梳舟扶住我的腰,說:「欸......不然下次再畫好不好?你今天就好好休息,好嗎?」82Please respect copyright.PENANAntvDoJ4VQC
82Please respect copyright.PENANA2qTfn9Eo6m
我沒看見他的表情,只是摀住自己的臉,帶著水氣的頭髮似乎沾上了麻布,還有留下的淚水,或許也有幾滴在白布上渲染開來。82Please respect copyright.PENANAqOacjCyZMK
82Please respect copyright.PENANAg04eZ1eY9w
「不用。」我說,「今天就畫完,我們繼續。」我撐起身體,把梳舟的手撥開,「要擺什麼姿勢?」82Please respect copyright.PENANAgHaHoUA0tx
82Please respect copyright.PENANAqMS2mm2Swh
我把梳舟推開,努力把身體撐起來,就坐在白色麻布上。很安靜,好安靜。82Please respect copyright.PENANAVytVluy54b
82Please respect copyright.PENANAPnzpK01vku
梳舟把丟在旁邊的衣服撿起來遞給我,「好了啦!穿上吧。」82Please respect copyright.PENANAm0BWh4Ok1E
82Please respect copyright.PENANATpdQMg5YVe
衣服靠在膝蓋上。82Please respect copyright.PENANArPvGPFoxVR
82Please respect copyright.PENANAnfaTNQwm8g
「好啦!好啦!床給你睡,你明天還要上班耶!早點休息,好嗎?」他說。82Please respect copyright.PENANAhdB7xJGU3H
82Please respect copyright.PENANAvjj929Iaqg
我知道這是他的好意,但聽在耳裡只有刺耳,只剩下刺耳。82Please respect copyright.PENANAilsyORBciK
82Please respect copyright.PENANAmA9JXKsHyH
「反正以後有的是時間,好嗎?」82Please respect copyright.PENANAF0w3ZWVCVr
82Please respect copyright.PENANAkyPGrmUW5l
幹!好煩!82Please respect copyright.PENANAu78NYus8iq
82Please respect copyright.PENANAJA60edLzhq
「你自己說你要畫的,現在又說不用,你以為大家都跟你一樣有空嗎?並不是每個人都像你一樣,想做什麼就做什麼,就自以為自己很自由,其實你他媽的只是渾渾噩噩過完一生而已!」我用吼的,他媽的用吼的。82Please respect copyright.PENANAwfanmJtg07
82Please respect copyright.PENANAjSrPlMzZnG
「並不是每個人都跟你一樣,家裡有錢,可以虛度自己還毫無罪惡感!等到三十歲再回見面對現實就好,直接接你爸你媽幫你安排好的工作就好!拿薪水就跟拿零用錢一樣,媽的!你一出生就注定有錢!注定可以做自己想做的事!注定不需要煩惱有的沒的!註定有那些閒工夫思考生命的意義!你有因為水電費太高然後一個禮拜吃晚餐都捨不得加滷蛋過嗎?還是在買洗衣精的時候為了省一、兩塊錢,選了一個根本沒聽過的牌子?你他媽的!少高高在上自以為同情我!幹!誰欠你的同情啊?」82Please respect copyright.PENANAje50KH8RLS
82Please respect copyright.PENANA9pWuyL4U1y
我把梳舟推倒在地上,但他很快就又站起來了,然後大吼:「你在說什麼?幹!你他媽在說什麼!」82Please respect copyright.PENANAGt97C0UcCX
82Please respect copyright.PENANAV1Mp3ub4HO
有多久了呢?不披戴任何防護,赤裸地在傷害別人的同時準備好接受所有傷害?情緒在此刻被激盪到一個極點,毫無節制地刺傷他人,同時自毀式地將所有脆弱攤現在梳舟眼前。82Please respect copyright.PENANAYjA400KeMM
82Please respect copyright.PENANASRrsw2LPtG
我想逃離這裡,但雙腳早就麻痺了,很勉強地站了起來,卻又被梳舟一而再再而三地往後推。他大喊著:「你以為自己是全世界最悲慘的人嘛?蛤?你以為只有你的問題是問題喔?其他人遇到的問題都不是問題嗎?其他人都不會遇到麻煩?你把別人的痛苦都當作無病呻吟喔?蛤?對啦!就你最痛苦!就你最可悲!然後呢?你根本不敢改變!你在那邊靠腰自己多委屈、多可憐,媽的!還不是繼續過一樣的爛日子!」82Please respect copyright.PENANACJbN3CnpeT
82Please respect copyright.PENANAtLKpOHBgas
「你有比較好嗎?」我爬起來,狠狠瞪向梳舟。「花爸媽的錢,結果其實什麼都不會,什麼東西都是靠別人的,畢展也是,你自己根本什麼東西都弄不出來!只會忌妒別人!你這種心態根本永遠不可能進步!就這樣而已!一輩子就只是這樣而已!」82Please respect copyright.PENANApM9nkCs0fv
