I look back at my life and think about how different it could have been. From the time I was born, no, from the time of my conception, up until this very moment, my life has been like a ball of tangled yarn - one big mess. But life isn't always what it seems; look at the well dressed man in his tailored business suit. Do you think he's got life figured out? Probably, but most likely not. Look at the homeless man sitting on the corner feeding his dog some water. Do you think he's got his life figured out? Do you think that this is where he's expected his life would end up? Look at the tired college girl sitting near the window of the coffee shop. Do you think that she has her life figured out? Maybe she's contemplating a change in her major? Maybe she's thinking about dropping out? How is she paying for her tuition? Maybe she's got a scholarship? Or perhaps her parents are funding her tuition? Could she be working multiple jobs to sustain a living as well?136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwl8Cu6li32
What I've been able to figure out, though, is that everyone's life is different. We may all be trying to figure out our ball of tangled yarn. But our yarn is uniquely ours. It may be different colors, different lengths. But one thing is for certain, that yarn is what connects us all; relationships with our family and friends, colleagues, and even strangers. Every decision we make affects our yarn. It affects our entanglement with others.
That being said, I guess my decisions have led me to where I am now, facing the head of a gun. Attached to that gun? A complete stranger looking for their next quick fix. I always thought that if I were to be in a situation like this, I'd be terrified and begging for my life. But now that I'm in this position, I've surprised myself by how calm I am. Almost as if I'm welcoming death.
I mean, I haven't done anything extraordinary in my life - I'm average. I do average things. My biggest accomplishment in life has been the 24 hour Harry Potter marathon that I sat through. I have one good friend, and even then, I wouldn't consider her my best friend. We're close, but I refuse to let anyone get too close to me. I'm boring. My life is a joke. It's wasted. And maybe that's why I'm not afraid of death.
At this point in my life, I don't think anyone will miss me or even notice that I'm gone. So if this stranger is willing to kill me, I would welcome it. I wouldn't question it. If this is where my string of yarn will end, then so be it.
And with that thought, I close my eyes and smile. I probably look insane right now, but I've come to accept my fate. A fate that will blow me into oblivion.
I wonder what the afterlife would be like? Will I go to heaven or hell? Maybe even purgatory? That could be an option. Will I be reincarnated? Or will I simply just stop existing.
I feel the cold metal of the gun pressed against my forehead. I breath in, and begin to count in my head...
One.
Two.
Three.
"Lady, I'm gonna say it one more time, give me ya money or fucking die, ya stupid bitch."
Four.
Five.
BANG.
I feel my world go black as my body hits the ground.
"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck."
I hear my savior repeat over and over again.
I hear him crying as he says, "why couldn't ya just give me ya damn money."
I feel him kick my ribs as the sound eventually fades away and joins the darkness with me.
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and then Add to home screen.