｛愛比死更冷—周國賢｝329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAHDTcuOsDR
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡopAc3r5iAk
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjVjyfBp1mY
喺巴黎機場臨回程之前，我厚住面皮咁將個航班時間send俾佢，再用錄音短訊同佢講：「我返嚟喇。」，呢次係事隔一個月以嚟，我第一次同返佢講嘢。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIJXXY4Pa1T
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6f2X0XsBYY
而直至電話訊號中斷，我都冇收到佢嘅回覆，我都好明白，佢絕對有理由嬲我。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1RUSqzHkEm
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwFwcR0WtwI
返到香港之後，我有幻想過佢只係專登扮唔睬我，然後突然出現喺機場，舉住牌仔咁迎接我返嚟，製造一個驚喜俾我。但隨住我從禁區走到接機大堂，冷清清嘅場面令我一切嘅想像落空。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWRYH9rMR3p
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpje6WGT1ky
我喺接機大堂隨便搵咗個位置坐低，裙袋裡面嘅電話突然傳來震動，我滿心歡喜咁期待係咪佢搵我，抑或係原來佢匿埋喺遠處偷偷地望住我？329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo7hFRaskJm
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ06qSTIGQi7
不過，期望都只係換來另一次嘅失望，佢話有啲急事嚟唔切機場，如果我行李太重嘅話，佢叫我可以搵曾皓賢過嚟幫忙拎住先，佢搞掂好件事會喺屋企附近地鐵站接我。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ6EfQc1e8P
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3o4GFBEsWs
其實我啲行李，都只係得一個旅行背囊再加個斜揹手提包，雖然係重，但至少我都已經帶住佢哋去咗三個國家。我唔知道佢刻意叫我搵曾皓賢去幫係有咩用意，但既然佢咁樣講到，我都會跟佢意思照做。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG42cFvhD6h
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrpjcGQBcf1
同時我又喺度諗，就算佢有幾嬲我冇同佢講就消失咗成個月，仲要喺呢段時間對佢愛理不理，陣間只要一見到佢，我就即刻衝埋去攬住佢、嗲吓佢，要先令到佢心軟，再慢慢搵機會同佢道歉。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrNpNYhhJdF
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJjhN5WGMcp
與此同時，由機場返去屋企嘅嗰程地鐵入面，曾皓賢嘅神態比起我去旅行之前更加曖昧，我同佢分享我喺歐洲所見所聞嘅時候，我感覺上佢望住我，仲多過專心響度聽我講嘢。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaFv99O9TOq
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwzqz8bOblr
終於返到屋企嗰地鐵站，離開車廂之後，我刻意同曾皓賢保持住前後腳嘅距離，無幾耐就見到郭家朗喺前面挨住條柱㩒緊手機。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmTaliGjNQa
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBWpddNmi1B
冇見一排，佢都仲係咁鐘意擺甫士。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIfpLMueJpq
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrlpcPwjAQY
我直接將曾皓賢拋離身後，朝住郭家朗個方向衝埋去，成個身撲入佢懷抱之內，呢個時候佢隻手已經搭住咗我條腰，而且仲含情脈脈咁望住我。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbQyqbMdX72
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlO9KxPdH0d
當我仲以為身體接觸真係有用之際，原來一切都只係我嘅妄想。我哋離開地鐵站之後，佢一直都冇講過半句說話，冇過問我去旅行嘅任何事。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡerZhsrO3vx
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYYmMvGZx2f
直到返到我屋企之後，已經係傍晚時份，佢話有啲說話想同我講，講完就會走。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6M4qsdmt9C
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSjGY9nd3dK
我知道一定唔可以俾佢咁快就走，我話難得屋企今晚冇人，夾硬將佢拉入客廳，要佢試埋我嘅廚藝先准走，因為我想好好咁為我嘅任性向佢道歉，我想同佢講我以後都唔會咁自私，不顧一切咁走咗去。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPq5Yqs51Zd
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDAXYzm63pq
喺廚房擾攘咗一輪之後，我將兩碟精心泡製嘅忌廉蘑菇意粉擺喺餐枱上面，係我哋兩個最鐘意食嘅味道。當我擺放緊餐具嘅同時，亦都思考緊應該點樣同佢道歉好，但結果俾佢搶先咗。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOcqRIFvrUi
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgazbI5g6jo
「其實，我冇嬲你粒聲唔出就去咗歐洲，我知道你一定有某啲原因，先會決定咁樣做。」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh2TqfWccyq
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2Au62WNyDV
我默默咁坐喺佢隔離，耷低頭，凝視住眼前兩碟意粉所散發出嚟嘅蒸氣。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRyKQut4JoL
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNMhREcFArD
我唔知道佢係咪只係扮唔嬲我，但當我偷偷望咗佢一眼，見到佢真誠嘅眼神，愧疚感一下子注滿我內心，我好想同佢坦白自首點解我會突然間離開。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡshbP5TO6YU
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpZaompTsf2
「見到你返嚟，我好開心，起碼我仲可以喺最後呢幾日見多你一面。」我聽到呢度個心一沉，但已經冇時間俾我思考，因為跟住佢終於揭曉，嗰個埋藏咗喺佢心底好耐嘅秘密。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGFpXcNXBKd
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa27SNLgf5S
原來，佢真係要移民，本來其實仲有一個月時間，但係因為臨時改早咗，所以呢三日已經係佢留喺香港最後嘅時光，暑假過後佢就開始喺英國讀書。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiyqS7wbipv
