許多時候，我會莫名其妙感到憂鬱難過。明明沒有發生過特別事情，我的憂鬱難過於旁人彷彿無病呻吟。於是，可以開解我的只能是我自己。我會獨處或散步，調整心情。
「去哪？」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3RNxGVifZX
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg2PiiaMP3s
「急事。」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0pxwQIvDp9
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkjEN1yZsXN
「你不吃晚餐？」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Rx0oa5b4H
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZZnH1t9HtN
我沒應答，逕自出門。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqNozTXTzL7
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkfy4LQTrvP
冬夜六時。厚衣下的溫暖身軀與袒露的臉和手，不協調感令我忐忑不安。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhHY5VAa5j9
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDVBN7nRJuc
難以言喻的鬱悶。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKAqC43ztSM
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxS2dMhKdQn
長嘆。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVbaEW4TZdS
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWNc3Pq3YOR
「紅萬。」我邊說邊掏出八達通。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhEQqg9LXzK
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk5EHpNfOoL
店員爽快從身後陳列架取來貨品，熟練在收銀機屏幕上點點按按，然後給我贈品——果汁味肉乾三小包。我有意無意瞄了瞄她的臉。大眾臉，過目即忘。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjoZfVZcpQb
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFLgURdsB78
「不需要贈品？」她驀地抬眼，與我眼神對上。是發現我的無禮目光嗎？407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ44BgovDyTJ
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK3WtJngQsn
「我……錯認是口香糖。」我慌忙編個爛藉口，連忙接過香菸和肉乾。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡabPNvvHdmx
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbhkbsjG6ch
她假笑，沒再搭理我，拿起抹布四處抹。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwHvkGgyW3i
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUVpYucOE9k
我走出光線充足的便利店，重踏漆黑夜空下的大街。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUxsOZQo31D
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡckJJE2u85D
另一種不協調。另一種忐忑，另一種不安。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJY1wFz8qlT
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCpjFEc5F05
櫥窗五光十色，路人絡繹不絕。人潮亂中有序，不約而同在紅色燈號前止住，然後在綠色燈號亮起當刻同時邁步。一致得神奇，一致得可怕。並肩而行的男男女女在過路以後分道揚鑣，不為曾經的遇見生起任何印象或猶豫。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcgY7FUmzPx
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Sh0uMPk4m
心血來潮，我莫名其妙拐到小巷去。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzxMW7KmuHa
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOCvCkFka7D
污水，雜物，廚餘，鼠餌，坑渠。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDT4iRoJSGd
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkNdo2l21CB
髒，亂，腐，毒，臭。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUahzXj1BM6
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe2fR9u6FeP
為何要到這種地方來？不是捷徑，不知盡頭何處，不懷目的……407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCspYwh6iGm
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ10kY5aZbXs
小巷盡處是另一小巷，盡頭以後是另一開始。路接路，走又走。不停前行，像是正在找出口；絕不回頭，像是不打算找到真正出口。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNvJfMorw4X
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGD0ssYlEid
厭煩日常走過的路，不欲重覆。若問想要到甚麼地方去，其實我沒有答案。很奇妙。眼下似乎有很多選擇，實質一切已成定局。那是大街，這是小巷。大街在明，小巷在暗。大街繁華，小巷冷清。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzNDQvAr8VY
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡovmQr7ajfL
註定的。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS2x5odcNN8
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNQoVgevdv1
冷清小巷盡頭會有好東西麼？我不相信，亦不願輕言不相信。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTb8CIMKsXI
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9j4v2u2vPI
汪——汪——嗚——拐角傳來狗隻悲鳴。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLMPPtf3qAx
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIBzSrNdAPy
停步。猶疑。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDq3pvtnQRZ
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyml7ZGE9Dp
惻隱？慈悲？然後呢？根本沒有然後，因為我自顧不暇。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx8V4hPrJNZ
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeLiECdzZVE
轉身。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkuYmcLWNOx
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡifiUjBw31p
汪——汪——嗚——拐角狗隻再次悲鳴。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB6tFTumv53
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHTPawYlYTI
我回身走去。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo71A1qEgnY
