許多時候，我會莫名其妙感到憂鬱難過。明明沒有發生過特別事情，我的憂鬱難過於旁人彷彿無病呻吟。於是，可以開解我的只能是我自己。我會獨處或散步，調整心情。
「去哪？」213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY1uqUjsETR
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ720vCYlQy7
「急事。」213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtkxGaQD820
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqKDZbGUqt4
「你不吃晚餐？」213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtTn3lmNtbk
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn1JBpRXzJt
我沒應答，逕自出門。213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO71sC1LoXo
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqIGAkkVx1P
冬夜六時。厚衣下的溫暖身軀與袒露的臉和手，不協調感令我忐忑不安。213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5dImPacnmh
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFeZgTJUKn7
難以言喻的鬱悶。213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNBuSfb9L2f
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1BY3vfBLhJ
長嘆。213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmSUVljtj1r
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwLyZsI03Qc
「紅萬。」我邊說邊掏出八達通。213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAWKct5MVXX
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ41OvZYap6K
店員爽快從身後陳列架取來貨品，熟練在收銀機屏幕上點點按按，然後給我贈品——果汁味肉乾三小包。我有意無意瞄了瞄她的臉。大眾臉，過目即忘。213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI6QvHOd8Ci
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdTzxp5NVsD
「不需要贈品？」她驀地抬眼，與我眼神對上。是發現我的無禮目光嗎？213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1zwILOLXTK
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL9ZBWSjerK
「我……錯認是口香糖。」我慌忙編個爛藉口，連忙接過香菸和肉乾。213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQxb7HgDlxJ
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgrrR6ld5dp
她假笑，沒再搭理我，拿起抹布四處抹。213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZCpZ6lhSHp
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIcXkpp1xin
我走出光線充足的便利店，重踏漆黑夜空下的大街。213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdTtAVhrkHm
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGiffaIRobZ
另一種不協調。另一種忐忑，另一種不安。213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ24A9uksBw9
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2sYsWDwIwT
櫥窗五光十色，路人絡繹不絕。人潮亂中有序，不約而同在紅色燈號前止住，然後在綠色燈號亮起當刻同時邁步。一致得神奇，一致得可怕。並肩而行的男男女女在過路以後分道揚鑣，不為曾經的遇見生起任何印象或猶豫。213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK8e2y6DXJQ
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTovr4lctlP
心血來潮，我莫名其妙拐到小巷去。213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFFjC5mkJyp
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQVnGChuSuB
污水，雜物，廚餘，鼠餌，坑渠。213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ77fAP5U7hs
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqjlD8cT9Sq
髒，亂，腐，毒，臭。213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDO6RMEtghM
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtz5qcjn9CO
為何要到這種地方來？不是捷徑，不知盡頭何處，不懷目的……213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy1o99bYWhI
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLomC7TAWX7
小巷盡處是另一小巷，盡頭以後是另一開始。路接路，走又走。不停前行，像是正在找出口；絕不回頭，像是不打算找到真正出口。213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGyBI2p3WRm
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAwbbcZLvC5
厭煩日常走過的路，不欲重覆。若問想要到甚麼地方去，其實我沒有答案。很奇妙。眼下似乎有很多選擇，實質一切已成定局。那是大街，這是小巷。大街在明，小巷在暗。大街繁華，小巷冷清。213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdA8o9NvyNN
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp9r3DDzIC7
註定的。213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpSpy1AX52n
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj5kWTAT4Fw
冷清小巷盡頭會有好東西麼？我不相信，亦不願輕言不相信。213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPP8NK0C3S0
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRBbqvJfXJg
汪——汪——嗚——拐角傳來狗隻悲鳴。213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO7D0Vreo8K
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtQUGzLTK0i
停步。猶疑。213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiXDSzwjhGJ
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡneeHvpHHsF
惻隱？慈悲？然後呢？根本沒有然後，因為我自顧不暇。213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKN8fXg1rKv
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFWHmrUzzAt
轉身。213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS0iK8DTYRj
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS81xDxjhTG
汪——汪——嗚——拐角狗隻再次悲鳴。213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE47EZeAXdt
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfGQlNaevY1
我回身走去。213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡql3YqvRDXC
