This was a terrible, terrible idea.
Probably one of the worst I’ve ever had. It’s not that I’ve never made a poor decision or dreamt up an ill-fated plan before, believe me I have, it’s just that this one was so atrocious that it made all of my other mistakes seem as trivial as a kid lifting a pack of gum from the gas station.
I’m no wimp when it comes to risk-taking either, I’ve done some dangerous things in the past, skydiving, eating my elementary schools cafeteria food and the like.
My friends told me I was an idiot, and maybe, just this once, they were correct.
My curiosity got the best of me, however, and now I was at the point of no return. I had to make a choice.
Before me stood a rather imposing dome structure, layered, with support beams on the outside. Posted warning signs on top of the double doors leading into the building promised threats of unnecessary amounts of violence if one decided to enter those doors.
Barring the unusual architecture, the building was not remarkable at all, it was about as large as an average barn. It was situated in the middle of nowhere, had sprouted up in a week, maybe less. Probably some weird military architecture experiment or something. Yet, it remains fascinating. Then again, the backwoods where I live isn’t exactly an exciting place, so really anything new becomes amazing, simply by virtue of not being from around here.
And that is why I’m here, crouching behind a rock to avoid being seen the two armed guards posted at the front of the building. It’s probably been around an hour since I first hit the dirt behind this rock, I noticed the two guards just before they saw me. Wouldn’t want to revoke my status as a law-abiding citizen without seeing the goods first.
Over time, my hiding spot had become quite uncomfortable. In order to stay hidden, I had to twist my back in an uncomfortable manner, and I could only afford the slightest adjustments, lest I give myself away. At least the discomfort staved off boredom.
Occasionally one of the guards would sigh heavily, maybe kick a pinecone near his foot, and would return to his regular position. The other one just stood there, the only way I could tell him a apart from a mannequin was his blinking, which seemed a bit too far in between to be coming from an actual human. They never breathed a word to each other, which only served to make my situation worse. If they weren’t making noise, neither could I, unless I wanted to get shot. Those damn stoics wouldn’t let me stretch my poor aching back.
“Where the hell is the next shift? They were supposed to be here a half an hour ago!”
Hey, the stoics could talk.
The other one, the mannequin, grunted disapprovingly in response.
“We should just go home.”
The mannequin glared sideways at the talker.
“Don’t worry we’ll go out lookin for em’, ya know, for a little bit, so we can say we did, it is sort of our job.”
The mannequin squinted in concentration, then nodded his approval to the talker. They both walked off in silence, boots crunching pine needles as their forms disappeared into the night.
I took the distant sound of a truck starting up as my cue to finally stand up. Back stretches had never felt better.
Now it was show time.
I began to work my way over to the large double doors the two stoics had been standing in front of, I stumbled twice before making contact with the entrance, my mind was so preoccupied with what I might find inside, I was not paying the slightest semblance of attention to anything else.
Once I reached the door, I put my ear to the crack in between the two sterile doors, trying to figure out what it contained as if it were some sort of giant Christmas present.
A low, steady thrum emanated from the inside. Some sort of machinery maybe? Hard to tell from my position. Trying to imagine what sorts of things were inside the building proved futile, if I really wanted to know what was inside, I’d have to break in.
Kind of the obvious answer now that I think about it, but my nerves were really starting to get to me.
Palms sweaty, I reached toward the solitary door knob located on the right side of the left double door. It occurred to me that this was probably a stupid idea, seeing as how even an idiot would remember to lock the damn front doors of a building like this.
Still, I reached out and turned the knob anyways, and with a click it gave way.
I guess those guards were a special level of stupid.
The door opened extremely easily, as if it were made of something decidedly less solid than the heavy metal door I thought it was. It was so easy that the door opened with a woosh, sending a small gust of air into my face.
That was nothing compared to the mental woosh I had when my eyes adjusted to dim lighting present inside the dome.
It was more of a woosh of disappointment than of expected excitement though.
“What the hell?” There was absolutely nothing in the dome but the large circular ceiling lights.