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHISw0CCXco
惻隱？慈悲？不，好奇罷。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvHOCL6yZtz
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzd3sbRWx1e
把小狗抱入懷內。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWytOX0jUQQ
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4HXG44yasA
「暖和沒？」我傻傻自語——嘴巴極需要說話理由。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs27eK8Luuh
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡffoPpaCfCz
陣風從後疾過，寒意夾雜水氣與鹹香。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsNXAdz7L5T
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnfP7lnyj3v
海風？海濱公園步道？407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ12J6wkEkd7
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjQOYI65SSW
「一起散步去吧。」我沒期望小狗會回答，但我需要溜達原因。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1yyXh9PVxf
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwuajamuqWv
多拐兩個彎，我帶著小狗在兩幢高樓之間走出來，恰巧看見銀月自海平面升起。清澄，純淨，圓滿。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPFtGiU8Lfq
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGvdKfj3rmO
「看！這是月亮。」我指天示意小狗往上望去。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTQvzrAng2u
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjde3GdN9gq
汪——牠回答，但沒有依指示抬頭。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNWHdYV9n4x
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVrCF63deyO
「找個好地方坐坐吧！」為免小狗中途跑掉，我微微拉下外套拉鏈，把小狗往內塞。牠沒反抗，甚至懂得稍為伸出頭部，方便呼吸和看風景。我真慶幸剛才沒有對牠視若無睹：「乖。」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ35BmVY1rGW
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWHdOv1SrRA
銀月清冷，步道冷清，寧靜。心跳規律，呼吸有序，乏味。回憶很多，未知更多，迷惘。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjhjG8iY2vT
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoknqLymnqa
「我上一次來海濱公園是小學畢業後的那個暑假。與幾個特別要好的男生相約到來踩roller，跌了幾跤，膝蓋流血。明明怕血，明明怕痛，偏偏為保面子而強說無事，硬撐一整天。結果翌日膝蓋腫黑大片，痛得要命，不得不到醫院求醫。結果在醫院留醫足足兩個月，九月中才可到新學校上課。」我在路邊長椅坐下，拆開一包贈品肉乾給小狗充飢，報答牠聽我發牢騷。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlstUKeNWmG
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡffN8Goz8Nv
「留醫期間，我生氣朋友們不來探望我，打算出院後臭罵他們一頓。出院後，我忙於學校課業，忘記致電他們，然後順理成章忘記他們。當我再次想起他們，已是高中畢業的事。」我點菸，一吸一呼，虛假短暫的舒爽。「其實沒甚麼大不了，無需要記在腦袋裡。但事情就是發生過，不是說忘記就可以忘記。」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWdQJ2EzGZy
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ62zjiE5sRC
記憶零碎，思路紊亂。嘴巴想要表達更多，無奈腦袋運轉不來，沒能將感受化為言語……算了吧。反正小狗根本沒興趣聽下去。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFTo30qkHzp
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWxOwTLRGZk
「你似乎對肉乾比較有興趣。」我又拆開一包肉乾予牠。牠吃得津津有味，舌頭不時舔舔嘴邊，甚至舔到小小鼻頭。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDKyhtiXAGm
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpRj9Vt3Amw
我笑，笑牠傻氣可愛。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Dpr6xbbra
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ97QC6JkI8N
又吸一口虛假短暫的舒爽。又呼一口難以言喻的鬱悶。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡneFO6NJSaV
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFD83Ei7nRu
鬱悶何來？407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsO809KAZFN
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCh1vwW251f
學業壓力？愛情煩惱？家庭不和？407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwExeBLZbbK
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsC0lAQJjYD
也許統統都是，也許統統不是。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj5agICcfTw
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXyOMAjUqMR
多件零星不順心瑣碎事湊在一起成為一股無法消弭的鬱悶。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPEPG1282aB
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw5Bt5MHIEQ
有如一根經過繁複工序生產的香菸。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ03z4xmsfAN
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE5rPshjL5W
有如一塊由豬肉、糖、鹽、增味劑、醬油、香辛料、護色劑、色素組成的肉乾。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0JH5n54No2
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw69cWTQFe7
「好吃吧。」我又拆開一包肉乾。趁小狗專心咬嚼，我彈走菸屁股，將牠從懷裡抽出，來個深深擁抱。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyzPBTKp19g
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjcTeZ6qWlw
然後呢？根本沒有然後。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNl285CgQM0
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEkDU6NnAC3
我輕輕放下小狗，動身邁步離開。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKVduwzO3Gg
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡctqPw6enuD
正如牠知道我身上沒有更多肉乾，自然而然不會跟上來。
註：此篇會另收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》
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