"Hey, are you awake yet?" A male voice asked.
I groaned and opened my eyes to see nothing. I rose.
"Well finally."
I turned towards the boy, he had an emo boy look with many piercings, pale skin, and a thin, smooth body. But undeniably he was beautiful, but who is he? And where am I?
"You must be wondering where you are. Well, this my friend is the afterlife."
My eyes widen, afterlife?
"It can't be, I never died," I told him.
He raised a brow amused, he kneeled to my height and brought his face closer to mine.
"Serious, you don't remember a thing. Hahaha," He broke out laughing. Not a humorous laugh but a bitter one.
He stared at me, sighed, and got up, "Come on, we have to get going."
I got up, "Get going where?"
"To your grave of course, for you to move on you have to come to terms with the reality of what happened to you. Don't you want to move on, or do you want to stay in this dark place all alone?" He spoke while he started walking.
I walked hurriedly in hopes of catching up to him, and I did.
"I don't understand. And who are you?" I asked.
He stopped for a moment then started walking back, "Your guardian angel, I'm here to help you pass on."
We walked soon we came up to a bright light that brought us into a street. Wait, I know this street. It's the street I walked all the time with my friends. I looked back at the way we came but there was no sign of any darkness just more of the street. I followed him, but something feels off. It's all weird, and that was before he walked through someone. I froze on the spot, then someone passed through me as if I weren't there.
Am I? No, I can't be.
"You still don't get it, do you? We aren't alive anymore, we're like ghosts roaming the earth. We can see and hear them, but they can't hear or see us. Let's continue."
Could what he says be true? Am I truly no longer one of them? No, it just can't be. I don't remember dying. He led me to a cemetery, where a family was holding a funeral. We walked over, and the closer we got, the more I started to recognize the faces. I know them, they were people I hold dear to me. But why are they crying?
I ran up to the familiar older woman, "Mama, why are you crying?" I asked.
She continues to cry and grieve as if my words fell into deaf ears, I turned back to the boy that brought me here.
"Why is she crying?" I desperately asked him.
He raised a brow, then pointed at a gravestone, "Read it," He instructed.
Engraved on the big, cold, stone grave was, 'Hunter Black, beloved son, boyfriend, and friend, 2000-2022.' I felt as if the world around me stopped and my body became too heavy to hold my body. I fell to my knees. It can't be, it just can't be. No, no, no.
"This is a prank, right? Please tell me it's a prank," I pleaded miserably.
He shook his head, "This is the truth. Look at them."
I looked at them, all the familiar faces filled with sorrow and remorse.
"Oh god! My son! Why did it have to be you!?" My mother cried out, leaning against my father for support.
I looked at the back to see my girlfriend, Elena, crying. It breaks me to see them cry.
"Hey, don't cry I'm right here!" I yelled hoping they'd hear me.
I waved my hands, in hopes they'd see me. But they didn't. They continued to cry unaffected by my efforts. Why is this happening? My best friend, Miles, walked up to Elena and rubbed her shoulders. She suddenly tensed up. That's weird, why did she tense up? He whispered something to her with a small smirk and walked off. She clenched her fist and bit her trembling lip. What's going on?
She turned and walked in the same direction as Miles, I followed her. He suddenly grabbed her arm and pulled her into a deep kiss behind the public bathroom. She pushed him away, he only smirked. Why did he do that?
"Miles stop it, I told you to leave me alone," she told him.
"Oh, so now you want to be the loyal, honest girlfriend after he's dead."
What? He hugged her and kissed her collar bone.
"Just forget it, he's dead there's nothing stopping us from being together. We don't have to hide anymore."
She pushed him away, "Why are you doing this? This is your best friend's funeral."
"So?"
He shrugged it off as if it meant nothing, "Aren't you happy? You always complained how aimless he was; he had no dream or ambition. So why dwell on the past when we have a whole future in front of us?"
"Well, I didn't see that coming," My guardian angel said, "Are you ready to go back?"
I nodded and followed him, I continued to watch the family and friends that turned up at my funeral.
"How do you feel? About the cheating girlfriend thing?" He asked.
"Oddly, nothing. I feel nothing, I don't understand, I should at least be upset but I'm not. It doesn't add up, does death take away your emotions?"
"It doesn't. Everything that you're feeling or not feeling is how you truly feel. You never really cared about her, she was a distraction for you, wasn't she? But from what?"
Guilt pounded on my chest. Why would I feel guilty? Is what he says true? No, it can't be.
"What do we do now?" I asked.
"We wait and watch as time passes by. We'll wait and see you visit you."
And so, we waited, time felt like nothing. Days passed by like it was nothing and months went on like minutes after a year in their world. I realized no one was going to visit me. Not once, not even my mother. Why? Was I not worth visiting? If so, why did they leave so many flowers? For me to watch them wither and fade away the same way I did in their memory?
"Have you accepted it yet?"
"What's there to accept?" I asked lifelessly while I sat on the ground.
He sighed and snapped his fingers, just like that we weren't in the cemetery anymore but my old bedroom. It's the bedroom I had when I was eight. The bedroom door opened and the younger me came barging in with the guitar I got as a birthday present. I loved that thing. I got up and watched the younger me try to tone it and play simple keys. A small smile creeped onto my lips. I looked over at him, he was looking at my younger self with a strange emotion in his eyes.
"Is that a guitar?"
"Yeah, I got it as a birthday present. I love that thing so much; I became obsessed with it. I wanted to be the best at it," I carelessly rambled.
"And what happen?"
"I just stopped playing."
"Why?"
"I wasn't good enough."
"If you're going to try, go all the way. Otherwise, don't even start. It could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives, jobs and even your mind. Go all the way. It could mean division. Mockery. Isolation. Isolation is a gift; all the others are a test of your endurance of how much you really want to do it. You weren't good enough? What nonsense, not good enough, no, you weren't meant for it. Any form of art isn't meant for cowards like you."
