又是一陣沉默，然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道：「呀遊。」1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH6C6nTwbzz
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhqMvqrGKii
「…係？」我回答。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmcBE2RbCYp
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv1YTzzF2xJ
「你覺得PTGF係做Ｄ咩？」1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtt1TiDMICW
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ujcqO5qGm
PDGF，是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫，老實說不是甚麼新興東西，以往的名字有很多，援交，出租女友，兼職女友，爸爸活，Sugar Daddy之類…當然，仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的，但…1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ07Aa1ljsJU
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjMHok4BCq4
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」，這點應該不會錯。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpqSOiBbsl2
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeAwAzvaCsZ
妍妍看著海說：「嗯，可以咁講…雖然有Ｄ女仔堅持唔上床，只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類，但係…」1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWvpOKsrOms
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlXYsHlvpBI
我等著她最後那句。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHnRy6JKEuk
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXNaWD7thwz
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqiHz5GIt8y
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNqf91TgHLE
「嗯，我聽緊。」我說。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBo6trKRRao
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjh2uHYsDTb
她看看我，似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點：「我仲以為你會介意添。」1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKoTunrX1Sq
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9ZwtNZkrsR
我失笑：「我又唔係你邊個，有咩好介意？」1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG3hmnEdc9q
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNsuuxZCy8x
「即係如果我同你親密Ｄ既你就會介意？」她反問。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡno8F8wArn8
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDe1Mqfl8UR
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔，因為我真的不知道。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNnD2d1PKD2
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡicwOZUv5aj
妍妍喝一口啤酒：「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河，去船P，食飯個Ｄ，如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn7ALm9bZRx
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfxNc7Ycc25
「咁…」1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBmD0cHlqO4
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJrgyjeTvH0
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtlzMiUBqRv
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQDlqIn76tu
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World，黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎，有錢人就有呢Ｄ門路，總之，我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM5ZT4BOnt7
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfIARjI47LW
妍妍說過她是A1，即是現在單身，但曾拍過一次拖。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJcxgw2xDNc
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSLn3lCLU99
「嗯，你講過。」1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiYSItvWf7s
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGyiy955gjw
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說，「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊？」1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaA7OyJ0jjx
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWwvRTtTqgP
「咪笑我啦。」1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyqM8r5SmSV
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPiB8rT6OhO
她笑了。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEa9SlERcXu
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmH2zE9sKiG
「尋日係好日，佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說，「終於都完，感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOjqs3iYUFb
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMbGQAf0fgI
「係好夢定惡夢？」1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgiL7v9Sbzf
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzyLL1xHK8G
「…同現實比，係好夢。」她說，「同個時我地打算過既將來比，係惡夢。」1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuz4pOd7TCI
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa7ICmofJLr
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuYhudWIF6n
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf0OXWt7unS
「曾經我同你一樣啊，呀遊。」她說，「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙，視為我既一切，我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去，現在，未來，都因佢而起，因佢而存在，亦因佢而有寄望。」1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ46y5FVDGBW
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQB53eO4UnU
雖然我猜到了個大概，但我決定沉默。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAV2nVAlD2h
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeVbfaqZ9XN
有時候甚麼也不回應，只是陪伴，就是最好的回應。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvcXVjSstcI
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuSAiHK7LtO
「我係你身上，就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKK8dhraIT9
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwBLsePTIZ4
然後，她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYj7bLEHwUk
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTvP0hvQBTw
「仲相信愛情，只為左一個人而活，全心，全靈，為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取，連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0jpnnagr8P
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiyNguqLex9
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下，撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8ksLXAI3cN
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuQTWfaOI2p
妍妍深呼吸，然後嘆了一口氣：「唉，但…依加已經完晒，其實早就應該完，當年就應該完，係我一直放佢唔低，直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我，亦…只有我一個。」1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFl454pg7N5
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtcIQQZiFJK
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiJObC0DExe
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZVzV6R7AX4
在之後，我連想像的勇氣也沒有。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsGrdccW2Io
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdZVcltCaEF
那是信仰的崩潰，世界的崩潰。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZJLuYYR4pP
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaY6uryGrbq
萬物的崩潰。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbyunnrNZvD
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNcWDkAPvZi
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtpppbMrRbS
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfuoEbvhumH
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑，「至少以為佢會嬲，佢會話我污糟之類，但係…佢根本完全唔在意，我試過自己上網唱佢，佢都係理都唔理，本身至少想佢憎我，如果可以，我想佢至少憎我一世。」1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOsImZ7MdKS
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4xOZF7FLZp
妍妍說著說著，眼淚便靜靜的淌下。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX0hQHPfb6O
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtxf0uQG5ro
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以？」妍妍哽咽地說，哭著的她全身在發抖。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHdXF2yvWbv
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvHF0v8wcl2
