許多時候，我會莫名其妙感到憂鬱難過。明明沒有發生過特別事情，我的憂鬱難過於旁人彷彿無病呻吟。於是，可以開解我的只能是我自己。我會獨處或散步，調整心情。
「去哪？」250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYI43e6sp64
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「急事。」250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡemlqPnbKkT
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9qVeddSceO
「你不吃晚餐？」250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9fcOMRf1FZ
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBrM9w0IXoI
我沒應答，逕自出門。250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkGX1bAFZ3r
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXga1qs9rSi
冬夜六時。厚衣下的溫暖身軀與袒露的臉和手，不協調感令我忐忑不安。250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvwhzkRwILV
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUA0zo2IBrY
難以言喻的鬱悶。250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnTCGUA1CBr
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDRUmbosnxd
長嘆。250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡssmqQxaSzc
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3pS68CBY1l
「紅萬。」我邊說邊掏出八達通。250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrUMx8E9V4v
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpEm00TFBqF
店員爽快從身後陳列架取來貨品，熟練在收銀機屏幕上點點按按，然後給我贈品——果汁味肉乾三小包。我有意無意瞄了瞄她的臉。大眾臉，過目即忘。250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6AA88B5SQq
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPd6ClKDXA5
「不需要贈品？」她驀地抬眼，與我眼神對上。是發現我的無禮目光嗎？250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsdiyHmddPN
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpEQ2vPOW2J
「我……錯認是口香糖。」我慌忙編個爛藉口，連忙接過香菸和肉乾。250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWHh8LavKDL
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡygEIwSyCvK
她假笑，沒再搭理我，拿起抹布四處抹。250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi0vGeaOCzz
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlAUGXAjv61
我走出光線充足的便利店，重踏漆黑夜空下的大街。250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Bzm3andUp
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhXH5onZ6t7
另一種不協調。另一種忐忑，另一種不安。250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡApZzbuAJOq
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡojbjoHePoy
櫥窗五光十色，路人絡繹不絕。人潮亂中有序，不約而同在紅色燈號前止住，然後在綠色燈號亮起當刻同時邁步。一致得神奇，一致得可怕。並肩而行的男男女女在過路以後分道揚鑣，不為曾經的遇見生起任何印象或猶豫。250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1iukayrjrK
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIVkU7SZM4s
心血來潮，我莫名其妙拐到小巷去。250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfUYkNgi1Gz
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKjXIXk7lRl
污水，雜物，廚餘，鼠餌，坑渠。250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjLGuYt3mqe
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRLYI0S4nCG
髒，亂，腐，毒，臭。250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjqbf6vuh3H
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1DuFNRdrIc
為何要到這種地方來？不是捷徑，不知盡頭何處，不懷目的……250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMqQ613Z4el
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7VJqXNiAsP
小巷盡處是另一小巷，盡頭以後是另一開始。路接路，走又走。不停前行，像是正在找出口；絕不回頭，像是不打算找到真正出口。250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbdcV9r388F
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厭煩日常走過的路，不欲重覆。若問想要到甚麼地方去，其實我沒有答案。很奇妙。眼下似乎有很多選擇，實質一切已成定局。那是大街，這是小巷。大街在明，小巷在暗。大街繁華，小巷冷清。250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcxEGi7rLi3
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb6yaVMaQab
註定的。250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjWkvqhMvuE
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFKK2aKcp8i
冷清小巷盡頭會有好東西麼？我不相信，亦不願輕言不相信。250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbsD7mlIL1c
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmjV5wuKobA
汪——汪——嗚——拐角傳來狗隻悲鳴。250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ20Rnrva2gv
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDa5xeUK8Wx
停步。猶疑。250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx7JCoxqvRM
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyk9b0B9gYT
惻隱？慈悲？然後呢？根本沒有然後，因為我自顧不暇。250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡICrjw8KMil
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLPXr05FLRC
轉身。250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHqhFus44PP
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGEwZinLaNx
汪——汪——嗚——拐角狗隻再次悲鳴。250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIDjynLtN20
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQG9Xqaq29w
我回身走去。250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq7cKN3qFqe
