Disclaimer:
The following story/s are purely fictional. All the characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to the real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
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"Ma I'm going home." I said once mama answered the facetime I requested. She looked surprised and all but I couldn't blame her.
I stopped talking to them constantly for years. Aside from mama, that I update once in a while—sina Gia at Diane lang ang nakakausap ko sa Discord pero tungkol lang iyon sa mga bagay sa school. I talk to Mildred once in a while dahil siya lang naman ang nakaalam na aalis ako na hindi siya lasing.
"What did you eat?" She asked. I sat down on the couch beside the window of my penthouse.
"Ma... I'm graduating. And it's been what? Three years?" I sighed.
I still couldn't believe that it has been three years. Ayun na 'yon? I thought I'd cry myself to sleep every night pero heto, tatlong taon na yata mula noong umiyak ako. I only felt guilt. Other than that, wala na. SIguro worried ako sa mga iniwan ko.
And maybe love.
For Spade—lagi.
"I still don't understand why you stayed for another year. Dalawang taon lang naman hiningi sa'yo ng lala mo." Mama said.
"I c-can't go home last year ma. I hated lala. I can't visit her funeral. I love lala but she ruined my life, ma..." Mahina kong sabi.
Maybe if not for lala masaya pa rin kami ni Spade ngayon. Sabay kaming ga-graduate. Araw araw kaming uuwi sa isa't isa habang nagpe-prepare siya sa Boards niya habang ako naman ay sa LAE. Pero asaan ako ngayon?
She fucking kicked me out of the Philippines for the sake of their fucking frat that I'm supposed to enter. Inuna niya iyon kaysa sa akin na apo niya.
How could they just ask me to go home and pay respect of her ashes kung galit ako sa kanya?
But in the span of another year here, I finally understood why.
So I guess this was my awakening and finally go home and show myself. I'm okay now.
I hope they are too...
"Have you booked your flight? Should I ask a private plane to fetch you?" Mama asked.
She seems so excited. I just smiled and told her that I'll just take a Passenger Airliner, but she insisted to book a flight for me in the first class. Hindi na ako umangal but I told her that I'll have my things shipped dahil ayoko na mas lumaki pa iyong gastos sa eroplano.
I mean, ako lang naman ito. Not an important person.
Napagkasunduan naming ni mama na uuwi ako in two days. The graduation was less than a month from now. Sana lang ay bati na kami ni Sean dahil kung hindi ay baka mabaliw lang ako roon. I wasn't sure if we're okay because when I told him that I'll stay for another year ay hindi niya na ako kinausap.
I only had Discord, Telegram and Facetime for communication. My social medias were deactivated. I could only talk to Sean in Telegram, but he just didn't reply after that which sucked.
Si Heart.
She stayed with me here in New York for a year, but I sent her home before 3rd year starts. I was feeling guilty. She's not supposed to come with me, nobody was, but she was scared that I'll have my self killed.
I mean I can't die; I still have a lot of responsibilities as an heiress. I don't want to burden Sean—he's gonna curse me until the day he dies.
Wala sigurong araw na hindi ko naisip si Spade. He was the love of my life. He was the one who introduced me to love. I felt emotions because of him. I felt weak. I felt love. I felt everything I wasn't familiar with, because growing up. Alam ko lang na ako si Hell Silverianne Enigma and I'm supposed to be on top. I was groomed to stay on top. I'll inherit the chains of hotels and penthouses; I'll be a lawyer and pass down everything to my kids—which was the problem because I was scared of having kids.
I could vividly remember the day before Sean and I's 19th birthday. I was in my penthouse fixing myself for the formal dinner when Lala came.
I was busy drying my hair while listening to Dress by Taylor Swift when I heard multiple knocks from the door.
Baka si Heart. Grabe miss agad niya ako? Kasama naman sila kanina while planning the celebration. I was giggling while walking through the door, but suddenly realized that my penthouse was automatic, and it would open agad kung si Heart dahil mare-recognize siya ng system.
