｛初戀殘酷物語—周國賢｝
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如果今日你有一個溫柔體貼，又善解人意嘅女朋友。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPOG30wvOX9
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咁可能因為背後佢經歷過戀愛當中刻骨銘心嘅教訓、感情離別嘅苦澀煎熬，係一點一點咁累積落嚟，一直牽引住佢，慢慢咁成為今日嘅佢。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡepaLnkS8FV
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不過，佢過去發生過嘅事，其實你未必想知道，佢亦都未必願意同你分享，就等嗰份回憶好好咁封存喺適合嘅地方，唔好再刻意去觸碰佢。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSHy7JL0c2t
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自從你離開咗我之後，時間好似倒流返番去中四啱啱認識「佢」嗰陣。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1WWj3iA8Y3
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我記得，開學初頭原本區嘉桐坐我隔離，後來班主任先調咗佢同我一齊坐，原因係區嘉桐幾乎每日都喺度蝦我，最鐘意伸手扯我條辮，再將我個髮圈扔落垃圾桶，又會擦走我喺書枱上面畫嘅畫。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdfF4HZXJzD
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但係佢就唔同，佢會陪我畫畫，我哋一人一筆畫咗座城堡出嚟，當佢修飾緊啲線條嗰陣，佢托住腮笑吟吟咁望住我講：「住喺裡面嘅就係我哋。」253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLfHVxbelhl
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就係佢呢句唔知係有心定無意嘅說話，我由嗰刻開始暗地裡鐘意咗佢。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqa92ObZRHw
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由嗰日開始，我哋關係變得越嚟越親密，無論係返學、食Lunch定係放學，我同佢幾乎都係形影不離，但係我從來都唔敢同佢講出我心裡面嘅感覺，我怕當我講咗出嚟之後，我哋嘅關係就會改變，我怕要再經歷多一次失去嘅感覺。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZnOfMCWCGQ
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所以，升上中五嗰陣，我都冇同佢講我每晚都要忍受叔叔嘅獸行。直至去到中六嗰年，我同「你」相遇，你直接闖入我嘅宇宙裡面，你願意接納我嘅過去，令到我好快就依賴咗你嘅關懷，喺你身上不斷獲取我所渴求嘅憐憫，但最後你又悄悄咁離開咗我。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzudjLV3eFW
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當晚同你分手，我唔太相信自己內心仲可以再騰出空間去容納到另一個人。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡelQYl74gUm
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分手嘅第二晚，喺你眼中總係傷痕累累嘅我，又再一次意外受傷，不過呢次我冇可能奢求你會再次出現。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2vBw8NJ0mg
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慶幸地，正如你離開前嘅盼望，「佢」代替咗「你」嘅位置，將我抱起跑咗好幾條街送去醫院，由嗰刻開始我終於感受到佢一直埋藏住嘅嗰份真誠。只係我好清楚知道，如果唔係你幫我打開咗心入面嗰道扇門，我亦唔會感受得到佢對我嘅感情。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1h6PS01ov0
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我並冇忘記我同你之間嘅承諾，我急不及待想同你分享，可惜喺醫院留院當晚我部電話並唔爭氣冇晒電，好彩最終我都能夠趕及第二朝喺你臨飛之前，用短訊話到俾你知我終於搵到一個願意照顧我嘅男仔。
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無幾耐我就搬咗去佢屋企同佢一齊住，佢爸爸媽媽因為工作關係亦長期唔喺屋企，後來有一日我媽咪同我講，叔叔因為喺地鐵非禮女學生而俾人拉咗，好似話係個女仔主動向其他乘客求助共同指證佢，我覺得個女仔真係好勇敢，因為一直以來我只係識自己一個人默默咁承受。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzKAdS8gtzd
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而我總係覺得，你只係身處喺某處角落，默默咁守望住我，所以我更加唔能夠令你失望，一定要好好去珍惜眼前嘅呢段感情。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBkxfFICa0d
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你知道嗎？253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3E3SjAYfxr
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巴黎情人橋因為負荷問題嚴重，巴黎市政府終於宣佈將七十萬個情人鎖拆除，或者愛情總會有令人感覺沉重嘅一面，而我當時仲抱住一份執念，覺得情人之間許下過嘅諾言，唔應該因為時移世易而輕易消失。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwRgsfbKlCO
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起初，我一直期待住你話俾我知，你都已經搵到你嘅幸福。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfKWoyclyzR
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可惜自從嗰個短訊之後，我同你之間再無聯絡過。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYHwOh7whCr
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時間一年一年咁過，又或者你已經一早忘記咗我。
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但原來最可怕嘅係，當我發現自己都開始漸漸咁將你淡忘...
