ATEEZ的長篇故事《訪客》 - 第四章

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「崔傘很自私」

「就這樣離開了⋯」

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留下毫無生機的房子。

唯一生存的痕跡是陽台那些植栽沒停過的生長。

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丁潤浩後悔的是沒有接到崔傘最後一通電話。

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祂們還在嗎？

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或許是天意吧，相處起來好像越來越不對勁，知道真相後就再也無法回到過去了。

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可想而知崔傘捨不得讓朴星和感到孤單，即使如此，他還是三番兩次的試探著祂。

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回想以前，在某些特定地方總能看見祂們的靈體。

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可幾個禮拜、幾個月、甚至忘了多久，再一次經過時發現痕跡早已消逝。

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「我們也不是一輩子都在」

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「傘啊，或許某個瞬間」

「我就會永遠消失在世界上」

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可能是陽光正照耀的時候、可能是半夜正靜悄悄的時候。

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後者感到鼻酸，沉默了一陣子。

他不喜歡朴星和總是講觸霉頭的話。

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「就這樣離開的話」

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「祢還會感到遺憾嗎？」

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「⋯」

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「朴星和⋯？」

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崔傘那天晚上只是把自己縮在床角。

微微顫抖，不敢掉淚。

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從那之後他試著喊過朴星和的名字。

十次、百次。

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直到接受祂已經離開的事實。

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崔傘再離開韓國之前試辦了小小的畫展。

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他將其命名為——訪客。

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「顧名思義，前來拜訪的客人」

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「一個在人生中停留許久的訪客要離開了」

「你能夠笑著祝福他嗎？」

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究竟是誰打擾了誰呢？

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崔傘一開始認為是朴星和闖進自己的生活。

思考過後，好像自己才是暫時停留在此的訪客。

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後來他也看不見幽靈的存在了。

是托朴星和的福。

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他記得上次在機場和丁潤浩揮手道別，已經是兩年前的事。

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當他返回韓國除了回到曾經的住處以外，其他地方哪兒都沒去。

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早就知道只是空蕩蕩的房子⋯

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抗憂鬱的藥物也吃了兩年，沒見什麼效果。

崔傘一直都放任自己跌在谷底。

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要是祂會說自己很蠢嗎？

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如果看見靈魂的體質還存在，那崔傘一定會找遍全世界只為了朴星和。

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「好像是承受不住了⋯」

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那是只有他才懂的痛。

雖然他已經靠丁潤浩那頭的聲音使空間不再安靜。

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崔傘何曾害怕寂寞過，就連輕吹一陣微風他都會猛然地往陽台望去。

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畫冊持續增加了，可他作畫不出對朴星和的思念，越來越執著。

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再來是沉迷、最後是瘋狂。

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“潤浩啊”

“哪天我消失的話請不要來找我”

“或許⋯我跑去那個世界和祂見面了”

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丁潤浩嘆口氣。

該為了他留下最後一通語音感到心酸嗎。

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沒有人能夠拯救崔傘。

包括他自己選擇了最極端的方式。

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「才沒有辦法笑著祝福⋯」

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丁潤浩站在玄關，隔著落地窗看向外頭。

最多只感受到陽光灑進室內的軌跡。

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後來他和搬家公司取消時間。

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這間空蕩蕩的房子就留下來吧，誰知道哪天會有小精靈回來了也說不定。

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2022.03.14

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