又是一陣沉默，然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道：「呀遊。」962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsJIPKE6hHc
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL3pJ52XLN2
「…係？」我回答。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbEafKb1J5Q
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfe4Y1Jjirt
「你覺得PTGF係做Ｄ咩？」962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYlaVnWsIYo
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBkExVJNXtU
PDGF，是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫，老實說不是甚麼新興東西，以往的名字有很多，援交，出租女友，兼職女友，爸爸活，Sugar Daddy之類…當然，仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的，但…962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVStYexLYOs
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOjNlnVunu0
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」，這點應該不會錯。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxTEG3HfMp6
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuWChsKlPZn
妍妍看著海說：「嗯，可以咁講…雖然有Ｄ女仔堅持唔上床，只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類，但係…」962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJJg70jeI4I
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy3MUSSVz3O
我等著她最後那句。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvHsOgdMqPI
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6urt2Rsxxs
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLIEHLa6S2z
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ24VmqMCR3z
「嗯，我聽緊。」我說。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGEDOE1wFtI
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPefnzsh6EW
她看看我，似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點：「我仲以為你會介意添。」962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuW7h5bXy6h
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTVqac2oTHb
我失笑：「我又唔係你邊個，有咩好介意？」962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4dou73WGHv
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdgzVO5YBND
「即係如果我同你親密Ｄ既你就會介意？」她反問。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgsXt7T1h1E
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvOSmWqNgFJ
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔，因為我真的不知道。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtE6LfqDcPk
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZy2uCa48ws
妍妍喝一口啤酒：「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河，去船P，食飯個Ｄ，如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbM5AJiY3bj
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzijlI030Kb
「咁…」962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA0HuAKltAN
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQlvVszTae6
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA07lc789lL
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2XLqxfU8GU
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World，黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎，有錢人就有呢Ｄ門路，總之，我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡluAJ24eDkz
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBXqAbfG4mG
妍妍說過她是A1，即是現在單身，但曾拍過一次拖。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF36stdiNJ3
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRizaxx8cDy
「嗯，你講過。」962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡreyAKNAsO9
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjb7gwDiISv
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說，「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊？」962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlKutxSlCkS
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN0XdMGNxQn
「咪笑我啦。」962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkkOaD71Kir
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe7ychlU3dk
她笑了。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKE5gvjgIwm
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXVv06BFzBa
「尋日係好日，佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說，「終於都完，感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMgORvhXScU
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8SFgTTi9br
「係好夢定惡夢？」962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Zsrebjuja
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGKAH1sdzxV
「…同現實比，係好夢。」她說，「同個時我地打算過既將來比，係惡夢。」962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKamGBVlZYQ
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVMJ4jJ5Tfz
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQWZBYcmsQ9
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmV2iATeQcS
「曾經我同你一樣啊，呀遊。」她說，「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙，視為我既一切，我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去，現在，未來，都因佢而起，因佢而存在，亦因佢而有寄望。」962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDFHSdu2J2o
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQw7z20QWSJ
雖然我猜到了個大概，但我決定沉默。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTAi09K5o4H
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9pAc2Rtsqv
有時候甚麼也不回應，只是陪伴，就是最好的回應。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGh1QmhByi1
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDcx2gsTsYY
「我係你身上，就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSToxjJyJOB
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfRx8pmcGa2
然後，她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaD3YAzpCoP
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWQMXIamlQA
「仲相信愛情，只為左一個人而活，全心，全靈，為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取，連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF6sK3NUX2R
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrTjQQRGvNj
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下，撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEiQ5qN34y8
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKny963lgB1
妍妍深呼吸，然後嘆了一口氣：「唉，但…依加已經完晒，其實早就應該完，當年就應該完，係我一直放佢唔低，直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我，亦…只有我一個。」962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpVlspqfvvj
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuBmq0w01fP
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUC5y5ue8IR
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR8estR2wDm
在之後，我連想像的勇氣也沒有。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi3cwyxRLjK
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKnEYfOakIr
那是信仰的崩潰，世界的崩潰。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡooAAL8dAAx
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHhuy8TZRtA
萬物的崩潰。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUqYBLAtqx0
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo6182Ivu9K
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWnfkD552Tq
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyL671UI6fI
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑，「至少以為佢會嬲，佢會話我污糟之類，但係…佢根本完全唔在意，我試過自己上網唱佢，佢都係理都唔理，本身至少想佢憎我，如果可以，我想佢至少憎我一世。」962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXLt2BqqSjw
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL46T48mO8l
妍妍說著說著，眼淚便靜靜的淌下。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrlj1PuTgSx
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBi3Yj4aHpn
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以？」妍妍哽咽地說，哭著的她全身在發抖。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjPBngZaiu3
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhoIqravSfB
愛的反面不是憎恨。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ZmPh6DCrE
