又是一陣沉默,然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道:「呀遊。」988Please respect copyright.PENANA6lbvCUqUMa
988Please respect copyright.PENANAxJMspzsQ2b
「…係?」我回答。988Please respect copyright.PENANAGmOeID2LOw
988Please respect copyright.PENANAnff2N6MvNe
「你覺得PTGF係做D咩?」988Please respect copyright.PENANAZqx2xjRVMZ
988Please respect copyright.PENANAmhy1gFZi0A
PDGF,是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫,老實說不是甚麼新興東西,以往的名字有很多,援交,出租女友,兼職女友,爸爸活,Sugar Daddy之類…當然,仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的,但…988Please respect copyright.PENANAFOCzthueAW
988Please respect copyright.PENANALbVNtaJyjU
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」,這點應該不會錯。988Please respect copyright.PENANApLBNAbE3RU
988Please respect copyright.PENANAy8EMj4orS0
妍妍看著海說:「嗯,可以咁講…雖然有D女仔堅持唔上床,只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類,但係…」988Please respect copyright.PENANAwE0danezTa
988Please respect copyright.PENANATZNmJ5lccQ
我等著她最後那句。988Please respect copyright.PENANA3fFMzFjzDi
988Please respect copyright.PENANA3tUJCvZrhK
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。988Please respect copyright.PENANAgmLva7nGGs
988Please respect copyright.PENANA5zvQHM7Yz6
「嗯,我聽緊。」我說。988Please respect copyright.PENANA1clIiMeQcF
988Please respect copyright.PENANAhYjhcbj2Oe
她看看我,似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點:「我仲以為你會介意添。」988Please respect copyright.PENANAMk2O10S3wE
988Please respect copyright.PENANAM90VQKgF4o
我失笑:「我又唔係你邊個,有咩好介意?」988Please respect copyright.PENANAxZqPMew00X
988Please respect copyright.PENANApy7g9nldDC
「即係如果我同你親密D既你就會介意?」她反問。988Please respect copyright.PENANAh0Xl10UZOD
988Please respect copyright.PENANAl21HXA5gJg
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔,因為我真的不知道。988Please respect copyright.PENANAuthJ8jP2rW
988Please respect copyright.PENANALfRG8JuQaE
妍妍喝一口啤酒:「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河,去船P,食飯個D,如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」988Please respect copyright.PENANApPdl7zYJZS
988Please respect copyright.PENANAf4CeJwP4x9
「咁…」988Please respect copyright.PENANAsBzPNUfBeN
988Please respect copyright.PENANAA7QNFnpGbV
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。988Please respect copyright.PENANADhEra7J3yy
988Please respect copyright.PENANAyGjJiNovEC
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World,黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎,有錢人就有呢D門路,總之,我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」988Please respect copyright.PENANArmKvJCVHM7
988Please respect copyright.PENANANnPvkEhxf9
妍妍說過她是A1,即是現在單身,但曾拍過一次拖。988Please respect copyright.PENANAmf3peKSmWL
988Please respect copyright.PENANAra2pWUBeRb
「嗯,你講過。」988Please respect copyright.PENANAyAGrN6IgWP
988Please respect copyright.PENANA5zlAH0C7SJ
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說,「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊?」988Please respect copyright.PENANADSg5OaB3x2
988Please respect copyright.PENANAikcyB8dlnP
「咪笑我啦。」988Please respect copyright.PENANAwh76KVJO4O
988Please respect copyright.PENANAEXRLJ5JR6H
她笑了。988Please respect copyright.PENANA08dZTYqTxD
988Please respect copyright.PENANARZdBInJZFI
「尋日係好日,佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說,「終於都完,感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」988Please respect copyright.PENANAuynuDdwqAW
988Please respect copyright.PENANAcBO6ieHYyX
「係好夢定惡夢?」988Please respect copyright.PENANA16UVNkozwD
988Please respect copyright.PENANAYRLjVnDfM1
「…同現實比,係好夢。」她說,「同個時我地打算過既將來比,係惡夢。」988Please respect copyright.PENANAseP8xsK34u
988Please respect copyright.PENANAHv4chV0vFp
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。988Please respect copyright.PENANAJGVe8rObWc
988Please respect copyright.PENANAzQ9KyQxKvW
「曾經我同你一樣啊,呀遊。」她說,「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙,視為我既一切,我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去,現在,未來,都因佢而起,因佢而存在,亦因佢而有寄望。」988Please respect copyright.PENANAldIla0A9YT
988Please respect copyright.PENANA4ETU0yxQHL
雖然我猜到了個大概,但我決定沉默。988Please respect copyright.PENANAQchunTKgXX
988Please respect copyright.PENANAeYLlBp3VEG
有時候甚麼也不回應,只是陪伴,就是最好的回應。988Please respect copyright.PENANAv2qRssiHFr
988Please respect copyright.PENANAohnurTVWlA
「我係你身上,就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。988Please respect copyright.PENANAYeKeLf9kaw
