許多時候，我會莫名其妙感到憂鬱難過。明明沒有發生過特別事情，我的憂鬱難過於旁人彷彿無病呻吟。於是，可以開解我的只能是我自己。我會獨處或散步，調整心情。
「去哪？」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqgQj9RFgfL
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpYaSbkknNa
「急事。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrbSZB9Vcwx
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ5DjpJz4RG
「你不吃晚餐？」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡENtskR0You
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPqU2jcfiJm
我沒應答，逕自出門。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ29mpUq5Klg
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrB8kKzxjUV
冬夜六時。厚衣下的溫暖身軀與袒露的臉和手，不協調感令我忐忑不安。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa4iXJmR4Uh
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjXFRUt0i7a
難以言喻的鬱悶。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkfVQvpDX0R
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRVWjralHbA
長嘆。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ23BCMrGQiv
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ58ICFgowHO
「紅萬。」我邊說邊掏出八達通。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7n9ERdcNhG
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡytTCxo7YjB
店員爽快從身後陳列架取來貨品，熟練在收銀機屏幕上點點按按，然後給我贈品——果汁味肉乾三小包。我有意無意瞄了瞄她的臉。大眾臉，過目即忘。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM5wwvd16Rd
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwpm0AjtdOT
「不需要贈品？」她驀地抬眼，與我眼神對上。是發現我的無禮目光嗎？292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF4Uba8vz0R
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyRggS71wnW
「我……錯認是口香糖。」我慌忙編個爛藉口，連忙接過香菸和肉乾。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgGkACOo1Uo
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjsByUSRhDu
她假笑，沒再搭理我，拿起抹布四處抹。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5FkSksTeVa
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp3pI56nW0i
我走出光線充足的便利店，重踏漆黑夜空下的大街。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡffnij9wP5f
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTWXPRBwlPs
另一種不協調。另一種忐忑，另一種不安。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH1aKiYqg67
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFCcQZMEOBY
櫥窗五光十色，路人絡繹不絕。人潮亂中有序，不約而同在紅色燈號前止住，然後在綠色燈號亮起當刻同時邁步。一致得神奇，一致得可怕。並肩而行的男男女女在過路以後分道揚鑣，不為曾經的遇見生起任何印象或猶豫。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3VjzHAoUvf
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCvv2YSnyFO
心血來潮，我莫名其妙拐到小巷去。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHif3Owi4on
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA9HyLqmKgg
污水，雜物，廚餘，鼠餌，坑渠。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk9LICXxmII
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxkhnI2CplH
髒，亂，腐，毒，臭。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9rYOSN3c7Q
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKynMAV52mp
為何要到這種地方來？不是捷徑，不知盡頭何處，不懷目的……292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJNwDAvv1VW
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2WTBOb104b
小巷盡處是另一小巷，盡頭以後是另一開始。路接路，走又走。不停前行，像是正在找出口；絕不回頭，像是不打算找到真正出口。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXy29ooKaH0
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu7KjfvtfiZ
厭煩日常走過的路，不欲重覆。若問想要到甚麼地方去，其實我沒有答案。很奇妙。眼下似乎有很多選擇，實質一切已成定局。那是大街，這是小巷。大街在明，小巷在暗。大街繁華，小巷冷清。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqk2fMHXj0x
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtCUUSe7RJK
註定的。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡskZksRXsjn
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVPfCUPKFoV
冷清小巷盡頭會有好東西麼？我不相信，亦不願輕言不相信。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcs4mmD5nQ8
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhE2faWUyvS
汪——汪——嗚——拐角傳來狗隻悲鳴。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS9pSfXyU6Y
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbIyjS1mzj6
停步。猶疑。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEPweLNXOfi
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJp3QzZjyhq
惻隱？慈悲？然後呢？根本沒有然後，因為我自顧不暇。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWFI2OwN30R
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyYgqnkCvgV
轉身。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPGjKztuaU9
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUTEvNx8rDW
汪——汪——嗚——拐角狗隻再次悲鳴。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ2RCSuwZgB
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXTjLefGpgR
我回身走去。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3nUnMBAPoK
