語畢,Tracy抬頭仰望飄著灰雲的夜空,不發一語。我久久不能從對方的側臉移開視線。片刻之前以濕潤的雙眸對我剖白的神情,定格於腦海之中,讓人無法忘卻。終於,我強逼自己別開視線,眨了眨眼,腦海再度響起她的聲音。234Please respect copyright.PENANA8UlPf1gmna
『當我意識到自己感情嘅時候,我已經愛上咗你。』234Please respect copyright.PENANAqLMb0gJfGD
我現在才知道,原來有這麼的一個人,一直暗暗地思念自己。234Please respect copyright.PENANAq6Z1xYYM1o
『Jane,我鍾意你。我鍾意咗你好耐。』234Please respect copyright.PENANAfBwxIuduJG
那天表白,她說的都是真話。從我們再次在巴士上遇見對方之前,她已經在喜歡我了。從一開始,她就不是單純的只把我當作朋友看待。234Please respect copyright.PENANAdGYvA7f6X6
偷偷地藏在內心的感情,遠比我想像中的深厚且濃烈。234Please respect copyright.PENANAcspBHXSnfq
心臟怦怦跳個不停。234Please respect copyright.PENANAgzFJ95UXov
Tracy雙手捧著飲料,依舊盯著遠方的黑夜,淡淡地說:「Jane,其實喺巴士度問你唱錢之前,我已經知道,你同我係搭同一班車。」234Please respect copyright.PENANAjhjTyIdPbz
「你一直都知道我嘅存在,但係就一直都唔嚟同我say hi……」234Please respect copyright.PENANAifthJEhoqZ
「我唔係特登對你偷偷摸摸,只係唔知點打招呼好,又怕你會唔記得我。我都有試過行去你附近度,但每一次,我都無勇氣坐喺你隔離。」她露出一個苦笑,略帶難為情地說道。234Please respect copyright.PENANASGJEz7ePuX
「咁……你嗰日係咪真係要唱錢?」234Please respect copyright.PENANAYED7oFASdy
「嗰個只係一個……用嚟接近你嘅藉口。」234Please respect copyright.PENANA2cRASgQjAn
「如果嗰日你無同我唱錢,可能我哋今日都只會繼續擦身而過。」234Please respect copyright.PENANADdaDzTem4h
「嗯,所以我好感謝,嗰日鼓起勇氣嘅自己。」234Please respect copyright.PENANAsiEM7zVI20
聽畢對方的話,一種內疚感油然生起,「唉,聽完你講,我覺得自己好薄情。你一直都記得我,但係我從來都無同過你聯絡。」234Please respect copyright.PENANACaRaEbbaFL
「哈哈,咁又無得咁計嘅,我都無主動搵你喇。」234Please respect copyright.PENANAJMMQj6NDyg
「……」234Please respect copyright.PENANAvNvCn5aD6l
我不知該怎樣回答對方的安慰,只好閉上嘴,盯著手中放了吸管,卻從未喝過的飲料。過了一會,Tracy似是想要轉換氣氛,刻意以開朗的聲線說道:234Please respect copyright.PENANAnFOnsANFff
「好喇!我講咗咁多嘢比你聽,係時候掉轉,輪到你同我講啦!」234Please respect copyright.PENANAiMsRcZCS78
「我?」234Please respect copyright.PENANA7xSyS1WUan
「嗯。」234Please respect copyright.PENANA0SVFlNOgSf
「……你想聽咩?」234Please respect copyright.PENANAw5WxRmxpjW
「我同你講咗咁多我嘅過去,你都同我分享下你嘅過去?」234Please respect copyright.PENANAvO70aXK8qD
「我嘅感情生活無你咁豐富啦……又未拍過拖,都無你咁受歡迎,咁多人追。」234Please respect copyright.PENANAf14QYivMpd
「咁你有無試過鍾意人?」234Please respect copyright.PENANACj9FC26x1j
「……有,不過只係暗戀。」234Please respect copyright.PENANAFAaAcfA8PV
「咁你同我分享下嗰個人?佢係咩人嚟㗎?」234Please respect copyright.PENANAlAecsQFPCJ
