又是一陣沉默，然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道：「呀遊。」955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoOGfaSeMb2
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsv6HkesY0t
「…係？」我回答。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDUlRqnpd3h
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡykxHeRanhO
「你覺得PTGF係做Ｄ咩？」955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPp6z62VZtC
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIKnjD02bmN
PDGF，是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫，老實說不是甚麼新興東西，以往的名字有很多，援交，出租女友，兼職女友，爸爸活，Sugar Daddy之類…當然，仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的，但…955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPv60BXoEwV
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFMoD4zY9XS
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」，這點應該不會錯。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnSEhSqru50
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT4lvtzYIiL
妍妍看著海說：「嗯，可以咁講…雖然有Ｄ女仔堅持唔上床，只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類，但係…」955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSYSp9svbbO
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Hm7ZkbgdF
我等著她最後那句。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEYIZB0FXLP
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuKly8XqBsh
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzNUE7XVr4x
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm9p7KsxH0Z
「嗯，我聽緊。」我說。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ91Tf4tXFnq
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCIAsh4a9dh
她看看我，似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點：「我仲以為你會介意添。」955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa9zKf3l6u8
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSx7obgcora
我失笑：「我又唔係你邊個，有咩好介意？」955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7dyEaBegqB
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUlTDXe6MlB
「即係如果我同你親密Ｄ既你就會介意？」她反問。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvHHw265u7b
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5at4DoMoWh
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔，因為我真的不知道。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvOjb4zemud
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2GCLyyATQ6
妍妍喝一口啤酒：「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河，去船P，食飯個Ｄ，如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpGzwbol0dQ
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfLAzrzdmEk
「咁…」955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp6MnzOhngF
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUvkdm2Sa0t
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9hv4yGKlOb
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv8QcBwlkoM
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World，黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎，有錢人就有呢Ｄ門路，總之，我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy1vgy3BfsV
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡavbNVlSTcQ
妍妍說過她是A1，即是現在單身，但曾拍過一次拖。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdbjQGov7IH
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqhsAVuIla5
「嗯，你講過。」955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxorRvJBEm6
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvH6OJSM8KA
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說，「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊？」955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOpbGEPrPcp
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcFd4KcVjkf
「咪笑我啦。」955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPxSXzl3mwX
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIGiFLhAIIT
她笑了。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhHheqFWVjq
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSFFxuhcFTd
「尋日係好日，佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說，「終於都完，感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEe3656Z6JB
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfbtqukXRvL
「係好夢定惡夢？」955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUGVCMpRXwT
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZYuIeFc2D7
「…同現實比，係好夢。」她說，「同個時我地打算過既將來比，係惡夢。」955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg95OSViBQA
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWgvQekmia3
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjw0DQHLqGL
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZyMK6bENCN
「曾經我同你一樣啊，呀遊。」她說，「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙，視為我既一切，我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去，現在，未來，都因佢而起，因佢而存在，亦因佢而有寄望。」955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkXLOl0GOfs
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdW0BCpdwxy
雖然我猜到了個大概，但我決定沉默。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjSRnUapUMB
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG4OagfEuWh
有時候甚麼也不回應，只是陪伴，就是最好的回應。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGjsosZNdHa
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJAYIF1Ubfd
「我係你身上，就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmomqKJqnWR
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUvD6sYpPKF
然後，她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOKpW5oFG9k
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxiLX4TjLb0
「仲相信愛情，只為左一個人而活，全心，全靈，為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取，連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFkhvoi5dZu
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMVb3jSA44D
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下，撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdIQOPpjXlh
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR9ifImMGtD
妍妍深呼吸，然後嘆了一口氣：「唉，但…依加已經完晒，其實早就應該完，當年就應該完，係我一直放佢唔低，直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我，亦…只有我一個。」955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7K4qz54Hjf
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkY6jXOuLDZ
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI8XpaUxIHU
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCepIqNz6KC
在之後，我連想像的勇氣也沒有。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡASNrnoctIm
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbsQ8evHCI3
那是信仰的崩潰，世界的崩潰。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvWMLcWmfdH
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxygtzr2psA
萬物的崩潰。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVKKVIWlFgw
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgBmoX77QGz
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyvIJlI2uCD
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTpSOeVhdrk
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑，「至少以為佢會嬲，佢會話我污糟之類，但係…佢根本完全唔在意，我試過自己上網唱佢，佢都係理都唔理，本身至少想佢憎我，如果可以，我想佢至少憎我一世。」955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMMtQdU9AZP
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYC20kr1KtA
妍妍說著說著，眼淚便靜靜的淌下。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt0wlGOSaXU
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs17ELuRWJQ
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以？」妍妍哽咽地說，哭著的她全身在發抖。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqXm78YJ9VK
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8x8PPCFwel
愛的反面不是憎恨。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP5K889zwZO
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKZMmgsG56b
