Okay, here's some background knowledge. I post dad jokes daily (well, almost daily), and I finally can put them to good use. I hope it's okay that I just lumped basically all my jokes into one entry.
Why did the ghost use the elevator?537Please respect copyright.PENANAFcma2aEN2h
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To lift his spirits.537Please respect copyright.PENANAaNc06TUEia
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What do you call a French guy being mauled by a lion?537Please respect copyright.PENANAcwYjaL7amn
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Claude.537Please respect copyright.PENANAtmZghlobRt
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Why did the number of parking tickets spike when Persephone was carried off to the Underworld?537Please respect copyright.PENANAMSMiQGI4tm
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Demeter wasn't working.537Please respect copyright.PENANAWqOK6rzffg
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Yesterday I was washing my car with my son.
He said, "Dad, can't you just use a sponge?"537Please respect copyright.PENANAEU6EqIAUCW
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Genie: What is your final wish?
Kid: I wish I were you.
Genie: Weurd, but alrught.537Please respect copyright.PENANA8G1tRwXT1y
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What did the buffalo say when his son left for college?537Please respect copyright.PENANAAaN1cKrR1N
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"Bison."537Please respect copyright.PENANAq3nui6t8yr
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Bread is like the sun.537Please respect copyright.PENANAsYjeIZ6TKA
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It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.537Please respect copyright.PENANAlFVzrkorvV
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A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree.
"You can't cut me down," the tree complains. "I'm a talking tree!"
The man responds, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."537Please respect copyright.PENANAQkDporXS9X
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What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits the windshield of a car going 70 miles per hour?537Please respect copyright.PENANA0UN7Cs4C6O
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Its butt.537Please respect copyright.PENANAXKOmTfbaBs
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Two windmills are standing on a wind farm.
One asks, "What's your favorite type of music?"
The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."537Please respect copyright.PENANAChfdKe9ZET
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How do you get a farm girl to marry you?537Please respect copyright.PENANA55WE6RVPx4
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First, a tractor.537Please respect copyright.PENANAArpUrnUoiz
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Gravity is one of the most fundamental forces in the universe. But if you remove it, you get...537Please respect copyright.PENANASuMJxU6tv5
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Gravy.537Please respect copyright.PENANAVLCoi3sA8s
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Medusa caught the eye of a street musician.537Please respect copyright.PENANARfqc5UA2hT
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Now he's a rockstar.537Please respect copyright.PENANAyFrG48api2
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A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a deep coma and woke up after almost 6 months. She asked the doctor about her baby.
The doctor said, "You had twins, a girl, and a boy. They're both fine. Your brother named them for you."
The woman said, "No! My brother is an idiot! What did he name the girl?"
The doctor replied, "Denise."
The woman said, "Oh, that's pretty. What about the boy?"
The doctor let out a deep sigh, and said, "Denephew."537Please respect copyright.PENANADuCLsxr9w3
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Do trees poop?537Please respect copyright.PENANAT3nMtoilAB
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Of course they do. How else would we get #2 pencils?537Please respect copyright.PENANAA0HXru63QO
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What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?537Please respect copyright.PENANAyYCsfVGC9H
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A "do-you-think-he-saurus."537Please respect copyright.PENANAzzpqHG1CH7
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Have you heard about the teacher who was cross-eyed?537Please respect copyright.PENANAM8KtA1QIAl
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She couldn't control her pupils.537Please respect copyright.PENANAECavrM9ZLg
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What do peppers do when they're angry?537Please respect copyright.PENANA7cM8aTfs2n
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They get jalapeño face.537Please respect copyright.PENANACV92JSBM9J
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Today someone told me I am average.537Please respect copyright.PENANAcvA4gPvUhr
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I told them that's just mean.537Please respect copyright.PENANAG1KGSn61LS
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What do you call a pencil with two erasers?537Please respect copyright.PENANA0hDP3yAIcW
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Pointless.537Please respect copyright.PENANAnYNTLUG8U8
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Dude 1: "Hey bro?"
Dude 2: "Yeah bro?"
Dude 1: "Can you hand me that pamphlet?"
Dude 2: "Brochure."537Please respect copyright.PENANAwM1nXLe4Y1
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Did you hear about the racing snail who got rid of his shell?537Please respect copyright.PENANA1ghhZgcHPR
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He thought it would make him faster, but it just made him sluggish.537Please respect copyright.PENANAayC7OnVQyh
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Have you ever tried to catch fog?537Please respect copyright.PENANAdNoDRU9Udq
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I tried yesterday but I mist.537Please respect copyright.PENANAPpbtz7XnJj
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Why can't you ever run through a campsite?537Please respect copyright.PENANAH8GuzXoS8E
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You can only ran—it's always past tents.537Please respect copyright.PENANAZqS7jYWDcc
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What country's capital is growing the fastest?537Please respect copyright.PENANAfmzutUSYuV
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Ireland. Every day it's Dublin.537Please respect copyright.PENANAVWWjQ5KWIm
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What has four wheels and flies?537Please respect copyright.PENANAlrhrr5bJwB
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A garbage truck.537Please respect copyright.PENANAorDyHHupyu
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I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance...537Please respect copyright.PENANAiQEZCVs3cw
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...so I pushed her over.537Please respect copyright.PENANAjycQUjwELc
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?537Please respect copyright.PENANAsomaOZ0Kmu
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If they flew over a bay, they would be bagels.537Please respect copyright.PENANAmTQNMLA1Vv
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Uh, yeah. That's all I got.
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