「佢係我嘅中學同學,當時friend group入面嘅其中一個女仔。」我瞇起雙眼,邊回想邊說道。234Please respect copyright.PENANAjPND9nx1x7
「你好早已經知道自己鍾意女仔㗎嗱?」我點了點頭,對方續道:「係幾時知嘅?」234Please respect copyright.PENANAISGSntrV8M
「就係發現自己鍾意咗呢個女仔friend 嗰時開始,我嗰時……應該係中二。」234Please respect copyright.PENANA3IPPSedEGi
「你鍾意對方啲咩?」234Please respect copyright.PENANA5hTxlEGUKS
「鍾意對方啲咩?好難解釋喎……都咁耐以前嘅事。」我努力喚起沉睡於內心深處的記憶,嘗試回答身旁人的提問。「佢係個好鍾意笑……好開朗嘅女仔。對朋友好好,個個同佢一齊都會好開心,係我哋group嘅中心人物。佢笑起上嚟……好好睇。」234Please respect copyright.PENANARkigeL1zlc
「原來係咁。嗯,值得參考。」234Please respect copyright.PENANA1H2nCjUTAh
旁邊女生若有所得的點點頭,我不解地問道:「參考啲咩?」234Please respect copyright.PENANAU50G9hwMiX
「參考你鍾意嘅類型。」234Please respect copyright.PENANAjChwVBq1F2
「有咩好參考?你係你、佢係佢。」234Please respect copyright.PENANALJ5chNKgpG
「睇下有無需要改進嘅地方?」234Please respect copyright.PENANAzKFf9ZL75n
「你而家咁已經好好。」234Please respect copyright.PENANAkRAK3gkDNC
「嘻嘻,咁你鍾唔鍾意先?」234Please respect copyright.PENANAZV0YBF2tN5
「唔知,你自己估。」我別過頭小聲嘀咕道。234Please respect copyright.PENANAL0jUWqcRpq
對方嘻嘻的笑了出來,又再問道:「咁你有無比嗰個女仔知你鍾意佢?」234Please respect copyright.PENANAcFBUUaBm9L
「梗係無啦。我邊有呢個膽。」234Please respect copyright.PENANA8mcLuCwbCa
「完全無諗過?」234Please respect copyright.PENANAB7inm2vxS8
「無呀,我唔想無咗個friend。」234Please respect copyright.PENANAaV9BiJTYtN
「可能會好似我哋咁有意想不到嘅發展呢?」234Please respect copyright.PENANAoZnjgzQbjv
「點會吖,我同你只係個別例子。一般嚟講,我一定會比對方拒絕,然後大家連friend都無得做。我諗正常人都會有咁嘅反應。」234Please respect copyright.PENANActjNn5ChJO
「『正常人』……你好似講緊我哋唔正常咁。」234Please respect copyright.PENANAY94kuCzuse
我怔了怔,望向Tracy。她的語氣雖然平穩,卻隱若透著一絲責難。我趕緊補充道:234Please respect copyright.PENANAdV9WblAsKh
「我唔係咁嘅意思,我只係覺得……注定會以失敗告終嘅嘢,不如由一開始就將佢擺喺心入面,唔好俾人知。咁樣對對方、對自己都係最好。」234Please respect copyright.PENANAReMTdvNtKY
「Jane……」234Please respect copyright.PENANAcR3HqNjVV5
「我知道,我嘅心意一定唔會被……」接受。我無法把最後兩字說出來。234Please respect copyright.PENANA99d6UyCPDP
這個時候,我才赫然發現,口中那些「正常人的反應」、「自己的心意不會被接受」的話,其實都是說給自己聽的。234Please respect copyright.PENANAzgirShR6oP
但我並不是因為想要安慰自己才有這樣的想法。234Please respect copyright.PENANAMEiKv4plln
我是透過這些話……去否定自己。234Please respect copyright.PENANAUbMCgckiVp
因為我早己斷定,「喜歡女生」是一件「錯事」。
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