I feel myself wringing my hands in my lap while pretending to focus on the untouched margarita sitting directly in front of me. My leggings are becoming frayed and I decide to mentally pick off the fuzzy bits so that maybe, just maybe, I can relax.462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD6zowyn1bN
It doesn’t work, so I decide to try to count the seeds floating around in my strawberry margarita before I realize how ridiculous I’m being. 462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ51diTTGcAZ
It’s New Year’s Eve!462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVmGdB7Kdd3
Wynn is emphatic as ever—her arms are outstretched as she explains how big the rat family she saw in the subway was. I decide to focus on her and get out of my own head.462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjdUlSmNeXg
“I’m talking HUGE. And they were kinda cute! I thought about taking one home, actually. But I didn’t want to break up the family, and c’mon. Who needs four rats?”462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWof2cMUlBc
Our friend group groans in unison and I think that’s my cue. I grab my hefty margarita and stand, opting for the balcony to grab some fresh air and to not think about rat families.462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl6b7FX7CwZ
“Rozz? Don’t think you’re about to leave us to deal with Wynn’s stories!” Mira shouts as I make my way around the bar. I turn around and shoot her smile and yell back, “I wouldn’t dream of it!”462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbycbNp1tTz
My margarita sloshes in my hand as I expertly navigate through the crowd and fight not to look for you-know-who.462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYC4DAP4rJl
Wait. I guess you don’t know. 462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5L6V8c6vdc
I’m new to this storytelling thing, so be patient with me! He’s kinda the reason I’m so in my own head tonight. I was just expecting things to go so differently and here I am—going into the new year being the same ball of trepidation and anxiety. I want to be different. I want to be bold and confident. Wynn, Mira, all of my friends really, are go-getters. Confidence oozes off of them in vibrant waves while my insecurities feel glued to my skin.462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUnmM9IAXqQ
I’m outside before I realize it, my inner dialogue navigating me better than any auto pilot ever could. The railing of the balcony is adorned with fairy lights and I take extra care to lean my elbow in a vacant space before peering over the edge.462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt0GFLsUn4w
We’re on the 16th floor and I feel like I can see the world’s perimeter from here. Something about being up high on New Year’s Eve night while being romantically depressed feels oddly magical. I feel like if I were to jump, I’d float.462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrPxZSPQmj5
God, what the hell am I thinking?462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEQfH5p4aD8
I close my eyes and take a giant sip of my drink. Clearly I’m in need. Why did I reschedule my appointment with my therapist? Maybe—462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKWKLU1EOnu
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVldqIecvR8
“Rozz, Rozz, Rozz. I’ve found you.”462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbg8wh4hsZg
I inhale and keep it there, shutting my eyes even tighter. I’m not ready. God, I’m not ready at all. My anxiety is so deep and palpable that I can see it melting into my skin in layers. 462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQeEie7q9LI
Why did I come here?462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBEv6xSOh07
I’m so pathetic. He’s my light, my lantern. I look to him even knowing he’s way too hot for me to touch and come out unscathed.462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ78EX4H347F
I reach for him knowing that my hand will forever be outstretched, waiting for the warmth that only he can bring. I’m nothing more than a moth predestined to a scorching, unremarkable death.462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs72ORSpPqb
I force the exhale out, plaster on a fake smile and turn around.462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj7TV1O8WJz
“So you have! You've been having fun, Ezra?”462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0CjvKBnMCj
My voice comes out unnaturally high pitched and squeaky and I groan inwardly. I’ve got to get myself under control.462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGv47rJaQR7
Ezra leans against the balcony next to me, beer in tow, regarding me with a look I’m pretty unfamiliar with. After demanding eye contact with a gaze that could pierce any barrier, he finally speaks.462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGqct3TtouQ
“You’ve been avoiding me, Rozz.”462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwVU2g1Uqcq
Fuck.462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡda4tStpGJy
Always to the point, that Ezra. I’d been avoiding the fucker all night and of course he notices. Why does it matter anyway? The rumor mill (my friends) definitely said that Nadia had kissed him and he seemed pretty into it. What else did we have to discuss?462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUjjS6a5gd3
We’re just friends, anyway. Always have been. Always will be. I’m the one that messed up and fell in love. I didn’t want this.462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaBUsFFd5u3
My hand finds itself back on my leggings, plucking away.. I watch as his eyes follow the movement. I try to focus on the strawberry flavor of the margarita that’s still on my tongue. It’s my favorite one, I think. 462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHFJCbKyJQ0
What do I even say back?462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYgeaEGzwuQ
Lie?462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBnpI90XvV9
“What? I’d never.”462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQdlFp2Ovmz
I smile and push the straw out of the way to guzzle my drink. I need the extra fuel. Yum, more strawberries.462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ69vHtl4YTs
Ezra smiles lazily and takes a sip of his beer.462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeYsDl4NN5U
“I gotta say. Lying and then chugging your drink doesn’t really sell it. Maybe workshop that for next time.”462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh7fGeRsXJY
Okay, so lying didn’t work.462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡksTtoOU2ZA
I almost choke on my drink as laughter erupts from me and I punch him in the shoulder.462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwCVZxilBfz
“Here’s a thought. You could’ve just let the lie fly?”462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEd6AVwLPkM
He chuckles and adjusts his glasses before regarding me more seriously once more.462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFJiH80jmsN
“Or you could not lie to me? What’s going on?”462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxeycIEkLnF
The way his voice drips with concern for me makes my heart pulse and ache. My eyes focus on his lips for a moment before flickering back up to his eyes. He has no idea how emotionally devastated I am and his genuine concern is making me want to vomit. Or maybe it was the margarita. 462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEZ8jYWkKbp
I can’t take it.462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoqfYunZnWJ
My drink now completely empty, I begin to make my way back inside. The sudden movement causes warmth to go to my tummy and fog to my brain. Oh god, I’m buzzed. I can’t be alone with him like this.462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8a0y3hiBZf
“Why don’t we get more drinks? Also the countdown will probably–”462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQE6CwP4l85
I’m cut off by him wrapping his hand around my forearm and gently pulling me toward him.462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuDQxJ3Q3Vs
“We can do the countdown out here.”462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYt0J6gPfmD
Oh, he’s definitely been drinking. He’s never been this forward before. 462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeXBZUM09d0
I swallow.462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUIe8LEcFWd
“Just the two of us?”462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMICZeyEoUR
“Is being alone with me suddenly so bad?”462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ57d0jXEv4S
“How many beers have you had, Ezra?”462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHmGMwN6p3R
“Why does it matter?”462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0LzvjOivIv
I can smell him and I feel my eyes fight to flutter close. Shit.462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrROU3srntd
He repositions his hand further down my arm and grabs my hand. I guess he thinks I’m going to make a run for it.462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYsMnfdc9Ms
“Okay, okay. It doesn’t matter. But since we’re out here, how are you? How have things been with–”462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaOtYL0FCje
“Rozzlyn.”462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxljWBDKWOn
The way he says my name makes my entire body tingle. It was almost a whisper, a secret that wrapped around only us and made me fall even further.462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMwxLC6QZSi
I lick my lips out of nervousness and watch as his eyes follow my tongue.462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkJLp1Pup35
Jesus Christ.462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAQOnOqCUKT
Why isn’t he looking for Nadia?462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxuDVGmzJzU
“Ezra, I just..I can’t talk about it with you.”462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLYd48tKdPB
His eyebrows furrow.462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwta8v9qYho
“Why not? We’ve always talked about everything. Why is this different?”462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUo3Yc7IPbU
“Because this is about you and it’s my problem to deal with.”462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8YyC3tosFF
“What does that mean?”462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡecKZMLQ5e2
“Where’s Nadia?”462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1yjQGhfwMA
I regret it as soon as I ask. I couldn’t help myself. Nadia is a damn scab that I can’t not pick, knowing the wound will only deepen because of it.462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi51geK3qLJ
Ezra genuinely looks surprised and for some reason, it makes me irritated.462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTPUumjkblR
“What? Why are you asking about Nadia so suddenly? And why would I know?”462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqnHgyIXZsL
I can’t hide my irritation at this point so I huff and step away from his grasp.462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnIrBpjQHMx
“Isn’t she your girlfriend? Or do you just kiss anybody?”462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZZIuelePMi
I’m becoming uglier and uglier and I hate myself. I feel the warmth of the margarita loosening my lips and at this point, I just want another one. I might as well drown in my desolation.462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZR9nrxtT3F
It’s all I’m worth.462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbOYED9I0OS
I’m spiraling so fast but I encourage it. I feel the familiar black hole of despair starting at my feet to engulf me whole and I close my eyes and prepare to be overtaken. I will never be good enough for Ezra, for anyone. I don’t even like myself. I pretend to be charming, to be bubbly, to be mentally well, just so that no one finds out the truth. 462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYPhaYkkt4y
I’m empty.462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxHuo6Nv697
The black hole reaches my arms at this point and I smile sadly. I’ll just mentally retreat back into my familiar nothingness. I finally feel at peace about all of this. 462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsvIntlbE3E
Before the black hole gets to my neck, I feel Ezra slowly cradle my face and look at me like he sees me. His thumbs are wiping at my cheeks and I realize I’m crying. He tilts his head and leans his forehead against mine.462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOuWI6bWrw4
“You stupid, stupid woman.”462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLsJvFxu1Kq
His lips marry mine and time stops. There is no bar, there is no balcony, there is no Nadia. 462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfwnfWnEQQu
The black hole begins to retreat and my heartbeat is echoing in my ears.462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8HtSTabkzH
Is this real?462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa05fDM8orj
He pulls away but our noses are still touching.462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuEve68Dlkl
“You don’t have the right to be jealous, Rozz. I’ve been in love with you for years and now you decide to be jealous of Nadia of all people? She kissed me and I pushed her away. You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting just to be seen by you. I notice when you try out a new lotion, when you fixate on a new favorite color, when you’re in a depressive spiral…”462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBb3hsgNNHc
I’m still too speechless to speak, but I feel my hands warm up with embarrassment. I should really call my therapist…462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiZVVhj8Dha
He leans forward and marries our lips again, this time for much longer. I can’t hide my eagerness and I nip, lick and bite at him until he groans. His arms wrap around my sides, tickling the skin under my sweater and I lean further into him. Our tongues take turns exploring the other’s mouth in long, languid, licks.462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzR99jR10PR
“You’re making me love strawberries, Rozz…” 462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHJQy86KznC
I pull away and bury my face in my hands.462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqLQfFTa470
“I can’t believe you…feel the same way..”462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFOHHorq7Rw
Ezra pulls my hands away and looks at me while chuckling.462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLmdx8aMMWX
“I felt this way first. I've just been waiting for you to love me back.”462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUUZ8vphalc
We hear people beginning to countdown and I look at my phone.462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvda48btz6j
“11:59. I love you back, Ezra. I love you so much, it hurts.”462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPjKpIhuwOt
Everyone shouts “HAPPY NEW YEAR!”462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbt6rdPv9Wz
I wrap my hands around his neck and I promise myself that I will kiss him until I die.462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKYZCqCRuoh
I’ve never wanted anything more.
462Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoq56Xo2CBP
然後按「加至主畫面」