又是一陣沉默,然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道:「呀遊。」744Please respect copyright.PENANAomysJe65bI
744Please respect copyright.PENANAapdu2fWJKV
「…係?」我回答。744Please respect copyright.PENANA5lJNfcIVHO
744Please respect copyright.PENANAZnbKTdIIQ4
「你覺得PTGF係做D咩?」744Please respect copyright.PENANAk9rxqCjqeq
744Please respect copyright.PENANATIaaqs8636
PDGF,是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫,老實說不是甚麼新興東西,以往的名字有很多,援交,出租女友,兼職女友,爸爸活,Sugar Daddy之類…當然,仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的,但…744Please respect copyright.PENANAaJAaxVlSmv
744Please respect copyright.PENANAbX159PE71J
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」,這點應該不會錯。744Please respect copyright.PENANARzTguVLAfx
744Please respect copyright.PENANAbeumGHNtFA
妍妍看著海說:「嗯,可以咁講…雖然有D女仔堅持唔上床,只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類,但係…」744Please respect copyright.PENANAd78kIzRNYD
744Please respect copyright.PENANAc1ZsTrqqsU
我等著她最後那句。744Please respect copyright.PENANAJkx6r4yP8A
744Please respect copyright.PENANA5tML5Cw5mr
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。744Please respect copyright.PENANAQkSEVEIupF
744Please respect copyright.PENANAJ8R6wKuUCp
「嗯,我聽緊。」我說。744Please respect copyright.PENANATh9oTpLgjR
744Please respect copyright.PENANAdqCH3OKgmx
她看看我,似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點:「我仲以為你會介意添。」744Please respect copyright.PENANAegAYgtm61X
744Please respect copyright.PENANAtcWxg0yDhz
我失笑:「我又唔係你邊個,有咩好介意?」744Please respect copyright.PENANATKAkPd6q7y
744Please respect copyright.PENANA1X5VcHRXYO
「即係如果我同你親密D既你就會介意?」她反問。744Please respect copyright.PENANAhArqz6dSIf
744Please respect copyright.PENANADTL4sNDEYx
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔,因為我真的不知道。744Please respect copyright.PENANAukkKOsLPhr
744Please respect copyright.PENANA430LvEVgmD
妍妍喝一口啤酒:「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河,去船P,食飯個D,如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」744Please respect copyright.PENANAPyuYMFIpQC
744Please respect copyright.PENANAY6rp7JJSke
「咁…」744Please respect copyright.PENANA0yBNsRV40I
744Please respect copyright.PENANA4OSE9RPFZ0
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。744Please respect copyright.PENANA2P1zmssbmb
744Please respect copyright.PENANAuQyIUi6hmL
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World,黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎,有錢人就有呢D門路,總之,我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」744Please respect copyright.PENANATZSTaIIWpz
744Please respect copyright.PENANAalYy4FP1iH
妍妍說過她是A1,即是現在單身,但曾拍過一次拖。744Please respect copyright.PENANA3AtyXtQcv6
744Please respect copyright.PENANAeQCNb3zUnK
「嗯,你講過。」744Please respect copyright.PENANAvaTvVynskM
744Please respect copyright.PENANAqMHg1qQzbs
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說,「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊?」744Please respect copyright.PENANAo800ToPkXJ
744Please respect copyright.PENANANaDZkIT0hX
「咪笑我啦。」744Please respect copyright.PENANAe896Wr91Jg
744Please respect copyright.PENANAm6yQU5pKUJ
她笑了。744Please respect copyright.PENANAwhjssXC0Ps
744Please respect copyright.PENANArKtuSHvzH5
「尋日係好日,佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說,「終於都完,感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」744Please respect copyright.PENANA2hPICrG6LU
744Please respect copyright.PENANAZ5A7bOQWG6
「係好夢定惡夢?」744Please respect copyright.PENANA950NClBNmF
744Please respect copyright.PENANAgiXKneRuZ3
「…同現實比,係好夢。」她說,「同個時我地打算過既將來比,係惡夢。」744Please respect copyright.PENANAxQLVso8gSB
744Please respect copyright.PENANA1kkHEbnWM2
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。744Please respect copyright.PENANAMPjXvY1ENI
744Please respect copyright.PENANAuISNogzZFW
「曾經我同你一樣啊,呀遊。」她說,「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙,視為我既一切,我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去,現在,未來,都因佢而起,因佢而存在,亦因佢而有寄望。」744Please respect copyright.PENANAoeV5w5U4Qz
744Please respect copyright.PENANAWGN2KeiVEU
雖然我猜到了個大概,但我決定沉默。744Please respect copyright.PENANA7pX1sPgzA9
744Please respect copyright.PENANAsSuKI1hrbT
有時候甚麼也不回應,只是陪伴,就是最好的回應。744Please respect copyright.PENANABXRUnKSpjw
744Please respect copyright.PENANAvy3KKNUzQL
「我係你身上,就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。744Please respect copyright.PENANAI6RHn8Ho9R
