許多時候，我會莫名其妙感到憂鬱難過。明明沒有發生過特別事情，我的憂鬱難過於旁人彷彿無病呻吟。於是，可以開解我的只能是我自己。我會獨處或散步，調整心情。
「去哪？」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡosyMugDaoo
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbJLZtu8kSQ
「急事。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo6Jl8p1fRD
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyS3aX5hUBu
「你不吃晚餐？」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1hLG0unNAZ
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuhjo5I1miE
我沒應答，逕自出門。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk5YaUiUtmO
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKnTGbIAd4Y
冬夜六時。厚衣下的溫暖身軀與袒露的臉和手，不協調感令我忐忑不安。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqDiaVG5BzD
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNWd6IyAx3p
難以言喻的鬱悶。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFtqJKCLPF3
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGKlIzBRqQq
長嘆。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTQPtNpzL9H
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnC1tlOSt5f
「紅萬。」我邊說邊掏出八達通。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaYu0qiSVXR
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAHbP6ctGdl
店員爽快從身後陳列架取來貨品，熟練在收銀機屏幕上點點按按，然後給我贈品——果汁味肉乾三小包。我有意無意瞄了瞄她的臉。大眾臉，過目即忘。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNyGRSrUbER
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcRU12AusLO
「不需要贈品？」她驀地抬眼，與我眼神對上。是發現我的無禮目光嗎？292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUPjrEIcSN2
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRpjTbn0wCr
「我……錯認是口香糖。」我慌忙編個爛藉口，連忙接過香菸和肉乾。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaj8FIPQeYm
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2cs7LTBVl0
她假笑，沒再搭理我，拿起抹布四處抹。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ90BECC80ok
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0vmxETMRe1
我走出光線充足的便利店，重踏漆黑夜空下的大街。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3cjgZ7UNzC
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBJRnOljsvM
另一種不協調。另一種忐忑，另一種不安。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlWYHiOOsuW
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoBMIPbvamp
櫥窗五光十色，路人絡繹不絕。人潮亂中有序，不約而同在紅色燈號前止住，然後在綠色燈號亮起當刻同時邁步。一致得神奇，一致得可怕。並肩而行的男男女女在過路以後分道揚鑣，不為曾經的遇見生起任何印象或猶豫。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnnWLe7cKIT
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGyaFzxc3NI
心血來潮，我莫名其妙拐到小巷去。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKeVk0iTLHz
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAHUKAyeFKA
污水，雜物，廚餘，鼠餌，坑渠。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJF0SScwoNA
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtYIMMrFODE
髒，亂，腐，毒，臭。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhSab0X2bYo
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCjPx4ccDzR
為何要到這種地方來？不是捷徑，不知盡頭何處，不懷目的……292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVZEpH8DFvt
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTRFWHhFVOw
小巷盡處是另一小巷，盡頭以後是另一開始。路接路，走又走。不停前行，像是正在找出口；絕不回頭，像是不打算找到真正出口。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMLSQnWlPu7
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7vsCMLlrBi
厭煩日常走過的路，不欲重覆。若問想要到甚麼地方去，其實我沒有答案。很奇妙。眼下似乎有很多選擇，實質一切已成定局。那是大街，這是小巷。大街在明，小巷在暗。大街繁華，小巷冷清。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo8afDUEuvB
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXiVfT35fgx
註定的。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZrMyHSwylM
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvqZypdjZv6
冷清小巷盡頭會有好東西麼？我不相信，亦不願輕言不相信。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtqxPyn93Qb
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7rXEs2B31w
汪——汪——嗚——拐角傳來狗隻悲鳴。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlUdM0E88Qf
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSREgNhHgub
停步。猶疑。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeN9j3THvwN
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBXTCQgHeVN
惻隱？慈悲？然後呢？根本沒有然後，因為我自顧不暇。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfHYtdaHJCV
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo4F9h3OwVh
轉身。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ46ASj7ekLo
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxYGuf2TAqV
汪——汪——嗚——拐角狗隻再次悲鳴。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbdvZRum9Ch
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4uhcKUyT6b
我回身走去。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn6fQAcxH6F
