許多時候，我會莫名其妙感到憂鬱難過。明明沒有發生過特別事情，我的憂鬱難過於旁人彷彿無病呻吟。於是，可以開解我的只能是我自己。我會獨處或散步，調整心情。
「去哪？」273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYlk43rJT7s
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ4DnCODuFm
「急事。」273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkJEpEoPKEp
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7TpmuKkun6
「你不吃晚餐？」273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6RFTaC9uMX
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf2fZXkvk72
我沒應答，逕自出門。273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVTltx7rTPh
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡin7sbdNoSk
冬夜六時。厚衣下的溫暖身軀與袒露的臉和手，不協調感令我忐忑不安。273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWb0aPflZ37
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ31NxRhavp
難以言喻的鬱悶。273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfOYicTt7un
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmnQCUKcrWy
長嘆。273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsllomlxbL2
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN3bSX7dLJ5
「紅萬。」我邊說邊掏出八達通。273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1aSmi0JAU8
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPvmXWRYzI9
店員爽快從身後陳列架取來貨品，熟練在收銀機屏幕上點點按按，然後給我贈品——果汁味肉乾三小包。我有意無意瞄了瞄她的臉。大眾臉，過目即忘。273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvxhlsxFMTE
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTzDMjVUSyF
「不需要贈品？」她驀地抬眼，與我眼神對上。是發現我的無禮目光嗎？273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR7OHdgCJnR
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvsNxzzLOsc
「我……錯認是口香糖。」我慌忙編個爛藉口，連忙接過香菸和肉乾。273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUMNbsZDzc0
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlvB0exgbhe
她假笑，沒再搭理我，拿起抹布四處抹。273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0vNCjH3beM
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW00Ho26tET
我走出光線充足的便利店，重踏漆黑夜空下的大街。273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzAglBZupE7
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKgKdgpaIHc
另一種不協調。另一種忐忑，另一種不安。273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNras1jSCQq
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCt0x60d7x1
櫥窗五光十色，路人絡繹不絕。人潮亂中有序，不約而同在紅色燈號前止住，然後在綠色燈號亮起當刻同時邁步。一致得神奇，一致得可怕。並肩而行的男男女女在過路以後分道揚鑣，不為曾經的遇見生起任何印象或猶豫。273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkBjpJSQc2z
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡryYnvESIkp
心血來潮，我莫名其妙拐到小巷去。273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx8iyOaE5td
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9mpJUISsdG
污水，雜物，廚餘，鼠餌，坑渠。273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk0eeOuDxFZ
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡypPUQzkDKV
髒，亂，腐，毒，臭。273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoZM8klWjOP
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvAAVgUGqY4
為何要到這種地方來？不是捷徑，不知盡頭何處，不懷目的……273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ29nmELqmOY
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡla2Nfbw2MZ
小巷盡處是另一小巷，盡頭以後是另一開始。路接路，走又走。不停前行，像是正在找出口；絕不回頭，像是不打算找到真正出口。273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcHVZb4LYe1
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2g3yeOu8hw
厭煩日常走過的路，不欲重覆。若問想要到甚麼地方去，其實我沒有答案。很奇妙。眼下似乎有很多選擇，實質一切已成定局。那是大街，這是小巷。大街在明，小巷在暗。大街繁華，小巷冷清。273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO8iooP3Sic
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPQ9U4GCRB3
註定的。273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFsVaQkbiGx
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAAmsWs2L0M
冷清小巷盡頭會有好東西麼？我不相信，亦不願輕言不相信。273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnfHb1hGni2
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUlyNMpP7ZP
汪——汪——嗚——拐角傳來狗隻悲鳴。273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2zCL1o4NWu
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7sL334NMz4
停步。猶疑。273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ403eB6ZnuL
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8MNEBt8vHg
惻隱？慈悲？然後呢？根本沒有然後，因為我自顧不暇。273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdFxhhUSoFx
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMZj96ygypc
轉身。273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTM1g7SXbbl
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSQc6nnArbE
汪——汪——嗚——拐角狗隻再次悲鳴。273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡigqs2dUpXR
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr4A6HppiKt
我回身走去。273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOpBKmt8T2Y
