來寫一個關於「晚上」的故事 - 散步

「去哪？」561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTOeLw2iuRH
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「急事。」561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnRSLWPG2UM
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「你不吃晚餐？」561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRfvqT9iBaT
561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBaGMBQO77W
我沒應答，逕自出門。561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbIisw2cjWA
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冬夜六時。厚衣下的溫暖身軀與袒露的臉和手，不協調感令我忐忑不安。561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXqUVOUTanQ
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難以言喻的鬱悶。561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF3GZCe6W0V
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長嘆。561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrLK4IK3iFY
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「紅萬。」我邊說邊掏出八達通。561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡveuy6pUwRJ
561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1aNAOIeiAq
店員爽快從身後陳列架取來貨品，熟練在收銀機屏幕上點點按按，然後給我贈品——果汁味肉乾三小包。我有意無意瞄了瞄她的臉。大眾臉，過目即忘。561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy3LOKQ8osV
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「不需要贈品？」她驀地抬眼，與我眼神對上。是發現我的無禮目光嗎？561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUvDQFp16qH
561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJfoBPyETlr
「我……錯認是口香糖。」我慌忙編個爛藉口，連忙接過香菸和肉乾。561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMn0XAzFWQ4
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她假笑，沒再搭理我，拿起抹布四處抹。561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdJ699R0u23
561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1bkxKK7yKu
我走出光線充足的便利店，重踏漆黑夜空下的大街。561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXNzRdqvDll
561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1PwtSYPLVa
另一種不協調。另一種忐忑，另一種不安。561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV3RXXz8zCt
561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHs9lTrcT8V
櫥窗五光十色，路人絡繹不絕。人潮亂中有序，不約而同在紅色燈號前止住，然後在綠色燈號亮起當刻同時邁步。一致得神奇，一致得可怕。並肩而行的男男女女在過路以後分道揚鑣，不為曾經的遇見生起任何印象或猶豫。561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKHMkH0VvuV
561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ8EOtWVL9P
心血來潮，我莫名其妙拐到小巷去。561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7QyD7TttAB
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污水，雜物，廚餘，鼠餌，坑渠。561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2un5f8DciV
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髒，亂，腐，毒，臭。561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJPLKHz3M69
561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdBtNl3Mya8
為何要到這種地方來？不是捷徑，不知盡頭何處，不懷目的……561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJEgoXioQYq
561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQFGLXihP8F
小巷盡處是另一小巷，盡頭以後是另一開始。路接路，走又走。不停前行，像是正在找出口；絕不回頭，像是不打算找到真正出口。561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYaK4S7JvWW
561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTa172Q8ipZ
厭煩日常走過的路，不欲重覆。若問想要到甚麼地方去，其實我沒有答案。很奇妙。眼下似乎有很多選擇，實質一切已成定局。那是大街，這是小巷。大街在明，小巷在暗。大街繁華，小巷冷清。561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxsVPm0h2g2
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註定的。561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb9dsr6RnQe
561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTCejQwTxHL
冷清小巷盡頭會有好東西麼？我不相信，亦不願輕言不相信。561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXnllcTTxbY
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汪——汪——嗚——拐角傳來狗隻悲鳴。561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiY172jWpmX
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停步。猶疑。561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr4DeSy34SE
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惻隱？慈悲？然後呢？根本沒有然後，因為我自顧不暇。561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcR3iCUO9VO
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轉身。561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH5s6ezmyWr
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汪——汪——嗚——拐角狗隻再次悲鳴。561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJvFLxK5xgy
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我回身走去。561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQGt1gBuRIk
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惻隱？慈悲？不，好奇罷。561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtm8HwCqoIx
