許多時候，我會莫名其妙感到憂鬱難過。明明沒有發生過特別事情，我的憂鬱難過於旁人彷彿無病呻吟。於是，可以開解我的只能是我自己。我會獨處或散步，調整心情。
「去哪？」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu42KMmrICt
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5SGAIYQNuN
「急事。」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSluZ7YBCd9
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2TmyEzGng7
「你不吃晚餐？」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkxXo3ru1QC
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuvCWRecm3z
我沒應答，逕自出門。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSM1y5D2aiS
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuXpYy73Wow
冬夜六時。厚衣下的溫暖身軀與袒露的臉和手，不協調感令我忐忑不安。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6UtAIc4Pei
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdaBcwUtf3D
難以言喻的鬱悶。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzl1Mv0A4Ku
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcRbJkw1HiF
長嘆。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3IyMDHkQaR
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFNGLYuFWoK
「紅萬。」我邊說邊掏出八達通。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLltZ0HAgnP
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxpVsveuYTk
店員爽快從身後陳列架取來貨品，熟練在收銀機屏幕上點點按按，然後給我贈品——果汁味肉乾三小包。我有意無意瞄了瞄她的臉。大眾臉，過目即忘。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDtWASZGsdl
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlCDX5HGDz9
「不需要贈品？」她驀地抬眼，與我眼神對上。是發現我的無禮目光嗎？240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4p5wpWiZUy
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsUwuWMn49C
「我……錯認是口香糖。」我慌忙編個爛藉口，連忙接過香菸和肉乾。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkJd0M4eYLZ
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmMYzImcw0C
她假笑，沒再搭理我，拿起抹布四處抹。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡelQRwbJ8pE
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfoba4V7gm2
我走出光線充足的便利店，重踏漆黑夜空下的大街。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9CnHeZ6cLw
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYYzfC3puoF
另一種不協調。另一種忐忑，另一種不安。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgWlqi58VWW
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpblfo8KwhJ
櫥窗五光十色，路人絡繹不絕。人潮亂中有序，不約而同在紅色燈號前止住，然後在綠色燈號亮起當刻同時邁步。一致得神奇，一致得可怕。並肩而行的男男女女在過路以後分道揚鑣，不為曾經的遇見生起任何印象或猶豫。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIIHGwNJHI3
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMdvSGB5DL
心血來潮，我莫名其妙拐到小巷去。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ggGDAIBlK
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFr1RUPGBfR
污水，雜物，廚餘，鼠餌，坑渠。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsncozV3hk4
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWST951rKB5
髒，亂，腐，毒，臭。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXQsX0xdZR4
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvogMMijPlW
為何要到這種地方來？不是捷徑，不知盡頭何處，不懷目的……240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwMYplcA53j
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpxaffzE4E8
小巷盡處是另一小巷，盡頭以後是另一開始。路接路，走又走。不停前行，像是正在找出口；絕不回頭，像是不打算找到真正出口。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQkTarceFeG
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzVypRaZwlI
厭煩日常走過的路，不欲重覆。若問想要到甚麼地方去，其實我沒有答案。很奇妙。眼下似乎有很多選擇，實質一切已成定局。那是大街，這是小巷。大街在明，小巷在暗。大街繁華，小巷冷清。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj4S6enEf9t
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcPHFw7rJrL
註定的。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiKptUoZBqe
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwodKuDnssy
冷清小巷盡頭會有好東西麼？我不相信，亦不願輕言不相信。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPLk2yZJ83h
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmwJKtiBMJy
汪——汪——嗚——拐角傳來狗隻悲鳴。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ64kudhBb8I
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡApHsXD8430
停步。猶疑。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCEgVFWuBfh
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKxYuC068x0
惻隱？慈悲？然後呢？根本沒有然後，因為我自顧不暇。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡed4ccddZRD
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXvNAqc4QP3
轉身。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4UY2nKRmVE
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVT6doWPxeA
汪——汪——嗚——拐角狗隻再次悲鳴。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyg022qr3Ji
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpZUWkle2jD
我回身走去。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLtrzQx7IIE
