許多時候，我會莫名其妙感到憂鬱難過。明明沒有發生過特別事情，我的憂鬱難過於旁人彷彿無病呻吟。於是，可以開解我的只能是我自己。我會獨處或散步，調整心情。
「去哪？」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVejozUsgW0
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「急事。」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyv7KFmiril
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「你不吃晚餐？」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy9u7woXgmK
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlpRLQlzu4k
我沒應答，逕自出門。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl2l3Q2HsTM
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEb3bp6ihgm
冬夜六時。厚衣下的溫暖身軀與袒露的臉和手，不協調感令我忐忑不安。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUpZb4MDodE
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjemTRDef75
難以言喻的鬱悶。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK3ouHnp6cd
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNoxdorzSCR
長嘆。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd0mlKUPPAJ
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbOUBigis1e
「紅萬。」我邊說邊掏出八達通。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlGdTPioE5d
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaJbFp0noIY
店員爽快從身後陳列架取來貨品，熟練在收銀機屏幕上點點按按，然後給我贈品——果汁味肉乾三小包。我有意無意瞄了瞄她的臉。大眾臉，過目即忘。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt8SZ20grz4
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBJy8ZlC0qu
「不需要贈品？」她驀地抬眼，與我眼神對上。是發現我的無禮目光嗎？285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR3HTABWShl
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTBbcoVFzMr
「我……錯認是口香糖。」我慌忙編個爛藉口，連忙接過香菸和肉乾。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWh94WuV5Bq
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlWqYjXPw3K
她假笑，沒再搭理我，拿起抹布四處抹。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSBODYW80AS
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw77odOeHca
我走出光線充足的便利店，重踏漆黑夜空下的大街。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfKsQcR5EpT
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHJyh6DZFlz
另一種不協調。另一種忐忑，另一種不安。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHjJjzfn050
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvM30Jky51E
櫥窗五光十色，路人絡繹不絕。人潮亂中有序，不約而同在紅色燈號前止住，然後在綠色燈號亮起當刻同時邁步。一致得神奇，一致得可怕。並肩而行的男男女女在過路以後分道揚鑣，不為曾經的遇見生起任何印象或猶豫。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIYAfU0TyWO
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXbqAVr1CHA
心血來潮，我莫名其妙拐到小巷去。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW1EVVOcTv4
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXJsOSjH4SF
污水，雜物，廚餘，鼠餌，坑渠。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqki3hcmCEJ
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp2ugZy7qpn
髒，亂，腐，毒，臭。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVIPY7uicID
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx1LsQQONIZ
為何要到這種地方來？不是捷徑，不知盡頭何處，不懷目的……285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQsdL5TMsSp
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpWXloCAGDG
小巷盡處是另一小巷，盡頭以後是另一開始。路接路，走又走。不停前行，像是正在找出口；絕不回頭，像是不打算找到真正出口。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd37JqH6y2K
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ05LFhQiPYe
厭煩日常走過的路，不欲重覆。若問想要到甚麼地方去，其實我沒有答案。很奇妙。眼下似乎有很多選擇，實質一切已成定局。那是大街，這是小巷。大街在明，小巷在暗。大街繁華，小巷冷清。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLdvJjIYq3z
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF1bgvnavdg
註定的。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡabsbEKoS3j
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfozZ1ibIFW
冷清小巷盡頭會有好東西麼？我不相信，亦不願輕言不相信。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5f97nngNVK
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNFdT5UYQty
汪——汪——嗚——拐角傳來狗隻悲鳴。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB3aVgBp8P7
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ830pg1nYRN
停步。猶疑。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx2ZVqV5RfA
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRswfuVdnQS
惻隱？慈悲？然後呢？根本沒有然後，因為我自顧不暇。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvkDp3yBfgM
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsFG5bSD9nq
轉身。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGAN34z67lP
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAseXzqkykf
汪——汪——嗚——拐角狗隻再次悲鳴。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFFmHPa9wIY
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgbJczaF96z
我回身走去。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1MTc0fSV1H
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwKkDVnjRHH
