又是一陣沉默，然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道：「呀遊。」951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAvDHbRL4ZH
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0U0aDNRYaY
「…係？」我回答。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSb3YTD2Vgr
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqOSb7J1H60
「你覺得PTGF係做Ｄ咩？」951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVYD4THJgly
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWRH970eDTA
PDGF，是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫，老實說不是甚麼新興東西，以往的名字有很多，援交，出租女友，兼職女友，爸爸活，Sugar Daddy之類…當然，仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的，但…951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUbTtEhTJ0F
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuQJDe20gOZ
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」，這點應該不會錯。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡehWeOTxGEP
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ95Qvp1KYN9
妍妍看著海說：「嗯，可以咁講…雖然有Ｄ女仔堅持唔上床，只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類，但係…」951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrJJ7WD57qD
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡctqczMY4as
我等著她最後那句。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa3YYLPIoyh
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAsLUOkqjz0
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIsesoE9y9j
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ76EksQHnWM
「嗯，我聽緊。」我說。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQNN0IDTY7A
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZUDp5n48Na
她看看我，似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點：「我仲以為你會介意添。」951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJkBuktpWeh
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuTOYQ2Ow5b
我失笑：「我又唔係你邊個，有咩好介意？」951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVUzI7PY28r
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbb9kIWfQ9l
「即係如果我同你親密Ｄ既你就會介意？」她反問。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtd9HC1uPTj
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLho4NHxxl2
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔，因為我真的不知道。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZrrL5eDK7s
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3y3pjNdJLD
妍妍喝一口啤酒：「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河，去船P，食飯個Ｄ，如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Bq4nh4g0p
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLJ1zVrYhVs
「咁…」951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqUbib2wVvo
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq1js8uPToN
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZuNgKErB1T
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpMLuTsIFwT
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World，黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎，有錢人就有呢Ｄ門路，總之，我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcuaYzjYpZB
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTxI86dvlSG
妍妍說過她是A1，即是現在單身，但曾拍過一次拖。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOTepeKpZhv
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhCccgzCL0O
「嗯，你講過。」951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAauTFCL40w
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQtQdg8BtwB
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說，「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊？」951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB4UjcEnap6
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN0KpqZOkKO
「咪笑我啦。」951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgFahZxtM34
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP4XC0pltRn
她笑了。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡphspSIOwAi
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡme65TErk4C
「尋日係好日，佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說，「終於都完，感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM1e190inv5
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqQEcHR0WQg
「係好夢定惡夢？」951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSbZfaZhRsi
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF4VLznRPrA
「…同現實比，係好夢。」她說，「同個時我地打算過既將來比，係惡夢。」951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwE5wsDayie
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoyRzktdJdR
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbKVDcgxsoK
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6OlcpujHXE
「曾經我同你一樣啊，呀遊。」她說，「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙，視為我既一切，我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去，現在，未來，都因佢而起，因佢而存在，亦因佢而有寄望。」951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡghCcKm5En2
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡahdP0TwLIn
雖然我猜到了個大概，但我決定沉默。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgQBUbFS9bw
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfP6vEVojfl
有時候甚麼也不回應，只是陪伴，就是最好的回應。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcjVcQwaZce
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkcpc6qqPy2
「我係你身上，就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkrwPqJzx5U
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4jDyCH8tG6
然後，她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJCsFfpP8Xh
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWgWMmWtp6h
「仲相信愛情，只為左一個人而活，全心，全靈，為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取，連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzKEigdRZI2
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0zOQhp2NWN
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下，撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXbjDbCGmKf
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDwWMlnjbL5
妍妍深呼吸，然後嘆了一口氣：「唉，但…依加已經完晒，其實早就應該完，當年就應該完，係我一直放佢唔低，直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我，亦…只有我一個。」951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvCIkaUP8EQ
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqI372Upge0
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAW0ORdLCFz
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0MvtNHDKY0
在之後，我連想像的勇氣也沒有。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7flKROcGZz
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVnUcYQRoT9
那是信仰的崩潰，世界的崩潰。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgKrTIbZpWz
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsjoHLERaab
萬物的崩潰。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡncf6B7Dguf
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDeAvjjJmK9
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2MUp8juuw7
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyl504zW5k0
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑，「至少以為佢會嬲，佢會話我污糟之類，但係…佢根本完全唔在意，我試過自己上網唱佢，佢都係理都唔理，本身至少想佢憎我，如果可以，我想佢至少憎我一世。」951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyIIjsvs5ii
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFUVDbwnU9N
妍妍說著說著，眼淚便靜靜的淌下。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5GArBnJLLO
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkR6LIYCB7Q
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以？」妍妍哽咽地說，哭著的她全身在發抖。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAylz5lHMIA
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwBCn3oRsCu
愛的反面不是憎恨。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6qGZ2WtQlU