988Please respect copyright.PENANAD8175iTr2V
然後,她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。988Please respect copyright.PENANAQeI3YR1zmw
988Please respect copyright.PENANAlvKGz1ZxfN
「仲相信愛情,只為左一個人而活,全心,全靈,為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取,連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」988Please respect copyright.PENANAbtnHQZaBWg
988Please respect copyright.PENANAtvtw90vi5A
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下,撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。988Please respect copyright.PENANALRWRnLpP71
988Please respect copyright.PENANA5LIEmaGt8a
妍妍深呼吸,然後嘆了一口氣:「唉,但…依加已經完晒,其實早就應該完,當年就應該完,係我一直放佢唔低,直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我,亦…只有我一個。」988Please respect copyright.PENANA4gpob8dNJ2
988Please respect copyright.PENANARwRW7GWy8w
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。988Please respect copyright.PENANAHT5AvFHYli
988Please respect copyright.PENANA7fuaOpxkyc
在之後,我連想像的勇氣也沒有。988Please respect copyright.PENANA1DoIq1TPBM
988Please respect copyright.PENANA31PYlUcrSr
那是信仰的崩潰,世界的崩潰。988Please respect copyright.PENANAjH5AMCAMXt
988Please respect copyright.PENANALvI3dffWXN
萬物的崩潰。988Please respect copyright.PENANAMNbC8b0Qx1
988Please respect copyright.PENANA1JIZUriCAN
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」988Please respect copyright.PENANAupvJGrT6Th
988Please respect copyright.PENANAUKhyWSxygL
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑,「至少以為佢會嬲,佢會話我污糟之類,但係…佢根本完全唔在意,我試過自己上網唱佢,佢都係理都唔理,本身至少想佢憎我,如果可以,我想佢至少憎我一世。」988Please respect copyright.PENANApo0fSkMxJz
988Please respect copyright.PENANAEVZn3aeh1y
妍妍說著說著,眼淚便靜靜的淌下。988Please respect copyright.PENANAoPJJy83dL8
988Please respect copyright.PENANALYbXADjhcm
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以?」妍妍哽咽地說,哭著的她全身在發抖。988Please respect copyright.PENANANvxkjtklWd
988Please respect copyright.PENANAnjoeoMaMmn
愛的反面不是憎恨。988Please respect copyright.PENANAYO1FAwDzG7
988Please respect copyright.PENANARnuv23p9MG
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。988Please respect copyright.PENANA4LnVqCqJeR
988Please respect copyright.PENANASZ8BRKD2T8
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情,竟然連抹也不打算抹,恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。988Please respect copyright.PENANAZHZGPG17YJ
988Please respect copyright.PENANAjwO8B7uTwV
這光景,我看過。988Please respect copyright.PENANAAzU7z9GPa1
988Please respect copyright.PENANATjQBMy8nXT
我在曾經的自己身上看過。988Please respect copyright.PENANAJvDDa6XDfK
988Please respect copyright.PENANAPawSrvuDr2
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚,「始終要放下。」988Please respect copyright.PENANAS3vgEylZls
988Please respect copyright.PENANAjBcnUarHmW
「我知,但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說,「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」988Please respect copyright.PENANAqQ1NjCczMy
988Please respect copyright.PENANAnfubGxsNFz
「無可能。」我搖頭。988Please respect copyright.PENANAyfF4NBayXI
988Please respect copyright.PENANAM4Bbh1JRZt
「嗯,無可能。」她點頭。988Please respect copyright.PENANAt7iyXVCmSo
988Please respect copyright.PENANAwdM1pkxD4S
她繼續說:「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄,後來…我就覺得無所謂,點都無所謂,同唔同既男仔去玩,去蒲,做咩都好…我已經無所謂,過得一日就一日,反正又有錢收。」988Please respect copyright.PENANA7xPToBaXxi
988Please respect copyright.PENANAZc87YkPDjj
她打了個哆嗦,然後說:「既然唔知做咩好,咁樣就做咩都得。」988Please respect copyright.PENANAz4NxpfGaAE
988Please respect copyright.PENANAHC0yPEmgjC
失去人生目標的滋味,我倒還記憶猶新,大約幾小時前吧。988Please respect copyright.PENANA66kYpWvsoP
988Please respect copyright.PENANA5uioVIdvPn
而且再往前回溯,在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣,唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛,做任何事也只是因本能而行動,也不記得今天是星期幾,幾月幾日,因為沒有需要。988Please respect copyright.PENANAl5TraHMvue
988Please respect copyright.PENANAh0oOkq6mpn
甚麼也再沒需要了。988Please respect copyright.PENANA3ga45IrsWn
988Please respect copyright.PENANAX051F0JmcY
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。988Please respect copyright.PENANAYVzqAmfGe8
988Please respect copyright.PENANApWOX9nhWsl
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。988Please respect copyright.PENANAr8ZCGtNSCs
988Please respect copyright.PENANA8cWCLV86lg
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概,她同樣地靜靜的聽著,而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住,似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。988Please respect copyright.PENANA6AkXGFpq6p
