又是一陣沉默,然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道:「呀遊。」750Please respect copyright.PENANAWnZayIqn1H
750Please respect copyright.PENANA1ZERZdnBcs
「…係?」我回答。750Please respect copyright.PENANAy78xkzNs0I
750Please respect copyright.PENANAPrDHIwSxCf
「你覺得PTGF係做D咩?」750Please respect copyright.PENANAUMnX911u9H
750Please respect copyright.PENANAv8HYG1qDr4
PDGF,是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫,老實說不是甚麼新興東西,以往的名字有很多,援交,出租女友,兼職女友,爸爸活,Sugar Daddy之類…當然,仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的,但…750Please respect copyright.PENANABGa1R7EsEk
750Please respect copyright.PENANAFqFEG2i29H
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」,這點應該不會錯。750Please respect copyright.PENANA82jYNiNlQq
750Please respect copyright.PENANACg00SrSlxx
妍妍看著海說:「嗯,可以咁講…雖然有D女仔堅持唔上床,只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類,但係…」750Please respect copyright.PENANAU76ETnM5Vq
750Please respect copyright.PENANAmCxsAaNF6I
我等著她最後那句。750Please respect copyright.PENANAltfykxOUzg
750Please respect copyright.PENANAlAiD3o2HCd
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。750Please respect copyright.PENANAVkRh3m5Vr5
750Please respect copyright.PENANAG6GSum9EPn
「嗯,我聽緊。」我說。750Please respect copyright.PENANAZH3f4xBvBh
750Please respect copyright.PENANAUIyeQQ2HDx
她看看我,似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點:「我仲以為你會介意添。」750Please respect copyright.PENANAce45JHlIvy
750Please respect copyright.PENANAnAUdgXzCPB
我失笑:「我又唔係你邊個,有咩好介意?」750Please respect copyright.PENANAFwcKEjawtH
750Please respect copyright.PENANAIPvxeWNFqB
「即係如果我同你親密D既你就會介意?」她反問。750Please respect copyright.PENANAugFPtRbgc8
750Please respect copyright.PENANAZ17XtxZLmp
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔,因為我真的不知道。750Please respect copyright.PENANAdmOKiQ1bkR
750Please respect copyright.PENANA7CzW4Lfu1K
妍妍喝一口啤酒:「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河,去船P,食飯個D,如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」750Please respect copyright.PENANAPwoauPVgA4
750Please respect copyright.PENANAPs3oseOC1p
「咁…」750Please respect copyright.PENANARgSGdmfbII
750Please respect copyright.PENANAyVyTJAY5CJ
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。750Please respect copyright.PENANATBYqbulo3V
750Please respect copyright.PENANARPLfiMK7DF
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World,黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎,有錢人就有呢D門路,總之,我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」750Please respect copyright.PENANAe5pESKYZOZ
750Please respect copyright.PENANA4wsYx0K5VR
妍妍說過她是A1,即是現在單身,但曾拍過一次拖。750Please respect copyright.PENANAgH1g0rXznP
750Please respect copyright.PENANA4FzLl3yreA
「嗯,你講過。」750Please respect copyright.PENANAfh1SqRkuyi
750Please respect copyright.PENANA39NT3IGz4m
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說,「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊?」750Please respect copyright.PENANALPEOclLPQR
750Please respect copyright.PENANAr0fqaMiVQx
「咪笑我啦。」750Please respect copyright.PENANAsMdGYXmClY
750Please respect copyright.PENANAUNdfbMVRmC
她笑了。750Please respect copyright.PENANAnJcMuO6lok
750Please respect copyright.PENANAb9t6K5n4ov
「尋日係好日,佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說,「終於都完,感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」750Please respect copyright.PENANAoklVpqGMA1
750Please respect copyright.PENANASDjNMRwqT7
「係好夢定惡夢?」750Please respect copyright.PENANAdUcLyM1rEm
750Please respect copyright.PENANAXmDWEJrWKI
「…同現實比,係好夢。」她說,「同個時我地打算過既將來比,係惡夢。」750Please respect copyright.PENANAEI3nopb9PE
750Please respect copyright.PENANAaiUXLoRnIx
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。750Please respect copyright.PENANAZHdWr3YafG
750Please respect copyright.PENANA9fEeLSdo3h
「曾經我同你一樣啊,呀遊。」她說,「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙,視為我既一切,我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去,現在,未來,都因佢而起,因佢而存在,亦因佢而有寄望。」750Please respect copyright.PENANAL7VNxdzghW
750Please respect copyright.PENANAU5wrDeq5Qc
雖然我猜到了個大概,但我決定沉默。750Please respect copyright.PENANAzZN4epWDt2
750Please respect copyright.PENANAX2mHfh3ahl
有時候甚麼也不回應,只是陪伴,就是最好的回應。750Please respect copyright.PENANAhLIGraExcc
750Please respect copyright.PENANAt52T9IAKhX
「我係你身上,就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。750Please respect copyright.PENANAEL9HUS8yFJ