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdYEQJQX90J
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM3AjAn4gDc
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Rl85LhxTV
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情，竟然連抹也不打算抹，恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5u9Q8WSOp8
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDRT0x3WpcB
這光景，我看過。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBzRj1OQm2u
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvGrViTx1gT
我在曾經的自己身上看過。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXP1EyKWRf3
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7wqFuIsXl
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚，「始終要放下。」962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNjntk2k1UC
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1yLtp1X1Bb
「我知，但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說，「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBS7nihZlvU
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUNDoLivL5M
「無可能。」我搖頭。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqU5MANnx4O
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV3Rf4TBFCI
「嗯，無可能。」她點頭。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzrHuPzCD22
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl3e6CETeh8
她繼續說：「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄，後來…我就覺得無所謂，點都無所謂，同唔同既男仔去玩，去蒲，做咩都好…我已經無所謂，過得一日就一日，反正又有錢收。」962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbFc9zPl9rX
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFP3Ic9nUb7
她打了個哆嗦，然後說：「既然唔知做咩好，咁樣就做咩都得。」962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxEXv7cK4iU
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡToOX8njgGQ
失去人生目標的滋味，我倒還記憶猶新，大約幾小時前吧。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4T0kW96glB
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUIfkOlR2sX
而且再往前回溯，在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣，唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛，做任何事也只是因本能而行動，也不記得今天是星期幾，幾月幾日，因為沒有需要。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZhIRzMH5Mb
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgD3sx6HFHN
甚麼也再沒需要了。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtqx2RabMDG
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC1PLtVd5ZQ
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcqgmWH01OQ
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdcSkotPzbj
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhLG62GBJVF
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCpc2Q62XPf
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概，她同樣地靜靜的聽著，而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住，似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJmj0u9lV3t
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYNcwiQZYz6
話畢。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE6meGLEynG
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDSMDMeKH3z
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒，然後開口說：「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzzJNp3HKdU
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCLEeX5TBx2
「你想既，幾時都可以。」962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqQazf6B1fs
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfa2PISSkqV
她沉默了片刻。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcmWxpm2lVq
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsFBV5i5xIC
「咁你個時點走出去？」她問我。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOPuP1m2eYg
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqKwMgIBcTP
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說，「二黎就係射返箭，射箭個時個人會好專心，射中靶會好有成功感，漸漸就走左出黎。」962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrkO5ilAj2X
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl6a1JMhSxl
「無興趣。」她微笑說。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvMq5n16l6a
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXv0LjMROZV
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我？至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你，我地細個都一齊玩過，我唔會唔理你。」我說。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHIouPaHFXx
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPWC6RkSFtA
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢Ｄ。」妍妍說，「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街，我先知個個係你。」962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiOmdymqwaj
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOOJ5pLbrPM
「係咪…好失望？」我苦笑，「搞到要搵PTGF………雖，雖然係用黎激童桐啦，我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF，一日都係情聖自把自為，未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgyj8un3x2t
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5nOWJQPDrb
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊，馬上手忙腳亂地想修正，但是似乎愈描愈黑。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQTAtoCAAd6
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn5x6NLfp1H
「好啦，唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑，「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhzV3hh40Sb
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeIdZAuaREN
「連你都咁講，嗚…」962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWES3LgbK5v
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZES1GtBvaK
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaR2odHOsl3
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa7lB7bwr9f
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐，情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼，而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQV4HR1gLF8
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTS6AHlWBBj
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發，但似乎他們不這樣認為。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY1VSBaJHl9
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsUnofU62ag
「咁你以後有咩打算？既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ74hb1wGoL9
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOSSQofVTb5
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞，不過她還把頭靠在我肩上，我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBLfNDPFxxy
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdDG34ZCRia
然後她開口問：「你呢，如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊，你又有咩打算？」962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW9x2NblFef
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxTBE0s0qUB
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRO2e8OsYdl
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡApHgMPSEG2
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分，但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjJMtdB3nTP
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGQWxRuINNk
「……」962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcdp1DB7bsL
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcgFqGecIca
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人，就這樣互相倚靠在一起，坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒，吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHK3D2xZdd5
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJada2VhSIq
不是甚麼事也能憑決心，憑努力去改寫的。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJj2AES9QrT
962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6KVUOv0U1n
夏天，也到尾聲了。962Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1kkojQAgnj
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