I feel myself wringing my hands in my lap while pretending to focus on the untouched margarita sitting directly in front of me. My leggings are becoming frayed and I decide to mentally pick off the fuzzy bits so that maybe, just maybe, I can relax.670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV0oEPaYrfS
It doesn’t work, so I decide to try to count the seeds floating around in my strawberry margarita before I realize how ridiculous I’m being. 670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡycGH565DJo
It’s New Year’s Eve!670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡga0RqcNu3Q
Wynn is emphatic as ever—her arms are outstretched as she explains how big the rat family she saw in the subway was. I decide to focus on her and get out of my own head.670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyXpKwwbk8c
“I’m talking HUGE. And they were kinda cute! I thought about taking one home, actually. But I didn’t want to break up the family, and c’mon. Who needs four rats?”670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRcSQUZUYTn
Our friend group groans in unison and I think that’s my cue. I grab my hefty margarita and stand, opting for the balcony to grab some fresh air and to not think about rat families.670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT1dPb2BQHK
“Rozz? Don’t think you’re about to leave us to deal with Wynn’s stories!” Mira shouts as I make my way around the bar. I turn around and shoot her smile and yell back, “I wouldn’t dream of it!”670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcsmxl5215p
My margarita sloshes in my hand as I expertly navigate through the crowd and fight not to look for you-know-who.670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCkWctgHTDU
Wait. I guess you don’t know. 670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNACCHPpVLk
I’m new to this storytelling thing, so be patient with me! He’s kinda the reason I’m so in my own head tonight. I was just expecting things to go so differently and here I am—going into the new year being the same ball of trepidation and anxiety. I want to be different. I want to be bold and confident. Wynn, Mira, all of my friends really, are go-getters. Confidence oozes off of them in vibrant waves while my insecurities feel glued to my skin.670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjfKTw2sz08
I’m outside before I realize it, my inner dialogue navigating me better than any auto pilot ever could. The railing of the balcony is adorned with fairy lights and I take extra care to lean my elbow in a vacant space before peering over the edge.670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYJuAIRWux5
We’re on the 16th floor and I feel like I can see the world’s perimeter from here. Something about being up high on New Year’s Eve night while being romantically depressed feels oddly magical. I feel like if I were to jump, I’d float.670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx3oeicNxhM
God, what the hell am I thinking?670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZclRInO12v
I close my eyes and take a giant sip of my drink. Clearly I’m in need. Why did I reschedule my appointment with my therapist? Maybe—670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZwQS6ldai3
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHwvqGLyQiF
“Rozz, Rozz, Rozz. I’ve found you.”670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1TTOF0Wzlu
I inhale and keep it there, shutting my eyes even tighter. I’m not ready. God, I’m not ready at all. My anxiety is so deep and palpable that I can see it melting into my skin in layers. 670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBGjLQVEgMM
Why did I come here?670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMPdqxZUMO0
I’m so pathetic. He’s my light, my lantern. I look to him even knowing he’s way too hot for me to touch and come out unscathed.670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡea7zS7gn9X
I reach for him knowing that my hand will forever be outstretched, waiting for the warmth that only he can bring. I’m nothing more than a moth predestined to a scorching, unremarkable death.670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKTwx0hHH3H
I force the exhale out, plaster on a fake smile and turn around.670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsnU1Hb5qnd
“So you have! You've been having fun, Ezra?”670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ87QZ9ICG96
My voice comes out unnaturally high pitched and squeaky and I groan inwardly. I’ve got to get myself under control.670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL6Ro9HDfe4
Ezra leans against the balcony next to me, beer in tow, regarding me with a look I’m pretty unfamiliar with. After demanding eye contact with a gaze that could pierce any barrier, he finally speaks.670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCFQhyHNiP0
“You’ve been avoiding me, Rozz.”670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ01HxS0N3o4
Fuck.670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ40tfwyqghw
Always to the point, that Ezra. I’d been avoiding the fucker all night and of course he notices. Why does it matter anyway? The rumor mill (my friends) definitely said that Nadia had kissed him and he seemed pretty into it. What else did we have to discuss?670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUduzx7wANU
We’re just friends, anyway. Always have been. Always will be. I’m the one that messed up and fell in love. I didn’t want this.670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡknqteLXWXD
My hand finds itself back on my leggings, plucking away.. I watch as his eyes follow the movement. I try to focus on the strawberry flavor of the margarita that’s still on my tongue. It’s my favorite one, I think. 670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcyz3MopBu8
What do I even say back?670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTv4aL274hR
Lie?670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUXhr4H66jX
“What? I’d never.”670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJiJeq7DozL
I smile and push the straw out of the way to guzzle my drink. I need the extra fuel. Yum, more strawberries.670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN5CFqvMjTl
Ezra smiles lazily and takes a sip of his beer.670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG9H2n49zvB
“I gotta say. Lying and then chugging your drink doesn’t really sell it. Maybe workshop that for next time.”670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5WAFGNwt70
Okay, so lying didn’t work.670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQv9qKzpqbK
I almost choke on my drink as laughter erupts from me and I punch him in the shoulder.670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLu6UKpBWMl
“Here’s a thought. You could’ve just let the lie fly?”670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ366srBZ23E
He chuckles and adjusts his glasses before regarding me more seriously once more.670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh4ltduokcq
“Or you could not lie to me? What’s going on?”670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUOM2Jx4425
The way his voice drips with concern for me makes my heart pulse and ache. My eyes focus on his lips for a moment before flickering back up to his eyes. He has no idea how emotionally devastated I am and his genuine concern is making me want to vomit. Or maybe it was the margarita. 670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlEW520tnyP
I can’t take it.670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGb5Ft4SRDm
