又是一陣沉默，然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道：「呀遊。」1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaOCWEdWReJ
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXdZvTPJ6zf
「…係？」我回答。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡamfY86lf7B
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCFP8nzIe6V
「你覺得PTGF係做Ｄ咩？」1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcpdVGKBRVF
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvPO7hBdEse
PDGF，是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫，老實說不是甚麼新興東西，以往的名字有很多，援交，出租女友，兼職女友，爸爸活，Sugar Daddy之類…當然，仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的，但…1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCkUrJkZs0w
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDwetm088i8
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」，這點應該不會錯。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd9bEbgxDVE
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQrhmnuFdhD
妍妍看著海說：「嗯，可以咁講…雖然有Ｄ女仔堅持唔上床，只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類，但係…」1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPtYrQXX728
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX2G5b1auh4
我等著她最後那句。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsYSTZYu5az
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyG5a4dhZ6s
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwR1EJV6Na5
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfUjTo8OaiT
「嗯，我聽緊。」我說。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSAoe41FxvF
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8uESlRDCs3
她看看我，似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點：「我仲以為你會介意添。」1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMTgTgc82U4
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKJXXW6kEkX
我失笑：「我又唔係你邊個，有咩好介意？」1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡawRH2pmQii
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ18fjuWB9C5
「即係如果我同你親密Ｄ既你就會介意？」她反問。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYEzJr7XAHd
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlNCyGzudmC
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔，因為我真的不知道。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB4vFWGtaBS
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9zUwJJcgFS
妍妍喝一口啤酒：「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河，去船P，食飯個Ｄ，如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNHM1A5ACT7
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSKhlgiEvJs
「咁…」1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWYpRaytLKL
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIkghDisccM
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5vSZSbIo6M
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfKPWaKohnl
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World，黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎，有錢人就有呢Ｄ門路，總之，我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJhAicEQblN
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡalXCl82RLf
妍妍說過她是A1，即是現在單身，但曾拍過一次拖。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡktMVy1D6SW
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6YgFznRHgz
「嗯，你講過。」1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHIZGPapAN8
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFqYohFObuy
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說，「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊？」1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb3HUZ0Xti9
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgnNRdrvqQW
「咪笑我啦。」1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9CZctKcvkr
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZLIVV8zn7J
她笑了。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4nh78dU7je
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGXshCJuu5J
「尋日係好日，佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說，「終於都完，感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbz4HAAUXir
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1kaeNkc4z2
「係好夢定惡夢？」1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFo3RhqijgR
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJCxT7Csj3R
「…同現實比，係好夢。」她說，「同個時我地打算過既將來比，係惡夢。」1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf8QVDdzS3C
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM3OBm5Gcej
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHvlNP3S4hB
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡON4WPsmFhz
「曾經我同你一樣啊，呀遊。」她說，「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙，視為我既一切，我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去，現在，未來，都因佢而起，因佢而存在，亦因佢而有寄望。」1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj7sp5gFgaD
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHajQdG53nc
雖然我猜到了個大概，但我決定沉默。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7mCWS1s9OY
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvMPVtfjRle
有時候甚麼也不回應，只是陪伴，就是最好的回應。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3PuLD1zB1L
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqzKBai12oE
「我係你身上，就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaeQsS2cQKN
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLciwCRimD3
然後，她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ZTBpFhNtz
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQTT9ZEkylK
「仲相信愛情，只為左一個人而活，全心，全靈，為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取，連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgJiH9lz6AM
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLbHN09qYbb
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下，撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBbWVO03MFk
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs7hLRdM8k3
妍妍深呼吸，然後嘆了一口氣：「唉，但…依加已經完晒，其實早就應該完，當年就應該完，係我一直放佢唔低，直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我，亦…只有我一個。」1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKTdkEpL7F1
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcvdGjCKUy2
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeCAbyLGf4A
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDAaptzPylb
在之後，我連想像的勇氣也沒有。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtX6sGRm1jx
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxCVmrRkwi9
那是信仰的崩潰，世界的崩潰。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsPZHjk1J13
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3cwOEKvyXe
萬物的崩潰。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfnxJiwiG66
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTHVWbhjx3y
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTR4DZKfkr0
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIbsGECBMBI
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑，「至少以為佢會嬲，佢會話我污糟之類，但係…佢根本完全唔在意，我試過自己上網唱佢，佢都係理都唔理，本身至少想佢憎我，如果可以，我想佢至少憎我一世。」1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYlbCABqVmD
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqTbddDSSjM
妍妍說著說著，眼淚便靜靜的淌下。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDDbYibIIpc
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0NNpJZJPbn
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以？」妍妍哽咽地說，哭著的她全身在發抖。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB4Fcs2qMNt
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQDyzieXheF
愛的反面不是憎恨。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn8sWFxivf8
