許多時候，我會莫名其妙感到憂鬱難過。明明沒有發生過特別事情，我的憂鬱難過於旁人彷彿無病呻吟。於是，可以開解我的只能是我自己。我會獨處或散步，調整心情。
「去哪？」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRuDAbODITq
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqb2QUK2Yzk
「急事。」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHEqMINM1pt
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkcGP45XZJ4
「你不吃晚餐？」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvjG8hZxMPx
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfqaQTGcBCB
我沒應答，逕自出門。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4tJ9YMpbLm
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG5FzvLnOkA
冬夜六時。厚衣下的溫暖身軀與袒露的臉和手，不協調感令我忐忑不安。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeCHyfUrCCh
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhZvQdkQRiH
難以言喻的鬱悶。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡECmNgmwAQc
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPMIyELWdJa
長嘆。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNg9IDevu7e
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe1kzdLBkBM
「紅萬。」我邊說邊掏出八達通。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxLPScmqK83
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ805yxfesZw
店員爽快從身後陳列架取來貨品，熟練在收銀機屏幕上點點按按，然後給我贈品——果汁味肉乾三小包。我有意無意瞄了瞄她的臉。大眾臉，過目即忘。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr0qvzIxmm9
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgff1noyLDw
「不需要贈品？」她驀地抬眼，與我眼神對上。是發現我的無禮目光嗎？214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqQjjBUtZz0
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPPtEKCGkUS
「我……錯認是口香糖。」我慌忙編個爛藉口，連忙接過香菸和肉乾。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE6mUW69Ljt
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6SvlYhHgf8
她假笑，沒再搭理我，拿起抹布四處抹。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpE6VBQ0l4o
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFbHu8jDN6Z
我走出光線充足的便利店，重踏漆黑夜空下的大街。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbTzj6YOrNO
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2NFKhdGEoy
另一種不協調。另一種忐忑，另一種不安。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBlPNm8orAk
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh9Pbfrr5g6
櫥窗五光十色，路人絡繹不絕。人潮亂中有序，不約而同在紅色燈號前止住，然後在綠色燈號亮起當刻同時邁步。一致得神奇，一致得可怕。並肩而行的男男女女在過路以後分道揚鑣，不為曾經的遇見生起任何印象或猶豫。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDMK6eRI31h
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY5lDWvc6rn
心血來潮，我莫名其妙拐到小巷去。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVmyX3aXju1
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPRDcKhzwx5
污水，雜物，廚餘，鼠餌，坑渠。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwMih8rRhI8
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYw9OPlvDsT
髒，亂，腐，毒，臭。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo16lXABsO7
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEZdf7dEVi9
為何要到這種地方來？不是捷徑，不知盡頭何處，不懷目的……214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYKwJqex8aZ
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyRWqShTuRz
小巷盡處是另一小巷，盡頭以後是另一開始。路接路，走又走。不停前行，像是正在找出口；絕不回頭，像是不打算找到真正出口。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGooxGBnBeb
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ3aS8gMvqs
厭煩日常走過的路，不欲重覆。若問想要到甚麼地方去，其實我沒有答案。很奇妙。眼下似乎有很多選擇，實質一切已成定局。那是大街，這是小巷。大街在明，小巷在暗。大街繁華，小巷冷清。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvXmKOlsHdj
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPf2LcMSk0M
註定的。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyjZcxs1bSt
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLqduJLOdh6
冷清小巷盡頭會有好東西麼？我不相信，亦不願輕言不相信。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjOecdAVtz4
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw23ia7qN18
汪——汪——嗚——拐角傳來狗隻悲鳴。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡptfdMWyl6R
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG2JyBBZ0rs
停步。猶疑。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9iB04cciab
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSehC5EVUtQ
惻隱？慈悲？然後呢？根本沒有然後，因為我自顧不暇。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsJXrTOytpa
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAcuanFMZ3z
轉身。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgKet2PJMEi
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbUcd9tkVBj
汪——汪——嗚——拐角狗隻再次悲鳴。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeOnJCn1o0W
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzFBgWL4vk8
我回身走去。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRQQXXmlN1Z