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9QELtBSAGV
惻隱？慈悲？不，好奇罷。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡASlNfXfK8v
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD4UHlLPA4Z
把小狗抱入懷內。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ92olQJdn3j
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoGQWhRtIKC
「暖和沒？」我傻傻自語——嘴巴極需要說話理由。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvD3WnlrBow
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQROEmthqpB
陣風從後疾過，寒意夾雜水氣與鹹香。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVV3hzHAnWL
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd9FW9fTuhJ
海風？海濱公園步道？292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlScKJWQZvt
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaYoxh1Iwip
「一起散步去吧。」我沒期望小狗會回答，但我需要溜達原因。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC1XEwFhMKq
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcWx8o0iTRr
多拐兩個彎，我帶著小狗在兩幢高樓之間走出來，恰巧看見銀月自海平面升起。清澄，純淨，圓滿。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLsHN9WzG0Y
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGmu7DQyZD0
「看！這是月亮。」我指天示意小狗往上望去。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ620TRcJR7H
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8PqBI35BKl
汪——牠回答，但沒有依指示抬頭。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLPQzLwV3Kz
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMDybsl7z3q
「找個好地方坐坐吧！」為免小狗中途跑掉，我微微拉下外套拉鏈，把小狗往內塞。牠沒反抗，甚至懂得稍為伸出頭部，方便呼吸和看風景。我真慶幸剛才沒有對牠視若無睹：「乖。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2WVUIspgcb
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx9cmzexlm1
銀月清冷，步道冷清，寧靜。心跳規律，呼吸有序，乏味。回憶很多，未知更多，迷惘。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWmalkNcLwu
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ASgJRXrdK
「我上一次來海濱公園是小學畢業後的那個暑假。與幾個特別要好的男生相約到來踩roller，跌了幾跤，膝蓋流血。明明怕血，明明怕痛，偏偏為保面子而強說無事，硬撐一整天。結果翌日膝蓋腫黑大片，痛得要命，不得不到醫院求醫。結果在醫院留醫足足兩個月，九月中才可到新學校上課。」我在路邊長椅坐下，拆開一包贈品肉乾給小狗充飢，報答牠聽我發牢騷。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBG7tXhGymO
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnnKKELM8dZ
「留醫期間，我生氣朋友們不來探望我，打算出院後臭罵他們一頓。出院後，我忙於學校課業，忘記致電他們，然後順理成章忘記他們。當我再次想起他們，已是高中畢業的事。」我點菸，一吸一呼，虛假短暫的舒爽。「其實沒甚麼大不了，無需要記在腦袋裡。但事情就是發生過，不是說忘記就可以忘記。」292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRpnCaGQcrN
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcskytQfZcL
記憶零碎，思路紊亂。嘴巴想要表達更多，無奈腦袋運轉不來，沒能將感受化為言語……算了吧。反正小狗根本沒興趣聽下去。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlHOFAl4Bd9
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe8Mt7OpzpP
「你似乎對肉乾比較有興趣。」我又拆開一包肉乾予牠。牠吃得津津有味，舌頭不時舔舔嘴邊，甚至舔到小小鼻頭。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFHL1Lz0ca7
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHEjiTAsYVm
我笑，笑牠傻氣可愛。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMYs7kN66Qw
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLAZxRKoamq
又吸一口虛假短暫的舒爽。又呼一口難以言喻的鬱悶。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWKk51jRUAc
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK3KfSGXbQJ
鬱悶何來？292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKfBEkPr5Xv
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa5xkhO6nun
學業壓力？愛情煩惱？家庭不和？292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPTngrZ2TH9
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpHoDwYAmXv
也許統統都是，也許統統不是。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlsdP6Mq1D4
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdjZzL1q8Oq
多件零星不順心瑣碎事湊在一起成為一股無法消弭的鬱悶。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsvsHcBnmRk
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6aWbzHvC11
有如一根經過繁複工序生產的香菸。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuyvwI0bfxE
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrAXmRkmWPv
有如一塊由豬肉、糖、鹽、增味劑、醬油、香辛料、護色劑、色素組成的肉乾。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbCaK9YrVry
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrZ31sgzB2u
「好吃吧。」我又拆開一包肉乾。趁小狗專心咬嚼，我彈走菸屁股，將牠從懷裡抽出，來個深深擁抱。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkfrxhqZU7v
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN99U0ZHHg7
然後呢？根本沒有然後。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTYPKY9tTUx
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEkaAG9q28H
我輕輕放下小狗，動身邁步離開。292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJdhioleOr7
292Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUJOZGDiIP5
正如牠知道我身上沒有更多肉乾，自然而然不會跟上來。
註：此篇會另收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》
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