許多時候，我會莫名其妙感到憂鬱難過。明明沒有發生過特別事情，我的憂鬱難過於旁人彷彿無病呻吟。於是，可以開解我的只能是我自己。我會獨處或散步，調整心情。
「去哪？」239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBtCNvVdYDo
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡATy6lhCFkF
「急事。」239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCl3NUurF12
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQHqHcOMbTG
「你不吃晚餐？」239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡheghWbb5Lq
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfkdI18t4jb
我沒應答，逕自出門。239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJaUfvnR8II
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVZVN21HhMi
冬夜六時。厚衣下的溫暖身軀與袒露的臉和手，不協調感令我忐忑不安。239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkuJ1R76Jnu
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhTdSVX2q4G
難以言喻的鬱悶。239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTZlzoDXhXE
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡibZEetrNdg
長嘆。239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI3aVD6ZsGr
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFjaO1YG3qx
「紅萬。」我邊說邊掏出八達通。239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxeibWwztf2
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyNmEGivNQ6
店員爽快從身後陳列架取來貨品，熟練在收銀機屏幕上點點按按，然後給我贈品——果汁味肉乾三小包。我有意無意瞄了瞄她的臉。大眾臉，過目即忘。239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjnFEVZTVSn
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr0Oi5iRBIW
「不需要贈品？」她驀地抬眼，與我眼神對上。是發現我的無禮目光嗎？239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe9a9tFbEsn
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNpWzivYBsK
「我……錯認是口香糖。」我慌忙編個爛藉口，連忙接過香菸和肉乾。239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGTQeqSWw7Y
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4RkdYNQTyG
她假笑，沒再搭理我，拿起抹布四處抹。239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlh0xh6ziVm
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZflrXdlrxJ
我走出光線充足的便利店，重踏漆黑夜空下的大街。239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJaogZmcCR
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqH7J6Siv8j
另一種不協調。另一種忐忑，另一種不安。239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEo6bUzx87Y
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSdoD6dqzdX
櫥窗五光十色，路人絡繹不絕。人潮亂中有序，不約而同在紅色燈號前止住，然後在綠色燈號亮起當刻同時邁步。一致得神奇，一致得可怕。並肩而行的男男女女在過路以後分道揚鑣，不為曾經的遇見生起任何印象或猶豫。239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ux5T41RSZ
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf3WXACVdZr
心血來潮，我莫名其妙拐到小巷去。239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrYqbAVkbpB
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo5Lvpi2Bee
污水，雜物，廚餘，鼠餌，坑渠。239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmnwx8jDc87
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaodwmxN1xz
髒，亂，腐，毒，臭。239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD52HAUclPX
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ1b2vWp2Qz
為何要到這種地方來？不是捷徑，不知盡頭何處，不懷目的……239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjXGhUzAGjk
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJIIrYhZx3v
小巷盡處是另一小巷，盡頭以後是另一開始。路接路，走又走。不停前行，像是正在找出口；絕不回頭，像是不打算找到真正出口。239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkW2LY2NMRc
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1MYEIxbqS8
厭煩日常走過的路，不欲重覆。若問想要到甚麼地方去，其實我沒有答案。很奇妙。眼下似乎有很多選擇，實質一切已成定局。那是大街，這是小巷。大街在明，小巷在暗。大街繁華，小巷冷清。239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv6AgSyw39y
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkFCkglqYkE
註定的。239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyi1dcQUXlA
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyvcHd1L7W6
冷清小巷盡頭會有好東西麼？我不相信，亦不願輕言不相信。239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOqXI2rdkjK
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDb7iveeMxB
汪——汪——嗚——拐角傳來狗隻悲鳴。239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWfjpHh67JM
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYPS0yvbyCB
停步。猶疑。239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPALaInCYII
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡopfzu7cn2G
惻隱？慈悲？然後呢？根本沒有然後，因為我自顧不暇。239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyi80Mcu6Nh
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYAIvbloAwr
轉身。239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGj9e75nzHn
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpiwI3546We
汪——汪——嗚——拐角狗隻再次悲鳴。239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbG42sHMLBj
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXCl8qy5Qbl
我回身走去。239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYKhBe1gqnb