My drink now completely empty, I begin to make my way back inside. The sudden movement causes warmth to go to my tummy and fog to my brain. Oh god, I’m buzzed. I can’t be alone with him like this.670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpSrG5ONT8S
“Why don’t we get more drinks? Also the countdown will probably–”670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq6z9cHk3o4
I’m cut off by him wrapping his hand around my forearm and gently pulling me toward him.670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKlB4M8xLXV
“We can do the countdown out here.”670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡojvpzunXRq
Oh, he’s definitely been drinking. He’s never been this forward before. 670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKNyxu1sfQE
I swallow.670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRVHxuDcFFx
“Just the two of us?”670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsOuhCKeoG1
“Is being alone with me suddenly so bad?”670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnPd51hRbPX
“How many beers have you had, Ezra?”670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4CddSPXGTG
“Why does it matter?”670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvEtzFNf38O
I can smell him and I feel my eyes fight to flutter close. Shit.670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIryNzMab9h
He repositions his hand further down my arm and grabs my hand. I guess he thinks I’m going to make a run for it.670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡASF4gONLtX
“Okay, okay. It doesn’t matter. But since we’re out here, how are you? How have things been with–”670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ94XOtmNx7M
“Rozzlyn.”670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAN8cUh7sQ3
The way he says my name makes my entire body tingle. It was almost a whisper, a secret that wrapped around only us and made me fall even further.670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWdnIa7xFuJ
I lick my lips out of nervousness and watch as his eyes follow my tongue.670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW4s4Rumwmb
Jesus Christ.670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8mgDnKLJV6
Why isn’t he looking for Nadia?670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcuWbvAqJTZ
“Ezra, I just..I can’t talk about it with you.”670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrF1XpIzmSX
His eyebrows furrow.670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGLKDwTFg2G
“Why not? We’ve always talked about everything. Why is this different?”670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3yGiLUp8K3
“Because this is about you and it’s my problem to deal with.”670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEqNID9GIqP
“What does that mean?”670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCC5PYqNQLH
“Where’s Nadia?”670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcfDur8sB5W
I regret it as soon as I ask. I couldn’t help myself. Nadia is a damn scab that I can’t not pick, knowing the wound will only deepen because of it.670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEV0MdErLN0
Ezra genuinely looks surprised and for some reason, it makes me irritated.670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRJRDtmHucZ
“What? Why are you asking about Nadia so suddenly? And why would I know?”670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxMAXVwmNeS
I can’t hide my irritation at this point so I huff and step away from his grasp.670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOy1D4Sni5P
“Isn’t she your girlfriend? Or do you just kiss anybody?”670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2srzbnsXsS
I’m becoming uglier and uglier and I hate myself. I feel the warmth of the margarita loosening my lips and at this point, I just want another one. I might as well drown in my desolation.670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUdUuBMwfti
It’s all I’m worth.670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6RnEzRPXZm
I’m spiraling so fast but I encourage it. I feel the familiar black hole of despair starting at my feet to engulf me whole and I close my eyes and prepare to be overtaken. I will never be good enough for Ezra, for anyone. I don’t even like myself. I pretend to be charming, to be bubbly, to be mentally well, just so that no one finds out the truth. 670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡywlDe9DUdU
I’m empty.670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhY70H3wQ5d
The black hole reaches my arms at this point and I smile sadly. I’ll just mentally retreat back into my familiar nothingness. I finally feel at peace about all of this. 670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDV4gQXtzjQ
Before the black hole gets to my neck, I feel Ezra slowly cradle my face and look at me like he sees me. His thumbs are wiping at my cheeks and I realize I’m crying. He tilts his head and leans his forehead against mine.670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkDUALfwGiV
“You stupid, stupid woman.”670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXYRZalIOmS
His lips marry mine and time stops. There is no bar, there is no balcony, there is no Nadia. 670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT2Mce6jP4Y
The black hole begins to retreat and my heartbeat is echoing in my ears.670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw9ijRQpEDG
Is this real?670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Xa8gzCDvw
He pulls away but our noses are still touching.670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNGWyl0e9hO
“You don’t have the right to be jealous, Rozz. I’ve been in love with you for years and now you decide to be jealous of Nadia of all people? She kissed me and I pushed her away. You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting just to be seen by you. I notice when you try out a new lotion, when you fixate on a new favorite color, when you’re in a depressive spiral…”670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ32qYNPQknV
I’m still too speechless to speak, but I feel my hands warm up with embarrassment. I should really call my therapist…670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2kSQ5ekeQo
He leans forward and marries our lips again, this time for much longer. I can’t hide my eagerness and I nip, lick and bite at him until he groans. His arms wrap around my sides, tickling the skin under my sweater and I lean further into him. Our tongues take turns exploring the other’s mouth in long, languid, licks.670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡliIccjy4so
“You’re making me love strawberries, Rozz…” 670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOaQ1O6sWxL
I pull away and bury my face in my hands.670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtYVuySIEFh
“I can’t believe you…feel the same way..”670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW1y22xeumM
Ezra pulls my hands away and looks at me while chuckling.670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyHvJAEGlXm
“I felt this way first. I've just been waiting for you to love me back.”670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgR3HIREUWP
We hear people beginning to countdown and I look at my phone.670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNjTYAuYQ7f
“11:59. I love you back, Ezra. I love you so much, it hurts.”670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHUvj4F8tLr
Everyone shouts “HAPPY NEW YEAR!”670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhGw1yZ756C
I wrap my hands around his neck and I promise myself that I will kiss him until I die.670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh3YLABYsNM
I’ve never wanted anything more.
670Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyBjJs0qtQx
and then Add to home screen.