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAPfhoDnyqC
惻隱？慈悲？不，好奇罷。213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLl31JxiKnL
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡES9Ea4wZEj
把小狗抱入懷內。213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7PHX5C7Kyf
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8G3giSxjaa
「暖和沒？」我傻傻自語——嘴巴極需要說話理由。213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBv6y2zLPQJ
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXhGUoRmowQ
陣風從後疾過，寒意夾雜水氣與鹹香。213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlctLw7eteu
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGDnUyqhDcN
海風？海濱公園步道？213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVlcdruczLK
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP4Rp9liXPF
「一起散步去吧。」我沒期望小狗會回答，但我需要溜達原因。213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcE68RUb0qK
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKW2npo2Oab
多拐兩個彎，我帶著小狗在兩幢高樓之間走出來，恰巧看見銀月自海平面升起。清澄，純淨，圓滿。213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzGKACvQWaY
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfSH8cBPE5b
「看！這是月亮。」我指天示意小狗往上望去。213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ98jJdlVjMt
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR1HmmO8spe
汪——牠回答，但沒有依指示抬頭。213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjKJy9gpQuG
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcannc4bvvE
「找個好地方坐坐吧！」為免小狗中途跑掉，我微微拉下外套拉鏈，把小狗往內塞。牠沒反抗，甚至懂得稍為伸出頭部，方便呼吸和看風景。我真慶幸剛才沒有對牠視若無睹：「乖。」213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTvnKnXYTaR
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDvKcsJtqI5
銀月清冷，步道冷清，寧靜。心跳規律，呼吸有序，乏味。回憶很多，未知更多，迷惘。213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo3898WznNh
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH1wJcFKvtS
「我上一次來海濱公園是小學畢業後的那個暑假。與幾個特別要好的男生相約到來踩roller，跌了幾跤，膝蓋流血。明明怕血，明明怕痛，偏偏為保面子而強說無事，硬撐一整天。結果翌日膝蓋腫黑大片，痛得要命，不得不到醫院求醫。結果在醫院留醫足足兩個月，九月中才可到新學校上課。」我在路邊長椅坐下，拆開一包贈品肉乾給小狗充飢，報答牠聽我發牢騷。213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE7xqbHha5I
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Vfn9M4OzI
「留醫期間，我生氣朋友們不來探望我，打算出院後臭罵他們一頓。出院後，我忙於學校課業，忘記致電他們，然後順理成章忘記他們。當我再次想起他們，已是高中畢業的事。」我點菸，一吸一呼，虛假短暫的舒爽。「其實沒甚麼大不了，無需要記在腦袋裡。但事情就是發生過，不是說忘記就可以忘記。」213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuWk8OeHsAt
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdb9hXNIWf3
記憶零碎，思路紊亂。嘴巴想要表達更多，無奈腦袋運轉不來，沒能將感受化為言語……算了吧。反正小狗根本沒興趣聽下去。213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2lQru6r31v
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcRaeEiT6XR
「你似乎對肉乾比較有興趣。」我又拆開一包肉乾予牠。牠吃得津津有味，舌頭不時舔舔嘴邊，甚至舔到小小鼻頭。213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyYwvocwKFH
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnqplZ19mBp
我笑，笑牠傻氣可愛。213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWW3gsVee6g
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtnDOeqHbbI
又吸一口虛假短暫的舒爽。又呼一口難以言喻的鬱悶。213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMUdEeGppFq
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsej9WzZ0G9
鬱悶何來？213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSa4TznK3c7
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkqrE6EgGt7
學業壓力？愛情煩惱？家庭不和？213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2CXpuJNKNp
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjaMlXnu2ys
也許統統都是，也許統統不是。213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLJc1njNhq1
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRjrbAkkXu7
多件零星不順心瑣碎事湊在一起成為一股無法消弭的鬱悶。213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRUMxbvPSCP
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2IeO8peYUx
有如一根經過繁複工序生產的香菸。213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhMP4asBYIt
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2SJVVlgi3q
有如一塊由豬肉、糖、鹽、增味劑、醬油、香辛料、護色劑、色素組成的肉乾。213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhr757TM93k
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaoxQ0vLJJx
「好吃吧。」我又拆開一包肉乾。趁小狗專心咬嚼，我彈走菸屁股，將牠從懷裡抽出，來個深深擁抱。213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWi5uWUO5tV
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBKhkweRlcu
然後呢？根本沒有然後。213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOkcrtwk8OQ
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC4toa7xUPS
我輕輕放下小狗，動身邁步離開。213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFsPXqD8KPY
213Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6adNWeS3iO
正如牠知道我身上沒有更多肉乾，自然而然不會跟上來。
註：此篇會另收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》
ns3.15.0.242da2
然後按「加至主畫面」