真人真事師生戀《最接近的陌生距離》 - 第五十三章之二

「低B仔⋯⋯」佢默默抱住我，只感到佢面龐已緊緊貼住我背脊，而且傳嚟一陣溫暖。即使我背住佢，我知道Miss塊面紅得好緊要。

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「Sorry⋯⋯」Miss哽咽地講，佢兩手、面龐以至成個人都顫抖緊：「對唔住⋯⋯」佢由哽咽慢慢變成哭聲。

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我冇諗過係Miss先打破沉默同我道歉。佢呢句Sorry令我愧意大作，剎那間已經熱淚盈眶。

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「唔係呀⋯⋯」我輕輕鬆開Miss對手，正面對返佢，再緊緊將佢擁抱：「應該係我道歉先。我冇去關心你，

仲要鬧你！」

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Miss喺我懷中邊喊邊搖頭，哽咽地說：「我打你⋯⋯我打你⋯⋯嗚⋯⋯」

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Miss喊聲愈來愈大，兩手由抱緊我，慢慢輕撫住我面頰。

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「係咪好痛呀⋯⋯對唔住呀⋯⋯」Miss邊喊邊講：「⋯⋯我打咗你兩巴⋯⋯嗚⋯⋯打完我先識後悔⋯⋯我傷咗你心呀⋯⋯⋯嗚⋯⋯我唔知應該要點同你講好⋯⋯我唔知呀⋯⋯嗚！我唔敢面對你呀⋯⋯」

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我喊咗出聲，內心有一下釋懷嘅感覺。但我嘅眼淚唔只係因為Miss呢句慰問而流，更加係因為Miss嘅內疚，半個月以嚟佢都被呢件事所拆磨住。佢之前咁冷淡，原來佢唔知要點同我開口好！

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我唔知點應Miss，又點頭又搖頭咁。但有啲嘢唔需要講出口，Miss已經知道我心入面諗緊啲咩。佢撫住我面頰，一雙憐憫嘅眼睛盈住熱淚，兩眼盡是難以講出口嘅千言萬語。良久，佢忍唔到內心嘅悲傷，大喊出聲：「我好辛苦呀！嗚⋯⋯我頂唔順啦！⋯⋯嗚⋯⋯我唔想教書呀⋯⋯嗚⋯⋯我好憎做老師呀⋯⋯嗚⋯⋯」

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「盈盈⋯⋯對唔住。我唔識去關心你⋯⋯對唔住⋯⋯嗚⋯⋯」

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Miss聽到我道歉後連忙搖頭，似乎想講唔關我事，邊喊邊講：「呢一個月嚟，我發生好多事！我媽咪連續幾次想自殺，我好辛苦先拉得住佢唔好死！嗚⋯⋯我細佬爭人錢⋯⋯我冇辦法幫佢還！冇人可以幫到我⋯⋯爸爸又唔理我地！嗚⋯⋯返工又被同事蝦⋯⋯學生唔尊重我！嗚⋯⋯我一個人頂住所有問題⋯⋯嗚⋯⋯我唔得啦⋯⋯低B仔，我好辛苦呀！」

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我未錯聽過Miss喊得咁悽涼，就似一個被喺遺棄街頭嘅細路女，好無助咁對我大喊。

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「你有煩惱可以同我講架嘛。我係你男朋友呀！我可以同你一齊頂架！」我親吻Miss幾啖後再講：「我一直都唔知你發生緊咩事，我仲怪你唔關心我⋯⋯盈盈，對唔住呀⋯⋯我而家先識心痛，我真係好差啊！」

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「唔關你事呀⋯⋯嗚⋯⋯你都冇做錯⋯⋯」

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「⋯⋯但係我鬧你呀⋯⋯我冇理過你感受⋯⋯盈盈，對唔住，喺你最需要我時，我竟然一次又一次咁對你發脾氣！」

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「⋯⋯我唔想影響到你⋯⋯嗚⋯⋯我先唔敢將好多嘢同你講呀！因為你真係好錫我——」

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「——你一定好傻咁諗方法幫我解決晒所有問題！」

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「盈盈，我會⋯⋯我真係會幫你解決所以問題！」

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「我媽咪有情緒病！發作時會打人！甚至要衝去跳樓呀！你點幫呀？」