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeSqL9iXVZw
自從當日我喺佢屋企見到啲紙皮箱，我就嬲佢一直隱瞞住，唔肯同我講佢要離開我。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKCuQaEKFZo
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZJPzX6l8iM
我以為自己一早有晒心理準備，但當親耳聽到嘅時候，我個心依然好似俾把刀捅咗入去咁。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO9FRETAc7Y
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc0hD1Qvyt4
「我冇辦法可以同你一齊繼續讀書，達成唔到你嘅心願。」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp4SNcQc8s5
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMMsT32e1HJ
而佢竟然一直記住我當晚飲醉酒講嘅幼稚說話...329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNlqiTx2tHq
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKpKGX5qpT9
如果，當日唔係我突然間咁走咗去，原本我哋仲有多一個月時間相處，而家我哋只係得返幾日嘅時間，我仲可以點樣補償返俾佢？329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSYnQGy5Vkh
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUX8oMsiYbq
我捉住佢隻手，想哄埋去攬住佢。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw9NtpBGVjA
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpvZtUqJYQf
但佢鬆開咗我隻手...329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5QI2bGBdDV
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf1RndnXvb8
我只可以強忍住淚水，望住佢嘅臉龐側影。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiyW2GGV9zW
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDaSiHrbTmc
「身為一個排球隊隊長，照顧隊員嘅職責，嚟到呢度，終於完結喇。」佢展露出一副寬懷嘅笑容，繼續說道：「不過見到你開始識得笑，開始識到新朋友，其實我都冇其他嘢可以再為你做，係咪先？」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsPx8cp8pvb
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3hFvet3uuN
佢抬起頭，望住掛喺牆上面嘅時鐘，我視線都不自覺咁跟住佢望上去，然後佢繼續說道。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJZC4nblIgi
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIxIioNxLdr
「頭先喺地鐵站，我故意攬住你，去觀察你best friend嗰表情，跟住我就知道佢鐘意你，人哋可能就係等緊一個同你表白嘅機會。」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT7l6vnB4fw
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOJ68RCuWqb
「而家我將個機會交俾佢。」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeTvC7N8rrS
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDdZqcBa6Vl
我心裡一酸，連忙捉住佢手解釋：「唔係吖，我同佢只係好朋友嘅關係，唔係你諗嘅咁㗎...」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjAju3sNWa2
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmQywXajiNt
今次佢冇再捹開我隻手，佢企起身，伸手摸我個頭續道。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSLR9tY6EUU
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUZBfU6R1CJ
「傻瓜，有邊對情侶一出世就喺埋一齊㗎？好朋友都可以培養感情變成情侶㗎啫。」雖然俾佢摸住頭我心裡面有股甜意泛起，但同時都有種酸溜溜嘅感覺交集住。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf5ZwMJEA7A
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5om4fdbZCv
佢話，當日喺排球隊儲物室門邊，見到我捧住個排球講心事嗰陣，佢曾經對上天許下諾言，只要我能夠幸福快樂，就算要佢犧牲一半壽命換取，佢會毫不猶豫。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt43jOz7X5Y
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWjEepzZtYR
或者係因為呢個諾言，當我由黑暗之中嘅最深處，逐步逐步咁爬返上嚟之後，呢個代價亦都同時間慢慢浮現，就係從此，我會喺佢生命中消失得無影無縱，亦等於將佢生命切割一半。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDkmcsoYlG4
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH6T2lYYN6s
後來佢諗通，同我分開並唔係佢最大嘅傷痛，佢最怕嘅係，當佢離開咗之後，我會重新跌返入深淵裡面，所以唯有見到另一個男仔可以取替到佢嘅位置，佢先能夠放心，等我喺佢生命中慢慢咁消失。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBR5XzSO1Zi
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1rUdztAbP1
我忍唔住問返佢：「你將我讓俾另一個男仔照顧，你捨得咩？」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpLGUasRC86
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw4PoRVT2Uf
佢以最溫柔嘅聲線對住我講：「你可以搵到一個好好照顧你嘅人，就係我最大嘅心願。」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBXIUFv7fQa
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGgkrDaCOuq
呢晚，佢並無留低食埋晚飯先走，我竟然一直冇察覺到，原來由始至終佢都係為咗我著想，而內心就獨自承受住咁大嘅痛楚。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgvQdhOo1ja
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPL7RCAnxh2
喺佢臨離開之前，佢攞起我部手機將兩碟意粉影底再直接send俾曾皓賢，然後帶點調皮，笑咪咪咁將部電話交返俾我。329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡio3CvLSfF9
329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjgSwjGNWsv
「嗱，幫你開咗個頭㗎喇，我走喇，以後你要自己加油知唔知？」329Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8BA3fTJl0K
然後按「加至主畫面」