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrI8AdqlsXs
惻隱？慈悲？不，好奇罷。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXWR24sRRpc
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvLo8yKiSkW
把小狗抱入懷內。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPZ11bOBLju
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUWmEmAQMkL
「暖和沒？」我傻傻自語——嘴巴極需要說話理由。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbs1P2qyw7e
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRNPeaCGrNX
陣風從後疾過，寒意夾雜水氣與鹹香。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5dCVtZa9d3
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmvwqK6EhTl
海風？海濱公園步道？214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfcJRT7c1NT
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ9bteg1L7m
「一起散步去吧。」我沒期望小狗會回答，但我需要溜達原因。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi4d8BiMuxm
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ4QU5tuW5O
多拐兩個彎，我帶著小狗在兩幢高樓之間走出來，恰巧看見銀月自海平面升起。清澄，純淨，圓滿。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmUMZipznyU
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvbFJlUn6N6
「看！這是月亮。」我指天示意小狗往上望去。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq4D4TGhTnp
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbX6LQRjvjk
汪——牠回答，但沒有依指示抬頭。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYl7b2Zxjd0
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkjLm0iRqJc
「找個好地方坐坐吧！」為免小狗中途跑掉，我微微拉下外套拉鏈，把小狗往內塞。牠沒反抗，甚至懂得稍為伸出頭部，方便呼吸和看風景。我真慶幸剛才沒有對牠視若無睹：「乖。」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmi09ZiHRo8
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHSxAJmlx0M
銀月清冷，步道冷清，寧靜。心跳規律，呼吸有序，乏味。回憶很多，未知更多，迷惘。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ0cR4l0ydK
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbnWeRjYZll
「我上一次來海濱公園是小學畢業後的那個暑假。與幾個特別要好的男生相約到來踩roller，跌了幾跤，膝蓋流血。明明怕血，明明怕痛，偏偏為保面子而強說無事，硬撐一整天。結果翌日膝蓋腫黑大片，痛得要命，不得不到醫院求醫。結果在醫院留醫足足兩個月，九月中才可到新學校上課。」我在路邊長椅坐下，拆開一包贈品肉乾給小狗充飢，報答牠聽我發牢騷。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Yu8lIZOsw
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiBqRZ432Qo
「留醫期間，我生氣朋友們不來探望我，打算出院後臭罵他們一頓。出院後，我忙於學校課業，忘記致電他們，然後順理成章忘記他們。當我再次想起他們，已是高中畢業的事。」我點菸，一吸一呼，虛假短暫的舒爽。「其實沒甚麼大不了，無需要記在腦袋裡。但事情就是發生過，不是說忘記就可以忘記。」214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLBRI8Xl3ws
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIZ2Zh6KFSv
記憶零碎，思路紊亂。嘴巴想要表達更多，無奈腦袋運轉不來，沒能將感受化為言語……算了吧。反正小狗根本沒興趣聽下去。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC04zg7JLN4
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaMPburbYnb
「你似乎對肉乾比較有興趣。」我又拆開一包肉乾予牠。牠吃得津津有味，舌頭不時舔舔嘴邊，甚至舔到小小鼻頭。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3FVPkhGK26
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXPVZETlZRr
我笑，笑牠傻氣可愛。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5V8vmThifR
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmnGkOhJ1Fi
又吸一口虛假短暫的舒爽。又呼一口難以言喻的鬱悶。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHk2m8wgq3V
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUjQVkSp5By
鬱悶何來？214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFgfxKOINV0
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsFT3IKncFn
學業壓力？愛情煩惱？家庭不和？214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3JEDHgMXVr
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqhgJN4a4HX
也許統統都是，也許統統不是。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQoN88kfYb
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdfyWZRIgHp
多件零星不順心瑣碎事湊在一起成為一股無法消弭的鬱悶。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmVHbguIA1w
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4C3IqM9kJK
有如一根經過繁複工序生產的香菸。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJy4DlnqwHM
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2hem1X0pWn
有如一塊由豬肉、糖、鹽、增味劑、醬油、香辛料、護色劑、色素組成的肉乾。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm5YbMDAgQB
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwEt9SQFgQ7
「好吃吧。」我又拆開一包肉乾。趁小狗專心咬嚼，我彈走菸屁股，將牠從懷裡抽出，來個深深擁抱。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNXZqmTRhqn
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7aYqoTrDT3
然後呢？根本沒有然後。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIeA2Y8mbK7
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLx6x4opRbA
我輕輕放下小狗，動身邁步離開。214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH3jofLxPpw
214Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYldVlSlZIi
正如牠知道我身上沒有更多肉乾，自然而然不會跟上來。
註：此篇會另收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》
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