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwOQ0yTC3h1
惻隱？慈悲？不，好奇罷。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKMH28MWMVo
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIwn4Bj5gEW
把小狗抱入懷內。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIvMsCBAOq4
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeAmLrcB9wn
「暖和沒？」我傻傻自語——嘴巴極需要說話理由。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzBo60va5Sg
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqeprqqQjK2
陣風從後疾過，寒意夾雜水氣與鹹香。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF5ADmyAv4Y
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzoGs1IDviA
海風？海濱公園步道？292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn4kbgpFZHb
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLS0ZU22iFV
「一起散步去吧。」我沒期望小狗會回答，但我需要溜達原因。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJbTL7vJmVv
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKPr5EvbiTd
多拐兩個彎，我帶著小狗在兩幢高樓之間走出來，恰巧看見銀月自海平面升起。清澄，純淨，圓滿。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1fRh7HgTpz
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxfKatlkFBz
「看！這是月亮。」我指天示意小狗往上望去。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZrR7Dnwh5C
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO2xHa9IWGp
汪——牠回答，但沒有依指示抬頭。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Lo9tGvLm7
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxAnAlW8Qdf
「找個好地方坐坐吧！」為免小狗中途跑掉，我微微拉下外套拉鏈，把小狗往內塞。牠沒反抗，甚至懂得稍為伸出頭部，方便呼吸和看風景。我真慶幸剛才沒有對牠視若無睹：「乖。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK9jqWyBesT
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJdtJisySjm
銀月清冷，步道冷清，寧靜。心跳規律，呼吸有序，乏味。回憶很多，未知更多，迷惘。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFoUjLNVOMj
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmogcSfDgrV
「我上一次來海濱公園是小學畢業後的那個暑假。與幾個特別要好的男生相約到來踩roller，跌了幾跤，膝蓋流血。明明怕血，明明怕痛，偏偏為保面子而強說無事，硬撐一整天。結果翌日膝蓋腫黑大片，痛得要命，不得不到醫院求醫。結果在醫院留醫足足兩個月，九月中才可到新學校上課。」我在路邊長椅坐下，拆開一包贈品肉乾給小狗充飢，報答牠聽我發牢騷。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjmHcSEUZpU
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLQagDnoxD6
「留醫期間，我生氣朋友們不來探望我，打算出院後臭罵他們一頓。出院後，我忙於學校課業，忘記致電他們，然後順理成章忘記他們。當我再次想起他們，已是高中畢業的事。」我點菸，一吸一呼，虛假短暫的舒爽。「其實沒甚麼大不了，無需要記在腦袋裡。但事情就是發生過，不是說忘記就可以忘記。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPuKfjgFCG5
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ245AtVI5TA
記憶零碎，思路紊亂。嘴巴想要表達更多，無奈腦袋運轉不來，沒能將感受化為言語……算了吧。反正小狗根本沒興趣聽下去。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZZuA5q7Tuf
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡty4wQ0Y85w
「你似乎對肉乾比較有興趣。」我又拆開一包肉乾予牠。牠吃得津津有味，舌頭不時舔舔嘴邊，甚至舔到小小鼻頭。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQK6L0OxWni
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMFRuLNOG4a
我笑，笑牠傻氣可愛。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxqICUXREUX
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCePZgt4qKF
又吸一口虛假短暫的舒爽。又呼一口難以言喻的鬱悶。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQpCnvTz7cy
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaTZOPetcJC
鬱悶何來？292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcn2RDjoQ0F
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPD4fhXC00G
學業壓力？愛情煩惱？家庭不和？292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI2MOX5CbSi
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV6dTjdpqmv
也許統統都是，也許統統不是。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrTKbfSPi6N
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo3G3wS35BT
多件零星不順心瑣碎事湊在一起成為一股無法消弭的鬱悶。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaGMX757kX5
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOmJoLEpcdp
有如一根經過繁複工序生產的香菸。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡljFS2kXKLh
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVFBDNjcWTo
有如一塊由豬肉、糖、鹽、增味劑、醬油、香辛料、護色劑、色素組成的肉乾。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYxYqySmnhm
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0hCVJMurXs
「好吃吧。」我又拆開一包肉乾。趁小狗專心咬嚼，我彈走菸屁股，將牠從懷裡抽出，來個深深擁抱。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYDkB81L4TT
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡknitQag0AM
然後呢？根本沒有然後。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5SzNoNarpp
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAIRKs6IoQT
我輕輕放下小狗，動身邁步離開。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXkBSuYn0Fo
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCl2vGAyY3x
正如牠知道我身上沒有更多肉乾，自然而然不會跟上來。
註：此篇會另收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》
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