真人真事師生戀《最接近的陌生距離》 - 第五十七章之四

仆街——我全身溫度結到落冰點！

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Miss強作冷靜，故作嚴肅望住我，但佢眼內盡是驚怕！

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屌⋯⋯！就係「周Sir」事件嗰次？！我帶咗Miss返屋企⋯⋯我⋯⋯我嘅「第一次」？！啊！係啦！嗰晚我同Miss喺我房做緊「前戲」時，老豆突然收工返嚟！嗰時情到濃時，耶穌都阻止唔到我同Miss「搞」啦！於是趁老豆沖涼時，我同Miss做咗「第一次」啦！

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但明明⋯⋯我趁老豆沖完涼之前完事，再等佢同老母瞓咗先送Miss走。老豆無理由會知架喎！

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「你咪喺黃老師面前亂講啦！呢啲嘢⋯⋯彩！好羞家呀！」阿媽都被老豆激到反白眼！

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「唉！你慈母多敗兒咩都唔知！」

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老豆唔按章出牌，忽然一個凌厲嘅眼神望去Miss度！搞到Miss好似被人點穴，成個人郁唔到！然後老豆沉住把聲講：「老師！嗰晚你陪住乞兒仔成晚架喎！」

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老豆突然喺緊張位停低唔講嘢！

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「係⋯⋯嗰晚我⋯⋯我⋯⋯陪住阿匡嘅。冇大人陪好麻煩嘛⋯⋯哈哈⋯⋯驗傷要有大人睇住架嘛⋯⋯哈哈⋯⋯我又搵兩位唔到⋯⋯」Miss尷尬咁笑，但佢好怕有一個閃縮眼神都會被老豆識穿！

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咁就大鑊啦！Miss頭先一路建立專業形象就會完全崩潰！你諗下？！頭先Miss講嘢咁正經，又講好多專業名詞解釋我嘅情況！佢喺我父母心目中建立咗個神聖嘅形象！

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但點知⋯⋯原來⋯⋯呢位咁專業嘅老師喺「搞緊嘢」時⋯⋯係⋯⋯唔敢諗唔敢諗啦！我替Miss驚添呀！Miss被老豆眼定定咁望住，任佢再冷靜，面上嘅笑容漸漸變得唔自然！究竟老豆知道咗啲咩呢？老豆愈唔出聲，愈令個氣氛繃緊到令人窒息！

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「老師！」老豆突然大叫。

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「係⋯⋯係！」Miss漸漸冷汗滿頭。

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「你到底⋯⋯」

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老豆好似故意放慢去講，將氣氛推到令人幾乎暈低嘅地步！我忍住氣息！Miss驚到面色發青——

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「你到底知唔知嗰晚邊個女仔上咗嚟我地屋企？！」

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呼——！咁咋嘛？我同Miss不約而同地鬆一口氣。

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「嗰晚係咪仲有其他女仔陪個乞兒仔架？」老豆一再追問。

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「呃⋯⋯嗰晚就⋯⋯呃⋯⋯」Miss被佢問到口啞，一面尷尬好似做咗虧心事咁。

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喺Miss好驚穿煲時，又點估到媽咪竟然——

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「咦？老師，你面色突然咁差嘅？冇事嘛？」

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阿媽竟然幫老豆助攻！

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「呃⋯⋯我⋯⋯啱啱先病好嘛！哈⋯⋯⋯我⋯⋯呀⋯⋯係未好得晒嘅⋯⋯」Miss低頭按一按太陽穴，扮都要扮個病樣出嚟啦！

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佢未答完阿媽，老豆又追問：「咁到底嗰晚係咪有女仔上過嚟呀？」

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「冇！邊有呢？」Miss惟有對老豆講大話，但當佢見到我面色之後就知呢個大話行唔通。

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「唔係呀！」老豆皺晒眉咁講：「嗰晚返去我覺得好奇怪！呢個衰仔平時一見到我就問我拎錢洗！嗰晚佢轉死性話瞓覺喎！」

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「係咩⋯⋯？！」Miss瞪眼驚住笑。佢望住我嘅表情好似講緊：「快啲救我啦低B仔！」

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「係呀！」老豆再對我說：「哼！你個乞兒仔以為我唔知！你趁我沖涼時就同女朋友⋯⋯『咩咩』咗啦！」