So, the army sees fit to erect a big post-modern style dome in the middle of nowhere, where nothing ever happens. Then, they expend time, effort and manpower to actually GUARD this worthless piece of architecture, and its just a big, empty room? The only distinguishable feature in the room besides the drab grey walls and support beams is a dull white “4-WJ” emblazoned on the floor, some ID or security code maybe.
A quick jog around the dome confirmed my first impression, that this was one of the more boring rooms that I’ve been inside. At least the room I live in has a nice bed, this was nothing but hard metal floor and disappointment.
What a waste of a clean criminal record.
As I kicked my shoe at a scuff mark in the center of the room, wallowing in self-pity at my misfortune, I could barely make out the sound of a truck approaching.
Well shit, this is where things could get a little dicey.
From what I could tell, the truck was still quite a long ways away, so if I booked it now, I could at least not get in trouble for this little misadventure.
When I got to the door, I grasped for a handle that wasn’t there. In fact, there didn’t seem to be any way to open these doors from the inside. The army could really benefit from firing their current architect.
No need to panic though, judging from how easy it was to open that door, I can probably just kick it open.
I took a couple of steps back, and let loose my best door-breaching action movie style kick. My foot collided with the door, the impact sending vibrating shockwaves of pain through my leg. The door didn’t budge. A second kick produced much the same results. The third kick was just because I was angry at that stupid door.
The truck sounded like it was much closer now, probably only 10 seconds away. This was a probably a good time to panic.
One more frantic kick at the door confirmed the worst; I was screwed. I hurried to the center of the room, right above the white W, got on my knees and put my hands above my head, hostage style. At least I probably wouldn't get shot this way, probably. At least the lights had gotten brighter in the room from the time I first entered, so any nervous guard wouldn’t mistake me for a monster in the dark dispose of me with extreme prejudice. I had that going for me.
5 or so seconds passed, the truck arrived, I heard the sound of a few doors being opened and shut. Footsteps became louder and louder as what I presumed to be the next of soldiers on watch.
I figured I ought to warn them about my presence, to maximize my chances of remaining bullet free.
“Hey! I’m Inside!”
I heard some excited mutterings from beyond the doors.
“Identify yourself!”
And now for the criminal record.
“I’m Alan Everett!”
More muttering, it sounded like they were standing right next to the door now.
“Well Everett, mind telling us what in the hell you’re doing inside a highly restricted military area? Even if you do have clearance, this is an unauthorized visit, so you’re in deep either way.”
I think he’s kind of enjoying this, the smug bastard. I bet the only reason he’s these guys are practically giggling on the other side of this door is because there is never anything or anyone in here. Stupid army. And what's with these stupid lights getting brighter and brighter, can they not at least keep that under control in this pointless building?
“Look, I’m unarmed, I won’t resist, just get me out of this boring room and we can get started on the mandatory paperwork.”
The soldiers seemed to get a kick out of that one.
“Oh you’re no fun! Why don’t you resist a little bit so we can at least mace you or something, believe it or not guard duty here ain’t exactly action packed.”
One of the soldiers began the door and peeked in. He immediately shielded his eyes, the light had become ridiculously intense, and I had long since closed my eyes.
“Huh, whats this?” “Why is it so damn bright in here?”
I guess the soldiers were just as clueless as I was at the poor lighting conditions.
“It’s like a flashbang in here, did you screw with the lights man?”
Even through my tightly shut eyelids, I could tell that this room had become blindingly bright.
The soldiers started to yell something about it being too bright to be in there and that they should call command when my hearing became filled with a very loud ringing noise. It was starting to give me a headache. Actually, it was definitely giving me a headache, which rapidly increased in intensity. After about a minute or so, the shooting pain in my head had become more intense than anything I had ever felt previously. It quickly became unbearable, I thought my head might combust at any moment.
I screamed out in pain, at least I think did, couldn’t really tell with my hearing so jacked up.
Just when I thought I couldn't take it anymore everything went black, and I was finally asleep.
ns3.12.34.36da2
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