《妳為我所用,我為妳所用》 - 《妳為我所用,我為妳所用》

凜月&瑛慕 💙💜

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“嗚嗚嗚...媽!媽!拜託!不要!”

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「喔咿~喔咿~」

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“...告訴我...這一切都是夢...”

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她童年的回憶,就這麼沉封在這殷紅的茫茫火海以及同學的惡言惡語之中

“哇靠,好可憐喔,連爸媽都沒有,憑什麼來這間明星學校”

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來自同學的冷嘲熱諷,她感覺已經習以為常了

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我再也看不下去同學們對瑛慕的嘻笑怒罵,決定上前去辦公室告訴班導

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就在這時,瓔慕的手突然上前抓住我,像是猜測到我心中的想法

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“不要...拜託...我不想要把事情鬧大...”

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“妳...不怕他們之後對妳做出更慘忍的事... ?”

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瑛慕搖搖頭的道

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“習慣就沒事了,我...不想給人添麻煩...謝謝妳“

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瑛慕的眼神閃過一絲複雜,不過很快又恢復那明媚的笑容

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「噹~噹~噹~噹~」

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“上課了,凜月同學也趕緊回位子吧”

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瑛慕...她人真的很好,不但溫文儒雅又聰明伶俐...因為...家境...而遭到淩辱...我能幫她嗎...

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儘管是上課,我滿腦子都是在想瑛慕的事

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“凜月同學,請解出這道題”

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因為老師提高分貝的聲音,讓我回過神來

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“呃...呃...這題是...”

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身旁突然傳出綿言細語的溫柔聲音

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“58”

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我下意識不自覺地開口說

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“這題是58!”

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“很好,坐下,繼續上課,專心”

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坐下後,我立馬跟瑛慕道謝

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“不會不會,小事一樁兒,不足凜月同學掛齒”

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“以後說話直接叫我凜月就可以了,不用加敬稱,都是同學嘛”

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雖然瑛慕沒有回答,但我想她應該有聽進去

「噹~噹~」

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“今天上到這裡,同學們下課”

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“瑛慕今天要不要一起去吃晚餐呀?”

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“嗯...可以是可以...只不過...”

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“放心啦!我請客!”

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已經知道瑛慕比較家境困難的我胸有成竹的說道

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“嗯!那一起走吧!”

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瑛慕那嫣然的笑容真的可以迷死人,自從上次到現在已經好久沒看過瑛慕的笑容...

“今天真的很謝謝妳,凜月!”

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“就當作是今天數學課的回禮~那麼就這樣囉,明天見!”

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“好!”

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瑛慕笑瞇瞇的對我揮手道別

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“跟瑛慕在一起的時光,真的很開心!”

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我高喊的道

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儘管時間荏苒,跟瑛慕在一起的時光,光陰似箭,歲月如歌

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我在心裡篤定的告訴自己

每每天天我滿腦子還是在想瑛慕,不知道什麼時後可以跟她約出來玩

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樓下突然傳出一道聲音

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“凜月,這禮拜六日爸媽要去辦事情,自己要照顧好自己唷,三餐的錢我放著”

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心情像是直接升上天,希望這不是夢,我捏捏自己的臉

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“好痛!”

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興高采烈的我立馬傳訊息給瑛慕,希望她可以出來玩!

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凜月🌙：@瑛慕🎐 這禮拜有空嗎⁈

瑛慕🎐：有呀!有什麼事情嗎?

凜月🌙：要不要一起出來玩⁈

瑛慕🎐：咦⁈這麼突然嗎?可以是可以,不過...也罷...這禮拜六好了!

凜月🌙：好!那這禮拜六見,不見不散!

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經過一連串的暢所欲言後,我們決定去最近很紅的遊樂園,真希望趕快到星期六!

“瑛慕這裡!”

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我朝著站在不遠處的瑛慕揮手

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一頭像天空般湛藍的頭髮映入眼簾,白中帶粉的長靴、靴口邊毛茸茸的粉球,以白色為主的裙子、透著粉色,紫色的雙眸看起來魅惑人心,略薄柔软的櫻唇,又不乏可愛、瑛慕整個人看起來可愛又清純

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“今天的瑛慕特別可愛!”

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嘴巴不自覺脫口而出這句話

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“沒...沒有啦”

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瑛慕微微露出靦腆的表情

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“今天我們就好好玩的暢快吧!”

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“好!”

白駒過隙,時光飛逝,此時淡藍的天中飄著幾團淡火,粉紅粉紅的,如一個個溫柔而含情脈脈的少女

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“時間真的過得好快呀~”

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“對呀...下次...在一起出來玩吧!今天...真的很開心!謝謝妳!凜月!”

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“我也是!”

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天空中出現了一朵朵如火焰般的晚霞,在太陽下映射出金燦燦的光芒,就像替今天畫下完美的句點.

自從和瑛慕一起放學、一起吃晚餐、一起出去玩......瑛慕也不再被同學們欺負、淩辱了,笑容也是常掛在嘴邊,不過...今天的瑛慕特別不一樣

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「噹~噹~噹~噹~」

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“今天就先上到這裡,值日生擦黑板,下課”

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瑛慕身上多了些傷痕,臉色看起來很憔悴

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看到這情景,不好的預感懷上心來,我當然是上前去問瑛慕發生了什麼事

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“瑛...瑛慕,妳沒事吧⁈”

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“嗯...我...我沒事的...不用擔心...”

