許多時候，我會莫名其妙感到憂鬱難過。明明沒有發生過特別事情，我的憂鬱難過於旁人彷彿無病呻吟。於是，可以開解我的只能是我自己。我會獨處或散步，調整心情。
「去哪？」99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5F8EOdZa3L
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「急事。」99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWoM0jgtl47
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「你不吃晚餐？」99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb1iOD6PIsR
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我沒應答，逕自出門。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTJ8Sc0mNrO
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冬夜六時。厚衣下的溫暖身軀與袒露的臉和手，不協調感令我忐忑不安。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJIhxVY5zVW
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難以言喻的鬱悶。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2U283FwBjA
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長嘆。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL567ics9Ie
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「紅萬。」我邊說邊掏出八達通。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj2JrgTfnhK
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店員爽快從身後陳列架取來貨品，熟練在收銀機屏幕上點點按按，然後給我贈品——果汁味肉乾三小包。我有意無意瞄了瞄她的臉。大眾臉，過目即忘。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGNDwYAvHpN
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQOpPfs1C9J
「不需要贈品？」她驀地抬眼，與我眼神對上。是發現我的無禮目光嗎？99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKE4oqP5Qjo
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYkORj35wZw
「我……錯認是口香糖。」我慌忙編個爛藉口，連忙接過香菸和肉乾。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ4niaBZnGh
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她假笑，沒再搭理我，拿起抹布四處抹。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFIAgnY3J4c
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我走出光線充足的便利店，重踏漆黑夜空下的大街。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnS3rd9UuuN
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另一種不協調。另一種忐忑，另一種不安。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Npr8L1Idk
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGkPDAMLMdK
櫥窗五光十色，路人絡繹不絕。人潮亂中有序，不約而同在紅色燈號前止住，然後在綠色燈號亮起當刻同時邁步。一致得神奇，一致得可怕。並肩而行的男男女女在過路以後分道揚鑣，不為曾經的遇見生起任何印象或猶豫。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNPtv6veqns
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnHB5mTIubN
心血來潮，我莫名其妙拐到小巷去。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4dVj0UIdta
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污水，雜物，廚餘，鼠餌，坑渠。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYNKQfC9YnA
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髒，亂，腐，毒，臭。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡulaH1fGFMr
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為何要到這種地方來？不是捷徑，不知盡頭何處，不懷目的……99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmfb7c0y3W5
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡULQfBBPiIQ
小巷盡處是另一小巷，盡頭以後是另一開始。路接路，走又走。不停前行，像是正在找出口；絕不回頭，像是不打算找到真正出口。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXmvYMFo1Ee
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厭煩日常走過的路，不欲重覆。若問想要到甚麼地方去，其實我沒有答案。很奇妙。眼下似乎有很多選擇，實質一切已成定局。那是大街，這是小巷。大街在明，小巷在暗。大街繁華，小巷冷清。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPHZFE4SpIU
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlanRMceSA0
註定的。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbFBX8BA83q
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTqWCeFm8mU
冷清小巷盡頭會有好東西麼？我不相信，亦不願輕言不相信。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBMHppMspZt
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汪——汪——嗚——拐角傳來狗隻悲鳴。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUv1OlCdsso
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停步。猶疑。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXYdCFcrtE2
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惻隱？慈悲？然後呢？根本沒有然後，因為我自顧不暇。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnzDxHBriv6
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轉身。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaWyX9Jz965
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汪——汪——嗚——拐角狗隻再次悲鳴。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ElfMbDLHT
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我回身走去。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOTsXEvTLV1
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惻隱？慈悲？不，好奇罷。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpKW0qsAeQF
