又是一陣沉默，然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道：「呀遊。」958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9N17Kiv1gy
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUd8RxfpBWr
「…係？」我回答。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzjQDcplcFz
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi0ACtR9F91
「你覺得PTGF係做Ｄ咩？」958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoxiRqK9fLd
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjjvr1lNpED
PDGF，是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫，老實說不是甚麼新興東西，以往的名字有很多，援交，出租女友，兼職女友，爸爸活，Sugar Daddy之類…當然，仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的，但…958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcViTBEXAbX
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRHCvZjuQ0Z
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」，這點應該不會錯。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡerCPYAxaGL
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnwXwOX8L1o
妍妍看著海說：「嗯，可以咁講…雖然有Ｄ女仔堅持唔上床，只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類，但係…」958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdKtXNYCjmw
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbrGc96JtV0
我等著她最後那句。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTUBHJXAGHt
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC4lISdrgXR
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbEqVUUcYv7
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBz2hf11k1V
「嗯，我聽緊。」我說。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxyXdv5jTrt
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRTDHZ8nTfU
她看看我，似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點：「我仲以為你會介意添。」958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcCsLJHTQ1K
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6uXNIVJUhF
我失笑：「我又唔係你邊個，有咩好介意？」958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRf0uymQDwU
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhJfzVyPc5Y
「即係如果我同你親密Ｄ既你就會介意？」她反問。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyZvAB7BMcK
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBclbPwjUbD
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔，因為我真的不知道。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ62qgxY0U1S
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfnFiOC9F7J
妍妍喝一口啤酒：「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河，去船P，食飯個Ｄ，如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5xXylvRc3i
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQgyfu3SINg
「咁…」958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5quEI1fYP7
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyfd0eT2sHs
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlrDyB4j6dI
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxwqeTmJdiI
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World，黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎，有錢人就有呢Ｄ門路，總之，我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWuq5Vaa4zd
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy0fGHhJh3K
妍妍說過她是A1，即是現在單身，但曾拍過一次拖。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMfRZXiIPdO
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4CPE88fvFr
「嗯，你講過。」958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq7zXHaC3oJ
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8BGsPOa0Dx
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說，「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊？」958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfSKq5FVluK
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡalfVTa9Jbp
「咪笑我啦。」958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcLUjsmjhbO
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi4eoOsuE9y
她笑了。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmlfQLCKJmR
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTMZRRHDcYz
「尋日係好日，佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說，「終於都完，感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKvExHqhwdF
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNpMI72Pamt
「係好夢定惡夢？」958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCLhb6QE2i8
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLU04vKULyw
「…同現實比，係好夢。」她說，「同個時我地打算過既將來比，係惡夢。」958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgyJxDyPjLS
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA8gO4h4GND
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTEVhqaF6pW
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZxhOEkyQk5
「曾經我同你一樣啊，呀遊。」她說，「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙，視為我既一切，我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去，現在，未來，都因佢而起，因佢而存在，亦因佢而有寄望。」958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1XpUA6RYpf
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLTzOnbDtwm
雖然我猜到了個大概，但我決定沉默。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0rA3vOs2Vn
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6sXOV3SZZH
有時候甚麼也不回應，只是陪伴，就是最好的回應。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwTyOirj1xA
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIRzF1GyRdz
「我係你身上，就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo3jdJfbTR8
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBuKV4bkQd2
然後，她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQgMCjxYm2B
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPbQ2r8B2v0
「仲相信愛情，只為左一個人而活，全心，全靈，為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取，連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgYvXqO0K5f
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuGuY3QUHpk
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下，撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTz0fD28k8G
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ303dJzpt4o
妍妍深呼吸，然後嘆了一口氣：「唉，但…依加已經完晒，其實早就應該完，當年就應該完，係我一直放佢唔低，直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我，亦…只有我一個。」958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDCBpivOAWW
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRkzBpzmofc
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJqMqspPOtV
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY8HsOQH5cK
在之後，我連想像的勇氣也沒有。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS2bk8Gtro4
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqiMiibhZY3
那是信仰的崩潰，世界的崩潰。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ34OyMmkkwd
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlfVqLKGmvH
萬物的崩潰。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6yXCn6jAGI
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5gZbMMtMyX
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLXnc0omjtZ
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOJvXVv2wN3
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑，「至少以為佢會嬲，佢會話我污糟之類，但係…佢根本完全唔在意，我試過自己上網唱佢，佢都係理都唔理，本身至少想佢憎我，如果可以，我想佢至少憎我一世。」958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ZqwCghDcT
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrTYNvHaJsI
妍妍說著說著，眼淚便靜靜的淌下。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKKaP2LJ4R5
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS3Q4IPVSoI
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以？」妍妍哽咽地說，哭著的她全身在發抖。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡac06t60hPN
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6zgKRE93mv
愛的反面不是憎恨。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFkfYqhOv8X