988Please respect copyright.PENANAxEUCOQe0rt
話畢。988Please respect copyright.PENANA0IukoA4Xyr
988Please respect copyright.PENANACv5SQkUcna
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒,然後開口說:「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」988Please respect copyright.PENANAMdOcqGmn4J
988Please respect copyright.PENANACRYW72J7da
「你想既,幾時都可以。」988Please respect copyright.PENANAn2hE98aoKj
988Please respect copyright.PENANAANpnTmTsPI
她沉默了片刻。988Please respect copyright.PENANAo8zetC7LWY
988Please respect copyright.PENANAlDBycmIwR4
「咁你個時點走出去?」她問我。988Please respect copyright.PENANAJ4HbKwqytV
988Please respect copyright.PENANAu9F7VpUUg1
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說,「二黎就係射返箭,射箭個時個人會好專心,射中靶會好有成功感,漸漸就走左出黎。」988Please respect copyright.PENANAyZYXHmaHZq
988Please respect copyright.PENANA7C2E1mFUKn
「無興趣。」她微笑說。988Please respect copyright.PENANAe8XQbj7omo
988Please respect copyright.PENANAHUwK0QXjzu
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我?至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你,我地細個都一齊玩過,我唔會唔理你。」我說。988Please respect copyright.PENANAQE7i9HRgto
988Please respect copyright.PENANAT7oti0X5L0
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢D。」妍妍說,「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街,我先知個個係你。」988Please respect copyright.PENANA3gqU4Dgh0a
988Please respect copyright.PENANAdVk1invd6G
「係咪…好失望?」我苦笑,「搞到要搵PTGF………雖,雖然係用黎激童桐啦,我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF,一日都係情聖自把自為,未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」988Please respect copyright.PENANA0APm1QQi1J
988Please respect copyright.PENANAn3Mv5I1LHu
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊,馬上手忙腳亂地想修正,但是似乎愈描愈黑。988Please respect copyright.PENANAHuszz8Xv1o
988Please respect copyright.PENANADHb3v7Wj0p
「好啦,唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑,「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」988Please respect copyright.PENANAnnMgvy4y78
988Please respect copyright.PENANAELj2uHta1A
「連你都咁講,嗚…」988Please respect copyright.PENANAvbMAjgIzb7
988Please respect copyright.PENANAkCwKe8Zp2s
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。988Please respect copyright.PENANA69WaUA7u5e
988Please respect copyright.PENANATpKVBBZNhu
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐,情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼,而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。988Please respect copyright.PENANAWQ567kXSwH
988Please respect copyright.PENANAko6kS5nxFv
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發,但似乎他們不這樣認為。988Please respect copyright.PENANAIcacOUiDVu
988Please respect copyright.PENANAMICQnW1xI2
「咁你以後有咩打算?既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。988Please respect copyright.PENANAUUIjDgGjIk
988Please respect copyright.PENANATWe28cTsYY
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞,不過她還把頭靠在我肩上,我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。988Please respect copyright.PENANAmIcW2UEypI
988Please respect copyright.PENANAxV7LyGHt4R
然後她開口問:「你呢,如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊,你又有咩打算?」988Please respect copyright.PENANAkaHpoer63c
988Please respect copyright.PENANAbtVvY5YMhU
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。988Please respect copyright.PENANAIB94JhFKRI
988Please respect copyright.PENANACrHPzkiXbx
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分,但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。988Please respect copyright.PENANA7Edah3WKIT
988Please respect copyright.PENANAh3ItaMWij1
「……」988Please respect copyright.PENANAcSYuPaPlvq
988Please respect copyright.PENANAsVAT1KEmlO
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人,就這樣互相倚靠在一起,坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒,吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。988Please respect copyright.PENANAnteCYG3eEg
988Please respect copyright.PENANAsT2PLr98tc
不是甚麼事也能憑決心,憑努力去改寫的。988Please respect copyright.PENANAv8cIwfSlno
988Please respect copyright.PENANAAT3eoynGuN
夏天,也到尾聲了。988Please respect copyright.PENANA2OO3ysGRV0
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【實體書有售】《青梅竹馬真係最難追》
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【實體書有售】《青梅竹馬真係最難追》
作者:
陳立正

篇 #53
第十四章:各人有各自的愁緒 29072022
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