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把小狗抱入懷內。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxcU0QjqAuA
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「暖和沒？」我傻傻自語——嘴巴極需要說話理由。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIANyynGz0S
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陣風從後疾過，寒意夾雜水氣與鹹香。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVq3EEUx3kh
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海風？海濱公園步道？99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfmCwym7qfk
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdyVVhTUSHB
「一起散步去吧。」我沒期望小狗會回答，但我需要溜達原因。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVzS0FPmvHG
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFX6sb8BhJC
多拐兩個彎，我帶著小狗在兩幢高樓之間走出來，恰巧看見銀月自海平面升起。清澄，純淨，圓滿。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA236jXkndO
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNFYslW23vP
「看！這是月亮。」我指天示意小狗往上望去。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNq0OuBLhLQ
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ41o2Kwgtys
汪——牠回答，但沒有依指示抬頭。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh9SgXI79ho
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNwapWgdhUc
「找個好地方坐坐吧！」為免小狗中途跑掉，我微微拉下外套拉鏈，把小狗往內塞。牠沒反抗，甚至懂得稍為伸出頭部，方便呼吸和看風景。我真慶幸剛才沒有對牠視若無睹：「乖。」99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcOQ4c7vmEC
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6MXu0IPMkl
銀月清冷，步道冷清，寧靜。心跳規律，呼吸有序，乏味。回憶很多，未知更多，迷惘。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1xkIz4pjLO
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVULISKbnji
「我上一次來海濱公園是小學畢業後的那個暑假。與幾個特別要好的男生相約到來踩roller，跌了幾跤，膝蓋流血。明明怕血，明明怕痛，偏偏為保面子而強說無事，硬撐一整天。結果翌日膝蓋腫黑大片，痛得要命，不得不到醫院求醫。結果在醫院留醫足足兩個月，九月中才可到新學校上課。」我在路邊長椅坐下，拆開一包贈品肉乾給小狗充飢，報答牠聽我發牢騷。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡppcTeZZpJ4
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuD4NuI7KV1
「留醫期間，我生氣朋友們不來探望我，打算出院後臭罵他們一頓。出院後，我忙於學校課業，忘記致電他們，然後順理成章忘記他們。當我再次想起他們，已是高中畢業的事。」我點菸，一吸一呼，虛假短暫的舒爽。「其實沒甚麼大不了，無需要記在腦袋裡。但事情就是發生過，不是說忘記就可以忘記。」99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfKEo6Tvexo
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7lxeVVdZI2
記憶零碎，思路紊亂。嘴巴想要表達更多，無奈腦袋運轉不來，沒能將感受化為言語……算了吧。反正小狗根本沒興趣聽下去。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTRdmrSJAmp
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJHPBKtsfpB
「你似乎對肉乾比較有興趣。」我又拆開一包肉乾予牠。牠吃得津津有味，舌頭不時舔舔嘴邊，甚至舔到小小鼻頭。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGgmxzFGGuu
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我笑，笑牠傻氣可愛。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW68b9HACSq
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIxkdCVdmnd
又吸一口虛假短暫的舒爽。又呼一口難以言喻的鬱悶。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLvsLB4NhFw
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKANjf9WAYd
鬱悶何來？99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡotKbfVCvpl
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學業壓力？愛情煩惱？家庭不和？99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRZXHcZPkoH
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAIacYAvrCk
也許統統都是，也許統統不是。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdqWXT4AaDg
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjyue2n7Nzg
多件零星不順心瑣碎事湊在一起成為一股無法消弭的鬱悶。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGOfTm9XrMA
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKWHR9P2YZV
有如一根經過繁複工序生產的香菸。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPQPv6wGYcB
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeZrMB9seKr
有如一塊由豬肉、糖、鹽、增味劑、醬油、香辛料、護色劑、色素組成的肉乾。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMOeXRQ0kJe
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpX5kd9gva1
「好吃吧。」我又拆開一包肉乾。趁小狗專心咬嚼，我彈走菸屁股，將牠從懷裡抽出，來個深深擁抱。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXUkuWMq1Bj
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然後呢？根本沒有然後。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxNKMVYmPqr
99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy3iuaPlUV2
我輕輕放下小狗，動身邁步離開。99Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5lD5dUSopC
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正如牠知道我身上沒有更多肉乾，自然而然不會跟上來。
註：此篇會另收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》
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