又是一陣沉默,然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道:「呀遊。」736Please respect copyright.PENANAxrCMfu6hEz
736Please respect copyright.PENANA1wz4hzxiHj
「…係?」我回答。736Please respect copyright.PENANAuzgjWr3go3
736Please respect copyright.PENANAhJTZCFNO5x
「你覺得PTGF係做D咩?」736Please respect copyright.PENANAvfWzCaoXXz
736Please respect copyright.PENANA4Uel1ROhAR
PDGF,是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫,老實說不是甚麼新興東西,以往的名字有很多,援交,出租女友,兼職女友,爸爸活,Sugar Daddy之類…當然,仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的,但…736Please respect copyright.PENANAGCWlQ8BTNo
736Please respect copyright.PENANAhficrpyVfJ
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」,這點應該不會錯。736Please respect copyright.PENANAVxaDDzyRrm
736Please respect copyright.PENANA6Vvqg9xG8u
妍妍看著海說:「嗯,可以咁講…雖然有D女仔堅持唔上床,只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類,但係…」736Please respect copyright.PENANAxu5b7GkEaP
736Please respect copyright.PENANAVMOfFwGgAM
我等著她最後那句。736Please respect copyright.PENANA6R7XHv0oHu
736Please respect copyright.PENANA2cKz7wVMO3
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。736Please respect copyright.PENANAnHpKKImdgv
736Please respect copyright.PENANAdEk2J0D90Z
「嗯,我聽緊。」我說。736Please respect copyright.PENANAWdkbkEmI5n
736Please respect copyright.PENANAqkzSGfB4Xg
她看看我,似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點:「我仲以為你會介意添。」736Please respect copyright.PENANApcq19TlCMj
736Please respect copyright.PENANA6GzYfCpstR
我失笑:「我又唔係你邊個,有咩好介意?」736Please respect copyright.PENANAxgvp1AlBxT
736Please respect copyright.PENANAG63fk9WYe6
「即係如果我同你親密D既你就會介意?」她反問。736Please respect copyright.PENANAbTpVt17G4p
736Please respect copyright.PENANAEPHmY3jDQv
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔,因為我真的不知道。736Please respect copyright.PENANALVCpk10Mms
736Please respect copyright.PENANApPDO3tQNGn
妍妍喝一口啤酒:「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河,去船P,食飯個D,如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」736Please respect copyright.PENANADqWfwW3WKq
736Please respect copyright.PENANAdZ5rl4RS97
「咁…」736Please respect copyright.PENANAaT0HNdEdUX
736Please respect copyright.PENANA47iGrcx2Vz
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。736Please respect copyright.PENANA2Lu1NHVgka
736Please respect copyright.PENANAPoRibWe1l5
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World,黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎,有錢人就有呢D門路,總之,我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」736Please respect copyright.PENANALKc0Ximjql
736Please respect copyright.PENANADz0e89KydT
妍妍說過她是A1,即是現在單身,但曾拍過一次拖。736Please respect copyright.PENANAREHx66nbnz
736Please respect copyright.PENANAugDcrol8TH
「嗯,你講過。」736Please respect copyright.PENANA5jeKNbqEuB
736Please respect copyright.PENANA5oYn573f8J
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說,「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊?」736Please respect copyright.PENANAI1g0TqCW8b
736Please respect copyright.PENANA7222Pryavr
「咪笑我啦。」736Please respect copyright.PENANAOph9lMDyjW
736Please respect copyright.PENANAQPoDPtBFKZ
她笑了。736Please respect copyright.PENANAYcIo4KLJoI
736Please respect copyright.PENANAwY7qJzyEqC
「尋日係好日,佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說,「終於都完,感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」736Please respect copyright.PENANAVXTp6Pc6oU
736Please respect copyright.PENANAgdFiVj6Uhh
「係好夢定惡夢?」736Please respect copyright.PENANA8MagmlevNz
736Please respect copyright.PENANAYk3kU1WcQF
「…同現實比,係好夢。」她說,「同個時我地打算過既將來比,係惡夢。」736Please respect copyright.PENANAdjg2VKaVTQ
736Please respect copyright.PENANAojeOQWVyvN
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。736Please respect copyright.PENANAPV3NF0nImq
736Please respect copyright.PENANA6KDPGT3UfP
「曾經我同你一樣啊,呀遊。」她說,「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙,視為我既一切,我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去,現在,未來,都因佢而起,因佢而存在,亦因佢而有寄望。」736Please respect copyright.PENANAAmkpBIVO1H
736Please respect copyright.PENANA18A35g0wKd
雖然我猜到了個大概,但我決定沉默。736Please respect copyright.PENANAaMj0A0Y5eH
736Please respect copyright.PENANAorCM5khv1i
有時候甚麼也不回應,只是陪伴,就是最好的回應。736Please respect copyright.PENANAcNNPXp4dfR
736Please respect copyright.PENANAq8NY8oOomL
「我係你身上,就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。736Please respect copyright.PENANAHMfwFOSy5V
