許多時候，我會莫名其妙感到憂鬱難過。明明沒有發生過特別事情，我的憂鬱難過於旁人彷彿無病呻吟。於是，可以開解我的只能是我自己。我會獨處或散步，調整心情。
「去哪？」290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ZFhLbhIaA
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Rl6KPpQsg
「急事。」290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ40xAcqtspx
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo4Eoo3O3GX
「你不吃晚餐？」290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaSOOch7rPs
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq8FualspGk
我沒應答，逕自出門。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡImLWeiGS9o
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJo6E78QI8m
冬夜六時。厚衣下的溫暖身軀與袒露的臉和手，不協調感令我忐忑不安。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU5NEC02VnH
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIiWFWGl8QF
難以言喻的鬱悶。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡORmP0BWuvs
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ36H2VhCmIJ
長嘆。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQCPzMrGjf3
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡadTfX61FSn
「紅萬。」我邊說邊掏出八達通。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvtWoWkkMt2
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYvddDgksuR
店員爽快從身後陳列架取來貨品，熟練在收銀機屏幕上點點按按，然後給我贈品——果汁味肉乾三小包。我有意無意瞄了瞄她的臉。大眾臉，過目即忘。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNURt1asl7J
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCnFWir3RPl
「不需要贈品？」她驀地抬眼，與我眼神對上。是發現我的無禮目光嗎？290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7hvO68BNkY
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡslO8aDS2nP
「我……錯認是口香糖。」我慌忙編個爛藉口，連忙接過香菸和肉乾。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0eEkbDKlWs
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH7E7cjztwY
她假笑，沒再搭理我，拿起抹布四處抹。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMsYllWzcZ0
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡknKab73VnD
我走出光線充足的便利店，重踏漆黑夜空下的大街。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhHZPJbJHj4
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ2Wt61gjZE
另一種不協調。另一種忐忑，另一種不安。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxZlY1YBAff
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDcQCiI1Tao
櫥窗五光十色，路人絡繹不絕。人潮亂中有序，不約而同在紅色燈號前止住，然後在綠色燈號亮起當刻同時邁步。一致得神奇，一致得可怕。並肩而行的男男女女在過路以後分道揚鑣，不為曾經的遇見生起任何印象或猶豫。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV3mg2xNjBK
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfqjN7m4rL5
心血來潮，我莫名其妙拐到小巷去。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3pFdmSbhnH
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrmZSRjH1dL
污水，雜物，廚餘，鼠餌，坑渠。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrWNaW1cuyv
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvVI8GLXwia
髒，亂，腐，毒，臭。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ6SqRD7jMQ
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxUnN68fufY
為何要到這種地方來？不是捷徑，不知盡頭何處，不懷目的……290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMssqrC5NHt
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL3Ifa8cd75
小巷盡處是另一小巷，盡頭以後是另一開始。路接路，走又走。不停前行，像是正在找出口；絕不回頭，像是不打算找到真正出口。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7xLoKYXQjS
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc9RsXAEsrq
厭煩日常走過的路，不欲重覆。若問想要到甚麼地方去，其實我沒有答案。很奇妙。眼下似乎有很多選擇，實質一切已成定局。那是大街，這是小巷。大街在明，小巷在暗。大街繁華，小巷冷清。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAPVxcmnwwg
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡffZ5xhtAcq
註定的。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJSwx3CC3hm
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmVh6eJXRdt
冷清小巷盡頭會有好東西麼？我不相信，亦不願輕言不相信。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1bnKnhKx04
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeUgrEFa7fw
汪——汪——嗚——拐角傳來狗隻悲鳴。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMOKmRAE1uk
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1vzsrsF8Hc
停步。猶疑。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLY5H27vKKE
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjETKpZcX7Y
惻隱？慈悲？然後呢？根本沒有然後，因為我自顧不暇。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2BLqrQTqjo
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjDGhcPcxYV
轉身。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHtmwuYXLuk
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2psy0iFsD8
汪——汪——嗚——拐角狗隻再次悲鳴。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDUdi1L0q6a
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0axMgFXmBc
我回身走去。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGr9jMFwaSp