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把小狗抱入懷內。561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDhVirKpivy
561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuaVYaK1LPr
「暖和沒？」我傻傻自語——嘴巴極需要說話理由。561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSSqMZggecp
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陣風從後疾過，寒意夾雜水氣與鹹香。561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZRwUq9drL6
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海風？海濱公園步道？561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn9pAYLKklh
561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpu14aaZGdf
「一起散步去吧。」我沒期望小狗會回答，但我需要溜達原因。561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFF5H7AH8gi
561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ10n3f01BYw
多拐兩個彎，我帶著小狗在兩幢高樓之間走出來，恰巧看見銀月自海平面升起。清澄，純淨，圓滿。561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXV4poyepMn
561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWNhkghdkMy
「看！這是月亮。」我指天示意小狗往上望去。561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo9DUyHcGZO
561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIeGk3bTnXS
汪——牠回答，但沒有依指示抬頭。561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ06PCcbF5PE
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「找個好地方坐坐吧！」為免小狗中途跑掉，我微微拉下外套拉鏈，把小狗往內塞。牠沒反抗，甚至懂得稍為伸出頭部，方便呼吸和看風景。我真慶幸剛才沒有對牠視若無睹：「乖。」561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9lBxNrmYJU
561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnumv6GwqFZ
銀月清冷，步道冷清，寧靜。心跳規律，呼吸有序，乏味。回憶很多，未知更多，迷惘。561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡooFN2QuFEG
561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡli1XPz8gsk
「我上一次來海濱公園是小學畢業後的那個暑假。與幾個特別要好的男生相約到來踩roller，跌了幾跤，膝蓋流血。明明怕血，明明怕痛，偏偏為保面子而強說無事，硬撐一整天。結果翌日膝蓋腫黑大片，痛得要命，不得不到醫院求醫。結果在醫院留醫足足兩個月，九月中才可到新學校上課。」我在路邊長椅坐下，拆開一包贈品肉乾給小狗充飢，報答牠聽我發牢騷。561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaUOyOamD4h
561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX8jjBYM2tM
「留醫期間，我生氣朋友們不來探望我，打算出院後臭罵他們一頓。出院後，我忙於學校課業，忘記致電他們，然後順理成章忘記他們。當我再次想起他們，已是高中畢業的事。」我點菸，一吸一呼，虛假短暫的舒爽。「其實沒甚麼大不了，無需要記在腦袋裡。但事情就是發生過，不是說忘記就可以忘記。」561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkwPjYl7Giq
561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwKytZKZrps
記憶零碎，思路紊亂。嘴巴想要表達更多，無奈腦袋運轉不來，沒能將感受化為言語……算了吧。反正小狗根本沒興趣聽下去。561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz0FpTr8FUw
561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwqbcGU2cBf
「你似乎對肉乾比較有興趣。」我又拆開一包肉乾予牠。牠吃得津津有味，舌頭不時舔舔嘴邊，甚至舔到小小鼻頭。561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAYUkrTLWdr
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我笑，笑牠傻氣可愛。561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQpESQT951L
561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd1yHcPFLHS
又吸一口虛假短暫的舒爽。又呼一口難以言喻的鬱悶。561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡepoSNpisg6
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鬱悶何來？561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRfYdCPEEkv
561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCvi6FV7hET
學業壓力？愛情煩惱？家庭不和？561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡANZbWXxFsF
561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa3jz0pbcp3
也許統統都是，也許統統不是。561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOmq4bVJoT9
561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOvhnj8kN1q
多件零星不順心瑣碎事湊在一起成為一股無法消弭的鬱悶。561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6MuejFS0Rc
561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv5VnCzV0Ms
有如一根經過繁複工序生產的香菸。561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2LGu0fcEsa
561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrQfxnIuXBP
有如一塊由豬肉、糖、鹽、增味劑、醬油、香辛料、護色劑、色素組成的肉乾。561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Hd9AxBYhW
561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZA4lDlIz0P
「好吃吧。」我又拆開一包肉乾。趁小狗專心咬嚼，我彈走菸屁股，將牠從懷裡抽出，來個深深擁抱。561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnXnsaHTFhD
561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6nYkEmm0ZZ
然後呢？根本沒有然後。561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP2lp9JXzlg
561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTehuU4ozj9
我輕輕放下小狗，動身邁步離開。561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3TAIkK7Gps
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正如牠知道我身上沒有更多肉乾，自然而然不會跟上來。561Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq7bqvwzAsj

註：此篇另收錄於短篇小說集《雜念集》

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