736Please respect copyright.PENANAxpsfRpaLxw
然後,她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。736Please respect copyright.PENANAB4xFvfOz8d
736Please respect copyright.PENANAYU2G6VBqiT
「仲相信愛情,只為左一個人而活,全心,全靈,為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取,連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」736Please respect copyright.PENANALGuIBGmcVB
736Please respect copyright.PENANA3troWZfYX4
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下,撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。736Please respect copyright.PENANAlHYolI04zT
736Please respect copyright.PENANAltrMe08Mjp
妍妍深呼吸,然後嘆了一口氣:「唉,但…依加已經完晒,其實早就應該完,當年就應該完,係我一直放佢唔低,直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我,亦…只有我一個。」736Please respect copyright.PENANA1SafROSK4O
736Please respect copyright.PENANA6Xknql8DSg
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。736Please respect copyright.PENANARIptlcH1Pr
736Please respect copyright.PENANAXncfSvHVFg
在之後,我連想像的勇氣也沒有。736Please respect copyright.PENANA4xVNZRw5ky
736Please respect copyright.PENANArT7drWrEiu
那是信仰的崩潰,世界的崩潰。736Please respect copyright.PENANAXFeDfk6Aup
736Please respect copyright.PENANAnEYHcItPks
萬物的崩潰。736Please respect copyright.PENANARQRhIxsalY
736Please respect copyright.PENANAwnyNP5tfqT
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」736Please respect copyright.PENANAHcMuvI1hgI
736Please respect copyright.PENANACrIn3KQ68B
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑,「至少以為佢會嬲,佢會話我污糟之類,但係…佢根本完全唔在意,我試過自己上網唱佢,佢都係理都唔理,本身至少想佢憎我,如果可以,我想佢至少憎我一世。」736Please respect copyright.PENANA4e3AKpsFhl
736Please respect copyright.PENANAvpY08xiuZu
妍妍說著說著,眼淚便靜靜的淌下。736Please respect copyright.PENANAHmvFmjMZTP
736Please respect copyright.PENANAtLJHJzQCVN
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以?」妍妍哽咽地說,哭著的她全身在發抖。736Please respect copyright.PENANAI3bir3XYv5
736Please respect copyright.PENANA1se991h9Gj
愛的反面不是憎恨。736Please respect copyright.PENANAknd2eE8RiG
736Please respect copyright.PENANAUi2dynr7Jz
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。736Please respect copyright.PENANAvbWpsoxdFZ
736Please respect copyright.PENANAOVs61CiT9i
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情,竟然連抹也不打算抹,恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。736Please respect copyright.PENANAvBKHw6r5PP
736Please respect copyright.PENANA0kMkSLwVdy
這光景,我看過。736Please respect copyright.PENANASafB7e3Znu
736Please respect copyright.PENANAqw4tm43NMK
我在曾經的自己身上看過。736Please respect copyright.PENANAtT7dcSFkR9
736Please respect copyright.PENANA628FDggyn9
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚,「始終要放下。」736Please respect copyright.PENANA75Ln8Ko3J7
736Please respect copyright.PENANA1Ek2c1TQ2P
「我知,但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說,「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」736Please respect copyright.PENANA0Xzx9ywpaE
736Please respect copyright.PENANA30PKNqNCiE
「無可能。」我搖頭。736Please respect copyright.PENANAQAVQrL2XF4
736Please respect copyright.PENANAHNcRFzTOUP
「嗯,無可能。」她點頭。736Please respect copyright.PENANAe3quZjkMWq
736Please respect copyright.PENANA1AWOBvNRKm
她繼續說:「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄,後來…我就覺得無所謂,點都無所謂,同唔同既男仔去玩,去蒲,做咩都好…我已經無所謂,過得一日就一日,反正又有錢收。」736Please respect copyright.PENANAWwp4xSlVE7
736Please respect copyright.PENANAB2nXSKjFqR
她打了個哆嗦,然後說:「既然唔知做咩好,咁樣就做咩都得。」736Please respect copyright.PENANAQKJdDd8ijh
736Please respect copyright.PENANAZQs3huXz7B
失去人生目標的滋味,我倒還記憶猶新,大約幾小時前吧。736Please respect copyright.PENANASX3ylYncmt
736Please respect copyright.PENANAr5OttR2bCG
而且再往前回溯,在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣,唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛,做任何事也只是因本能而行動,也不記得今天是星期幾,幾月幾日,因為沒有需要。736Please respect copyright.PENANANsqr03NAal
736Please respect copyright.PENANAODFrnn0iLN
甚麼也再沒需要了。736Please respect copyright.PENANA3q8LXlyJDY
736Please respect copyright.PENANAdT3gL3byVa
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。736Please respect copyright.PENANA8GQefZ6Zv5
736Please respect copyright.PENANAruyoriP4e0
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。736Please respect copyright.PENANAXDhuQL9oQZ
736Please respect copyright.PENANAayM3SZUixY
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概,她同樣地靜靜的聽著,而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住,似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。736Please respect copyright.PENANAl5mp0FZ4wA