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3fg44ub82E
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbkUwk9upiS
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKdtfa3I3NR
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情，竟然連抹也不打算抹，恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ16Cx7tNkKB
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ3dY1KDij3
這光景，我看過。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXGWqVV5ckX
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSpwVDXvFqM
我在曾經的自己身上看過。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0tjcLd0VUG
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU2Qs8WiFp2
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚，「始終要放下。」958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiH2yynZGnP
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHxYFJupPo4
「我知，但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說，「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeLDawbnJlV
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsot8BMEfWH
「無可能。」我搖頭。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG1RMGMELfl
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Ls4eg8e6M
「嗯，無可能。」她點頭。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg31tGTUWur
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSFX6CEcXby
她繼續說：「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄，後來…我就覺得無所謂，點都無所謂，同唔同既男仔去玩，去蒲，做咩都好…我已經無所謂，過得一日就一日，反正又有錢收。」958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsWaJgSvrMo
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrcBKkWyhfu
她打了個哆嗦，然後說：「既然唔知做咩好，咁樣就做咩都得。」958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjc08SCUVKK
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWBCcwxpX69
失去人生目標的滋味，我倒還記憶猶新，大約幾小時前吧。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3eMH0NuGH4
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGNuBJaEOQp
而且再往前回溯，在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣，唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛，做任何事也只是因本能而行動，也不記得今天是星期幾，幾月幾日，因為沒有需要。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYQC7w1IVzQ
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNwH9edNjnS
甚麼也再沒需要了。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMi9GbGDMUj
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMVUfAfCXeO
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYqQa8IcgpH
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡylzoKHUGZY
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq0u1LiDequ
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgFKpBJUdxk
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概，她同樣地靜靜的聽著，而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住，似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM8LflJBt82
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjCtbf0q9wz
話畢。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsleUIjYjyb
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMzMNPS65Cy
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒，然後開口說：「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCOxSqq9VDA
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDf3AQHtMgh
「你想既，幾時都可以。」958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT5j0NwocOr
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7v5T8TA9mU
她沉默了片刻。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡryrUrlQFkM
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqzcnFKYtz5
「咁你個時點走出去？」她問我。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9jZk8y8eFw
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpf1ADzURAV
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說，「二黎就係射返箭，射箭個時個人會好專心，射中靶會好有成功感，漸漸就走左出黎。」958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR4lsWyawhx
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLzCqnvlXDg
「無興趣。」她微笑說。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxxN0vcidqH
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ83GgCHna91
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我？至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你，我地細個都一齊玩過，我唔會唔理你。」我說。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV7gml0TjBj
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBOuFtjtAov
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢Ｄ。」妍妍說，「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街，我先知個個係你。」958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPqhH3sSeAd
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUloiF2E2qA
「係咪…好失望？」我苦笑，「搞到要搵PTGF………雖，雖然係用黎激童桐啦，我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF，一日都係情聖自把自為，未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUwiN9SFmt9
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjcRPLCHlH9
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊，馬上手忙腳亂地想修正，但是似乎愈描愈黑。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlrXFhQWHoi
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTPdTAQ27yS
「好啦，唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑，「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqh2wAAd9Ia
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmKGvpoXT3G
「連你都咁講，嗚…」958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQKYoEh9hYd
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjG8LXsQi3K
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt5FCgJcHNE
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpQWjqz3S54
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐，情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼，而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgcTyUQ0Db4
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡov4qV94KUE
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發，但似乎他們不這樣認為。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡykT7oaGhU7
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm6c5ZcRT5g
「咁你以後有咩打算？既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVZXyGYnUC6
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYOfyTPNsLF
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞，不過她還把頭靠在我肩上，我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNkM9ieeHVn
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo7imFoep5i
然後她開口問：「你呢，如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊，你又有咩打算？」958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuudAwReXhr
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtFW7Fn4mEt
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkt2aILnnUV
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwq3heFTgUy
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分，但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXE7E32fqYV
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1mBzmSUsx3
「……」958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5aAU1onCmP
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8NgbHUmC44
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人，就這樣互相倚靠在一起，坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒，吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeeFSIiW1Oq
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNdC0PLUEsJ
不是甚麼事也能憑決心，憑努力去改寫的。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIELJGQb8mj
958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb2gqnvjdJG
夏天，也到尾聲了。958Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbn9sMkf2rS
8964 copyright protection954ＰＥＮＡＮＡX2g95E11Ot 維尼

18.217.185.57