SO basically i'm dying my hair like Draculaura's... EHYEYDEDHIUBASSKA i'm so excited ngl. ok but that's not important. So, I HAVE NEVER FELT SO ALONE. Seriously though, jokes aside, I've never felt so lonely like right now. I feel so scared and my feelings are always changing so rapidly and constantly it's just a big ass turmoil of WTF-ness. I feel like I can't trust anybody and I just I don't know. I feel like even though i'm kind of young I just don't think I was meant to be loved, romantically I mean. I was loved before. I think I was unless that person didn't mean it. I give too much and thats my problem. I give and give and I don't expect much back except for the bare minumum and I still end up getting less than that. Am I just not enough? Like, what's wrong with me? I mean if I know whats wrong with me I can fix it right? I have these little episodes where I just cry and I feel this sharp sting, or like banging on my chest or like just a feeling of terrible pain everywhere and I don't know why and I wonder what's wrong with me. Not because of the pain but in general. Why am I always left out? Why do I always have such a hard time? I'm living such a great life. I am so so lucky I have a roof and a room and a place to call my house and two great loving parents and a brother who I would die for and a big ass family who is absolutely great and a school, an education and a few amazing friends, so why do I never feel at home? I feel so alone and I don't know how to explain it no matter how I put it. I just feel alone. The world feels so empty and all the people in the world could be at my doorstep but I would feel as if there was no one there who could fully understand what I am feeling. I am in a void. I am alone. I am scared and lost and I can't get out. FUCKING HELP ME. WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO?? FOLLOW GOD THEY SAY. HE WILL SHOW YOU THE LIGHT. HE HAS MADE US ALL AND LOVES US ALL. IT DOESN'T FUCKING SEEM LIKE IT. WHY DID HE MAKE ME SO FUCKED UP?? WHAT DID I DO?? IS THIS A TEST??? BECAUSE THIS IS REALLY FUCKED UP. I AM A FUCKING CHILD A TEENAGER WHATEVER YOU WANT TO FUCKING CALL ME BUT I AM YOUNG AND ALL OF THIS IS SO MUCH WHY DO I HAVE TO CARRY ALL OF THIS ON MY CHEST?? WHY AM I LIKE THIS?? LET ME BE NORMAL. WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? So yeah..............................................sorry.................................. um, go touch some grass.