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUsofx5k3Pb
惻隱？慈悲？不，好奇罷。239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIydDmeBFTU
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡinPNR2ak3C
把小狗抱入懷內。239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡafvVlPdgdq
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1dLyiWCH23
「暖和沒？」我傻傻自語——嘴巴極需要說話理由。239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8WzgnZj86W
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwMar2YTkUu
陣風從後疾過，寒意夾雜水氣與鹹香。239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlIgtCwIvG2
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRihbnGjEO3
海風？海濱公園步道？239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYuLpfVG7UO
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7IMuppvDI5
「一起散步去吧。」我沒期望小狗會回答，但我需要溜達原因。239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLOJ1LO112X
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN8ynG0KdSb
多拐兩個彎，我帶著小狗在兩幢高樓之間走出來，恰巧看見銀月自海平面升起。清澄，純淨，圓滿。239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEyfUFPsoSZ
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm1EcNeCb8Z
「看！這是月亮。」我指天示意小狗往上望去。239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrFywubdKFW
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjQXMmNPzig
汪——牠回答，但沒有依指示抬頭。239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuYc2dL2f31
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbgCQ6W75pb
「找個好地方坐坐吧！」為免小狗中途跑掉，我微微拉下外套拉鏈，把小狗往內塞。牠沒反抗，甚至懂得稍為伸出頭部，方便呼吸和看風景。我真慶幸剛才沒有對牠視若無睹：「乖。」239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVdRZmcaUar
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrznejgaXnC
銀月清冷，步道冷清，寧靜。心跳規律，呼吸有序，乏味。回憶很多，未知更多，迷惘。239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt3zoPYMc0n
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUE62mFA8VP
「我上一次來海濱公園是小學畢業後的那個暑假。與幾個特別要好的男生相約到來踩roller，跌了幾跤，膝蓋流血。明明怕血，明明怕痛，偏偏為保面子而強說無事，硬撐一整天。結果翌日膝蓋腫黑大片，痛得要命，不得不到醫院求醫。結果在醫院留醫足足兩個月，九月中才可到新學校上課。」我在路邊長椅坐下，拆開一包贈品肉乾給小狗充飢，報答牠聽我發牢騷。239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfMykmQU1OX
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1WEOllIqw6
「留醫期間，我生氣朋友們不來探望我，打算出院後臭罵他們一頓。出院後，我忙於學校課業，忘記致電他們，然後順理成章忘記他們。當我再次想起他們，已是高中畢業的事。」我點菸，一吸一呼，虛假短暫的舒爽。「其實沒甚麼大不了，無需要記在腦袋裡。但事情就是發生過，不是說忘記就可以忘記。」239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHiluptX6bn
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcKR8CG8wRE
記憶零碎，思路紊亂。嘴巴想要表達更多，無奈腦袋運轉不來，沒能將感受化為言語……算了吧。反正小狗根本沒興趣聽下去。239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJQ0oD9LpgO
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVAhVGxfqtn
「你似乎對肉乾比較有興趣。」我又拆開一包肉乾予牠。牠吃得津津有味，舌頭不時舔舔嘴邊，甚至舔到小小鼻頭。239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx4BWKxzDGo
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrDZ9YrNNCR
我笑，笑牠傻氣可愛。239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4KBHiY4kuk
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMGrpQRrTj9
又吸一口虛假短暫的舒爽。又呼一口難以言喻的鬱悶。239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSck9n9MLdX
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVbfzhnAnuS
鬱悶何來？239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ67JJDiyAV
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQp1N6Kopdu
學業壓力？愛情煩惱？家庭不和？239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRDPJwzje76
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVaJmdAlTXL
也許統統都是，也許統統不是。239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOrbvPhpKIP
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxYPnIrAtpe
多件零星不順心瑣碎事湊在一起成為一股無法消弭的鬱悶。239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWmGx6RHGyR
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmaWhvX5YuY
有如一根經過繁複工序生產的香菸。239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfsq8JHDVCW
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7NFAkv5NoZ
有如一塊由豬肉、糖、鹽、增味劑、醬油、香辛料、護色劑、色素組成的肉乾。239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj5IaMwZ4Mw
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡytHYNmAHu7
「好吃吧。」我又拆開一包肉乾。趁小狗專心咬嚼，我彈走菸屁股，將牠從懷裡抽出，來個深深擁抱。239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3q2n0o82Zi
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDJI85pHPGJ
然後呢？根本沒有然後。239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBBHrVf8Owf
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVJ9sUablNR
我輕輕放下小狗，動身邁步離開。239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4gIbtz9GZ7
239Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNwtNp37LZM
正如牠知道我身上沒有更多肉乾，自然而然不會跟上來。
註：此篇會另收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》
ns3.22.217.190da2
然後按「加至主畫面」