愛的反面不是憎恨。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpUU2o4fFeR
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr0mZcyeMh1
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcLxDZUvcwN
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3Tp7401MWR
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情，竟然連抹也不打算抹，恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqX16Osqq4b
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOQ3ESAENeL
這光景，我看過。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqGfaeB2tBS
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQK04iEnsAt
我在曾經的自己身上看過。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7rXYZEUrOG
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAcHTezF9WZ
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚，「始終要放下。」1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjSLHBiy64H
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRuUJHwL3SI
「我知，但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說，「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2uxezit0oj
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn6M9zTxxXb
「無可能。」我搖頭。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrPbXqhZ0QF
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSrnsXTTslQ
「嗯，無可能。」她點頭。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw3kvveZGEN
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvm2HWKirkz
她繼續說：「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄，後來…我就覺得無所謂，點都無所謂，同唔同既男仔去玩，去蒲，做咩都好…我已經無所謂，過得一日就一日，反正又有錢收。」1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡawL8nvuMII
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy0GmAuzL3A
她打了個哆嗦，然後說：「既然唔知做咩好，咁樣就做咩都得。」1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQk9wcrjJ9L
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ4WWfQyWvV
失去人生目標的滋味，我倒還記憶猶新，大約幾小時前吧。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWW1WsHpStS
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBcFJ3Ae88s
而且再往前回溯，在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣，唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛，做任何事也只是因本能而行動，也不記得今天是星期幾，幾月幾日，因為沒有需要。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9rPvKGAWJ1
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUftyZVTVaW
甚麼也再沒需要了。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZoG3s7vJIF
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxdffuViP56
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Rd8iNshgO
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIhVa5Jc0T3
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3X2tjCv0C2
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6LQ6Rzu2hF
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概，她同樣地靜靜的聽著，而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住，似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLiWtk5oJnH
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQUUXJZCtZR
話畢。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXsASUJ0MZT
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvsp129zgtt
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒，然後開口說：「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcmvwexVE49
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEweZo433JV
「你想既，幾時都可以。」1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwFlrrldMHA
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeqDFqj7DpE
她沉默了片刻。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpJDnm2Sl7q
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTtg8mFAyy7
「咁你個時點走出去？」她問我。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCTFwMbNDdk
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡff0FHgfiWu
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說，「二黎就係射返箭，射箭個時個人會好專心，射中靶會好有成功感，漸漸就走左出黎。」1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXDPNoQUEQx
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMKtXnqkKCj
「無興趣。」她微笑說。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAxsR237idC
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqk6Fjoug1O
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我？至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你，我地細個都一齊玩過，我唔會唔理你。」我說。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2uQyTEGfGW
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWiX2Q6qUDc
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢Ｄ。」妍妍說，「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街，我先知個個係你。」1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbqYL3H4rmj
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmA3vLsKXi7
「係咪…好失望？」我苦笑，「搞到要搵PTGF………雖，雖然係用黎激童桐啦，我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF，一日都係情聖自把自為，未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxjTSmKMNqj
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF1FrCHgOTX
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊，馬上手忙腳亂地想修正，但是似乎愈描愈黑。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu8EKe0e4IM
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAEv7NOdMfg
「好啦，唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑，「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv9LhZE94wI
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsnp4C6zVSA
「連你都咁講，嗚…」1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPBiKjKIsSt
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw9ByKQPhT4
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1VMGHXxGTx
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡirKn7uAo0R
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐，情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼，而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf84MsvZShx
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyzJY3dQZbq
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發，但似乎他們不這樣認為。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtXeVo0u9cQ
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ28qXNpcGP5
「咁你以後有咩打算？既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMCr9Q6dXsL
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8RyOFAGh9v
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞，不過她還把頭靠在我肩上，我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTCC4H5xaTM
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3pRF4nTpk7
然後她開口問：「你呢，如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊，你又有咩打算？」1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2pRvbYdErC
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3m5TxaKiBG
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGoByxrtuYb
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2JLfJLG8wg
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分，但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJjknk5MHI8
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt1jeL7suGv
「……」1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcW7GJ3wUuE
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPLt79pZbKZ
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人，就這樣互相倚靠在一起，坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒，吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyBVExca7HV
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK24bgBXj3y
不是甚麼事也能憑決心，憑努力去改寫的。1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXjWFdMl5m5
1054Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEWoRQikXlK
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