82Please respect copyright.PENANAT6eNXoiqh0
「幹!講完沒有!」梳舟咆嘯完,狠狠把腳邊裝藍色顏料的桶子踢到牆邊,顏料濺上牆面。梳舟雙手緊握成拳,朝我走來,鼻息打在我的臉上,「媽的你是講完沒有?」他重重推了我的肩膀,我差點重心不穩,「講完沒有?蛤?」又再一次,更用力地推我的肩膀。82Please respect copyright.PENANAP9Av54NbwY
82Please respect copyright.PENANAvzdm5bnWPx
我用力推了回去,這是我這輩子第一次這麼想痛扁一個人。82Please respect copyright.PENANAbp0FmUEMrW
82Please respect copyright.PENANANEvSnUxAQz
我們狠狠瞪著彼此。82Please respect copyright.PENANAQx6gBlqiqm
82Please respect copyright.PENANAQ22URitzaC
「廢物。」梳舟咬牙切齒低語,用字詞嚼爛一個人最後的自尊。82Please respect copyright.PENANASEeqL6lB4n
82Please respect copyright.PENANA7Rg22FPLZz
我衝向前抓住梳舟的衣領,他馬上把我的手反制。82Please respect copyright.PENANAkGoaxxC7Nm
82Please respect copyright.PENANAsDcat1JwEb
「媽的廢物!」82Please respect copyright.PENANAP8xmflofAl
82Please respect copyright.PENANAawoPqLRpSJ
「幹!你老師!幹!」82Please respect copyright.PENANAYw0Klb6m65
82Please respect copyright.PENANAZxZP0C8yM7
「混蛋!去死!」82Please respect copyright.PENANASdvP3EXgJS
82Please respect copyright.PENANAu5ysU1M5v8
……82Please respect copyright.PENANAqvkUcDK6VQ
82Please respect copyright.PENANA3PY9Ei3XsO
……82Please respect copyright.PENANAkNsB9MvPA7
82Please respect copyright.PENANAV4xMOI2U9c
…...82Please respect copyright.PENANAU3ybXps6li
82Please respect copyright.PENANAmO4T0nJWio
髒話與肉體糾纏在一起,身體上的每一個關節空隙都被憤怒與傷害的慾望充滿,純粹的恨從指間溢出,嵌刺進對方的皮肉滲出血液,痛死自己也痛死對方,僅存的理性就理性在只差沒張口撕咬。82Please respect copyright.PENANA2AUjWo60zL
82Please respect copyright.PENANAsOhHrmSHrA
梳舟一拳重擊我的肚子,痛得我叫不出聲,只是勒緊他的脖子,目不轉睛看著他痛苦、扭曲的表情,很快地,他也掐住了我,用惡狠狠的雙眸訴說恨意做為回敬,指甲都陷入對方的皮肉中滲出血液.......;最後,也不知道是誰先鬆手,我們近乎同時開始跪在地上咳嗽,一陣反胃與噁心,我以為自己要吐了,還好沒有,好險沒有。82Please respect copyright.PENANAARDggcTUwQ
82Please respect copyright.PENANAWAVfXlntoy
我們癱倒在白色麻布上,麻布早已被藍色顏料弄髒,皺褶也亂七八糟的。騷亂漸漸平穩,除了自己的喘息,我還聽見梳舟的,我背對著他,我猜他也一樣。82Please respect copyright.PENANAoCObsfrR1d
82Please respect copyright.PENANAvTkKuUNapF
時間安靜了很久,很久很久。82Please respect copyright.PENANAVyPmKaIq1H
82Please respect copyright.PENANA4aHfhdGP3U
「抱歉,遷怒你。」我說。82Please respect copyright.PENANAwBO0vuCvE8
82Please respect copyright.PENANAvH52udWwhy
又過了很久。82Please respect copyright.PENANAZcNvu45GYr
82Please respect copyright.PENANA52fnbHQ6cw
「我也是。」梳舟說,接著他問:「痛嗎?」82Please respect copyright.PENANAoN6tPlSyU1
82Please respect copyright.PENANAHNMlHQ9mSr
