【原文出處】
https://www.penana.com/article/1606896
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以下是我看到某參賽作品以後，所寫的留言轉正文，供大家參考。
107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡblOr2HUsIz
107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmmDJat4GIS
感謝參與～107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ81wXHjbiMV
107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjF0WzGTF3b
老實說，這篇給我的感覺不是十行詩，是散文十行。107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHvsEDe1RYw
107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC3fnOb6hYe
雖然文章有哲理，但是詩度很低。詩的要素，如節奏、意象、音樂、譬喻都很平淡，甚至欠奉；內容太趨近說明，解釋過多，太黏了。107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSuZ0hX7lF9
107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV4kT9ssxTE
～～～～分隔線～～～～107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJzS8ywD7Hb
107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQBj2YTMQQ2
我回頭看我自己寫的詩，有些也算不上是詩，例如107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU1tCXf59qE
107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQuvvAJ78UX
〈限制和自由〉107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL12UVnDLB1
107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjCoQegSiMZ
penana.com/article/1024895107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡteXwVYOqxW
107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSQzshTpHBU
現在看來，我覺得它不是詩 (但為記錄故，還是收進詩集)。107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5fAJMZTCVN
107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGyvKIli2Zu
詩度 0。107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqFMRefu8nA
107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfS7ULZwDEg
～～～～分隔線～～～～107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxhnO6WYIOo
107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ETX6Zo3Sr
〈問〉107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUWK2qTZeRB
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penana.com/article/1024944107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKXzpxkoRXM
107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOadth9G0H3
詩度高一點。107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj2zeV9DNWk
107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuNIDgED7ZM
～～～～分隔線～～～～107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwjICEDdHmV
107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtc7YKmz7zR
〈摩天之輪〉107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTrtnzWxArI
107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡysWPmCQTO4
penana.com/article/1045705107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwEkJzh1IUQ
107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBpkUrhkwr0
詩度再高一點。
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～～～～分隔線～～～～
107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHThNEF5QRx
〈蝴蝶酥〉107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ13r90poQrH
107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy5zOOLPVFQ
https://www.penana.com/article/1597713107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0BMp1wW53A
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詩度比前三首都高。
107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA3ld6MQKZa
～～～～分隔線～～～～
107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsOOLmYXEkP
我最近在看台灣詩人蕭蕭的詩論，詩人有句話簡單卻有道理：「詩，是『換句話說』，『再換句話說』」。107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo6TIuUtQ2y
107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN86P0LB9y0
我在筆記本上面，寫下自己的句子：「詩，是常句和變句的雙人舞。」107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2aZnCT20z0
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跟你分享。
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～～～～分隔線～～～～
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此外，這篇連結文章也可作參考。107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Q5ZUfH2D0
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【認識新詩的基本元素】107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjhrqdFC34D
107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe7a8qeN8ke
blog.udn.com/shesiya/113597193107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIH3a3F3m8H
107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyxQtxvStIs
我之後應該會就我最近對新詩的思考＆自己詩作/非詩作的例子，寫一篇文章放在我的《寫詩這件事及其他》裡面。107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcUcJuIzbPk
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107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9pZ5BYBJ3I
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【我後來回答參賽者「希望較符合你的標準」的留言】
107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzbJnKzOXVI
這不是我的標準啦，算是台灣詩人對新詩的定義。107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2vs4CZYDSs
107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxV3VuQOcis
第二版「詩度」有提升，因為用了複沓/排比結構，綿延的音樂性增加了。107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn36tggIcIZ
107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTSbj1aSq0A
寫詩要多看詩，也不用急，我檢視自己這兩年多密集寫詩的成果，發現好多不熟的，甚至是皮球假裝成果子的，哈哈～
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107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡekRK1Z7wTs
【這次全新寫的感想】
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我拿自己青澀的詩果，甚至非詩的皮球作例子，無非是希望讀者能做個比較，認識一下不同詩度的詩，長什麼樣子；這裡再拿我寫的〈詠栗〉為例：
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〈詠栗〉
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殼斗，第一層愛
張牙舞爪威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
豐美的內在
107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1SqoQZm3sQ
剝去愛，尚有
木訥果皮和刻苦種皮
無口而全然
環抱整個子代
107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡonjfwX2k7z
充盈在手中打開
當秋天到來
107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡShligFd1uL
107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaiPFnvUJuK
如果寫成
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〈詠栗〉
107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdxHsoydF69
殼斗，第一層皮
長滿尖刺威嚇
眾鳥獸，為了
內在的果實
107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGGOMNDhSTv
剝去殼，尚有
木質果皮和苦味種皮
沒有裂口而且完全
包覆整個子葉
107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxqrDMuaLdv
栗子在手中打開
當秋天到來
107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPG2UXGAnAg
詩度就不見啦，成為一篇分行的散文，而且是說明文。
107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4OFfEDCovV
會寫詩的讀者，可將自己詩裡的詩句 (＝變句)，換成一般常用的句子 (＝常句) 玩玩看；而苦惱於抓不到詩度的讀者，反其道而行，將自己作品的句子，改動幾個詞彙，以「一般不會這樣用」的語詞 (也可改變詞性) 代替，或可抓到一點詩的感覺。
107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLVm34J0ZMI
當然，詩的面向不僅在於詞彙，但這是一個開始。
107Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsKJJsIPUUn
祝各位被詩淋透，不，淋得半濕就好。
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