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惻隱？慈悲？不，好奇罷。250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh2N48eN6N4
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvc0gAubrM3
把小狗抱入懷內。250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡufhqB3Dhft
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMJ4V7TMuCC
「暖和沒？」我傻傻自語——嘴巴極需要說話理由。250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKd7GVW1IJ1
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx7uiifJCxH
陣風從後疾過，寒意夾雜水氣與鹹香。250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsi0n0x8hoC
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHYk5qO4aY8
海風？海濱公園步道？250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHjV12qPkCJ
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvfgKdGxPNc
「一起散步去吧。」我沒期望小狗會回答，但我需要溜達原因。250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7k24UQ6saS
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsKS5Xx02TK
多拐兩個彎，我帶著小狗在兩幢高樓之間走出來，恰巧看見銀月自海平面升起。清澄，純淨，圓滿。250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0n90rLJjUk
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡddtjqJZrLp
「看！這是月亮。」我指天示意小狗往上望去。250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYRsdW0fYj0
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡITmeoyvaFP
汪——牠回答，但沒有依指示抬頭。250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5gq6PWgz6r
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtrE6cZUkOJ
「找個好地方坐坐吧！」為免小狗中途跑掉，我微微拉下外套拉鏈，把小狗往內塞。牠沒反抗，甚至懂得稍為伸出頭部，方便呼吸和看風景。我真慶幸剛才沒有對牠視若無睹：「乖。」250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOS1JJxHRIN
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡucpMO62e7O
銀月清冷，步道冷清，寧靜。心跳規律，呼吸有序，乏味。回憶很多，未知更多，迷惘。250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX8dyeZLJWk
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWGvMzarq6O
「我上一次來海濱公園是小學畢業後的那個暑假。與幾個特別要好的男生相約到來踩roller，跌了幾跤，膝蓋流血。明明怕血，明明怕痛，偏偏為保面子而強說無事，硬撐一整天。結果翌日膝蓋腫黑大片，痛得要命，不得不到醫院求醫。結果在醫院留醫足足兩個月，九月中才可到新學校上課。」我在路邊長椅坐下，拆開一包贈品肉乾給小狗充飢，報答牠聽我發牢騷。250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLfdwXxF9tB
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtfp2KzCdx2
「留醫期間，我生氣朋友們不來探望我，打算出院後臭罵他們一頓。出院後，我忙於學校課業，忘記致電他們，然後順理成章忘記他們。當我再次想起他們，已是高中畢業的事。」我點菸，一吸一呼，虛假短暫的舒爽。「其實沒甚麼大不了，無需要記在腦袋裡。但事情就是發生過，不是說忘記就可以忘記。」250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXHx9N33kRV
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE0b9Q6dviV
記憶零碎，思路紊亂。嘴巴想要表達更多，無奈腦袋運轉不來，沒能將感受化為言語……算了吧。反正小狗根本沒興趣聽下去。250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR0VlhEcRkE
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrRzbEwePCW
「你似乎對肉乾比較有興趣。」我又拆開一包肉乾予牠。牠吃得津津有味，舌頭不時舔舔嘴邊，甚至舔到小小鼻頭。250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7bCdcjWmq7
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5yBRcTPFwA
我笑，笑牠傻氣可愛。250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgOCxgNAyng
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3YdjZ89tkM
又吸一口虛假短暫的舒爽。又呼一口難以言喻的鬱悶。250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡViATHuXgmc
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAuAJyhWNAp
鬱悶何來？250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9tmbTbvyqe
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnzaWR6o1TR
學業壓力？愛情煩惱？家庭不和？250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Nf5522hGN
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlvyUhnNR9y
也許統統都是，也許統統不是。250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp30Vtpd3HQ
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9l90qgVasD
多件零星不順心瑣碎事湊在一起成為一股無法消弭的鬱悶。250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbLfvWAWOm5
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNvHJ27jO1t
有如一根經過繁複工序生產的香菸。250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDTPmBbLOGC
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFgGtnbiTLA
有如一塊由豬肉、糖、鹽、增味劑、醬油、香辛料、護色劑、色素組成的肉乾。250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLCDuBeCS7F
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuEn5a4ucuz
「好吃吧。」我又拆開一包肉乾。趁小狗專心咬嚼，我彈走菸屁股，將牠從懷裡抽出，來個深深擁抱。250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqpkN6fxF0t
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLvTpe3L9sW
然後呢？根本沒有然後。250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaST6nJwA2t
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHyhkzvNoGj
我輕輕放下小狗，動身邁步離開。250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7yLLoW0cOu
250Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPto5L4wSgV
正如牠知道我身上沒有更多肉乾，自然而然不會跟上來。
註：此篇會另收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》
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