I have a secret.
Actually, I have a question and a secret.
As a teenage boy who was deemed a lunatic since he was in sixth grade, who are you supposed to tell when you own a talking angelfish? And of course my secret is, I own a talking angelfish.
It all started when I heard it say, "Hey! Led Zeppelin Shirt Guy!" Except I ignored the strange and bubbly sounding voice like everyone had told me to.
But it wasn't in my head.
Because here I am, crouching beside the fish tank, gaping into the ebony eyes of Mrs. Puffer Sunrise.
"Are you real?" I ask.
"Do I seem real to you?" my fish responds. I didn't appreciate how it answered my question with another question.
"I don't know. I can barely tell the difference between what's real and what's not," I confess.
Here's another question —
What are you supposed to do when you own a talking angelfish?
"First, I need you to change my name," Mrs. Puffer Sunrise says.
"My brother named you, so I can't do that."
"Yes you can. I'm your fish. Besides, I'm a male. Anyone with two functioning eyes can see that."
I suppose the answer to my question is let it (or him) complain.
"Alright," I agree. "I'll change your name to Mr. Puffer Sunrise, then."
"That's not fair. I prefer Apollo, after a friend back at the shop."
"Hey, I got you for three bucks."
"So what? Your hair is worth less than me. The only thing good about you is that Led Zeppelin shirt."
Before I snap at him, I realize what he said and take a step back. "You know...Led Zeppelin?"
"Of course. That's what I called you earlier, Led Zeppelin Shirt Guy."
"My name's Chris."
"We aren't always called by the names we want to be called," Mr. Puffer Sunrise remarks.
"How do you know them?"
"I've heard Stairway to Heaven so many times at the shop I thought my eyeballs were going to pop out. Which, in some cases, can grow back."
"Then I guess you haven't heard 'Going to California' yet."
Mr. Puffer Sunrise stays silent when I play the song on my phone. It's one of my favorites. I turn to the fish, who seems to be only aware of the music. I wonder if the tune sounds as beautiful underwater as it does above. But of course it does.
So what's the real answer to my question, What are you supposed to do when you own a talking angelfish?
Become its acquaintance. Share the good things that exist in this world. Accept the emotionally damaging comments about your hair, because you know you agree but will never admit it out loud. Keep it, because there's nothing more valuable you can find than a talking angelfish who complains too much and loves Led Zeppelin.
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