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Miss 之前手上面嘅傷，難道就係因為⋯⋯？！

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「我細佬喺出面爭人100萬呀！你又點幫呀？！」

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Miss開始同我講緊一個我遙不可及嘅世界⋯⋯

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「⋯⋯我爸爸⋯⋯爸爸⋯⋯嗰個衰人唔再理我地一家人啦！你可以點幫我呀？！嗚⋯⋯⋯」

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我即時感到一種重擔壓喺我兩肩，一股無力感正侵襲心間。佢講得啱⋯⋯佢呢啲問題我點幫到手。100萬呀，我點變出嚟幫佢呀？

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諗到呢度，我無助咁流淚。我真係一個冇用嘅男朋友，只好默默低頭痛哭。然而，Miss好溫柔地用兩手幫我拭去面上嘅熱淚，我喺佢眼內搵到諒解。

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「盈盈，我⋯⋯對唔住⋯⋯我真係⋯⋯」

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佢知我想自責時，連忙用手輕輕抵住我嘴唇，唔希望我講啲貶低自己嘅說話。Miss一面憐憫咁搖頭，邊喊邊講：「你真係冇做錯呀。呢啲嘢你冇可能頂得住。我從來都唔會介意你只係一個學生、只係個小朋友。喺我決定同你喺埋一齊時，我已經預咗你冇可能幫我分擔到好多嘢。我真係唔介意呀⋯⋯嗚⋯⋯我只係驚⋯⋯好驚⋯⋯」

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Miss好大力攬落嚟，喺我懷中喊得更大聲：「好驚我生活嘅問題會影響到你成長呀！」

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「盈盈⋯⋯」

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「⋯⋯嗚⋯⋯我地喺埋一齊比一般情侶嚟得辛苦！你要承受嘅壓力已經比平常人多！你之前仲因為我被周Sir迫害！！」

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「⋯⋯」

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「你嘅成長唔應該去背負我嘅問題！而且我嘅問題唔只因為我造成呀？仲我嘅工作！我癲咗嘅阿媽！我唔生性嘅細佬！仲有我個衰人爸爸呀！呢啲一切一切都唔應該由你去背負架！」

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「嗚⋯⋯盈盈⋯⋯嗚⋯⋯」

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「我只係想⋯⋯只係想你好好讀書、快啲大個仔、同我一齊只需要好開心咁去成長就足夠啦！低B仔，我愛你呀，我唔想你因為我而受傷⋯⋯嗚⋯⋯」

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「⋯⋯」

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「學校想踢走你！如果我唔保住你⋯⋯你連考試都冇得考呀⋯⋯嗚⋯⋯我驚我嘅問題會影響你考試⋯⋯。你今次考得差就一定要走！所以我一直都唔敢同你講太多⋯⋯嗚⋯⋯」

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「盈盈⋯⋯對唔住⋯⋯嗚⋯⋯我真係好傻！你咩都唔同我講，我以為我已經冇資格去理你！我以為我地已經⋯⋯」

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Miss未等到我講「分手」兩個字時，已經被佢講先一步。佢痛哭地說：「我講過以後都唔會放棄你架！我點會同你分手喎！」

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「盈盈——！！」

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我心痛講唔到嘢，只懂得抱住佢喊。原來呢半個月以嚟嘅真相就係咁。Miss唔止一個人頂住好多嘢，仲原來為咗我學業、我嘅成長默默咁守護住我。而我⋯⋯我呢個死蠢！

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我唔止發佢脾氣！我自以為有能力幫佢搞掂唔見試卷呢件事，但最終只加重佢嘅負擔！呢刻我緊緊抱住Miss，我唔只感到心痛，我連佢嘅心痛都感覺到。而且仲感覺到佢嘅背脊好似插滿咗好多箭咁。

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Miss為咗我、為咗佢、為咗我地嘅關係，默默一個人撐住、頂住、承受住四面八方而嚟嘅傷害！⋯⋯我好慚愧、好內疚⋯⋯因為我竟然喺Miss一個人撐住嘅時候——

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嗶嗶⋯⋯嗶嗶⋯⋯我電話震緊，有一個女仔打比我⋯⋯

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時間即將嚟到六點鐘。

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呢個來電提醒我，喺分叉路口燈柱下有一個女仔等緊我——蟲蟲。

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