又是一陣沉默,然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道:「呀遊。」743Please respect copyright.PENANAPrcXkmu1VX
743Please respect copyright.PENANAZWjF9CWQwb
「…係?」我回答。743Please respect copyright.PENANAb2js5vvpfv
743Please respect copyright.PENANAwHSzARiD5n
「你覺得PTGF係做D咩?」743Please respect copyright.PENANAvl787u5Y5S
743Please respect copyright.PENANAjbH1uJSG9l
PDGF,是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫,老實說不是甚麼新興東西,以往的名字有很多,援交,出租女友,兼職女友,爸爸活,Sugar Daddy之類…當然,仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的,但…743Please respect copyright.PENANAGNUMLu1pOO
743Please respect copyright.PENANALVrTzKSUOS
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」,這點應該不會錯。743Please respect copyright.PENANAoz46f3Ut8I
743Please respect copyright.PENANAIEnBW8bluu
妍妍看著海說:「嗯,可以咁講…雖然有D女仔堅持唔上床,只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類,但係…」743Please respect copyright.PENANAA1spNRgswH
743Please respect copyright.PENANAp8UKOwxpG5
我等著她最後那句。743Please respect copyright.PENANAG0DSj38OCs
743Please respect copyright.PENANARClxxfqVET
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。743Please respect copyright.PENANAvKlhfEwRuZ
743Please respect copyright.PENANAVcmkS0BJVN
「嗯,我聽緊。」我說。743Please respect copyright.PENANAtGvUqbvxvg
743Please respect copyright.PENANAswtvCbGYtY
她看看我,似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點:「我仲以為你會介意添。」743Please respect copyright.PENANAbfsD8IKjBY
743Please respect copyright.PENANAQKFQQUbQyH
我失笑:「我又唔係你邊個,有咩好介意?」743Please respect copyright.PENANANua19HMDZv
743Please respect copyright.PENANAKbOzizI1st
「即係如果我同你親密D既你就會介意?」她反問。743Please respect copyright.PENANAODASePvqmA
743Please respect copyright.PENANAdzyZoPejsn
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔,因為我真的不知道。743Please respect copyright.PENANAMgpTAoH92L
743Please respect copyright.PENANAxABwzvdtVF
妍妍喝一口啤酒:「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河,去船P,食飯個D,如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」743Please respect copyright.PENANAEPI6lIZ6Xu
743Please respect copyright.PENANAuEltXkVlW7
「咁…」743Please respect copyright.PENANAOjM4DBB6XV
743Please respect copyright.PENANAMAUM9wOI10
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。743Please respect copyright.PENANAAEHCyyI6xN
743Please respect copyright.PENANAR1jEJPAmCY
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World,黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎,有錢人就有呢D門路,總之,我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」743Please respect copyright.PENANAiv0YvQzjQO
743Please respect copyright.PENANAjJFrDKrvfs
妍妍說過她是A1,即是現在單身,但曾拍過一次拖。743Please respect copyright.PENANAD3msfS1lSF
743Please respect copyright.PENANAOJdTX6lXzO
「嗯,你講過。」743Please respect copyright.PENANAUEUUe8TEa1
743Please respect copyright.PENANAA0MUEwdSyv
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說,「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊?」743Please respect copyright.PENANAT8zsI0fYLC
743Please respect copyright.PENANAfefVkW2OKY
「咪笑我啦。」743Please respect copyright.PENANADMwUhNu2vR
743Please respect copyright.PENANAEA1z8qzUfI
她笑了。743Please respect copyright.PENANA7W7sfV6H3U
743Please respect copyright.PENANA72gAoiMFP5
「尋日係好日,佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說,「終於都完,感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」743Please respect copyright.PENANAiEgKzbGy7g
743Please respect copyright.PENANAL6e5hj1Vc9
「係好夢定惡夢?」743Please respect copyright.PENANAqYfN4OeTh6
743Please respect copyright.PENANAKdpYcOMuW4
「…同現實比,係好夢。」她說,「同個時我地打算過既將來比,係惡夢。」743Please respect copyright.PENANAzQ3OJ6GqZF
743Please respect copyright.PENANAHMaprIrOEe
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。743Please respect copyright.PENANAFYnetCwYdq
743Please respect copyright.PENANAdeJZfOlJfQ
「曾經我同你一樣啊,呀遊。」她說,「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙,視為我既一切,我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去,現在,未來,都因佢而起,因佢而存在,亦因佢而有寄望。」743Please respect copyright.PENANAH6ZTGt6cmM
743Please respect copyright.PENANAphRntBIoB4
雖然我猜到了個大概,但我決定沉默。743Please respect copyright.PENANAs4XHdqy9dJ
743Please respect copyright.PENANAMmDdrFzQC2
有時候甚麼也不回應,只是陪伴,就是最好的回應。743Please respect copyright.PENANAEGy5nGy2ft
743Please respect copyright.PENANAFmKFwGH9i9
「我係你身上,就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。743Please respect copyright.PENANAho5DQFOo9B