744Please respect copyright.PENANA5G3sbsZzn1
然後,她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。744Please respect copyright.PENANAbHMW6neGZh
744Please respect copyright.PENANAP1Wd4AlMPU
「仲相信愛情,只為左一個人而活,全心,全靈,為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取,連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」744Please respect copyright.PENANA0x8rK0jUed
744Please respect copyright.PENANA7o3Z8BHfPS
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下,撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。744Please respect copyright.PENANATXJimboy8P
744Please respect copyright.PENANAl1ntAeCrwt
妍妍深呼吸,然後嘆了一口氣:「唉,但…依加已經完晒,其實早就應該完,當年就應該完,係我一直放佢唔低,直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我,亦…只有我一個。」744Please respect copyright.PENANAgur9LFeS29
744Please respect copyright.PENANAydxVtfeent
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。744Please respect copyright.PENANAsKKTQMsyhZ
744Please respect copyright.PENANAIvNaXHJ7qK
在之後,我連想像的勇氣也沒有。744Please respect copyright.PENANA1Qx0P0lHKN
744Please respect copyright.PENANAiSEocLhOLF
那是信仰的崩潰,世界的崩潰。744Please respect copyright.PENANAfALGyVeFDC
744Please respect copyright.PENANAMakHJZ754k
萬物的崩潰。744Please respect copyright.PENANAojmFw8VEYc
744Please respect copyright.PENANAdt80WYkag5
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」744Please respect copyright.PENANAhFTQZU319J
744Please respect copyright.PENANARPVn7ylAM6
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑,「至少以為佢會嬲,佢會話我污糟之類,但係…佢根本完全唔在意,我試過自己上網唱佢,佢都係理都唔理,本身至少想佢憎我,如果可以,我想佢至少憎我一世。」744Please respect copyright.PENANA55qRpy6TQt
744Please respect copyright.PENANA4JoqpSo4Oj
妍妍說著說著,眼淚便靜靜的淌下。744Please respect copyright.PENANAMKcawkdmKj
744Please respect copyright.PENANAc7ALttrOiX
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以?」妍妍哽咽地說,哭著的她全身在發抖。744Please respect copyright.PENANA7NdK6D9NOD
744Please respect copyright.PENANAkTD2SIuW9P
愛的反面不是憎恨。744Please respect copyright.PENANAyyM2wAsWsj
744Please respect copyright.PENANAahxjgTG7Ku
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。744Please respect copyright.PENANAXlIUTPa3qh
744Please respect copyright.PENANAAQZ1OLVNcn
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情,竟然連抹也不打算抹,恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。744Please respect copyright.PENANAHTvlFTKkec
744Please respect copyright.PENANAj2UulOzBSA
這光景,我看過。744Please respect copyright.PENANA5MTFNmwPkm
744Please respect copyright.PENANAJ2TYzm6Mjv
我在曾經的自己身上看過。744Please respect copyright.PENANAwiDTKUjRTU
744Please respect copyright.PENANAnuqmsi14HU
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚,「始終要放下。」744Please respect copyright.PENANA8s2PwysSyd
744Please respect copyright.PENANAN9XKBsRJMN
「我知,但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說,「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」744Please respect copyright.PENANAj0jY2c5T9e
744Please respect copyright.PENANAavNPZq1xeS
「無可能。」我搖頭。744Please respect copyright.PENANAeJ5gtzfui7
744Please respect copyright.PENANAeKYyL1qlmX
「嗯,無可能。」她點頭。744Please respect copyright.PENANAAcAa0So29q
744Please respect copyright.PENANA5VOIMKTrdc
她繼續說:「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄,後來…我就覺得無所謂,點都無所謂,同唔同既男仔去玩,去蒲,做咩都好…我已經無所謂,過得一日就一日,反正又有錢收。」744Please respect copyright.PENANA4g5LeXoPoW
744Please respect copyright.PENANAcazwQEYCW1
她打了個哆嗦,然後說:「既然唔知做咩好,咁樣就做咩都得。」744Please respect copyright.PENANAVAIwnJQCvw
744Please respect copyright.PENANAtv8643CA7B
失去人生目標的滋味,我倒還記憶猶新,大約幾小時前吧。744Please respect copyright.PENANAV2KWvzmIoS
744Please respect copyright.PENANAd1quye6cSw
而且再往前回溯,在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣,唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛,做任何事也只是因本能而行動,也不記得今天是星期幾,幾月幾日,因為沒有需要。744Please respect copyright.PENANACShZ4K4fvp
744Please respect copyright.PENANAFOFnoXdMFa
甚麼也再沒需要了。744Please respect copyright.PENANALVJE7DsE9u
744Please respect copyright.PENANAd6RPoQvV1g
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。744Please respect copyright.PENANA8Zfa2Jmfht
744Please respect copyright.PENANArrewmFy3A5
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。744Please respect copyright.PENANAX8eBE3sDeL
744Please respect copyright.PENANAsGFfojo6zW
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概,她同樣地靜靜的聽著,而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住,似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。744Please respect copyright.PENANA85zpiU9vFX
