許多時候，我會莫名其妙感到憂鬱難過。明明沒有發生過特別事情，我的憂鬱難過於旁人彷彿無病呻吟。於是，可以開解我的只能是我自己。我會獨處或散步，調整心情。
「去哪？」212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXAk17wVga4
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡauekp8janW
「急事。」212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnKrDlrT7Hd
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbUueFkpkBE
「你不吃晚餐？」212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡviQ0PX4UzM
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR92xnckVC5
我沒應答，逕自出門。212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡghUmBD71vz
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmceyldPpV0
冬夜六時。厚衣下的溫暖身軀與袒露的臉和手，不協調感令我忐忑不安。212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv0kfLY1EMR
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqzo2LD1lX5
難以言喻的鬱悶。212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ94H7jyAlt
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqsjPnqHunw
長嘆。212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpskOHMI9vH
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtkOhPSW44V
「紅萬。」我邊說邊掏出八達通。212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsDTSdMxGDu
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2jQh587LIG
店員爽快從身後陳列架取來貨品，熟練在收銀機屏幕上點點按按，然後給我贈品——果汁味肉乾三小包。我有意無意瞄了瞄她的臉。大眾臉，過目即忘。212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLOzRqcypZQ
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxUaf40Re7x
「不需要贈品？」她驀地抬眼，與我眼神對上。是發現我的無禮目光嗎？212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZNaf5eLcRZ
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIN0DVHKm5P
「我……錯認是口香糖。」我慌忙編個爛藉口，連忙接過香菸和肉乾。212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1RUiNMZtAG
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKXyT0X3Rfh
她假笑，沒再搭理我，拿起抹布四處抹。212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu3JyBfhecj
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0F65sAZhaY
我走出光線充足的便利店，重踏漆黑夜空下的大街。212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNdOSKrT5J5
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgQBDtCEDRj
另一種不協調。另一種忐忑，另一種不安。212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5eRDnlvRI0
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcX4egdtW7p
櫥窗五光十色，路人絡繹不絕。人潮亂中有序，不約而同在紅色燈號前止住，然後在綠色燈號亮起當刻同時邁步。一致得神奇，一致得可怕。並肩而行的男男女女在過路以後分道揚鑣，不為曾經的遇見生起任何印象或猶豫。212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfey38MfF0A
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGnuFnbhIGu
心血來潮，我莫名其妙拐到小巷去。212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFOj5ddW4Lv
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMOSQeDtBnm
污水，雜物，廚餘，鼠餌，坑渠。212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjWSCnZL4Dy
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEsQv090cvg
髒，亂，腐，毒，臭。212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfQVsmkoEu7
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFHJSGNCEOu
為何要到這種地方來？不是捷徑，不知盡頭何處，不懷目的……212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBbSt0gz2Vs
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6pFc3jHNdA
小巷盡處是另一小巷，盡頭以後是另一開始。路接路，走又走。不停前行，像是正在找出口；絕不回頭，像是不打算找到真正出口。212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHFOoBrg85L
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWR1U7CIESd
厭煩日常走過的路，不欲重覆。若問想要到甚麼地方去，其實我沒有答案。很奇妙。眼下似乎有很多選擇，實質一切已成定局。那是大街，這是小巷。大街在明，小巷在暗。大街繁華，小巷冷清。212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbD1Xf0mXqG
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcSLjgNzuyr
註定的。212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgN2NAH6HQy
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡujsAsbxW6s
冷清小巷盡頭會有好東西麼？我不相信，亦不願輕言不相信。212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJlaRKgrIWz
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6SUV8C9kcI
汪——汪——嗚——拐角傳來狗隻悲鳴。212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmWlYGuaUNk
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7bFbubA3wv
停步。猶疑。212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA5W4A2PL3Y
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPv4hG4gC3f
惻隱？慈悲？然後呢？根本沒有然後，因為我自顧不暇。212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzmovI5Idnz
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV4NowsTDee
轉身。212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhcRbh693vJ
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡydq2CznYjG
汪——汪——嗚——拐角狗隻再次悲鳴。212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM5ofqPP2an
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH06BkTRvQC
我回身走去。212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZdeg5tYWMK