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“告訴我...發生什麼事好嗎?就當...我們是朋友!對吧!”

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聽到這後一句話的瑛慕,似乎看見了一點耀眼的銀輝

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但她不知道...那是能照亮她的熠熠生輝...

等所有同學都回家後,瑛慕才開始詳細的跟我說

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“其...其實...我...我...爸爸...嗚...嗚...”

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瑛慕的眼眸裡充滿了淚水在打轉

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原來...瑛慕的母親,在一場回祿之災中不幸命喪黃泉,父親則是酒鬼,只要不喝酒就會家暴,早餐、晚餐也是一樣,能少則少,能不給則不給

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瑛慕說完,已經泣不成聲,我不知道怎麼幫助她...

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腦海裡全都是想幫助瑛慕的事,思緒混亂、空白,還是停留在那不知道怎麼幫助瑛慕的起點

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“我...我先回家了...等等不回家...會被唸的...”

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“凜...凜月我一定會幫瑛慕妳的!”

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“嗯...謝謝凜月...但是我的心...或許早已墮落入地獄的深淵了呢...”

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瑛慕面無表情的說道,現在的她看起來冷若冰霜,像換張臉似的

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那一刻...注定...再也回不去了

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那不是我以前認識的瑛慕...那不是我以前認識的瑛慕...那不是我以前認識的瑛慕...腦海裡徘徊著這樣的想法,終究...還是停留在那空空如也的原點

隔天

以前的瑛慕,再也回不去了...瑛慕現在的模樣,不再像以前受人欺負的樣子,反而很孤立,但氣息卻使人不敢靠近

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雖然看到這副模樣,我也知道有創傷的人,很難再回到過去,但我還是不由自主的向瑛慕打招呼

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“...早呀!瑛慕”

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“...凜月同學早...”

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瑛慕面無表情的道

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我們從早上到放學沒有一絲任何互動,就這樣各走各的回家了

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她真的變了,我想幫助她,我卻不知道要怎麼要幫助...我真的好沒用...好沒用...或許在她眼裡...我可能連個朋友都不是吧...

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那天夜晚,我徹底失眠了,我不知道...我什麼都不知道...瑛慕是誰...她不是我認識的那個瑛慕了...

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心情已經跌落谷底的我,決定出門散散心,讓自己的情緒冷靜鎮定下來

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突然,巷子裡傳出一道微小的聲音,似哭似笑的

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我朝著聲音的方向前進,看到一個嬌小的人影,蹲在路燈旁哭泣

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...那是...瑛慕嗎?

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熟悉的湛藍色頭髮,小巧玲瓏的身體,那正是瑛慕的特徵,我趕緊衝上前緊緊的抱住她

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“凜...凜月...⁈”

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此時的瑛慕,看起來柔弱、無力、不知所措

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“...對不起...都是我的錯...”

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凜月...為什麼妳這麼沒用...為什麼...為什麼...我的內心一片糾結...對不起...瑛慕...我真的好沒用

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我的眼淚再也僵持不下,淚如雨下...凜月...你哭個屁...妳沒有資格哭...

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過了許久,好不容易才擠出話來

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“瑛...瑛慕...拜託妳...回到一開始我遇見妳的那個「妳」好嗎... ?”

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“...對不起...已經回不去了...對不起...凜月...我能選擇的...只有...心靈死亡...”

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“為什麼!”

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我大喊,這世界是多麼的不公平、多麼殘酷,這就是所謂的墮入深淵的絕望嗎?命運像是捉弄我,像是再跟我說:「別覺得這世界殘酷,這就是遊戲規則.」

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就在這一刻,時間似乎被永恆控制住.

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身體像是被附身、被操控,就像提線的木偶一般,在無意識的情況下,我不自覺脫口而出.

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“我為妳所用、”

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瑛慕用銀鈴般的聲音道

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“妳為我所用.”

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兩人的聲音在時光中慢慢流逝,點點繁星映入眼簾,時空的流動似乎被放慢速度了一樣...

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進入眼簾的是和瑛慕一起放學、一起吃晚餐、一起出去玩......那些回憶,一閃一閃的,像星星一般,閃爍著一絲絲耀眼星光,就像...遙遠的盡頭…不管再怎麼努力,卻也看不到,摸不著──就像瑛慕一樣...

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「如果願望需要代價,我願意用一切交換,換妳天天開心.」

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我有好多好多話想跟妳講,有好多好多事想要跟瑛慕一起做…瑛慕…謝謝妳…

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那些被我即將遺忘的年華、宛若稍縱即逝的流星,只耀眼了那麼一瞬間,隨轉即逝.

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「妳為我所用,我為妳所用.」

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我和瑛慕的聲音融合在一起那一刻,我們像是融為一體一樣,注定,永世長存.

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從此,世上再無「瑛慕」.

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瑛慕,謝謝妳.

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我閉著眼睛,感受到微風輕輕帶過來的溫暖和安慰──

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夜幕下,蒼白而又慘淡的月光還在維持勉強的美麗,剎那,電光火石,打破萬籟的沉靜,流星如航燈般絢爛在夜空,留下了片刻的美麗…

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