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ88EHkdQE9z
惻隱？慈悲？不，好奇罷。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmM1t945oQF
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3tsbCfc0TF
把小狗抱入懷內。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPl6gDaQzv4
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvmtUA5ojkl
「暖和沒？」我傻傻自語——嘴巴極需要說話理由。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxMiQ2LIT3o
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSQFPmJquqT
陣風從後疾過，寒意夾雜水氣與鹹香。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5h7i71SH6L
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNbi4HNe6kY
海風？海濱公園步道？290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡShBqopnbYW
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh38DLeLjir
「一起散步去吧。」我沒期望小狗會回答，但我需要溜達原因。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZsqZlxftQ8
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSZbOl5M2hb
多拐兩個彎，我帶著小狗在兩幢高樓之間走出來，恰巧看見銀月自海平面升起。清澄，純淨，圓滿。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBHPlzKq0Cz
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0QW4qgeuoo
「看！這是月亮。」我指天示意小狗往上望去。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6SNZw3pEUQ
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡex11xecMBy
汪——牠回答，但沒有依指示抬頭。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrTUT5OGetJ
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjxsVKFYoMu
「找個好地方坐坐吧！」為免小狗中途跑掉，我微微拉下外套拉鏈，把小狗往內塞。牠沒反抗，甚至懂得稍為伸出頭部，方便呼吸和看風景。我真慶幸剛才沒有對牠視若無睹：「乖。」290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0G2UJbxVjg
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuxK25iIS6j
銀月清冷，步道冷清，寧靜。心跳規律，呼吸有序，乏味。回憶很多，未知更多，迷惘。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvd7TM7cIjk
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8gcHBjmyht
「我上一次來海濱公園是小學畢業後的那個暑假。與幾個特別要好的男生相約到來踩roller，跌了幾跤，膝蓋流血。明明怕血，明明怕痛，偏偏為保面子而強說無事，硬撐一整天。結果翌日膝蓋腫黑大片，痛得要命，不得不到醫院求醫。結果在醫院留醫足足兩個月，九月中才可到新學校上課。」我在路邊長椅坐下，拆開一包贈品肉乾給小狗充飢，報答牠聽我發牢騷。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHqyV4BuAWJ
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh0rX3u7Hs8
「留醫期間，我生氣朋友們不來探望我，打算出院後臭罵他們一頓。出院後，我忙於學校課業，忘記致電他們，然後順理成章忘記他們。當我再次想起他們，已是高中畢業的事。」我點菸，一吸一呼，虛假短暫的舒爽。「其實沒甚麼大不了，無需要記在腦袋裡。但事情就是發生過，不是說忘記就可以忘記。」290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnUzHXfg8No
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡATp0DYXS98
記憶零碎，思路紊亂。嘴巴想要表達更多，無奈腦袋運轉不來，沒能將感受化為言語……算了吧。反正小狗根本沒興趣聽下去。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOWugGoZcfC
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYt1VaR2Ydh
「你似乎對肉乾比較有興趣。」我又拆開一包肉乾予牠。牠吃得津津有味，舌頭不時舔舔嘴邊，甚至舔到小小鼻頭。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ03wnuA0TkO
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY1QYil3wQg
我笑，笑牠傻氣可愛。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvhyVmFacx2
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTWtk3VmNx3
又吸一口虛假短暫的舒爽。又呼一口難以言喻的鬱悶。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBs2EonOaMc
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdQByEDdqrV
鬱悶何來？290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjIzpqpZ9Kz
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIfYCzqM3Fi
學業壓力？愛情煩惱？家庭不和？290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRmtgT0lojv
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvdyOOEOIao
也許統統都是，也許統統不是。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgxctFdsgrG
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGVidYY9fA7
多件零星不順心瑣碎事湊在一起成為一股無法消弭的鬱悶。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2wxKlX8819
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Hbf4ekzi6
有如一根經過繁複工序生產的香菸。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ04oHCqKUyV
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd3siUQEAx1
有如一塊由豬肉、糖、鹽、增味劑、醬油、香辛料、護色劑、色素組成的肉乾。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh5KIh2cx6B
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ20OdF6EZ4K
「好吃吧。」我又拆開一包肉乾。趁小狗專心咬嚼，我彈走菸屁股，將牠從懷裡抽出，來個深深擁抱。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5lUfEClO97
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhJ6v4hoKVq
然後呢？根本沒有然後。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHbNVgmLNbi
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFeBvVfghW7
我輕輕放下小狗，動身邁步離開。290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGugkWxogyJ
290Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7KGt5VQ79T
正如牠知道我身上沒有更多肉乾，自然而然不會跟上來。
註：此篇會另收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》
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