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo4qsAGhuKO
惻隱？慈悲？不，好奇罷。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZlwn2bnJhG
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw2HgLYNzSJ
把小狗抱入懷內。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZkhg985k40
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQsNO4Y56Wp
「暖和沒？」我傻傻自語——嘴巴極需要說話理由。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHDuqm0LoyM
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQIFldbwPuD
陣風從後疾過，寒意夾雜水氣與鹹香。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf5zc6wixtf
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOMs7FOAAKS
海風？海濱公園步道？240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcZ4DVzQEKt
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgv3EhePxcf
「一起散步去吧。」我沒期望小狗會回答，但我需要溜達原因。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEyjKFgEjMg
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3zAIDYK4T1
多拐兩個彎，我帶著小狗在兩幢高樓之間走出來，恰巧看見銀月自海平面升起。清澄，純淨，圓滿。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIWzYserbq6
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdQQVIpPSAr
「看！這是月亮。」我指天示意小狗往上望去。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBZOumO8ovH
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCM1Tv787dE
汪——牠回答，但沒有依指示抬頭。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCdjUInaCSP
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHlim5JAVtp
「找個好地方坐坐吧！」為免小狗中途跑掉，我微微拉下外套拉鏈，把小狗往內塞。牠沒反抗，甚至懂得稍為伸出頭部，方便呼吸和看風景。我真慶幸剛才沒有對牠視若無睹：「乖。」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKunJ6nR4eB
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbnuMi3X1Io
銀月清冷，步道冷清，寧靜。心跳規律，呼吸有序，乏味。回憶很多，未知更多，迷惘。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhPHOWC3kbn
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOhR1BR9Tjj
「我上一次來海濱公園是小學畢業後的那個暑假。與幾個特別要好的男生相約到來踩roller，跌了幾跤，膝蓋流血。明明怕血，明明怕痛，偏偏為保面子而強說無事，硬撐一整天。結果翌日膝蓋腫黑大片，痛得要命，不得不到醫院求醫。結果在醫院留醫足足兩個月，九月中才可到新學校上課。」我在路邊長椅坐下，拆開一包贈品肉乾給小狗充飢，報答牠聽我發牢騷。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM7wvhfmflg
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF5VdbQUN1U
「留醫期間，我生氣朋友們不來探望我，打算出院後臭罵他們一頓。出院後，我忙於學校課業，忘記致電他們，然後順理成章忘記他們。當我再次想起他們，已是高中畢業的事。」我點菸，一吸一呼，虛假短暫的舒爽。「其實沒甚麼大不了，無需要記在腦袋裡。但事情就是發生過，不是說忘記就可以忘記。」240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYDiObYP2Ah
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2eGNBXOaIf
記憶零碎，思路紊亂。嘴巴想要表達更多，無奈腦袋運轉不來，沒能將感受化為言語……算了吧。反正小狗根本沒興趣聽下去。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmTw7ZxBzfk
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLNZazoPLx3
「你似乎對肉乾比較有興趣。」我又拆開一包肉乾予牠。牠吃得津津有味，舌頭不時舔舔嘴邊，甚至舔到小小鼻頭。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ27VlErEryF
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJvqfN0KyB4
我笑，笑牠傻氣可愛。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3KTTMURPGj
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMGO5NDDw9j
又吸一口虛假短暫的舒爽。又呼一口難以言喻的鬱悶。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUUfeOnhe3f
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV1b3mNbp0L
鬱悶何來？240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡexryDQUQsH
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWThEYahP6N
學業壓力？愛情煩惱？家庭不和？240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxwRqxLjWjF
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaW6pMEgNEE
也許統統都是，也許統統不是。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVLLAABchsq
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYLliF4kLIB
多件零星不順心瑣碎事湊在一起成為一股無法消弭的鬱悶。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFkpz4fvSkV
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr3LHNyByI7
有如一根經過繁複工序生產的香菸。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU4bih0IM2f
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfbHkfDlRho
有如一塊由豬肉、糖、鹽、增味劑、醬油、香辛料、護色劑、色素組成的肉乾。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2zDhnN8TTO
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ91Ry9dZM0S
「好吃吧。」我又拆開一包肉乾。趁小狗專心咬嚼，我彈走菸屁股，將牠從懷裡抽出，來個深深擁抱。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp55Ev80OWf
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHAF7AOQgKh
然後呢？根本沒有然後。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl9UAFA8Lwh
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDD9gHMCSRH
我輕輕放下小狗，動身邁步離開。240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUUuxRz19Gb
240Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRRL5bGw9gj
正如牠知道我身上沒有更多肉乾，自然而然不會跟上來。
註：此篇會另收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》
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