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjoKoyXfXtX
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ01wxoz7Uq5
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKjG8bVNGZe
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情，竟然連抹也不打算抹，恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQq0OlC7wt1
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOtIwCLIZ2h
這光景，我看過。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBGjFi9Uvng
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU6MFPrUl1d
我在曾經的自己身上看過。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwAoZR2VwZu
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡctTQ8Q95uG
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚，「始終要放下。」1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG8JP07Xti6
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5GurhOEd9T
「我知，但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說，「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJbkk5rUagp
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdQ88xFcw1Q
「無可能。」我搖頭。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSSIiKof1iB
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrKUnaoP1nn
「嗯，無可能。」她點頭。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF3rIb6XGGk
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ11IghyY17n
她繼續說：「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄，後來…我就覺得無所謂，點都無所謂，同唔同既男仔去玩，去蒲，做咩都好…我已經無所謂，過得一日就一日，反正又有錢收。」1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFjZqrerfvG
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmfRUe5jhfN
她打了個哆嗦，然後說：「既然唔知做咩好，咁樣就做咩都得。」1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZMhv1sAbki
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6dlAQLuWiJ
失去人生目標的滋味，我倒還記憶猶新，大約幾小時前吧。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd4jj0Is9vi
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9pUK3uKqbX
而且再往前回溯，在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣，唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛，做任何事也只是因本能而行動，也不記得今天是星期幾，幾月幾日，因為沒有需要。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRWxP7lDsL5
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSbRykP5cr1
甚麼也再沒需要了。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3yjS3MorAD
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQcbKmnP39O
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsubTacGXcb
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIBuJkyH4hs
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn4TrP1RFsZ
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVgL7lOLmxU
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概，她同樣地靜靜的聽著，而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住，似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgB0D3S3kcl
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7hKuVbMLGH
話畢。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡELyr12zBDl
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhOyMh0PV15
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒，然後開口說：「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0HIRff31Wo
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFYzwiFfDDI
「你想既，幾時都可以。」1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIC1kVF9yuv
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDfH9CYbSX1
她沉默了片刻。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1pHXcyypAX
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJAWpZeQDUB
「咁你個時點走出去？」她問我。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAp22OmmaPW
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxnE5s4QjcX
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說，「二黎就係射返箭，射箭個時個人會好專心，射中靶會好有成功感，漸漸就走左出黎。」1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVAJdhceQkk
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8kZdThdXUS
「無興趣。」她微笑說。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqs6cF1q2JF
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkhwb7pZbDj
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我？至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你，我地細個都一齊玩過，我唔會唔理你。」我說。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAGyaXMfIsj
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ95GVYF6blO
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢Ｄ。」妍妍說，「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街，我先知個個係你。」1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZvkxPdgyOA
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVkOLS10S7k
「係咪…好失望？」我苦笑，「搞到要搵PTGF………雖，雖然係用黎激童桐啦，我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF，一日都係情聖自把自為，未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHTJWiRyxsb
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1XlpJs76Aj
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊，馬上手忙腳亂地想修正，但是似乎愈描愈黑。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIzkGIlrgXE
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡatHBYAC8JI
「好啦，唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑，「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMyuPziIJxM
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmsx7RsIQ1y
「連你都咁講，嗚…」1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVGgiMRxx3G
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGS3kFqkRo6
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrNIKj6Gpg8
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIeq8xx37ge
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐，情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼，而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGce0CiKMXW
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGM3eE4MBjK
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發，但似乎他們不這樣認為。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO8y3O1O6pK
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Fkqn7EVuK
「咁你以後有咩打算？既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡexyUDDGjbc
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtpQPZrV60y
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞，不過她還把頭靠在我肩上，我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUC8FLYHiWJ
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyuVPR1gItP
然後她開口問：「你呢，如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊，你又有咩打算？」1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ66B50sToXj
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk2anZbIgX6
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNOmuD4riNF
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwidFxXh5qO
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分，但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKofmh6EqlD
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUcrWnUADRF
「……」1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpdLreptbhI
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXHWmynFndH
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人，就這樣互相倚靠在一起，坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒，吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4cx1Nuch0w
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXMwoCOZ2KO
不是甚麼事也能憑決心，憑努力去改寫的。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV9O1Pj2Eyc
1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz5lxKe96mo
夏天，也到尾聲了。1033Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd71w2ydymh
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