736Please respect copyright.PENANAZY22Xl1foP
話畢。736Please respect copyright.PENANAOuW906HsEE
736Please respect copyright.PENANA0f3AfYrJN4
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒,然後開口說:「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」736Please respect copyright.PENANA5TFsW3OSMz
736Please respect copyright.PENANAbXp2wc05HL
「你想既,幾時都可以。」736Please respect copyright.PENANA50tw2NZsQP
736Please respect copyright.PENANAsraXCDbyEC
她沉默了片刻。736Please respect copyright.PENANAQ2c0jrKcOP
736Please respect copyright.PENANAkPKUZM0nQZ
「咁你個時點走出去?」她問我。736Please respect copyright.PENANAI3CgA2pxZt
736Please respect copyright.PENANAnj6MbzXrv5
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說,「二黎就係射返箭,射箭個時個人會好專心,射中靶會好有成功感,漸漸就走左出黎。」736Please respect copyright.PENANAFHUQ3QUPUR
736Please respect copyright.PENANAKlngmENsRL
「無興趣。」她微笑說。736Please respect copyright.PENANAs00IGTaTIw
736Please respect copyright.PENANAjzwJpgmumz
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我?至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你,我地細個都一齊玩過,我唔會唔理你。」我說。736Please respect copyright.PENANA0j1PjMupDj
736Please respect copyright.PENANApy917wnYr6
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢D。」妍妍說,「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街,我先知個個係你。」736Please respect copyright.PENANAkCkox7lLgS
736Please respect copyright.PENANApIqRYILcw8
「係咪…好失望?」我苦笑,「搞到要搵PTGF………雖,雖然係用黎激童桐啦,我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF,一日都係情聖自把自為,未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」736Please respect copyright.PENANABtgnWVJE1Z
736Please respect copyright.PENANAlo7U7DrEsq
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊,馬上手忙腳亂地想修正,但是似乎愈描愈黑。736Please respect copyright.PENANAidXBxSSPrU
736Please respect copyright.PENANAMuadj8Ogrm
「好啦,唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑,「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」736Please respect copyright.PENANALa3Fw5Pjwd
736Please respect copyright.PENANA8HAVnnlpq2
「連你都咁講,嗚…」736Please respect copyright.PENANAJshGipWlZ5
736Please respect copyright.PENANACGWw1RET8c
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。736Please respect copyright.PENANAGTqyPc8cle
736Please respect copyright.PENANAFd3JuNjGnF
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐,情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼,而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。736Please respect copyright.PENANAukcBfDP4hE
736Please respect copyright.PENANAHroQNfAIC2
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發,但似乎他們不這樣認為。736Please respect copyright.PENANAzu3ahZQg4U
736Please respect copyright.PENANAFlcKNgoyof
「咁你以後有咩打算?既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。736Please respect copyright.PENANA16oYQmRkYt
736Please respect copyright.PENANAFjsmIs7Qyx
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞,不過她還把頭靠在我肩上,我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。736Please respect copyright.PENANAmp03sVClmQ
736Please respect copyright.PENANAN2tqdtn8fp
然後她開口問:「你呢,如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊,你又有咩打算?」736Please respect copyright.PENANAm2MdZk3yC5
736Please respect copyright.PENANATpRBoJUJ1d
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。736Please respect copyright.PENANAs0K9GB7WSD
736Please respect copyright.PENANA7iUie4c7m0
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分,但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。736Please respect copyright.PENANA6mC6TroRps
736Please respect copyright.PENANAcbcrSgijOW
「……」736Please respect copyright.PENANARCGcZFYtnq
736Please respect copyright.PENANAzNs6xzGHyB
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人,就這樣互相倚靠在一起,坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒,吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。736Please respect copyright.PENANAolc8AFBPAK
736Please respect copyright.PENANARTJIjlzsuU
不是甚麼事也能憑決心,憑努力去改寫的。736Please respect copyright.PENANA60yZET349c
736Please respect copyright.PENANAZn9N8dZlKC
夏天,也到尾聲了。736Please respect copyright.PENANAVxBmtyrPUQ
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【實體書有售】《青梅竹馬真係最難追》
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【實體書有售】《青梅竹馬真係最難追》
Author:
陳立正
ISSUE #53
第十四章:各人有各自的愁緒 29072022
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