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「遲到喇，遲到喇～」以前中學成日遲到嘅佢，雖然拍拖之後偶爾都會遲到，搞到我會發佢脾氣。不過今日呢個咁重要嘅日子，我哋刻意約早咗好多，喺附近行完街食埋飯先再慢慢行過嚟紅館，所以完全唔使擔心遲到呢個問題。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDHnyFbDIEt
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「遲你個死人頭，你睇吓啲人都仲未入場。」我見佢居然咁大膽，喺度學我平時嬲佢嗰陣講嘅嘢，於是大大力一嘢捏落佢手臂度，但可能佢俾我捏得多，開始冇咩效果...253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoaaXowpHeW
253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWaKxR9dMIE
「一陣再啲多人就要同人迫㗎喇。」仲要俾佢捉返住我手掌，喺度幫我左捽右捽咁按摩，好似俾人捏痛嗰個反而係我咁。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoUYLWyEiEK
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「好喇，聽你講喇。」我挨住佢肩頭同佢一齊行去查飛嘅保安姐姐度，腦海裡面苦思緊下次可以點樣還擊。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLkaT757OIz
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入到紅館裡面，我哋個位置幾乎係可以伸手觸及舞台，眼前一層又一層嘅煙霧製造出一種朦朧嘅氣氛，又有一種令人沉醉嘅感覺。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl3gSB08syX
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「不如我哋影張自拍先囉，好唔好？」因為佢部電話貴啲所以影相都會清啲，於是我喺佢褲袋裡面摷咗佢部電話出嚟交喺佢手上，但我要佢負責做揸機嗰個，咁樣先可以將我塊面影得細啲。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrBzcV56yhW
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我哋好似其他情侶咁，擺咗幾個標準姿勢，拎住張演唱會飛，面貼面咁影咗幾張，最後一張佢側面哄埋嚟作勢想錫落我度。影完之後，我拎住佢部電話即刻將頭先啲相send返落我手機度，如果唔係佢肯定又會隔咗幾日先記得。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDTKFREwc5r
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而我就揀咗最後嗰張PO咗上IG Story。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMswid9FImj
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「我想去個洗手間先吖。」253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj3spIXK8hX
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「係咪頭先飲得太多珍珠奶茶？」佢拎咗包紙巾塞喺我手心裡面，仲要趁機摸咗我手背一下，正衰人成日掛住抽我水。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqgjXqZtZrN
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「最衰都係你，又唔幫我飲多啲。」我拎住包紙巾同埋電話，一級一級咁行返上去門口位嗰女廁，好彩而家仲未算多人，所以女廁完全唔使排隊，入面仲要好似一個人都冇。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE62F96pB9V
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算佢醒目喇，早啲入嚟係真係好啲。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ72vvpONZZt
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去完洗手間之後，我對住塊鏡梳返順啲頭髮，整理好儀容，順便睇吓有咩人睇咗我個IG Story。啊！唔記得帶支唇膏入嚟補妝添，算喇都係返到埋位先再補。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnYDIAMJwC2
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一行出女廁，竟然俾我遇見返一幅熟悉嘅面孔，挨住旁邊幅牆，擺住甫士咁望緊手機，我心裡猶豫咗一秒好唔好驚動佢，但都係控制唔住雙腳，走上前拍一拍佢膊頭。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeDEHJQyyAZ
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「喂～」但見佢有啲慌張咁將部電話塞返落褲袋。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSSIdwa0to2
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「點解你喺度嘅，你幾時返咗嚟㗎？」我問道。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmQdSLi4f4M
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「…咁難得佢第一次開紅館演唱會，所以點都要返嚟睇。」佢說道。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPJwfiI4b7E
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佢講完之後，我哋就陷入沉默之中，只係企喺原地偶爾相對而笑，心裡面好似有好多說話想講，但一時三刻又唔知點樣打開話題。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT4jTUj05wm
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「係呢…」結果隔咗幾秒鐘左右，我哋不約而同咁打破沉寂，兩個人嘅聲音重疊咗一齊。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgslrsIQnDs
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又隔咗兩秒。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcc509Y953L
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「你講先吖。」我都係讓俾佢講先。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6TcIeYeNSe
