詩度高一點。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvBzRqHI0mC
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiG30ecvyuH
～～～～分隔線～～～～57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAhqEoXVxIi
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa6rpIW1bcp
〈摩天之輪〉57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOpNt6wysQY
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYEcQ6MYeR6
penana.com/article/104570557Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdDEHmnx3oA
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詩度再高一點。
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～～～～分隔線～～～～
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRQoMlsSkdd
〈蝴蝶酥〉57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwcVf9Ql923
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡah4r2hC3hM
https://www.penana.com/article/159771357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ77YRliE2Q6
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詩度比前三首都高。
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtQAyLsgnbz
～～～～分隔線～～～～
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiZiaUCYSZt
我最近在看台灣詩人蕭蕭的詩論，詩人有句話簡單卻有道理：「詩，是『換句話說』，『再換句話說』」。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7CvRXDcLmQ
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVBsDnkqZXZ
我在筆記本上面，寫下自己的句子：「詩，是常句和變句的雙人舞。」57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOTgn4INBhD
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跟你分享。
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～～～～分隔線～～～～
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此外，這篇連結文章也可作參考。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBfHJK2BH1o
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【認識新詩的基本元素】57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRpKdRez14d
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzp1UzgIgGg
blog.udn.com/shesiya/11359719357Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZz09cVU561
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCfNCAEief0
我之後應該會就我最近對新詩的思考＆自己詩作/非詩作的例子，寫一篇文章放在我的《寫詩這件事及其他》裡面。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmMG89OSJ18
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57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDcqKC6cK9w
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【我後來回答參賽者「希望較符合你的標準」的留言】
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這不是我的標準啦，算是台灣詩人對新詩的定義。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSrLMAOX7zy
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb3uNmOewgq
第二版「詩度」有提升，因為用了複沓/排比結構，綿延的音樂性增加了。57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1KO3RZlnCM
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGlIvFWncTd
寫詩要多看詩，也不用急，我檢視自己這兩年多密集寫詩的成果，發現好多不熟的，甚至是皮球假裝成果子的，哈哈～
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【這次全新寫的感想】
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我拿自己青澀的詩果，甚至非詩的皮球作例子，無非是希望讀者能做個比較，認識一下不同詩度的詩，長什麼樣子；這裡再拿我寫的〈詠栗〉為例：
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〈詠栗〉
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPJQpmbrXuz
殼斗，第一層愛
張牙舞爪威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
豐美的內在
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剝去愛，尚有
木訥果皮和刻苦種皮
無口而全然
環抱整個子代
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj6r7IvwtEP
充盈在手中打開
當秋天到來
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJPVHVPQabe
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfbedGFg33U
如果寫成
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〈詠栗〉
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcBut8x5IOV
殼斗，第一層皮
長滿尖刺威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
內在的果實
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2yh5Uzw566
剝去殼，尚有
木質果皮和苦味種皮
沒有裂口而且完全
包覆整個子葉
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBye3oodVgj
栗子在手中打開
當秋天到來
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkOABzsokh0
詩度就不見啦，成為一篇分行的散文，而且是說明文。
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD4r5GOSEkD
會寫詩的讀者，可將自己詩裡的詩句 (＝變句)，換成一般常用的句子 (＝常句) 玩玩看；而苦惱於抓不到詩度的讀者，反其道而行，將自己作品的句子，改動幾個詞彙，以「一般不會這樣用」的語詞 (也可改變詞性) 代替，或可抓到一點詩的感覺。
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當然，詩的面向不僅在於詞彙，但這是一個開始。
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祝各位被詩淋透，不，淋得半濕就好。
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然後按「加至主畫面」