744Please respect copyright.PENANA2fFrIaxllC
話畢。744Please respect copyright.PENANAi0zxIJMZvf
744Please respect copyright.PENANAeThSU7x0pc
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒,然後開口說:「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」744Please respect copyright.PENANA9ddWoMvYsS
744Please respect copyright.PENANABkPGMx98gS
「你想既,幾時都可以。」744Please respect copyright.PENANAyPk4dZD5ED
744Please respect copyright.PENANAHAzBgDw9Mn
她沉默了片刻。744Please respect copyright.PENANAKoylQQUHpg
744Please respect copyright.PENANAFRNGRFGUKK
「咁你個時點走出去?」她問我。744Please respect copyright.PENANAMDwnHXvKqQ
744Please respect copyright.PENANA1OCeRzILjF
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說,「二黎就係射返箭,射箭個時個人會好專心,射中靶會好有成功感,漸漸就走左出黎。」744Please respect copyright.PENANAMPbi7C7GwX
744Please respect copyright.PENANAXfhH2ls8V4
「無興趣。」她微笑說。744Please respect copyright.PENANA6nNAAlnlj3
744Please respect copyright.PENANAilWuLCtFpe
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我?至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你,我地細個都一齊玩過,我唔會唔理你。」我說。744Please respect copyright.PENANAqRsUt7uTEW
744Please respect copyright.PENANAy3fEyO7s0u
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢D。」妍妍說,「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街,我先知個個係你。」744Please respect copyright.PENANAmKcVBHfEFj
744Please respect copyright.PENANAg4ChUmGqWc
「係咪…好失望?」我苦笑,「搞到要搵PTGF………雖,雖然係用黎激童桐啦,我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF,一日都係情聖自把自為,未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」744Please respect copyright.PENANA1oq7uiRMkA
744Please respect copyright.PENANAjYDVo6OLw6
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊,馬上手忙腳亂地想修正,但是似乎愈描愈黑。744Please respect copyright.PENANANcG3EznG1H
744Please respect copyright.PENANAZv2bo95Ps6
「好啦,唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑,「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」744Please respect copyright.PENANAEpjk37VE81
744Please respect copyright.PENANAB7Q7BLjUlo
「連你都咁講,嗚…」744Please respect copyright.PENANAqNfbsnvWgF
744Please respect copyright.PENANA9PZ5MbEkWo
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。744Please respect copyright.PENANAsRTny6kX3W
744Please respect copyright.PENANAhX0arCTkwG
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐,情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼,而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。744Please respect copyright.PENANAiq0KUYDFIw
744Please respect copyright.PENANA6LPgtWLpTu
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發,但似乎他們不這樣認為。744Please respect copyright.PENANAHhvLRKs7BB
744Please respect copyright.PENANAztz93uPPuD
「咁你以後有咩打算?既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。744Please respect copyright.PENANAaMaypHpKB2
744Please respect copyright.PENANAyWTopVQb2I
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞,不過她還把頭靠在我肩上,我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。744Please respect copyright.PENANApmoXu24FMJ
744Please respect copyright.PENANAFBoli59dwE
然後她開口問:「你呢,如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊,你又有咩打算?」744Please respect copyright.PENANAodrTJmOQud
744Please respect copyright.PENANA0UjCj6qt46
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。744Please respect copyright.PENANAUnToclo4CI
744Please respect copyright.PENANAA9nWGvuq7e
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分,但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。744Please respect copyright.PENANAwxgru34G5Y
744Please respect copyright.PENANANbz7veq9Fp
「……」744Please respect copyright.PENANAZE6AvSQNSQ
744Please respect copyright.PENANA5DEhYmDgrL
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人,就這樣互相倚靠在一起,坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒,吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。744Please respect copyright.PENANAmucjFWXN2H
744Please respect copyright.PENANAVjPuJ2YRut
不是甚麼事也能憑決心,憑努力去改寫的。744Please respect copyright.PENANA5HnbArtfAV
744Please respect copyright.PENANAKCzllHttKd
夏天,也到尾聲了。744Please respect copyright.PENANA2B5YFQLFYg
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【實體書有售】《青梅竹馬真係最難追》
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【實體書有售】《青梅竹馬真係最難追》
作者:
陳立正
篇 #53
第十四章:各人有各自的愁緒 29072022
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