I thought it would be just Heart, or maybe Sean because he's my twin, or maybe Spade, or mama.
But when I opened it, I received a one big slap from Lala.
"L-la..." My heart was beating so fast when I saw her hands trembling and her eyes full of anger.
"I've been dying to slap you that hard since the day you had that annulment signed." Her voice was full of anger.
Hindi ako makagalaw. Hindi ako makapagsalita. I feel so fucking terrified. I know this day would come. I know how angry she was when I signed the annulment papers in front of everyone.
Gago ba siya? She freaking saw how Clover hurt me! They saw it in their two damn eyes. I had bruises all over my body—heck I even asked Felix to take pictures for proofs if ever but she was only thinking of her own damn business na si mama na ang namamahala!
"You're a disgrace to this family Silverianne! Dapat pala ay si Sean na lang ang kinuha namin noon!"
That was the last straw.
Sabi na e.
Talo pa rin ako kay Sean. Kahit kailan.
Sean's smart. Outgoing. Friendly. Everything nice was already with him.
I felt tears continuously falling from my eyes.
"I'm not sorry." I spoke. I couldn't recognize my voice. I want to wipe my tears, but I have no energy to do so.
I fucking chose myself! I just freed myself!
"I know. I know you more than you could ever imagine, Héll Silverianne." She smirked. A fucking creepy smirk that sent shivers through my spine. "I'll give you two choices, Silverianne."
"No."
"No's not one of the choices. You either stay here with your friends and I'll make their family suffer. Especially the Marquez's. You know how dangerous we are. Alam kong alam mo na ang tungkol sa fraternity by now. I was grooming you to be on top so they could worship you. So, they'll know how good you'll be as their leader."
I didn't know want to be worshipped... I only wanted to help people whenever they needed me. Hell I care if they feel my mayabang vibes, I fucking help! This is too fucking serious! I'm still young. This would only make me suffer.
Omygod.
"Or you go to New York for two years until I settle all the messes you made."
Si Spade. Paano si Spade? Okay na kami e. We could finally have a label by now pero paano na ngayon?
I didn't want him to suffer. I didn't want their family to fall down kasi kapag bumagsak ang mommy niya, damay ang firm. Damay ang papa ko. Damay lahat. Ayoko noon... Ayokong maghirap siya.
This is so fucking scary—and that was a damn understatement on how I feel right now.
I should tell mama. Mama could do something. Mama could help me!
"I'll tell this to mam—"
"Go on. I can take everything away from her. Maghirap kayo. This is the consequence of your actions, Hell Silverianne." She said. "You could've waited for him to die. Hindi kita pinalaking malandi!"
I wiped my tears dry.
Hindi ako pinalaking malandi. I was raised to be an overachiever which led me to not care about living anymore. I had to be strong. For mama, for Spade, for Sean but I just can't. I could only feel fear right now.
God when will this end?
I didn't answer—I just nodded and held my head up high. Because I'm supposed to be like this.
Putangina naman.
"I see. This is for your own good. You're being weak because of love. Because of all the emotions, you feel." She caressed my cheeks and give me a kiss on my cheeks before entering the elevator again.
Fuck.
Fuck my life.
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I started to pack my things. I packed everything. I'll take all this home. Ayoko nang bumalik rito. My life's in the Philippines. I was carefully packing all the frames and I couldn't help but to put extra care on Spade and I's formal photo on mama's birthday.
I'll take him back. That was my plan.
I won't just go home if I don't have a plan.
First of course I'll rest and catch up with Sean and Mildred and mama of course. I'll go to Absonton because the two would probably be there and of course, graduation. Then I'll talk to Spade—I don't know how I'll explain and sana wala pa siyang girlfriend because I'll be fucked, babalik agad ako sa Manila kung ganoon. I'll fucking bury myself with work kung may girlfriend na siya.
AKo iyong nang-iwan pero ako iyong hindi maka move on.
I mean staying in love is a choice.
And I'll only love Spade in this lifetime.
Siya lang siguro.
Si Spade lang.
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