「沒有。」82Please respect copyright.PENANAyBIegDfNHl
82Please respect copyright.PENANAdgCWEdAT0i
又過了很久,我們都沒有說話,除了呼吸、只有呼吸!一切安靜。82Please respect copyright.PENANAixwwmwZmHx
82Please respect copyright.PENANA9GDFkqZ2cx
「我不該說要畫你......抱歉。」梳周突然很小聲的咕噥。82Please respect copyright.PENANA2K2F4AuHFB
82Please respect copyright.PENANAUiCkVvTsC5
我起身,坐在麻布上,觸感蠻奇妙的,過了好久,才開口:「不是你的問題,是我自己的事,剛好心情不好,跟你一點關係也沒有。」82Please respect copyright.PENANAxQJV2WERwq
82Please respect copyright.PENANATehswdmcyz
我繼續說:「我只是今天跟辦公室前輩出了一些事,才會......但這些都不是因為你,不是你造成的,真的和你一點關係都沒有,是我自己搞砸的,不是你的錯。」82Please respect copyright.PENANAFEDelQR5nM
82Please respect copyright.PENANA83Smc5sjWO
梳舟也緩緩起身,在麻布上坐了一會兒後站了起來,把原本裝藍色顏料的桶子撿起來,放好,我發現他的褲管也沾上了藍色。82Please respect copyright.PENANABfiDZT1Mn5
82Please respect copyright.PENANA5Dh5PMpufT
我努力讓自己不去深入思考任何事······任何事,保持距離,無論自己與他人或是自己與自己。82Please respect copyright.PENANA7J8nnFF057
82Please respect copyright.PENANAyx1VQzVlXd
看著剛剛被丟在一旁的衣服,思考著要不要撿起來穿,但是身體卻什麼動作都懶,眨眼、呼吸都嫌有點麻煩。半晌,才伸手觸碰衣服,以拖曳的方式拉過來自己身邊,卻也只是放著,放在赤裸的身體旁邊。82Please respect copyright.PENANAuKK8bPbD5Y
82Please respect copyright.PENANATX1uHT5ncT
空氣安靜到要窒息的地步,我的身體早就乾了,有點冷,拖了很久,我才把衣服真的穿上。82Please respect copyright.PENANAiWhRVPIZEN
82Please respect copyright.PENANAEfPCOX1tqq
我起身,走到旁邊看著梳舟把鋪好的麻布又捲好收好。我該幫忙嗎?該不該假裝剛剛其實什麼是都沒有發生?我整個人就像是放掉了一樣,僵在角落默默拾起都在一旁的、沾滿顏料的抹布,擦起噴濺在牆上的藍色顏料,但什麼也沒擦掉,其實牆壁本來就很髒,也有其他的顏料潑濺過的痕跡,只是髒抹布讓色彩更加混亂而已,是廉價的五花八門。82Please respect copyright.PENANAp2IEa5tR0V
82Please respect copyright.PENANAgoll2mtp8b
我努力讓自己不要思考,卻不斷地問自己,我到底來這裡幹麻?82Please respect copyright.PENANAq819iMuIwj
82Please respect copyright.PENANAXS2f4ZGs4E
抽離當下,開始思考考是不是過去導致了現在?事情到底是從哪裡開始出問題?其實我應該在公司裡臭罵前輩一頓嗎?還是應該把剛剛那個開車的王八蛋撞爛?我根本不該到騎樓下躲雨?根本不該讓梳舟載我?我根本不該來這裡?82Please respect copyright.PENANAMKeDWdFRPa
82Please respect copyright.PENANAomj9r6dEgx
我當初根本不應該走進帳篷跟梳舟搭話。82Please respect copyright.PENANA95bHsky8Hi
82Please respect copyright.PENANAHT1qz6pUEo
「看你要做什麼隨便你,反正我要去洗澡了。」82Please respect copyright.PENANA4UR57ndmc7
82Please respect copyright.PENANAUc6wzp6wro
為什麼?為什麼有一種他要趕我走的感覺?一瞬間,剛剛澆熄的怒氣全又湧了上來,但很快就又被更為波濤的沮喪泯滅,我感覺得到自己垂喪的肩膀找不到支撐點也毫無重量,一切像是輕飄飄又空蕩蕩。82Please respect copyright.PENANAon3KzwN8ab
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筆下的你【BL】
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筆下的你【BL】
Author:
叉子
ISSUE #14
14 濺染
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