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「嗯…」不過可能事出突然，霎時間我哋都諗唔到有咩想講。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjYk1sJcXYg
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忽然間我內心好想求證我等待已久嘅答案，於是乎我打斷佢說話，同時間眼角微微移向女廁，即使我明知道女廁根本冇人：「你…等緊你女朋友吖？」253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpqaOhhreh7
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「係啊。」但點知佢好爽快咁答咗，然後雙手交叉放喺胸前，向住門口方向打個眼色，意下之言啫係佢女朋友喺外面趕緊過嚟。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6P9MdIthQ1
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「哦…」253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiDbn9J2FT8
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「咁…你女朋友又會咁慢嘅…」然後我發現不自不覺間我對耳仔已經一片燙熱。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Uxj6Sjw8G
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「你都係快啲落返去陪你男朋友先喇，演唱會就快開始喇。」佢雙手搭住我手臂，將我擰返向樓梯方向逼我落返去，過程有啲尷尬。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxxhdYdx8OH
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當樓梯落到一半嗰陣，我忍唔住回頭再望佢一眼，只見有個紥住孖辮嘅女仔，而且皮膚白皙都幾靚女，喺門口外面衝入嚟就即刻翹住佢隻手，然後笑瞇瞇咁同佢有講有笑。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7VuS9EnCjX
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我急忙擰返轉頭，內心卻不禁嘲笑自己，頭先我竟然會抱住假希望…253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUtr8KnWH0U
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返到埋位之後，我將包紙巾塞返落佢褲袋裡面，然後翹實佢手臂挨喺佢膊頭度。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡusDkyfINpH
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望住舞台上嘅迷霧，前塵往事彷彿又重現眼前。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN4DSkkNoaT
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當日你喺球場上，幫我痴嘅嗰塊膠布、253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOOp3TlsEJd
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仲有當晚喺儲物室入面，同你分享過嘅朱古力餅餅、253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYM5dG557cg
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曾經，你幫我打開心扉，等我可以重新感受其他人嘅關懷、253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqr4x6m9rV5
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同埋幫我克服恐懼，等我可以放膽咁去感受盪鞦韆嘅樂趣、253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdhCY7BNP4H
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係你一直拖住我手，穿過黑暗迎接晨曦。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBZ26yZ7eB6
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如果當初我哋兩個都識得勇敢啲去面對現實，我並冇選擇逃避而離家出走，而你亦冇選擇逃避而將我讓俾另一個男仔照顧。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJH7maTR9lh
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咁即使今日我哋依然分隔兩地，或者仲有可能維持到情侶關係。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP39TWLaokP
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不過一旦分手之後，其實大家已經互不相干，而我竟然仲在意你有冇遵守諾言，結果只係換來一場玩笑，諗返起都覺得自己可笑。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡprk2fBZgtu
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「係呢，頭先做咩咁耐嘅？」佢一邊撫摸住我手背，一邊問道。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGtkaI1nEis
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「學咗你啲姿姿整整嘅壞習慣囉～」253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcX2lCboDJr
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如今事過境遷，我終於深刻體會到，當日嗰份回憶同感情，只有將佢哋好好留喺最適當嘅位置，唔好再打擾你，咁樣先係對你最貼心嘅報答。253Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb7FuDyAheM
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只係我都好想多謝你，曾經喺我生命中出現過。
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—全文完—
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