750Please respect copyright.PENANAPTGaRASFsg
然後,她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。750Please respect copyright.PENANA1O3N16fSc1
750Please respect copyright.PENANAkHqccBxXsr
「仲相信愛情,只為左一個人而活,全心,全靈,為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取,連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」750Please respect copyright.PENANAX1DrcsiP7Y
750Please respect copyright.PENANAB2OkcK4SbB
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下,撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。750Please respect copyright.PENANAaNyO3kJ6Wa
750Please respect copyright.PENANA2JwYpSgDGz
妍妍深呼吸,然後嘆了一口氣:「唉,但…依加已經完晒,其實早就應該完,當年就應該完,係我一直放佢唔低,直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我,亦…只有我一個。」750Please respect copyright.PENANA1SXowmT5iz
750Please respect copyright.PENANA5h9y61ZzKZ
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。750Please respect copyright.PENANAF6soFF9y3d
750Please respect copyright.PENANAGzkHiS9XkN
在之後,我連想像的勇氣也沒有。750Please respect copyright.PENANA2oScNNKcmb
750Please respect copyright.PENANAqXakrVWsHK
那是信仰的崩潰,世界的崩潰。750Please respect copyright.PENANAzEReS50aFp
750Please respect copyright.PENANAmTJa9KkbnR
萬物的崩潰。750Please respect copyright.PENANA1SXPpvGanT
750Please respect copyright.PENANAATf0vlMpJ2
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」750Please respect copyright.PENANAbJUlXQRB3a
750Please respect copyright.PENANAHuENsnfFKA
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑,「至少以為佢會嬲,佢會話我污糟之類,但係…佢根本完全唔在意,我試過自己上網唱佢,佢都係理都唔理,本身至少想佢憎我,如果可以,我想佢至少憎我一世。」750Please respect copyright.PENANAGtT3MJRvaD
750Please respect copyright.PENANADDr1GLeebe
妍妍說著說著,眼淚便靜靜的淌下。750Please respect copyright.PENANAkh8xzJB5Lx
750Please respect copyright.PENANAK4pz2fjl4W
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以?」妍妍哽咽地說,哭著的她全身在發抖。750Please respect copyright.PENANA4dn6VRwAW2
750Please respect copyright.PENANAqoORJFsB8p
愛的反面不是憎恨。750Please respect copyright.PENANAAGzXO0uERG
750Please respect copyright.PENANAadhSZexru2
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。750Please respect copyright.PENANAk1DrTMg9Ns
750Please respect copyright.PENANAQC87JJGiRD
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情,竟然連抹也不打算抹,恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。750Please respect copyright.PENANAeQTlueAPZC
750Please respect copyright.PENANAiTrhxqS1Sr
這光景,我看過。750Please respect copyright.PENANATNjbJndial
750Please respect copyright.PENANAmT7rUcxIZL
我在曾經的自己身上看過。750Please respect copyright.PENANAkWyvvmgdGS
750Please respect copyright.PENANAEZD640xc5m
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚,「始終要放下。」750Please respect copyright.PENANAQOC4pmPFVu
750Please respect copyright.PENANAIUk12lcVJG
「我知,但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說,「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」750Please respect copyright.PENANAsG7iAeKvG7
750Please respect copyright.PENANAFtKRzhb0fh
「無可能。」我搖頭。750Please respect copyright.PENANAfb91xOl0eN
750Please respect copyright.PENANACEvLkLx3ZJ
「嗯,無可能。」她點頭。750Please respect copyright.PENANAmG30CK2xf9
750Please respect copyright.PENANADJbjY8AKVh
她繼續說:「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄,後來…我就覺得無所謂,點都無所謂,同唔同既男仔去玩,去蒲,做咩都好…我已經無所謂,過得一日就一日,反正又有錢收。」750Please respect copyright.PENANA2XrQmp8iHb
750Please respect copyright.PENANAShKtgv6Bz7
她打了個哆嗦,然後說:「既然唔知做咩好,咁樣就做咩都得。」750Please respect copyright.PENANAYdiATYquU2
750Please respect copyright.PENANAUR5NqVAo9E
失去人生目標的滋味,我倒還記憶猶新,大約幾小時前吧。750Please respect copyright.PENANARt3rp2r3v0
750Please respect copyright.PENANArJsmulJOyl
而且再往前回溯,在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣,唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛,做任何事也只是因本能而行動,也不記得今天是星期幾,幾月幾日,因為沒有需要。750Please respect copyright.PENANAEgTMCHhZEd
750Please respect copyright.PENANAK6rfVyIepV
甚麼也再沒需要了。750Please respect copyright.PENANAYcz0UMZEIc
750Please respect copyright.PENANAshUIAyEJIu
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。750Please respect copyright.PENANA9SNPTL8Q6D
750Please respect copyright.PENANA5eGlM2RTwB
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。750Please respect copyright.PENANArNAOXRG4yy
750Please respect copyright.PENANAJjCVwOvywO
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概,她同樣地靜靜的聽著,而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住,似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。750Please respect copyright.PENANA17fksUDfLx