743Please respect copyright.PENANA7a6DmEb8c5
然後,她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。743Please respect copyright.PENANAyJgVHnszpq
743Please respect copyright.PENANAdRR0STn9Xi
「仲相信愛情,只為左一個人而活,全心,全靈,為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取,連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」743Please respect copyright.PENANAzgtqAyxZpL
743Please respect copyright.PENANAwcn0ULJBLG
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下,撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。743Please respect copyright.PENANAkYFzuK5FUY
743Please respect copyright.PENANANNPGN5NJwH
妍妍深呼吸,然後嘆了一口氣:「唉,但…依加已經完晒,其實早就應該完,當年就應該完,係我一直放佢唔低,直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我,亦…只有我一個。」743Please respect copyright.PENANAzeiC97FaaZ
743Please respect copyright.PENANAlQQ4Ej4X8a
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。743Please respect copyright.PENANA6Apc7ogtKd
743Please respect copyright.PENANAYSIASuM1W2
在之後,我連想像的勇氣也沒有。743Please respect copyright.PENANAnEX8p7Bkv3
743Please respect copyright.PENANAPK2DqLSBvM
那是信仰的崩潰,世界的崩潰。743Please respect copyright.PENANAGhEC5PG2ZK
743Please respect copyright.PENANA47N5XuyafQ
萬物的崩潰。743Please respect copyright.PENANAsw0vnlxVsw
743Please respect copyright.PENANA8UZpU4Ic6S
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」743Please respect copyright.PENANASW4sOhHlsp
743Please respect copyright.PENANAo0fX7eTo5f
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑,「至少以為佢會嬲,佢會話我污糟之類,但係…佢根本完全唔在意,我試過自己上網唱佢,佢都係理都唔理,本身至少想佢憎我,如果可以,我想佢至少憎我一世。」743Please respect copyright.PENANAqlAnUcPsgE
743Please respect copyright.PENANAA23stnEzBG
妍妍說著說著,眼淚便靜靜的淌下。743Please respect copyright.PENANAoaWm3wX8uE
743Please respect copyright.PENANA3S7v2Qc7tG
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以?」妍妍哽咽地說,哭著的她全身在發抖。743Please respect copyright.PENANA2LXEHTBSpz
743Please respect copyright.PENANAIF9SlIs5D2
愛的反面不是憎恨。743Please respect copyright.PENANAtGkRINYySd
743Please respect copyright.PENANAuytkW5KkpK
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。743Please respect copyright.PENANAoFIbrsd0Eh
743Please respect copyright.PENANAtH3OzhtKjl
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情,竟然連抹也不打算抹,恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。743Please respect copyright.PENANAhLLtlSHV2O
743Please respect copyright.PENANA1NFd7LGacs
這光景,我看過。743Please respect copyright.PENANA9JFavMdozO
743Please respect copyright.PENANATnEhuUpRSo
我在曾經的自己身上看過。743Please respect copyright.PENANAG5fwLEySsH
743Please respect copyright.PENANAvOD295w6Fl
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚,「始終要放下。」743Please respect copyright.PENANAIomwnWkJ3b
743Please respect copyright.PENANAggEuQb91XR
「我知,但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說,「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」743Please respect copyright.PENANAQEIX0IUzOp
743Please respect copyright.PENANA2deSjT4IwW
「無可能。」我搖頭。743Please respect copyright.PENANAcFZH3ET5Xc
743Please respect copyright.PENANAkqgLmsJfzc
「嗯,無可能。」她點頭。743Please respect copyright.PENANAUZQRq3GpWN
743Please respect copyright.PENANAyh70gnEVs1
她繼續說:「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄,後來…我就覺得無所謂,點都無所謂,同唔同既男仔去玩,去蒲,做咩都好…我已經無所謂,過得一日就一日,反正又有錢收。」743Please respect copyright.PENANAL0imwdfDXb
743Please respect copyright.PENANA7aHawEZMHG
她打了個哆嗦,然後說:「既然唔知做咩好,咁樣就做咩都得。」743Please respect copyright.PENANAOpgPRztvgg
743Please respect copyright.PENANAioVnQzB5TR
失去人生目標的滋味,我倒還記憶猶新,大約幾小時前吧。743Please respect copyright.PENANAhW9CSLec3d
743Please respect copyright.PENANAWRRpKxqiQf
而且再往前回溯,在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣,唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛,做任何事也只是因本能而行動,也不記得今天是星期幾,幾月幾日,因為沒有需要。743Please respect copyright.PENANA1EKOv0ZxFs
743Please respect copyright.PENANAPJipdhjfS7
甚麼也再沒需要了。743Please respect copyright.PENANAaTMCPJHotu
743Please respect copyright.PENANAwr0AhD0N7b
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。743Please respect copyright.PENANAvXC9NxEHk0
743Please respect copyright.PENANAKmI5GgKQM3
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。743Please respect copyright.PENANAsh7l10lRnt
743Please respect copyright.PENANAbF3Cwxkx0o
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概,她同樣地靜靜的聽著,而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住,似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。743Please respect copyright.PENANA6Ze56KqggL