My eyes widen, "Excuse?"
"You heard me. No wonder you never had any ambition. You had only one goal and you ran away from it. What a coward."
"And who are you to judge!?" I yelled.
"Believe me, there's no one better to judge than me. This is why you can't pass on; you're stuck in denial."
"You're not even a real guardian angel. If you were it meant I passed on already. That means you're just like me, someone stuck in their own denial. I showed you my denial now where's yours?" I demanded.
He looked at me in disbelief then tsk, "Fine."
He snapped his fingers; we were in a simple one-bedroom apartment. The room was a mess, paper was crumbled everywhere. A younger boy with long, untrimmed black hair was drawing behind a desk. He looked so focused. The kitchen counter was filled with empty takeout boxes, and empty coffee tins. How could someone live like this?
"Is this you?" I asked pointed towards the young boy.
He nodded, "I was willing to do whatever it took to be great. I loved drawing more than anything, I sacrificed everything for it. My parents kicked me out at 15, I had no friends or relatives. I was alone and I was ok with that."
How can someone be ok with being alone? The front door opened and a boy around nineteen came into the apartment, he's handsome. The boy looked over at the younger guardian angel.
"Alex," He called out to the busy artist.
The artist stopped and looked at him, then returned his attention. Alex, so that's his name.
"Who's that?" I asked.
"Quin."
"I thought you lived alone."
I watched Quin start cleaning the apartment then got some food ready.
"I do, he just came whenever he felt like it."
Even though he spoke as if he didn't care, his eyes didn't leave Quin.
"Come and eat, I made something delicious," Quin said trying to coo Alex into eating.
Young Alex only glances his way then returns to his word. Quin sighed frustratingly but still smiled.
"Why do you have to be so difficult?" Quin asked.
"Oh, by the way I saw some letters in front of your door, one of them is from," He reads the letter, The University of Elite Arts."
Young Alex shot up from his chair and quickly grabbed the letter and hurriedly opened it. Reading its content, then freeze.
"What does it say?" Quin asked.
"I got in!" For the first time, I've heard a voice speak so happily and excitedly.
Quin smiled but it was a sad smile.
"When do you leave?"
"Two days from now."
"So soon?"417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcorY51In3N
"Why not? Not like I have anyone here for me."
Alex rushed off somewhere in a bedroom, Quin stood there.
"You have me," softly whispered brokenly.
Throughout the night Quin smiled as if everything were ok, but I could even see how sad and broken he felt. We watched as the day for Alex departure came.
"Can't you stay?" Quin asked in tears, he stared at his feet.
"You're kidding, right?"
"No."
Young Alex froze, "Why?! I worked my ass off to get this opportunity and you want me to not take it! Tell me why?! Well!" Alex yelled.
Quin clenched his fist, "Because I love you, I always have. And I know you don't feel the same. I also know that if you leave, you'll never come back, and I'll be all alone. I was ok with the way we lived, why does that have to change?!"
The tears streamed down his face, Alex looked furious, Quin looked completely heartbroken.
"So what? Are you saying just because you love me, I should stop the reward for all my challenging work? No, I'm not doing it!" Alex yelled then took his bags and left.
Slamming the door on his way out. Quin broke down even more.417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeH9k1wMot6
"What happen after that?" I asked.
"I got into a car accident on the way to the airport and died," Alex admitted drearily.
"Have you ever seen your funeral?"
"No."
"Let's go then."
In a snap we stood in front of a grave, the only persons present were Quin and a minister. After the minister said his words, he left and only Quin remained.
"Are this all the people that came to your funeral?" I asked surprised.
"I didn't have friends; I didn't have family. I pushed them all away, and when I came to the reality of my loneliness, it was too late. I was already dead. Not once did I ever consider anyone else but myself. I never once thought about how Quin felt."417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWnGDXfkpSY
Days passed, only Quin visited him. Quin sat on the ground next to the grave. Alex sat with him.
"Alex, I know you're dead, but if you can hear me, I'm sorry, I should've held on to you longer. If only I, did you would've still been here. Even if it met, you'll hate me forever, at least you'll be alive," He poured his heart out.417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwEJvfhtnZL
"No Quin it isn't! I'm the one at fault, I didn't appreciate you after everything you did for me." Alex held a sad smile.
"Would you believe me if I told you I loved him. I never would have guessed, when I died, I had a lot of time to really think, think about the choices I made and the conquences. I would take it all back," Alex cried.417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFvKLsggY5z
"If only I wasn't so stubborn and blinded by my own selfishness. I would have been happy, I would have been with him, he would have to carry around unnecessary guilt."
I didn't know what to say, so I stood and watched as Alex cried.
"Guilt, that's what's keeping you here. Let going of the idea that it could have been different, you had your chance and it's over, you can't undo what's been done. The least you could do Quin is pass on. There is nothing you could do about his guilt, that's something he has to do on his own, but you can make it better for him by doing what he'll want of you."
Alex slowly nodded, he looked at Quin one last time, "I'm sorry, I'll try to pass on, for you. So please, be happy."
Within seconds we were back in the dark place where we started.
"What now? Neither of us have passed on yet?" I asked.
"Wait, wait, until we can't stand it no more. Let the guilt and regret slowly destroy for eternity until we learn to let it go." Alex darkly said.
I softly smiled, "I guess, we'll be here together for all eternity then."
Alex scoffed, "Just you wait, I'll pass on and leave you behind," He joked."417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6wmjLxKruu
"Oh yeah, we'll see about that."417Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsgL04HAvmi
We sat there, in darkest, with only each other and our mental baggage. I wonder, would we ever get to pass on?
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