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWud1Gh6HEx
惻隱？慈悲？不，好奇罷。273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡenvbkCC5FJ
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIO3bicLtg6
把小狗抱入懷內。273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAN761PJcO8
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7BAukvbXLe
「暖和沒？」我傻傻自語——嘴巴極需要說話理由。273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCajVlskgNt
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcoMHyOnY1i
陣風從後疾過，寒意夾雜水氣與鹹香。273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYtmiVUGjrC
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt6xFndOwXD
海風？海濱公園步道？273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfbt2AWBgiN
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKMlNeXJ2ca
「一起散步去吧。」我沒期望小狗會回答，但我需要溜達原因。273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLlPSLWZJRA
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhQacMGuL4W
多拐兩個彎，我帶著小狗在兩幢高樓之間走出來，恰巧看見銀月自海平面升起。清澄，純淨，圓滿。273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Q7oy8YLgu
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAZTnjHBKgU
「看！這是月亮。」我指天示意小狗往上望去。273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoZFJKuPnKF
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3QPQfX1uIR
汪——牠回答，但沒有依指示抬頭。273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ilgcQHezR
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmmiT8PWxFR
「找個好地方坐坐吧！」為免小狗中途跑掉，我微微拉下外套拉鏈，把小狗往內塞。牠沒反抗，甚至懂得稍為伸出頭部，方便呼吸和看風景。我真慶幸剛才沒有對牠視若無睹：「乖。」273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9eUJ16Mki1
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbErwV6AJmN
銀月清冷，步道冷清，寧靜。心跳規律，呼吸有序，乏味。回憶很多，未知更多，迷惘。273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwY4H3u5lfZ
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1jeYAXnkAg
「我上一次來海濱公園是小學畢業後的那個暑假。與幾個特別要好的男生相約到來踩roller，跌了幾跤，膝蓋流血。明明怕血，明明怕痛，偏偏為保面子而強說無事，硬撐一整天。結果翌日膝蓋腫黑大片，痛得要命，不得不到醫院求醫。結果在醫院留醫足足兩個月，九月中才可到新學校上課。」我在路邊長椅坐下，拆開一包贈品肉乾給小狗充飢，報答牠聽我發牢騷。273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrfxfQd66lW
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtJJZ8YeVXs
「留醫期間，我生氣朋友們不來探望我，打算出院後臭罵他們一頓。出院後，我忙於學校課業，忘記致電他們，然後順理成章忘記他們。當我再次想起他們，已是高中畢業的事。」我點菸，一吸一呼，虛假短暫的舒爽。「其實沒甚麼大不了，無需要記在腦袋裡。但事情就是發生過，不是說忘記就可以忘記。」273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe4AhqN2zDo
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgwtRzU70CO
記憶零碎，思路紊亂。嘴巴想要表達更多，無奈腦袋運轉不來，沒能將感受化為言語……算了吧。反正小狗根本沒興趣聽下去。273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu6UC5kwxpZ
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdEvTkFHhVe
「你似乎對肉乾比較有興趣。」我又拆開一包肉乾予牠。牠吃得津津有味，舌頭不時舔舔嘴邊，甚至舔到小小鼻頭。273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbh3zFLpQfs
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr4GJVofQt1
我笑，笑牠傻氣可愛。273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCw33K5ZEqm
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwFeGqncYfE
又吸一口虛假短暫的舒爽。又呼一口難以言喻的鬱悶。273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPZaDKd5MXG
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv5yiS2rqb2
鬱悶何來？273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuqWpmygyDC
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡriRvva6GvW
學業壓力？愛情煩惱？家庭不和？273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj5gahtpBng
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4qPizp2TLX
也許統統都是，也許統統不是。273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2YtPBmbP74
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLqAXBOu7R7
多件零星不順心瑣碎事湊在一起成為一股無法消弭的鬱悶。273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8GWPJ1g48q
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhdRSN6rGRL
有如一根經過繁複工序生產的香菸。273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEXxUjF0sDl
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHtekgfZdQU
有如一塊由豬肉、糖、鹽、增味劑、醬油、香辛料、護色劑、色素組成的肉乾。273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRIX3knKW6A
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHGTQekUTJL
「好吃吧。」我又拆開一包肉乾。趁小狗專心咬嚼，我彈走菸屁股，將牠從懷裡抽出，來個深深擁抱。273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3aXDORuIkT
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡffHnZi2u0R
然後呢？根本沒有然後。273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZRSq5MDDeB
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLiiayJeur4
我輕輕放下小狗，動身邁步離開。273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Zk99sD3mS
273Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWD01JgmExj
正如牠知道我身上沒有更多肉乾，自然而然不會跟上來。
註：此篇會另收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》
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