Totally-Normal Ohio High School
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Welcome to Totally Normal Ohio High's Totally Normal School Lunch Menu! T.N.O.H.T.N.S.L.M. for short, of course.
Keep in mind, you get a two month free discount if you write a 57,363 word essay about how delicious our food is, which must include the words bagpipes and tapeworm.
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Monday
Wet Sponge Soup Surprise -- Definitely not stolen by the janitor, so who knows where the sponges have been? It's a mysterious surprise.
Plastic Wrapper Platter -- Fried plastic wrappers of candies such as Skittles, Almond Joy, and the students' personal favorite — Sour Patch!
The Perfect Combo -- Dessert — a box of Mr. Smith's used tissues and watermelon toothpaste never tasted better!
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Tuesday
Salty Sweat Special -- Secret to make it taste extra salty: Store it inside a steel jar in a room exactly 79.3 degrees.
Grilled Glue Caps -- Have you ever wondered where your missing glue stick cap went? It's probably in our oven. Your loss is our treat.
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Wednesday
Beach Bites -- Dusty seashells, rocks, and high-protein sand. I can't think of a better meal.
Our Totally Normal Dino Nuggets -- We prefer our original: Deep frying dinosaur toys from Walmart. They're crunchier.
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Thursday
Bleeding Tooth Fungus -- Kudos to our biology teacher for making this mushroom edible for the children. We will be serving this in soup blended with shredded goat cheese.
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Friday
Happy Friday Special -- Based on the poll we ran, this was our Friday results. Blue tofu soup along with pencil sharpener shavings, grasshopper limbs, with just the right amount of vegetable oil. Thank you for casting your votes, everyone!
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Oh, where are the drinks you say? We have watery ketchup. Take it or leave it.
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