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPrVIrglNNB
惻隱？慈悲？不，好奇罷。212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPz99jyPqPT
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZizn0prFot
把小狗抱入懷內。212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDdoRyvvkRk
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLYbKie7dwQ
「暖和沒？」我傻傻自語——嘴巴極需要說話理由。212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh453ecjCc6
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYE5iyLtKKg
陣風從後疾過，寒意夾雜水氣與鹹香。212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP13N8sxjbh
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg4VF3z0ZXy
海風？海濱公園步道？212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOeSBUuMCj4
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoxasCpA3Eb
「一起散步去吧。」我沒期望小狗會回答，但我需要溜達原因。212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0gn3Mk9uiq
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwVWoiznNDq
多拐兩個彎，我帶著小狗在兩幢高樓之間走出來，恰巧看見銀月自海平面升起。清澄，純淨，圓滿。212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGD9fGzvXZ2
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiBOtqU3e6R
「看！這是月亮。」我指天示意小狗往上望去。212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXwbLgW4asR
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXx73cqd5kg
汪——牠回答，但沒有依指示抬頭。212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUCEqU98D8C
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTSmGBVwuZ1
「找個好地方坐坐吧！」為免小狗中途跑掉，我微微拉下外套拉鏈，把小狗往內塞。牠沒反抗，甚至懂得稍為伸出頭部，方便呼吸和看風景。我真慶幸剛才沒有對牠視若無睹：「乖。」212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3B4RunDSWy
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWgv961CoX9
銀月清冷，步道冷清，寧靜。心跳規律，呼吸有序，乏味。回憶很多，未知更多，迷惘。212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoaWKkbmX3i
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvoyLPvKtRL
「我上一次來海濱公園是小學畢業後的那個暑假。與幾個特別要好的男生相約到來踩roller，跌了幾跤，膝蓋流血。明明怕血，明明怕痛，偏偏為保面子而強說無事，硬撐一整天。結果翌日膝蓋腫黑大片，痛得要命，不得不到醫院求醫。結果在醫院留醫足足兩個月，九月中才可到新學校上課。」我在路邊長椅坐下，拆開一包贈品肉乾給小狗充飢，報答牠聽我發牢騷。212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUxsO26v3HT
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6HBxE7uHws
「留醫期間，我生氣朋友們不來探望我，打算出院後臭罵他們一頓。出院後，我忙於學校課業，忘記致電他們，然後順理成章忘記他們。當我再次想起他們，已是高中畢業的事。」我點菸，一吸一呼，虛假短暫的舒爽。「其實沒甚麼大不了，無需要記在腦袋裡。但事情就是發生過，不是說忘記就可以忘記。」212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiXPoHAzdnl
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ8xmePykio
記憶零碎，思路紊亂。嘴巴想要表達更多，無奈腦袋運轉不來，沒能將感受化為言語……算了吧。反正小狗根本沒興趣聽下去。212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLoyjUpJl1G
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrKIYIbkKvI
「你似乎對肉乾比較有興趣。」我又拆開一包肉乾予牠。牠吃得津津有味，舌頭不時舔舔嘴邊，甚至舔到小小鼻頭。212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWE84yNiUQT
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsMTTa5TKLC
我笑，笑牠傻氣可愛。212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKkUklLR4Re
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVSa7iXec01
又吸一口虛假短暫的舒爽。又呼一口難以言喻的鬱悶。212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5s5V5HEDOX
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjjgSOfLia1
鬱悶何來？212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGbi35EoC3y
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxM3aL5OCNk
學業壓力？愛情煩惱？家庭不和？212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG10LLdYEOR
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKrz5yTztSv
也許統統都是，也許統統不是。212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfkMDCnG8hD
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFudh0wOtID
多件零星不順心瑣碎事湊在一起成為一股無法消弭的鬱悶。212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoWEGcYburL
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW1s4e4ruP2
有如一根經過繁複工序生產的香菸。212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxS30Lezls2
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtikMy6iMEN
有如一塊由豬肉、糖、鹽、增味劑、醬油、香辛料、護色劑、色素組成的肉乾。212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ71VANDOfi4
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwbU0vqH4C2
「好吃吧。」我又拆開一包肉乾。趁小狗專心咬嚼，我彈走菸屁股，將牠從懷裡抽出，來個深深擁抱。212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMxzF6848Jx
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW3Dt2b3Urf
然後呢？根本沒有然後。212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhpLoorSvsV
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlpE8wcJQ47
我輕輕放下小狗，動身邁步離開。212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWyqTK9RwtR
212Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdnjnCKL6ES
正如牠知道我身上沒有更多肉乾，自然而然不會跟上來。
註：此篇會另收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》
ns18.118.0.16da2
然後按「加至主畫面」