真人真事師生戀《最接近的陌生距離》 - 第五十七章之二

由入課室起，我就坐程托住個頭望住Miss傻笑。Miss眼神好不滿，應該好憎我呢刻好唔正經。

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嘿！其實唔正經嗰個係佢呀！

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「今日我想傾下謝子匡呢個學期嘅——」

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「Miss Wong!」我喺Miss講到一半時學上堂舉手問佢嘢。Miss 繼續用嚴肅嘅眼神望我，我繼續：「你叫咗人未呀？」

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「吓？」Miss Wong一怔，唔明我講咩。

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「要叫⋯⋯」然後我用好誇張嘅唇形無聲咁講——

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「老爺奶奶呀。」

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喺Miss對我怒目而視時，忽然間我聽到後腦「啪」一聲！再傳嚟一陣劇痛，阿媽同一時間鬧：「你正經啲啦！」

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阿媽未鬧完，我又想到「啪」一聲，今次老豆接力屌：「老師講緊嘢插咩嘴呀！」

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Miss好想偷笑，但卻被我以下呢句——

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「插Miss嘴之嘛！又唔係未插過！」

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Miss即刻嚇到個樣都青埋！「插嘴」⋯⋯嘿嘿，你懂的。

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「咦？黃老師，你冇事呀嘛。面色做咩咁差嘅？」媽咪接波，佢呢下不知情嘅慰問更令Miss不知所措！剎那間，我明呢場係咩遊戲點玩！我同Miss就好似兩個人猜包剪揼咁，猜贏咗可以用眼前嘅工具扑濕對家個頭！而阿爸阿媽就係呢件工具！

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「嗯，多謝關心。」Miss回神過嚟，但仍然感覺尷尬。佢抖咗啖氣，調一調氣息，又變返嚴肅嘅佢，正想入正題講我嘅問題時，我又搭嗲講咗句——

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「Miss Wong面色梗係差啦，病咗成個星期。不過好彩有人照顧得你好好呀可？」

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Miss聽完之後深呼吸，佢已經被我激到想爆。佢呢下徘徊於老師同女朋友之間嘅表情真係好可愛呀！

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「謝子匡最大嘅問題係多嘴。」Miss開始想部署反擊：「除咗得罪好多同學之外，亦得罪好多老！師！」

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佢將「老師」兩個字讀得特別大聲，兩隻眼好似要殺死我咁瞪到鬼死咁大！

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「係呀，不過唔只喎——」我笑瞇瞇咁講：「有一位老師仲成日比我屌添。」

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Miss梗係知呢個「屌」唔係粗口，而係我同佢嘅「秘密」。我竟然喺家長面前「走鋼線」，即刻搞到佢當場身份錯亂，明明好想鬧我，卻又死忍住啖氣！驚一動氣時，跳出嚟鬧我嗰個唔係Miss Wong而係盈盈。

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我見到忍住忍住咁嘅樣，真係好暢快。但我好得戚咁笑之時——「啪——！」後腦一陣劇痛，正係老豆送比我嘅如來神掌！

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「衰仔！對住老師講粗口！平時我點撚樣教你架？！」

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Miss見到後即時掩嘴偷笑。

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「我呢個仔自細都係咁架啦。我都冇方法教到佢！打佢就啱架啦！」老豆發緊勞騷。

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「唉⋯⋯真係辛苦晒你啦老師！」阿媽又接力。

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「兩位放心，我已經好掌握子匡嘅性格，我知佢最怕係啲咩。我有方法可以管到佢。」

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「竟然？我生咗佢咁耐，我唔知佢原來有嘢係驚架喎！」

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「嗯！係呀。其實佢特別驚某一位老師架。」Miss對媽咪笑說，然後回望我唔出聲做咗呢個表情——「😊」。

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Ok！好，死亡微笑，明嘅！呢球你贏！

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Miss見我稍為收斂後，繼續佢想講嘅嘢：「子匡喺開學初期情況唔多理想，幾乎每日都製造問題——」

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我見Miss想由咸豐年起數我啲問題！咁即係我有啲衰嘢係老豆老母唔知架啦！我即刻阻止佢！但已經阻止唔切——

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「逃學兩位都知架啦。最嚴重嘅問題有校內食煙。」

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「我戒咗煙啦——」

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啪——！後腦好痛！「衰仔食煙？！」老豆打完我就即鬧！

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「吓？阿媽知道咗架喎！佢冇同你講咩？你仲打我嘅？」

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啪——！我又被人拍後尾枕！今次係老母：「唔准喺老師面前鬧老豆！」

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Miss見我好狼狽即刻扮咳忍笑，繼續講：「仲有喺校內賣私煙。」

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「喂！Miss Wong 呢個上年架！」

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正當我想反駁時，我身邊冷意大作，一把聲音壓埋嚟：「咩話？」

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老豆⋯⋯啪——！又兜嘢拍埋嚟，鬧：「你係咪拎咗我啲煙去賣？！」

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啪——！老母接力，鬧：「點解我唔知架？」

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「我冇比人捉，你地未唔會知囉！」

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啪——！老豆趁我未擋得切又發落嚟：「屋企成日唔見煙！原來係你偷咗我啲煙！」

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「我幫你戒煙咋！老豆！」

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啪——！老豆：「仲駁嘴？！」

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啪——！老母再接力，鬧：「賣私煙已經衰！仲要籠裡雞作反！偷老豆啲煙去賣！」

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「得啦！夠啦！唔好再打我啦！我知衰啦！我冇賣好耐啦！」被老豆老母連環夾擊之下，搞到我如驚弓之鳥，講一句嘢都擋左擋右！

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此時，我痛到標眼水，好慘咁望返Miss，求佢唔好再亂講嘢。然而，Miss咳咗兩聲忍笑，卻難以維持嚴肅嘅表情，嘴角上揚。為免尷尬，佢扮睇我成績表。我感覺到Miss心底有一種暢快，呢場「猜包剪揼贏咗就拎棍吽對方」嘅遊戲，Miss大鑊全勝！唔只添！佢仲可以物理上教訓到我添呀！

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我明啦！佢一定做晒功課，知我以前衰啲咩，邊啲通知過家長、邊啲要見家長但no show⋯⋯上年賣私煙啲嘢仲係「廢超」做我班主任，我老豆老母點會知呀！Miss呢招一石幾鳥，搞到我被老豆阿媽連環體罰！難怪睇到Miss咁開心！

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痴線架咩！邊有女朋友第一次見家長就鍾意睇男朋友比父母體罰架？！我喺女朋友面前如同幾歲小朋友咁比父母打，咩面都冇晒啦！簡直羞恥play添呀！

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Miss對我揚一揚眉，似乎係同我講：「睇你仲夠唔夠膽亂講嘢！」然後佢繼續一面正經咁數我啲衰嘢出嚟。

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唉，佢一邊數我，我就被身邊兩個唐三藏左右夾擊⋯⋯體罰完就虐待我嘅耳仔同精神。果然喺Miss嘅主場之利下，佢好好運用到父母呢對「工具」達至教訓我嘅效果。

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