真人真事師生戀《最接近的陌生距離》 - 第六十一章

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「⋯⋯我唔係阿Vick！」我帶住痛講呢句說話：「你唔需要咁樣做⋯⋯」令呢一句話恰似投石入湖，喺Miss 腦中泛起片片漣漪！

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Miss瞬間嚇呆咗，誘惑嘅眼神忽然一怔，霎時間成個人即刻清醒晒！「噫——！」Miss由喉嚨深處發出悲傷嘅喊聲，雙眼盈住熱淚，然後佢用力將我推開，再一口氣衝咗入去浴室！

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呯——！佢用力閂埋浴室門後，浴室內傳出灑水嘅聲音。

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「盈盈！」我擔心追上前，正想衝門而入，卻被Miss喝停——

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「行開呀！！」

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我隻手喺門柄上生硬地停低。陣陣令人心痛嘅哭喊聲伴隨住灑水聲喺門縫間傳出。令我感到不知所措。

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「嗚⋯⋯你唔好入嚟呀！⋯⋯你走呀！嗚！我唔想見到你呀⋯⋯」

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「盈盈⋯⋯對唔住，我又講錯嘢激親你！」

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「唔係呀！唔關你事呀！」Miss喊到聲嘶力竭：「係我呀！係我嘅問題呀！」

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Miss 大聲哭喊，喊到氣都接唔上：「⋯⋯嗚⋯⋯我⋯⋯我好cheap架！我其實唔係你諗得咁好架！」

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「⋯⋯」

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「嗚⋯⋯我⋯⋯我⋯⋯我真係好賤格呀。為咗留住個男人⋯⋯我可以⋯⋯嗚⋯⋯嗚⋯⋯」

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「⋯⋯」我眼角流淚，原來真係同我諗嘅一樣！Miss曾經為咗留住Vick而出賣自己。今日我因為佢細佬嘅問題搞到畀人打咗一身⋯⋯唔係，應該話，自從同我地拍咗拖之後，Miss成日覺得畀咗好多麻煩我。所以Miss 就用留住Vick嘅方法去留住⋯⋯我⋯⋯我個心好痛，痛到裂開晒⋯⋯。當我諗到呢點時，連忙咁講：「盈盈！唔係呀，我唔介意呀！」

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我好想同佢講我唔會離開佢，但反而進一步刺激Miss，佢喝住咗我：「你會呀！你一定會呀！嗚⋯⋯」佢喊咗幾聲再講：「⋯⋯我⋯⋯我唔知要點面對你呀⋯⋯你走呀。⋯⋯我真係好cheap架！我點解要咁樣作賤自己呀？點解咁唔自愛呀！我仲點教人呀？仲點做老師呀！」

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Miss喊到激動時，開始對住空氣鬧自己：「我好賤格架！我⋯⋯我將自己所有嘢都出賣晒呀！」佢將自己有咁低放咁低，有咁賤就鬧咁賤。而我聽到嘅更係無盡嘅內疚。

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忽然間浴室裡面靜晒，我即刻緊張起嚟，好驚Miss喊到暈咗。於是即時開門走入去浴室！

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「嗚⋯⋯嗚⋯⋯」Miss冇暈到，佢瑟縮一角，抱住兩膝痛哭，任由冰凍嘅冷水打喺自己身上。睇落去佢似乎想用冷水令自己冷靜，但我覺得佢更似係想洗刷身體上嘅污垢同罪疚。

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「盈盈⋯⋯」

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「你走開呀⋯⋯」

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Miss成個人震晒，說話嘅聲音亦顫抖住。我一步步行近Miss身邊，卻被佢大聲喝止：「我叫你走開呀！」佢就好似被人虐打過嘅貓仔，對埋去嘅人極有防備之心，極力咁反抗。

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「盈盈⋯⋯」我唔理佢有幾唔願意，上前一步，就緊緊咁將Miss抱住。

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「放開我呀！！」Miss奮力掙扎，佢口講唔想我掂佢，但實際上係佢其實唔想接觸我。佢不斷呼喊住：「我好污糟架！唔好掂我呀！」

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佢喊到個人虛晒，冇晒力氣去掙扎。但佢依然唔想去抱住我，只識得喺我耳邊喊住講：「我⋯⋯嗚⋯⋯我唔值得架⋯⋯我唔值得你愛我呀⋯⋯」

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Miss個身震得愈來愈犀利，體溫都慚慚凍起嚟。但係我知道，Miss唔係因為凍而令身體發抖，而係驚我——

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「我畀麻煩你，我仲要傷害咗你！你一定會唔要我架⋯⋯」

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就係呢個原因⋯⋯

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「我唔介意呀⋯⋯」我忍住痛喺佢耳邊講：「發生咗嘅事都改變唔到架啦⋯⋯嗚⋯⋯」

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「唔係架⋯⋯唔係咁簡單架⋯⋯」Miss依然想掙開我，邊喊邊講：「我唔只出賣自己畀Vick⋯⋯我⋯⋯仲⋯⋯我仲做咗一件好錯好錯嘅事！我已經返唔到轉頭架啦！嗰件事我做得好錯！錯到連我自己都原諒唔到自己呀！」

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Miss激動到捉住我塊面，喊到腫晒嘅淚眼凝視住我，喊住講：「⋯⋯嗚⋯⋯每一晚當我得返自己一個人時，我就會記起佢⋯⋯佢本來⋯⋯嗚⋯⋯」

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「你講咩話？」我內心大惑不解，眉頭一鎖。只感到呢句說話似係有弦外之音。正當我想追問落去時，Miss顫抖更加厲害，佢內心嘅羞恥、恐懼、內疚同自責隨住喊聲釋放出嚟，再好似海嘯咁向我席捲而嚟！

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到底⋯⋯Miss以前發生過咩事？佢做過啲咩令佢咁內疚？！令佢咁驚？

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「對⋯⋯對唔住呀⋯⋯我其實唔想咁做架⋯⋯但嗰時我冇得揀⋯⋯我原諒唔到自己呀！」Miss喊到力竭聲嘶：「⋯⋯我面對唔到你！我唔係你想像得咁好架！你會離開我⋯⋯你會拋棄我⋯⋯嗚⋯⋯你會！你一定會架！」

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我就嚟頂唔順冧埋檔。但我一冧埋，Miss就冇人撐。即使我想冧都好，都唔可以被Miss知。於是我只好再緊緊咁抱住佢，面貼住面，唔想畀佢知我都喊緊。

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忽然間我腦中一白，只留下一段旋律。直覺感到呢個旋律可能係惟一安撫到Miss嘅方法。

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「⋯⋯風裡笑著⋯⋯風裡唱⋯⋯」我順住腦海中嘅旋律，嘴巴好自然唱出歌詞。因為哽咽嘅關係，令我唱到走晒音，但係Miss佢顫抖緊嘅身體卻漸漸平伏起嚟。

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「感激天意碰着你⋯⋯縱是苦澀，都變得美⋯⋯」

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⋯⋯呢一刻，我傷心到講唔到啲咩，只好靠呢首歌⋯⋯

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「⋯⋯天也老，任海也老，惟望此愛愛未老⋯⋯」

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⋯⋯我好想話畀Miss知⋯⋯

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「願意今生約定，他生再擁抱⋯⋯」

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歌聲散去，留下一片哀傷嘅氣氛。

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佢依然喺我耳邊飲泣，但身體已經唔再震。此時Miss雙手抱住我，哽咽喺我耳邊講：「低B仔⋯⋯」

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「唔好走呀。」

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「我唔會走。」

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