The Small Things

I guess I should write out all the weird things I've heard in the past month or so.

*cursing*

698Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡczE1qeThSH

"Yeah, Santa made out with my dad."

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"My dog ate my hamster."698Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4gyZtOYCl1

"Oh yeah? Well I sat on my hamster and broke its neck!"698Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5v5tk6xGbm

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"My grandma was in the hospital to get knee surgery, then she went into cardiac arrest and died."698Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxarccc27k8

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“If you were a toddler and Santa came running at you full speed, what would you do?”

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“How’d you get 16 as your answer?? I got 3091...”

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“I’M SQUIDWARD.”

“Then I must be Patrick.”

“COME NOW, PATRICK! LET US FIND SPONGEBOB!”

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“She fell off the Earth and broke her nose.”

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“I LOST MY MOM IN THE CAR WASH.”

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“You look like if Elmo and Ryan Reynolds had a baby.”

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“Where’s the butter?”

“At your mom’s house!”

“I don’t have a mom—”

“OH SH*T SORRY I FORGOT—”

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"HEY I’M CHINESE TOO!!"

"Dude, you’re f*cking Irish and German."

"Yeah, but I’m also 2% French!"

"WHAT?!? SO THEN I’M 50% CHINESE TOO!"698Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡStkJPEYZbb

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“What’s your favorite show?”

“PEPPA PIG!!” *snorts*

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“Someone tried to steal my balls.”

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“HOLY SH*T MY MOUTH IS DROWNING!!”

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“I MISSED MY BRIDAL SHOWER!!”

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“WHO SH*T IN THE CLOSET?”

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“Oh hey! It’s John Dick!”

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“How much would you sell your brother for?”

“ANYTHING.”

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“WOOF! Did I scare ya?”

“Who the f*ck are you?”

“CRAP WRONG PERSON.”

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“I know someone who can eat Jell-O through their nose.”

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“When people ask how tall I am, I punch ‘em in the face.”

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“BOYS! STOP THROWING PENCILS AT MY CHICKEN!”

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“SHUT UP! THE TOILET IS TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING!”698Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ89MX3NMk9

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