743Please respect copyright.PENANA4KPrwWg4oc
話畢。743Please respect copyright.PENANAp0qKJtWwMv
743Please respect copyright.PENANAMURtn34onx
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒,然後開口說:「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」743Please respect copyright.PENANAgc4TALRfu6
743Please respect copyright.PENANA6FDmzc4UFF
「你想既,幾時都可以。」743Please respect copyright.PENANAFBrg9WYHX1
743Please respect copyright.PENANAYQ9XAW3AwF
她沉默了片刻。743Please respect copyright.PENANAk9kQMONsNe
743Please respect copyright.PENANAIwQ0I8qcHa
「咁你個時點走出去?」她問我。743Please respect copyright.PENANA6lnN9UDRrp
743Please respect copyright.PENANAwqDnnaaSLL
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說,「二黎就係射返箭,射箭個時個人會好專心,射中靶會好有成功感,漸漸就走左出黎。」743Please respect copyright.PENANA55TNkVVyXC
743Please respect copyright.PENANAMalNjlipa0
「無興趣。」她微笑說。743Please respect copyright.PENANAJqzwyQMr20
743Please respect copyright.PENANAWbM0w03fzg
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我?至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你,我地細個都一齊玩過,我唔會唔理你。」我說。743Please respect copyright.PENANAbBWHkWdYtG
743Please respect copyright.PENANA3eccizdSXg
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢D。」妍妍說,「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街,我先知個個係你。」743Please respect copyright.PENANA72QQq8Ood0
743Please respect copyright.PENANAkNH3evMOj5
「係咪…好失望?」我苦笑,「搞到要搵PTGF………雖,雖然係用黎激童桐啦,我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF,一日都係情聖自把自為,未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」743Please respect copyright.PENANAtta6lbrLCy
743Please respect copyright.PENANAkxUza5nzpy
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊,馬上手忙腳亂地想修正,但是似乎愈描愈黑。743Please respect copyright.PENANAljH9Knf5gY
743Please respect copyright.PENANAHnaUYM9f6f
「好啦,唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑,「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」743Please respect copyright.PENANA1QjsYN0csu
743Please respect copyright.PENANAxibfKFSmBa
「連你都咁講,嗚…」743Please respect copyright.PENANAQwOvBh0lvv
743Please respect copyright.PENANAAIjAIkikCr
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。743Please respect copyright.PENANAC8mnkHRokO
743Please respect copyright.PENANAniJ3cGRoAH
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐,情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼,而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。743Please respect copyright.PENANApGixEKUTeL
743Please respect copyright.PENANA5nFyZmLxme
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發,但似乎他們不這樣認為。743Please respect copyright.PENANAUjsjk0KBM6
743Please respect copyright.PENANAzHXxuomwUo
「咁你以後有咩打算?既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。743Please respect copyright.PENANAEr4MyXUbaE
743Please respect copyright.PENANAtmYgHZHNd2
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞,不過她還把頭靠在我肩上,我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。743Please respect copyright.PENANAdcz9Rtu6pY
743Please respect copyright.PENANAFMcuZxlBVZ
然後她開口問:「你呢,如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊,你又有咩打算?」743Please respect copyright.PENANAUB6kaQfR5y
743Please respect copyright.PENANA2xXA1WCGY0
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。743Please respect copyright.PENANA3O8vGX3nVW
743Please respect copyright.PENANAzxevb8UeMH
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分,但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。743Please respect copyright.PENANAAKPHdncILp
743Please respect copyright.PENANAdwPTFB79T4
「……」743Please respect copyright.PENANAGL9F39XpJr
743Please respect copyright.PENANAEdZ3AzEfy8
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人,就這樣互相倚靠在一起,坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒,吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。743Please respect copyright.PENANADOB9noO5aI
743Please respect copyright.PENANA5c9lMQmDRf
不是甚麼事也能憑決心,憑努力去改寫的。743Please respect copyright.PENANAdqCwTTiKeb
743Please respect copyright.PENANAsfshQUZYE7
夏天,也到尾聲了。743Please respect copyright.PENANAV4PSbXHb8j
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【實體書有售】《青梅竹馬真係最難追》
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【實體書有售】《青梅竹馬真係最難追》
作者:
陳立正
篇 #53
第十四章:各人有各自的愁緒 29072022
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