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz0b2J1mtSt
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ5dBYeCWRp
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJMlPic92CG
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情，竟然連抹也不打算抹，恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxHsyir8u1y
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1FMKInrpSf
這光景，我看過。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAMhtKixbQw
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡasw1QCR1yl
我在曾經的自己身上看過。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5boYR3X1Xf
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh0W3sNzOyX
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚，「始終要放下。」951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIcmZ9txFDW
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmUZUIbtPW8
「我知，但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說，「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDl4HyH4oZh
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc6YULquVAy
「無可能。」我搖頭。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpZOwZ0lsy6
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡraxN3M5YWG
「嗯，無可能。」她點頭。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb5HfZJhYi3
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmkug45jtyd
她繼續說：「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄，後來…我就覺得無所謂，點都無所謂，同唔同既男仔去玩，去蒲，做咩都好…我已經無所謂，過得一日就一日，反正又有錢收。」951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6bSBQ8MC3T
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNVCO8luCK5
她打了個哆嗦，然後說：「既然唔知做咩好，咁樣就做咩都得。」951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ4xTsgAS8a
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9H8IkjV0nS
失去人生目標的滋味，我倒還記憶猶新，大約幾小時前吧。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡITsBAWOwEO
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvAlevjJGtG
而且再往前回溯，在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣，唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛，做任何事也只是因本能而行動，也不記得今天是星期幾，幾月幾日，因為沒有需要。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTjeLqoQmhh
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjaMcH4WXuq
甚麼也再沒需要了。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYzATmFlQGI
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq0zO8SUdq1
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1HQstYifWp
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwzgjwVbNd9
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3s7JxJjSkg
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhL43MEyta8
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概，她同樣地靜靜的聽著，而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住，似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEVAtL8mE39
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYYxreHZUg7
話畢。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIRE9kXSbeV
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgg766GZQVK
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒，然後開口說：「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjsXVzAx6Cc
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhNMYbwYoxc
「你想既，幾時都可以。」951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNj26xEjdid
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRfYwjeOfrR
她沉默了片刻。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpenTsvlSZI
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPozR319b2I
「咁你個時點走出去？」她問我。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSxbdoReWPZ
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvh0dGgrwcV
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說，「二黎就係射返箭，射箭個時個人會好專心，射中靶會好有成功感，漸漸就走左出黎。」951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr2PT3x5Eh6
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZthNLcJnKX
「無興趣。」她微笑說。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeutzY1jrxF
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbKyFVpj10b
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我？至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你，我地細個都一齊玩過，我唔會唔理你。」我說。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCRqBQZnfPY
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdaT3FzzhL2
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢Ｄ。」妍妍說，「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街，我先知個個係你。」951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡek4bTYWh1j
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrTVmeRAwSu
「係咪…好失望？」我苦笑，「搞到要搵PTGF………雖，雖然係用黎激童桐啦，我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF，一日都係情聖自把自為，未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡigLQvdXJeb
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs96YCtFKWT
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊，馬上手忙腳亂地想修正，但是似乎愈描愈黑。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡythGGhaBFh
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN9pUsHFBQm
「好啦，唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑，「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1KaILjvMBg
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqDdz6f3emT
「連你都咁講，嗚…」951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Krv79MYBq
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS3tax93cPX
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCjbrZMBjyI
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKDnFiGhrsP
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐，情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼，而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOmMp4NScVy
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3stqgHkmlM
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發，但似乎他們不這樣認為。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYRyltLFVto
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdbgRM707w8
「咁你以後有咩打算？既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡubmFbUcilT
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVLC45JdcAe
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞，不過她還把頭靠在我肩上，我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJwjD1mnXSW
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4NzWuJpHAH
然後她開口問：「你呢，如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊，你又有咩打算？」951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkULvN1ynxC
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdWVoLgRVlW
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4QAsXTXdgR
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5s3siPEfiT
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分，但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbiGKWuagjB
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl7ICZTAg7r
「……」951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOuUGJQRJcN
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvYnYjfbylm
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人，就這樣互相倚靠在一起，坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒，吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCyLI4t6qLn
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0fzEnqBrPQ
不是甚麼事也能憑決心，憑努力去改寫的。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFhRkbV5ZKU
951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvMG5Tlvg2l
夏天，也到尾聲了。951Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoFUdtff6ru
8964 copyright protection947ＰＥＮＡＮＡTtqkd6t0xr 維尼

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