Knock, Knock...Who's There? - I have been waiting for this moment my whole entire life

Okay, here's some background knowledge. I post dad jokes daily (well, almost daily), and I finally can put them to good use. I hope it's okay that I just lumped basically all my jokes into one entry.

Why did the ghost use the elevator?576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9kbj7XFHNw
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To lift his spirits.576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmNdPzfMrSs
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What do you call a French guy being mauled by a lion?576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl7DLdPECez
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Claude.576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh7twvVVSng
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Why did the number of parking tickets spike when Persephone was carried off to the Underworld?576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNiJXHth6rQ
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Demeter wasn't working.576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkTQCPsX21l
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Yesterday I was washing my car with my son.

He said, "Dad, can't you just use a sponge?"576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5gUS8MhcSb
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Genie: What is your final wish?

Kid: I wish I were you.

Genie: Weurd, but alrught.576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkYXWbvvJZS
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What did the buffalo say when his son left for college?576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2MSFrQR5ll
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"Bison."576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyyZLML5UQD
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Bread is like the sun.576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIZHq3nucNv
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It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmmC5tTceoN
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A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree.

"You can't cut me down," the tree complains. "I'm a talking tree!"

The man responds, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtfds9vCRrR
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What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits the windshield of a car going 70 miles per hour?576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmmolQ5QVrs
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Its butt.576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgXLBczyTpS
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Two windmills are standing on a wind farm.

One asks, "What's your favorite type of music?"

The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtKoAUrYDgr
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How do you get a farm girl to marry you?576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQJkmLnEf2T
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First, a tractor.576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡunkP3EzDE3
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Gravity is one of the most fundamental forces in the universe. But if you remove it, you get...576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZWX765i9Gg
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Gravy.576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7jBCoI2XTZ
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Medusa caught the eye of a street musician.576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQMKzRqcWay
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Now he's a rockstar.576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZlaCm53mgj
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A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a deep coma and woke up after almost 6 months. She asked the doctor about her baby.

The doctor said, "You had twins, a girl, and a boy. They're both fine. Your brother named them for you."

The woman said, "No! My brother is an idiot! What did he name the girl?"

The doctor replied, "Denise."

The woman said, "Oh, that's pretty. What about the boy?"

The doctor let out a deep sigh, and said, "Denephew."576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI1uZOYbmtK
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Do trees poop?576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ykmqL2axL
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Of course they do. How else would we get #2 pencils?576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6iFuVIAsn8
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What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiOmIQG5cE7
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A "do-you-think-he-saurus."576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKD3SLLqkds
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Have you heard about the teacher who was cross-eyed?576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrbJw0shadw
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She couldn't control her pupils.576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5gBuCcaemn
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What do peppers do when they're angry?576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV1GJP9CPOh
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They get jalapeño face.576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAWXVv9w60b
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Today someone told me I am average.576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLL9uhstBxP
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I told them that's just mean.576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYYIQepH1kv
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What do you call a pencil with two erasers?576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6rrmXMffKh
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Pointless.576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmBKUSgQQKY
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Dude 1: "Hey bro?"

Dude 2: "Yeah bro?"

Dude 1: "Can you hand me that pamphlet?"

Dude 2: "Brochure."576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoSqPkKGYJz
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Did you hear about the racing snail who got rid of his shell?576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSBImsba21j
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He thought it would make him faster, but it just made him sluggish.576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3rXQf4vEXg
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Have you ever tried to catch fog?576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg3Jg1DPUIL
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I tried yesterday but I mist.576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJrVjCfozVB
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Why can't you ever run through a campsite?576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkKSRpbC7C0
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You can only ran—it's always past tents.576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiCNXHUnHFI
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What country's capital is growing the fastest?576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh7Lk1b6mjz
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Ireland. Every day it's Dublin.576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5gtG3AlENI
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What has four wheels and flies?576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB8WuI8uzB2
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A garbage truck.576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKApkmEAqQL
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I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance...576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Y4TJFVKHp
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...so I pushed her over.576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ28fuoeFfCR
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK7b944LOZo
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If they flew over a bay, they would be bagels.576Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoHciMohKAY
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