Knock, Knock...Who's There? - I have been waiting for this moment my whole entire life

Okay, here's some background knowledge. I post dad jokes daily (well, almost daily), and I finally can put them to good use. I hope it's okay that I just lumped basically all my jokes into one entry.

Why did the ghost use the elevator?537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwGOLkKCXdM
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To lift his spirits.537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJa95LPJH1k
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What do you call a French guy being mauled by a lion?537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKUeKBy86Xf
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Claude.537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM1zfDri4mV
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Why did the number of parking tickets spike when Persephone was carried off to the Underworld?537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPBQQU0F6Eq
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Demeter wasn't working.537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbRcrKAZNYE
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Yesterday I was washing my car with my son.

He said, "Dad, can't you just use a sponge?"537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUQXJLhFlUV
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Genie: What is your final wish?

Kid: I wish I were you.

Genie: Weurd, but alrught.537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwSNfqDTgHC
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What did the buffalo say when his son left for college?537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoaX74mtCO8
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"Bison."537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKY1V4tmrfS
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Bread is like the sun.537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0yiqrYxkOB
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It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBaZdT3Zb2e
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A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree.

"You can't cut me down," the tree complains. "I'm a talking tree!"

The man responds, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSddSLMfTd6
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What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits the windshield of a car going 70 miles per hour?537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRficNcK6xp
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Its butt.537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDVGd69zAde
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Two windmills are standing on a wind farm.

One asks, "What's your favorite type of music?"

The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnvbE4RlvA9
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How do you get a farm girl to marry you?537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPD25RvpkJs
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First, a tractor.537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgCsKP78pRo
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Gravity is one of the most fundamental forces in the universe. But if you remove it, you get...537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt7EVmZ1bIY
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Gravy.537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡux58SrdjED
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Medusa caught the eye of a street musician.537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEfefqkE6LQ
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Now he's a rockstar.537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN4R4rdlCZL
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A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a deep coma and woke up after almost 6 months. She asked the doctor about her baby.

The doctor said, "You had twins, a girl, and a boy. They're both fine. Your brother named them for you."

The woman said, "No! My brother is an idiot! What did he name the girl?"

The doctor replied, "Denise."

The woman said, "Oh, that's pretty. What about the boy?"

The doctor let out a deep sigh, and said, "Denephew."537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsJiQmKyiFW
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Do trees poop?537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3wIzcIxORh
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Of course they do. How else would we get #2 pencils?537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzT8ebWE6cg
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What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLITRAlf3pI
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A "do-you-think-he-saurus."537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf7nq7w7RjW
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Have you heard about the teacher who was cross-eyed?537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfLPUHR0fef
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She couldn't control her pupils.537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzt0vJZzu36
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What do peppers do when they're angry?537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbCaK6z8psn
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They get jalapeño face.537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM3w6out59a
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Today someone told me I am average.537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY0RxgRPs9R
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I told them that's just mean.537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHieUKCbpz2
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What do you call a pencil with two erasers?537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCEOSVhoUu7
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Pointless.537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbk7HvDwWjl
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Dude 1: "Hey bro?"

Dude 2: "Yeah bro?"

Dude 1: "Can you hand me that pamphlet?"

Dude 2: "Brochure."537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQSkYkNpBtV
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Did you hear about the racing snail who got rid of his shell?537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3W3OnM35Qd
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He thought it would make him faster, but it just made him sluggish.537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡntGjPMPnMH
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Have you ever tried to catch fog?537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7PRnqMT5kf
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I tried yesterday but I mist.537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoGpdykzkzA
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Why can't you ever run through a campsite?537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjXrdYNWbSv
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You can only ran—it's always past tents.537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrz3GiOiFMQ
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What country's capital is growing the fastest?537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPWQfpI75PB
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Ireland. Every day it's Dublin.537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVfLcY3mGfR
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What has four wheels and flies?537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPLkERghCZd
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A garbage truck.537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNkLhwJUFjF
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I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance...537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOINIQKM24t
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...so I pushed her over.537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVvJpRV7WY5
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrUbFkoarsZ
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If they flew over a bay, they would be bagels.537Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTsrZymorpc
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