許多時候，我會莫名其妙感到憂鬱難過。明明沒有發生過特別事情，我的憂鬱難過於旁人彷彿無病呻吟。於是，可以開解我的只能是我自己。我會獨處或散步，調整心情。
「去哪？」248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBmpUJDu54c
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCzJuYjViWl
「急事。」248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhPtZTdhISq
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbVFei5htH4
「你不吃晚餐？」248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOR4JFVRqwr
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg7jiGTSo7J
我沒應答，逕自出門。248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Zd2u1uYTD
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwzTLN4F68l
冬夜六時。厚衣下的溫暖身軀與袒露的臉和手，不協調感令我忐忑不安。248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs9t2bnkGHM
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnTPdgak7mw
難以言喻的鬱悶。248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzit6w5zVwm
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIrpxMGJKsB
長嘆。248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIxe0ptcnbK
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy4z2v2z06K
「紅萬。」我邊說邊掏出八達通。248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeDwyTc5xfH
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ07K4SLMZhK
店員爽快從身後陳列架取來貨品，熟練在收銀機屏幕上點點按按，然後給我贈品——果汁味肉乾三小包。我有意無意瞄了瞄她的臉。大眾臉，過目即忘。248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ60zlyaVy1b
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVloFRfwSL9
「不需要贈品？」她驀地抬眼，與我眼神對上。是發現我的無禮目光嗎？248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCYj4FmoHku
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmCnwhNfHKn
「我……錯認是口香糖。」我慌忙編個爛藉口，連忙接過香菸和肉乾。248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqXnx8OTAWT
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnCai4rgtPh
她假笑，沒再搭理我，拿起抹布四處抹。248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiwT8VvIv7t
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKZ1dLNYR5O
我走出光線充足的便利店，重踏漆黑夜空下的大街。248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSCBhquC8nE
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMR20w25kY8
另一種不協調。另一種忐忑，另一種不安。248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1mlkzYDIur
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ9J40Y39Dy
櫥窗五光十色，路人絡繹不絕。人潮亂中有序，不約而同在紅色燈號前止住，然後在綠色燈號亮起當刻同時邁步。一致得神奇，一致得可怕。並肩而行的男男女女在過路以後分道揚鑣，不為曾經的遇見生起任何印象或猶豫。248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1hFX5a2M69
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhDWBGS0tO5
心血來潮，我莫名其妙拐到小巷去。248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLM3m8i6Tdd
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPOImK722Da
污水，雜物，廚餘，鼠餌，坑渠。248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWV5CEOLMu9
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ktHEZ7lzs
髒，亂，腐，毒，臭。248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAcmcIvB6zC
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAaEhTHWklF
為何要到這種地方來？不是捷徑，不知盡頭何處，不懷目的……248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6jj6QsZ8R1
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq1E6ff2xGM
小巷盡處是另一小巷，盡頭以後是另一開始。路接路，走又走。不停前行，像是正在找出口；絕不回頭，像是不打算找到真正出口。248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6WJ7FEz6cY
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6HuM51kyrF
厭煩日常走過的路，不欲重覆。若問想要到甚麼地方去，其實我沒有答案。很奇妙。眼下似乎有很多選擇，實質一切已成定局。那是大街，這是小巷。大街在明，小巷在暗。大街繁華，小巷冷清。248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxSVacZvHbk
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPDGckkeKgZ
註定的。248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDu9AV8m0Pa
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXtIg6u4FhR
冷清小巷盡頭會有好東西麼？我不相信，亦不願輕言不相信。248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWPhlZzG9uW
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBQY4D7jdri
汪——汪——嗚——拐角傳來狗隻悲鳴。248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQE6ouaJ6L6
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc1nbiekjR7
停步。猶疑。248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsDPrBgSOw2
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAElHRhB27Q
惻隱？慈悲？然後呢？根本沒有然後，因為我自顧不暇。248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWmP5A7H5xy
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeUOkQk26di
轉身。248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL198R0Tdcn
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6HlZr0EFWE
汪——汪——嗚——拐角狗隻再次悲鳴。248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeDvyVSkf0P
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIbs0qu5QV6
我回身走去。248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtitGmCa8PA