惻隱？慈悲？不，好奇罷。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Sb6QWLIjz
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiSIgKIERSv
把小狗抱入懷內。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡArTaKMQNys
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmc844qvnBo
「暖和沒？」我傻傻自語——嘴巴極需要說話理由。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAE92H55Rfo
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXXBlaFLyww
陣風從後疾過，寒意夾雜水氣與鹹香。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5J2P0dQ54L
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0MHSZWVHNV
海風？海濱公園步道？285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXGBMtI5P6E
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUye1vL9O6N
「一起散步去吧。」我沒期望小狗會回答，但我需要溜達原因。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwSYO9BMrwf
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBoOiTuOK4h
多拐兩個彎，我帶著小狗在兩幢高樓之間走出來，恰巧看見銀月自海平面升起。清澄，純淨，圓滿。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqUEDGFbLLb
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEtjgYGogqz
「看！這是月亮。」我指天示意小狗往上望去。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ58TrynL0ZF
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuFOQIc8gMU
汪——牠回答，但沒有依指示抬頭。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNyrE0hdlDk
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx9IG7mMjiK
「找個好地方坐坐吧！」為免小狗中途跑掉，我微微拉下外套拉鏈，把小狗往內塞。牠沒反抗，甚至懂得稍為伸出頭部，方便呼吸和看風景。我真慶幸剛才沒有對牠視若無睹：「乖。」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPtgsBZ96hH
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwKdojPngRd
銀月清冷，步道冷清，寧靜。心跳規律，呼吸有序，乏味。回憶很多，未知更多，迷惘。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuzPgezRGGe
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpBIYODBu01
「我上一次來海濱公園是小學畢業後的那個暑假。與幾個特別要好的男生相約到來踩roller，跌了幾跤，膝蓋流血。明明怕血，明明怕痛，偏偏為保面子而強說無事，硬撐一整天。結果翌日膝蓋腫黑大片，痛得要命，不得不到醫院求醫。結果在醫院留醫足足兩個月，九月中才可到新學校上課。」我在路邊長椅坐下，拆開一包贈品肉乾給小狗充飢，報答牠聽我發牢騷。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR0h4r2eZCD
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZFM8iFDAj0
「留醫期間，我生氣朋友們不來探望我，打算出院後臭罵他們一頓。出院後，我忙於學校課業，忘記致電他們，然後順理成章忘記他們。當我再次想起他們，已是高中畢業的事。」我點菸，一吸一呼，虛假短暫的舒爽。「其實沒甚麼大不了，無需要記在腦袋裡。但事情就是發生過，不是說忘記就可以忘記。」285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoGVvoF3uF6
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQJvXxU4YaU
記憶零碎，思路紊亂。嘴巴想要表達更多，無奈腦袋運轉不來，沒能將感受化為言語……算了吧。反正小狗根本沒興趣聽下去。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB3AcnavhFH
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkpnS75EGQV
「你似乎對肉乾比較有興趣。」我又拆開一包肉乾予牠。牠吃得津津有味，舌頭不時舔舔嘴邊，甚至舔到小小鼻頭。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIoHZn2nid6
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ47FuTf6Mg1
我笑，笑牠傻氣可愛。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCJnO7S2LOa
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfLcSFWHqLI
又吸一口虛假短暫的舒爽。又呼一口難以言喻的鬱悶。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs3nQefv2eb
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4yjtbxjR22
鬱悶何來？285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKHo4CPE98x
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpapHqpTjqv
學業壓力？愛情煩惱？家庭不和？285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWMmeYIIqV2
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT4H4WGtYjm
也許統統都是，也許統統不是。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEa0wmO3r51
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLv9IOPz4UQ
多件零星不順心瑣碎事湊在一起成為一股無法消弭的鬱悶。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIq0l29h4v1
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF8WHmOoItb
有如一根經過繁複工序生產的香菸。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCrXkqxviyJ
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ489J9BWwAJ
有如一塊由豬肉、糖、鹽、增味劑、醬油、香辛料、護色劑、色素組成的肉乾。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6AlpyUm5JN
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1mE1br8ssq
「好吃吧。」我又拆開一包肉乾。趁小狗專心咬嚼，我彈走菸屁股，將牠從懷裡抽出，來個深深擁抱。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeNYRSx3wlw
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr1YQ28qht1
然後呢？根本沒有然後。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLHfwZSvbUI
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡieLnjcYOyn
我輕輕放下小狗，動身邁步離開。285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9MratWHQAZ
285Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSNSQNO1Dy4
正如牠知道我身上沒有更多肉乾，自然而然不會跟上來。
註：此篇會另收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》
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