難過時你會怎麼做? - 散步

許多時候，我會莫名其妙感到憂鬱難過。明明沒有發生過特別事情，我的憂鬱難過於旁人彷彿無病呻吟。於是，可以開解我的只能是我自己。我會獨處或散步，調整心情。

「去哪？」392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTGAW3sQeU3
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「急事。」392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡezO5KJ5VQh
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnpnYVt9AjM
「你不吃晚餐？」392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjvRJzbbHur
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ajcpRFFXU
我沒應答，逕自出門。392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj00H5PNOjh
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfjaAYUC7hp
冬夜六時。厚衣下的溫暖身軀與袒露的臉和手，不協調感令我忐忑不安。392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡduQvbtOcNb
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs0U013FmvV
難以言喻的鬱悶。392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp1m4ZmCySV
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIx8VhUcJ9R
長嘆。392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv9zj1O3jqs
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYMvC5i3RcK
「紅萬。」我邊說邊掏出八達通。392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE3zq0rMnNG
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIJimCSbvYr
店員爽快從身後陳列架取來貨品，熟練在收銀機屏幕上點點按按，然後給我贈品——果汁味肉乾三小包。我有意無意瞄了瞄她的臉。大眾臉，過目即忘。392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA5s9jw5zrv
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAi6u5Z90WA
「不需要贈品？」她驀地抬眼，與我眼神對上。是發現我的無禮目光嗎？392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ42FKggTqbJ
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4wHnMPeEAE
「我……錯認是口香糖。」我慌忙編個爛藉口，連忙接過香菸和肉乾。392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd2NXztnc1U
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA5xbbGN6LW
她假笑，沒再搭理我，拿起抹布四處抹。392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTYsv1vavfq
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ26c5QbZful
我走出光線充足的便利店，重踏漆黑夜空下的大街。392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4cZgm8w5PS
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwH34QrlL0g
另一種不協調。另一種忐忑，另一種不安。392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjwVGWNICnC
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgctlFBXzxa
櫥窗五光十色，路人絡繹不絕。人潮亂中有序，不約而同在紅色燈號前止住，然後在綠色燈號亮起當刻同時邁步。一致得神奇，一致得可怕。並肩而行的男男女女在過路以後分道揚鑣，不為曾經的遇見生起任何印象或猶豫。392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwIymvY7oo6
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGe3Go6Qzq8
心血來潮，我莫名其妙拐到小巷去。392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSQbrTe7Skl
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6rKX20iZ1q
污水，雜物，廚餘，鼠餌，坑渠。392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtPZ76Fxe9p
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzea7GG2UAx
髒，亂，腐，毒，臭。392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0lOkwF4wBZ
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJkIK9Mi0OK
為何要到這種地方來？不是捷徑，不知盡頭何處，不懷目的……392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFiwbJMvkfI
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmKW114deUe
小巷盡處是另一小巷，盡頭以後是另一開始。路接路，走又走。不停前行，像是正在找出口；絕不回頭，像是不打算找到真正出口。392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnoYLFXLR0L
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1k0znpYyTa
厭煩日常走過的路，不欲重覆。若問想要到甚麼地方去，其實我沒有答案。很奇妙。眼下似乎有很多選擇，實質一切已成定局。那是大街，這是小巷。大街在明，小巷在暗。大街繁華，小巷冷清。392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4jjOeJWVIY
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5QzflT2t4u
註定的。392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoDuDOtyL1k
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ96K8ZIYWDO
冷清小巷盡頭會有好東西麼？我不相信，亦不願輕言不相信。392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvyKeMXeb8C
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKwm1XcwStx
汪——汪——嗚——拐角傳來狗隻悲鳴。392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMDFS0VSQC6
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3mUSweZ2IW
停步。猶疑。392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1KhpqfapcG
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuLy0y304Nq
惻隱？慈悲？然後呢？根本沒有然後，因為我自顧不暇。392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYf5j2Lwgfx
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0zLRD7jAfq
轉身。392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcS55kUe0Ud
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3HCloaMOmM
汪——汪——嗚——拐角狗隻再次悲鳴。392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxFQJGAhXLj
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ54q4BVujHh
我回身走去。392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo4ytJMnt45