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9X6uweylaU
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCJz1i6Mhz4
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情，竟然連抹也不打算抹，恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTqiEHgoqea
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0iLtYfO522
這光景，我看過。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz5gsiykiVN
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKP7pkIFgRX
我在曾經的自己身上看過。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLKrSm4LHoG
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDDVEUFRDBs
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚，「始終要放下。」955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgtmv5DXEo1
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRdr0cxTc0G
「我知，但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說，「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi5n7HELrYu
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4WaovDqdPL
「無可能。」我搖頭。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgb7A8OBf1N
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHtv8NEBKFu
「嗯，無可能。」她點頭。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyPFdUxO5gv
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9vqFJhLpls
她繼續說：「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄，後來…我就覺得無所謂，點都無所謂，同唔同既男仔去玩，去蒲，做咩都好…我已經無所謂，過得一日就一日，反正又有錢收。」955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjSx8z8JWbr
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJDFwZhykyy
她打了個哆嗦，然後說：「既然唔知做咩好，咁樣就做咩都得。」955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPiiVLLw6Qz
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSY9glZrIwN
失去人生目標的滋味，我倒還記憶猶新，大約幾小時前吧。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ07JTK9syUv
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKAGW5S5tXn
而且再往前回溯，在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣，唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛，做任何事也只是因本能而行動，也不記得今天是星期幾，幾月幾日，因為沒有需要。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOXgxUVmmf6
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkrsRBbV4Xc
甚麼也再沒需要了。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeOj8i1SMNG
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzaauhAUcoe
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3AIjw9nmBh
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQiwCkp4whE
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGIPAICiovq
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu2ZY2EPMvq
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概，她同樣地靜靜的聽著，而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住，似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6CtV62A7ex
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLBtNPu7kKz
話畢。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqAZbo4Czp7
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqk8ZtGtCqD
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒，然後開口說：「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEXAcnwqsTl
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWnB4iS3g0S
「你想既，幾時都可以。」955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuRprgqpShn
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF8VA7skXn4
她沉默了片刻。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdThwBsZkbY
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgZpTmhV0go
「咁你個時點走出去？」她問我。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXk8qfPrh79
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtFIyuGczRQ
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說，「二黎就係射返箭，射箭個時個人會好專心，射中靶會好有成功感，漸漸就走左出黎。」955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXCxye3Jsxa
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuJpCSld2cM
「無興趣。」她微笑說。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT0hU8xz98G
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjqXI1Q3uD1
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我？至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你，我地細個都一齊玩過，我唔會唔理你。」我說。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkQ7AV7m0Gu
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOh2RYSEuPW
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢Ｄ。」妍妍說，「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街，我先知個個係你。」955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ12xQE9Xcro
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN3gUoEi78g
「係咪…好失望？」我苦笑，「搞到要搵PTGF………雖，雖然係用黎激童桐啦，我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF，一日都係情聖自把自為，未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjOM7HyKFlq
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlled2rDCAX
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊，馬上手忙腳亂地想修正，但是似乎愈描愈黑。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgsTpJXPoOa
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRaR3Ja4aik
「好啦，唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑，「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8pV9nzu6jY
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ94EDUl293O
「連你都咁講，嗚…」955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaBXhWJnhOm
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLoSOd7YFB3
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmlUEG701nw
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFqBd6kus2c
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐，情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼，而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGDQ1GFvQWL
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiA9xeFdFv5
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發，但似乎他們不這樣認為。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkbBilN4zqo
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAfFRx4Qkso
「咁你以後有咩打算？既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpKvmishFe0
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjIv3BCbfbo
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞，不過她還把頭靠在我肩上，我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq6vl4V4nmr
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVxfgwahX0K
然後她開口問：「你呢，如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊，你又有咩打算？」955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz6EX2GArcZ
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkysdJGit1u
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAgd8SuSjlJ
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3jmavkDmal
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分，但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRJkf6xTWRH
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGQV5Nbos4W
「……」955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYA4gRaz8sP
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyVhvPPOJs2
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人，就這樣互相倚靠在一起，坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒，吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaCOqIWAbIm
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXfuR5gJwBZ
不是甚麼事也能憑決心，憑努力去改寫的。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZbfI9yRRCE
955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlhJSWQIvpQ
夏天，也到尾聲了。955Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVHsi4CWmAV
8964 copyright protection951ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7YEC2KcQVC 維尼

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