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「咩『咩咩』呀老豆？」

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「未『咩咩』囉！」老豆先提起「做愛」兩個字後都自知好失禮，佢知唔可以喺Miss面前太粗魯。所以而家佢唔敢直接講嗰個字。

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「我點知你講嘅『咩咩』係咩咩啫？」呢個時候我記起阿偉啲錦囊，即刻大量鳩噏，擾亂老豆思維！

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「未就係我同你阿媽『咩咩』完之後就有咗你嗰隻『咩咩』呀！」

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「屌！扑嘢下話老豆！我邊有呀！我⋯⋯我⋯⋯我打飛機之嘛！」

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「噗——！」Miss即刻掩嘴偷笑！但佢個樣仲係好驚！

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「我聽到有女人聲架喎！邊個嚟架！」

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「老師囉！」我衝口而出。

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「吓？！」老豆阿媽嚇咗一跳！

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Miss更加係嚇到就嚟暈低！

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我即刻補充講：「係蒼井老師！蒼井空呀！睇AV打飛機好正常啫！我邊有女朋友呀！」

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我即刻向Miss打個眼色，示意佢快啲補多句引開個話題。

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「咁⋯⋯青春期嘅男仔對性好奇係正常嘅。阿匡⋯⋯唔好睇咁多同打咁多啦⋯⋯冇⋯⋯冇益架！哈⋯⋯哈⋯⋯」Miss超老尷咁講。

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「唔係！」老豆仍然死心不息，對我講：「就當你嗰晚冇帶女朋友返去！」死啦，老豆好堅信我有帶過女朋友返屋企呀！

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「呢樣嘢冇得抵賴啦！上個月，我同你阿媽返嚟香港嗰日呀，我見到露台——」

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「晾咗幾條女人底褲呀！」

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「哎吔！啋！我都見到多咗好多條呀！」阿媽呢個時候又助攻！佢真心嘅程度同阿波一樣。佢續道：「唔只內褲呀，仲多咗啲女人衫呀、胸圍添呀！」

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「呢次大件事啦黃老師！個衰仔趁我地唔喺香港，同女朋友住咗幾日呀！」

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我同Miss對望咗下，彼此心中吶喊——Shit——！我嚇到唔敢出聲！Miss不安咁搞下文件，開始想置身事外，唔敢望住我阿爸阿媽！

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但呢個時候阿媽繼續講：「啲內褲嘅款呢⋯⋯好似係名牌。同埋⋯⋯唔好意思呀黃老師，咁講有啲尷尬。個款就一定唔係子匡個家姐著開，因為⋯⋯太⋯⋯咩咩啦⋯⋯咁上圍⋯⋯又⋯⋯哈哈⋯⋯」阿媽尷尬咁笑，暗示緊cup數同家姐唔一樣吧？

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唉⋯⋯我知⋯⋯我真係知⋯⋯啲底褲⋯⋯好性感。老豆阿媽返去大陸嗰時，我同Miss同居咗一排。最後因為杰少而嗌交，搞到Miss走得好匆忙，佢啲個人物品未拎得切，佢就走咗。加上近排咁多事，我地都慢慢忘記要清返Miss個人物品走！！

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Miss聽到呆晒，只係笑住點頭，叫咗聲——「嗯！」

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因為實在太———羞恥啦！Miss平時著開嘅底褲比學生家長見到！仲要係家長日呢啲日子！老師嘅專業同威嚴即刻盪然無存！仲慘過玩羞恥play呀！Miss一面扮返老師噏一兩句，一面低頭尷尬揸筆對文件撩下字⋯⋯我知佢瘀到好想將自己埋落泥土入面呀！

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「哼——！你仲唔認？」老豆好得戚咁講：「你拍拖！仲帶埋返嚟屋企瞓！」

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我⋯⋯我決定放棄辯駁⋯⋯

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「哎吔，仔呀。有女朋友就帶上嚟食飯嘛。比我睇下佢係咩人都好嘛。」

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「⋯⋯你而家未見緊囉⋯⋯」我好細好細聲咁講⋯⋯

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「咩話？」阿媽見我嘴郁郁咁講後問道。

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「冇冇⋯⋯我話⋯⋯係呀，我⋯⋯我拍拖呀⋯⋯」我望返Miss，見佢無奈微笑。