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzoZ3O1Jdit
惻隱？慈悲？不，好奇罷。392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAJEUiBzZF9
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOYuy3G7sBU
把小狗抱入懷內。392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTwn4QAEwml
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFnJgkkUsax
「暖和沒？」我傻傻自語——嘴巴極需要說話理由。392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmg6SWYoB41
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKhRG4fSoDO
陣風從後疾過，寒意夾雜水氣與鹹香。392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW8swvp6adw
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRat0e9AV8E
海風？海濱公園步道？392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDL1rGrInr8
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr13RT6tWgE
「一起散步去吧。」我沒期望小狗會回答，但我需要溜達原因。392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ80cD5ZXTlp
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUKbCN8ebdk
多拐兩個彎，我帶著小狗在兩幢高樓之間走出來，恰巧看見銀月自海平面升起。清澄，純淨，圓滿。392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO349XrySaD
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdV40Kp17zv
「看！這是月亮。」我指天示意小狗往上望去。392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8AeCYKyn3K
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMIYOraChUI
汪——牠回答，但沒有依指示抬頭。392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp1pGLfn4kK
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1blGuLqVt8
「找個好地方坐坐吧！」為免小狗中途跑掉，我微微拉下外套拉鏈，把小狗往內塞。牠沒反抗，甚至懂得稍為伸出頭部，方便呼吸和看風景。我真慶幸剛才沒有對牠視若無睹：「乖。」392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTKNP2A6dgD
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ896OT1DstU
銀月清冷，步道冷清，寧靜。心跳規律，呼吸有序，乏味。回憶很多，未知更多，迷惘。392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMU2rfztOX7
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj4nsk1hWKp
「我上一次來海濱公園是小學畢業後的那個暑假。與幾個特別要好的男生相約到來踩roller，跌了幾跤，膝蓋流血。明明怕血，明明怕痛，偏偏為保面子而強說無事，硬撐一整天。結果翌日膝蓋腫黑大片，痛得要命，不得不到醫院求醫。結果在醫院留醫足足兩個月，九月中才可到新學校上課。」我在路邊長椅坐下，拆開一包贈品肉乾給小狗充飢，報答牠聽我發牢騷。392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1l5kQvrZsc
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGyrwukKYxr
「留醫期間，我生氣朋友們不來探望我，打算出院後臭罵他們一頓。出院後，我忙於學校課業，忘記致電他們，然後順理成章忘記他們。當我再次想起他們，已是高中畢業的事。」我點菸，一吸一呼，虛假短暫的舒爽。「其實沒甚麼大不了，無需要記在腦袋裡。但事情就是發生過，不是說忘記就可以忘記。」392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC0voSGPZA4
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMjmiq301ji
記憶零碎，思路紊亂。嘴巴想要表達更多，無奈腦袋運轉不來，沒能將感受化為言語……算了吧。反正小狗根本沒興趣聽下去。392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf4uNJeNGsO
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZeOc3ZReXE
「你似乎對肉乾比較有興趣。」我又拆開一包肉乾予牠。牠吃得津津有味，舌頭不時舔舔嘴邊，甚至舔到小小鼻頭。392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwQfZ3wRVXD
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHMxWQYyN24
我笑，笑牠傻氣可愛。392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡigL7xxUrTb
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkBxBIE7KcD
又吸一口虛假短暫的舒爽。又呼一口難以言喻的鬱悶。392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnK3XOgZHNj
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4gUOEc4LdV
鬱悶何來？392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTmkkzs75It
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBlqeO42Nps
學業壓力？愛情煩惱？家庭不和？392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr9lVPBpb4F
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrFLpTKwc4z
也許統統都是，也許統統不是。392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9gpbqNxuy5
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx7kNVFf3Uy
多件零星不順心瑣碎事湊在一起成為一股無法消弭的鬱悶。392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQJaYUoipB2
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTjC0ga4u8J
有如一根經過繁複工序生產的香菸。392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR06ysIyQjy
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR0mRdpqUUR
有如一塊由豬肉、糖、鹽、增味劑、醬油、香辛料、護色劑、色素組成的肉乾。392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcdVjGy9H2I
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzawadw2a55
「好吃吧。」我又拆開一包肉乾。趁小狗專心咬嚼，我彈走菸屁股，將牠從懷裡抽出，來個深深擁抱。392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLmpWLzF5n6
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSJhe3atkHA
然後呢？根本沒有然後。392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkZiwDnMH7M
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0G7P1lxRRm
我輕輕放下小狗，動身邁步離開。392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPzkHovj6Uv
392Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyfCzFtgRVM
正如牠知道我身上沒有更多肉乾，自然而然不會跟上來。

註：此篇會另收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》

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