Knock, Knock...Who's There? - I have been waiting for this moment my whole entire life

Okay, here's some background knowledge. I post dad jokes daily (well, almost daily), and I finally can put them to good use. I hope it's okay that I just lumped basically all my jokes into one entry.

Why did the ghost use the elevator?581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDV120PCo2a
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To lift his spirits.581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGjkmLA6d4t
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What do you call a French guy being mauled by a lion?581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIzWqKeoTFq
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Claude.581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXQVsbBtfV5
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Why did the number of parking tickets spike when Persephone was carried off to the Underworld?581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfNgpTMHVO7
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Demeter wasn't working.581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlYU8MTbWq5
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Yesterday I was washing my car with my son.

He said, "Dad, can't you just use a sponge?"581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF6AkSO8w8k
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Genie: What is your final wish?

Kid: I wish I were you.

Genie: Weurd, but alrught.581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4rEfKEou8Q
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What did the buffalo say when his son left for college?581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1SihdjIg6q
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"Bison."581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDzx3zGPamE
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Bread is like the sun.581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCQsjyvxd18
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It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2PneSxwpYj
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A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree.

"You can't cut me down," the tree complains. "I'm a talking tree!"

The man responds, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEeHXwcKpn3
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What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits the windshield of a car going 70 miles per hour?581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN4P8hoRmKl
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Its butt.581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPmcksFZm1n
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Two windmills are standing on a wind farm.

One asks, "What's your favorite type of music?"

The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaJVWvje8u0
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How do you get a farm girl to marry you?581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuAH8sBT0iV
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First, a tractor.581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9E9k7vLoo3
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Gravity is one of the most fundamental forces in the universe. But if you remove it, you get...581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoU5lJoSgA1
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Gravy.581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqxS0NQ9Ate
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Medusa caught the eye of a street musician.581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLohRMz7t9V
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Now he's a rockstar.581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFsojst3BYp
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A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a deep coma and woke up after almost 6 months. She asked the doctor about her baby.

The doctor said, "You had twins, a girl, and a boy. They're both fine. Your brother named them for you."

The woman said, "No! My brother is an idiot! What did he name the girl?"

The doctor replied, "Denise."

The woman said, "Oh, that's pretty. What about the boy?"

The doctor let out a deep sigh, and said, "Denephew."581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1QW5Twpgpw
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Do trees poop?581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3hKR11Bl3D
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Of course they do. How else would we get #2 pencils?581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkGjQKr3Lcu
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What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNJWwFLbTPN
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A "do-you-think-he-saurus."581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡndSaxUI9Id
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Have you heard about the teacher who was cross-eyed?581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjeZbe1za2g
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She couldn't control her pupils.581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMhHEA50fXh
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What do peppers do when they're angry?581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYLvB7jM4U4
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They get jalapeño face.581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMWDe0vyBbZ
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Today someone told me I am average.581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHGZYIHUOB6
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I told them that's just mean.581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8hJgpL8UDO
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What do you call a pencil with two erasers?581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMLoeatDtYu
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Pointless.581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb313itTQ2k
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Dude 1: "Hey bro?"

Dude 2: "Yeah bro?"

Dude 1: "Can you hand me that pamphlet?"

Dude 2: "Brochure."581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMDCUMleHsD
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Did you hear about the racing snail who got rid of his shell?581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjD6EyPL9eC
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He thought it would make him faster, but it just made him sluggish.581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUm7BowFIbu
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Have you ever tried to catch fog?581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAyT3a1dZNg
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I tried yesterday but I mist.581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv2MwUDAmWA
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Why can't you ever run through a campsite?581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrffpJSDjxj
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You can only ran—it's always past tents.581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNgL8tkp2by
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What country's capital is growing the fastest?581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJFHJFuDh7G
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Ireland. Every day it's Dublin.581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoMmHz9Rqt7
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What has four wheels and flies?581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡclerja7IbL
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A garbage truck.581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8E8PGcZVUB
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I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance...581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjyBt2iWZKU
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...so I pushed her over.581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLh8YtYkYmb
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFh3AB2f1UK
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If they flew over a bay, they would be bagels.581Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡto2VnuxmYj
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