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUzfpiYFVjT
惻隱？慈悲？不，好奇罷。248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0n50XV2NOG
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvpVZIpN5Hg
把小狗抱入懷內。248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyQGYQdm2AP
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ9Ue72qa5O
「暖和沒？」我傻傻自語——嘴巴極需要說話理由。248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeQdyNSQG5M
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFKjvMf0zvE
陣風從後疾過，寒意夾雜水氣與鹹香。248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgHEtD4xF8D
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXEwF3UGOp7
海風？海濱公園步道？248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCoo76oWPiV
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmsAbkEkV5o
「一起散步去吧。」我沒期望小狗會回答，但我需要溜達原因。248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwk9s87xg3T
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa20mahr38O
多拐兩個彎，我帶著小狗在兩幢高樓之間走出來，恰巧看見銀月自海平面升起。清澄，純淨，圓滿。248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuNYOV5JxY6
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkkx5Ea7zQt
「看！這是月亮。」我指天示意小狗往上望去。248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAxU8HioFLo
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7F7sVqWqjF
汪——牠回答，但沒有依指示抬頭。248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCk6w767g7H
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnE7Qb02bdb
「找個好地方坐坐吧！」為免小狗中途跑掉，我微微拉下外套拉鏈，把小狗往內塞。牠沒反抗，甚至懂得稍為伸出頭部，方便呼吸和看風景。我真慶幸剛才沒有對牠視若無睹：「乖。」248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFHiTtimNBt
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpl8b08S0dl
銀月清冷，步道冷清，寧靜。心跳規律，呼吸有序，乏味。回憶很多，未知更多，迷惘。248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi15rxI8L15
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaD70rbxKh8
「我上一次來海濱公園是小學畢業後的那個暑假。與幾個特別要好的男生相約到來踩roller，跌了幾跤，膝蓋流血。明明怕血，明明怕痛，偏偏為保面子而強說無事，硬撐一整天。結果翌日膝蓋腫黑大片，痛得要命，不得不到醫院求醫。結果在醫院留醫足足兩個月，九月中才可到新學校上課。」我在路邊長椅坐下，拆開一包贈品肉乾給小狗充飢，報答牠聽我發牢騷。248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡixmCNmqFiG
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJmDT07zbS4
「留醫期間，我生氣朋友們不來探望我，打算出院後臭罵他們一頓。出院後，我忙於學校課業，忘記致電他們，然後順理成章忘記他們。當我再次想起他們，已是高中畢業的事。」我點菸，一吸一呼，虛假短暫的舒爽。「其實沒甚麼大不了，無需要記在腦袋裡。但事情就是發生過，不是說忘記就可以忘記。」248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXyxOUC9dPx
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt5XoKGn0M6
記憶零碎，思路紊亂。嘴巴想要表達更多，無奈腦袋運轉不來，沒能將感受化為言語……算了吧。反正小狗根本沒興趣聽下去。248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7KYHiSkHKO
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxHhPEyKV27
「你似乎對肉乾比較有興趣。」我又拆開一包肉乾予牠。牠吃得津津有味，舌頭不時舔舔嘴邊，甚至舔到小小鼻頭。248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡENHqkSECkR
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCmmXo83sD2
我笑，笑牠傻氣可愛。248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRjzV7lNEaS
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbBcBGPMTiq
又吸一口虛假短暫的舒爽。又呼一口難以言喻的鬱悶。248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZZWOw2rvXu
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzh0NkMbjvR
鬱悶何來？248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvKnA2Wq3Fv
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE4ND9Gmfyi
學業壓力？愛情煩惱？家庭不和？248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVzEpHDE3eM
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXFi6SfGo9n
也許統統都是，也許統統不是。248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSfeS266yVo
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRRk6xk7I3D
多件零星不順心瑣碎事湊在一起成為一股無法消弭的鬱悶。248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjczhViMMLK
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOfKSu2gwFd
有如一根經過繁複工序生產的香菸。248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6dJnrNEzrK
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzjMzzUhsuk
有如一塊由豬肉、糖、鹽、增味劑、醬油、香辛料、護色劑、色素組成的肉乾。248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJG3BjDE9ZD
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmP5rZ9fmyl
「好吃吧。」我又拆開一包肉乾。趁小狗專心咬嚼，我彈走菸屁股，將牠從懷裡抽出，來個深深擁抱。248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3fKAhJBMkR
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZMHqK4JRfV
然後呢？根本沒有然後。248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡphhHHBERal
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnoHPQ5EyHG
我輕輕放下小狗，動身邁步離開。248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrgpYs9lqVn
248Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnKmnONzYzG
正如牠知道我身上沒有更多肉乾，自然而然不會跟上來。
註：此篇會另收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》
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