750Please respect copyright.PENANAmhDfL5v7x9
話畢。750Please respect copyright.PENANAS4LzaqNZjl
750Please respect copyright.PENANAiXK004fh8U
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒,然後開口說:「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」750Please respect copyright.PENANAeucVh8He1X
750Please respect copyright.PENANAUdmPb4vBBp
「你想既,幾時都可以。」750Please respect copyright.PENANAdj6zDYTzhv
750Please respect copyright.PENANAociBfFjaeJ
她沉默了片刻。750Please respect copyright.PENANAU6lEsOpPwQ
750Please respect copyright.PENANA4oZsRFXVjX
「咁你個時點走出去?」她問我。750Please respect copyright.PENANAfRinAyJ0NL
750Please respect copyright.PENANATO4lyWW60P
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說,「二黎就係射返箭,射箭個時個人會好專心,射中靶會好有成功感,漸漸就走左出黎。」750Please respect copyright.PENANADpUjCQEDTf
750Please respect copyright.PENANAQDBfmagfyi
「無興趣。」她微笑說。750Please respect copyright.PENANAy9JtC85Gyu
750Please respect copyright.PENANAjW4LNXapgX
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我?至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你,我地細個都一齊玩過,我唔會唔理你。」我說。750Please respect copyright.PENANAkma3sIYEu9
750Please respect copyright.PENANArLxFwK73qf
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢D。」妍妍說,「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街,我先知個個係你。」750Please respect copyright.PENANAQkrkk4IHOF
750Please respect copyright.PENANAfh2uokmCeY
「係咪…好失望?」我苦笑,「搞到要搵PTGF………雖,雖然係用黎激童桐啦,我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF,一日都係情聖自把自為,未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」750Please respect copyright.PENANAVe4PGJsUys
750Please respect copyright.PENANAYi7GU62zpK
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊,馬上手忙腳亂地想修正,但是似乎愈描愈黑。750Please respect copyright.PENANAc9JwrLjcxL
750Please respect copyright.PENANArdQc7WJgxL
「好啦,唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑,「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」750Please respect copyright.PENANAeZuEmZdViX
750Please respect copyright.PENANARSUD7siNQn
「連你都咁講,嗚…」750Please respect copyright.PENANAZm87e93Gxp
750Please respect copyright.PENANAI52stbz9Jc
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。750Please respect copyright.PENANAmCEf45BwYE
750Please respect copyright.PENANAOJm56X0akE
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐,情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼,而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。750Please respect copyright.PENANAHHiJTHz8Jh
750Please respect copyright.PENANAEFP0OOtqau
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發,但似乎他們不這樣認為。750Please respect copyright.PENANA88xFFrlwRe
750Please respect copyright.PENANAZLDfXTU5vg
「咁你以後有咩打算?既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。750Please respect copyright.PENANAl8vVDccuz0
750Please respect copyright.PENANAaa4TIwQvvg
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞,不過她還把頭靠在我肩上,我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。750Please respect copyright.PENANAjZB1xOTB72
750Please respect copyright.PENANABQ9DjJXCag
然後她開口問:「你呢,如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊,你又有咩打算?」750Please respect copyright.PENANATtUp5f7kmP
750Please respect copyright.PENANA50ovy5TG2y
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。750Please respect copyright.PENANAf2ngNRtYKF
750Please respect copyright.PENANAe2GZ6XQyCU
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分,但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。750Please respect copyright.PENANAVznlYmoKSV
750Please respect copyright.PENANAV9eaVoKqbo
「……」750Please respect copyright.PENANAr0YSOieORC
750Please respect copyright.PENANA3ULeERXPbt
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人,就這樣互相倚靠在一起,坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒,吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。750Please respect copyright.PENANAGR2WUO88Xy
750Please respect copyright.PENANAY0XkkS6eO7
不是甚麼事也能憑決心,憑努力去改寫的。750Please respect copyright.PENANADmlX6novi4
750Please respect copyright.PENANAcWw54M6Uhn
夏天,也到尾聲了。750Please respect copyright.PENANAu7X94hedjB
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【實體書有售】《青梅竹馬真係最難追》
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【實體書有售】《青梅竹馬真係最難追》
Author:
陳立正
ISSUE #53
第十四章:各人有各自的愁緒 29072022
LIKES 8
READS 746
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