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「點都好啦，仔呀，快啲帶返嚟比我同爸爸見下。到底呢個女仔係咩人，著埋晒呢啲⋯⋯唉！我驚佢唔正經呀！」

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「噗——咳咳——！」Miss一聽，即刻飲水濁親。

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「哎吔⋯⋯黃老師你冇事嘛？咦？你面色又差咗嘅？」

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「冇⋯⋯冇事！呢度⋯⋯焗嘛⋯⋯」

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「黃老師！你教邊一科架？有冇教性教育呀？」

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「噗——咳！」今次到我飲水濁親，Miss見到即刻瞪我一眼，好想殺咗我！我心諗性教育？佢直頭係實戰範疇嘅專家添啦！

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「我⋯⋯我教中文嘅⋯⋯」

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「哎吔⋯⋯點算呀！我個乞兒仔冇人教佢性教育，我實抱孫啦呢次！」老豆又鬧我幾句：「講明先呀！我冇錢幫你養仔架！」

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「唔好鬧佢住先啦。咁⋯⋯喺班主任堂都會講下sex edu嘅⋯⋯」Miss苦笑住。

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「唔係喎！你係女老師嚟喎，你會點樣教我個仔戴袋呀？」老豆恍然大悟，質疑起嚟。

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「我一早識啦。」混亂之際，我衝口而出！見到Miss哭笑不得嘅樣，我知奶嘢⋯⋯屌！咁上次去Miss屋企過夜時，佢真有親手教我戴Dom呀嘛！

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「吓⋯⋯？你教咗匡仔呀？你點教架？」阿媽問返Miss。

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Miss喺女朋友同老師身份間切換唔嚟，口快快咁講：「其實唔難嘅。」講完佢瞪大眼，佢自己都唔知講咗啲咩。

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「吓！即係你親手教我個仔戴袋呀？」阿媽差啲暈低！

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「冇冇冇！」我即刻跳出嚟救Miss：「咁尷嘅話題，搞到Miss Wong紅都面晒啦！香港嘅性教育唔包戴袋架！」

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「啊⋯⋯係呀係呀⋯⋯學校驚教咗就鼓勵學生婚前性行為呀！」Miss尷尬打圓場。

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「哎吔⋯⋯呢次我實抱孫啦！」老豆。

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「都話我識戴袋囉！」

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「咁係邊個教你呀？」阿媽接力。

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「屌！係阿偉教我戴condom架！」

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「吓——！」Miss、老豆同阿媽一齊驚訝咁叫。

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「佢⋯⋯佢⋯⋯佢幫你戴架？」老豆就嚟被我激到爆血管。

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「唔係佢幫我戴，係佢自己戴比我睇呀！」我驚忙之下亂咁解釋，又講到一pat嘢咁！其實我想講佢試過用條蕉示範比我睇呀！

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此時！我感應到Miss有一下靈光——「咁阿偉喺咩情況會戴condom比你睇呀？」

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Miss呢下交波不得了！我感受到當中濃濃嘅惡意，因為佢好成功將老豆阿媽嘅焦點轉晒落另一個話題度——

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「哎吔⋯⋯呢次冇啦！哎哋！！」老豆就爆血管！

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「吓？老師！原來我個仔搞基架？」阿媽好驚，佢即刻同老豆講：「衰佬！屋企啲女人衫呀！」

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「啋！嗰個阿偉⋯⋯原來⋯⋯哎也！」老豆一掌拍埋嚟：「你個衰仔！老豆我平時教你做人最緊要忠忠直直，行出行入一定要行正門！你⋯⋯你竟然學人走後門？！唉！真係⋯⋯你⋯⋯唉！」

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老豆一招巴過嚟時，Miss笑咗出聲！梗係啦！成個矛頭由指住佢變成指住我！個話題由「我有冇帶女朋友返屋企」變成「我有冇比男朋友入後門」啊！Miss成功甩難，梗係開心食花生啦。

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之後，我比兩位唐三藏左右夾攻，談論我個性取向。我好似孫悟空咁生無可戀咁凝望Miss。我冇諗過，去到緊要關頭，Miss會咁樣送我去死。

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佢可愛嘅笑充滿濃濃啲惡作劇趣味，但我更感受到Miss替我感到幸福，因為經過今日發現阿爸阿媽——

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其實都幾關心我嘅⋯⋯（我屌！）

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