又是一陣沉默,然後妍妍轉頭看著我問道:「呀遊。」1072Please respect copyright.PENANA8ge8bNijFg
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAM6ZiXyXizl
「…係?」我回答。1072Please respect copyright.PENANAvC6AfgcDr6
1072Please respect copyright.PENANABWhugkL5d1
「你覺得PTGF係做D咩?」1072Please respect copyright.PENANAi4ULWYOyMd
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAEJo3UhBRDa
PDGF,是Part Time Girl Friend簡寫,老實說不是甚麼新興東西,以往的名字有很多,援交,出租女友,兼職女友,爸爸活,Sugar Daddy之類…當然,仔細劃分用字定義還是能分出差異的,但…1072Please respect copyright.PENANA1zYdH5KIBW
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAXxRom26EsY
「因金錢利益與男性發生關係」,這點應該不會錯。1072Please respect copyright.PENANAXr5mYMU1hN
1072Please respect copyright.PENANArJS1DNEBrg
妍妍看著海說:「嗯,可以咁講…雖然有D女仔堅持唔上床,只係行街睇戲食飯拖手之類,但係…」1072Please respect copyright.PENANAjKPu8SmAFP
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAVSe1H4M8JR
我等著她最後那句。1072Please respect copyright.PENANA1b3v8WApep
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAEaEhOCC46e
「…我唔係個種。」妍妍說。1072Please respect copyright.PENANAVj09fYUxCy
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAXB6gAQS9xB
「嗯,我聽緊。」我說。1072Please respect copyright.PENANAftcjg4ulEo
1072Please respect copyright.PENANA5F976AtI01
她看看我,似乎發現我表情眼神沒甚麼變化後似乎放鬆了一點:「我仲以為你會介意添。」1072Please respect copyright.PENANA9aOqVYdWxK
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAFhLJTVJ3Zz
我失笑:「我又唔係你邊個,有咩好介意?」1072Please respect copyright.PENANAzVn5zpECat
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAtFt1vSoniI
「即係如果我同你親密D既你就會介意?」她反問。1072Please respect copyright.PENANAq8Dz6SbKIN
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAQvEpHGovVG
「我唔回答假設性問題。」我擺出官腔,因為我真的不知道。1072Please respect copyright.PENANAMO1c7q48ch
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAUTqW19F7Ax
妍妍喝一口啤酒:「不過都唔係每個男仔我都會同佢做…普通都係遊下車河,去船P,食飯個D,如果真係岩Feel同信得過既先會做。」1072Please respect copyright.PENANAuPkTFmOXnp
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAKLSn95cNPA
「咁…」1072Please respect copyright.PENANAbzguAILE9i
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAI2ercu5PRW
感覺我說甚麼也會錯。1072Please respect copyright.PENANA0nfV5HykYt
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAY6dKjW7zDe
「之前我咪問你關於Deep-World,黑PR既事…我都係係客身上聽返黎,有錢人就有呢D門路,總之,我係想搵黑PR黎對付我唯一既個個EX 。」1072Please respect copyright.PENANA6oRFMYeFuc
1072Please respect copyright.PENANA1T3GIK17xV
妍妍說過她是A1,即是現在單身,但曾拍過一次拖。1072Please respect copyright.PENANAIZ7gKojlGt
1072Please respect copyright.PENANALr1fr1gYMo
「嗯,你講過。」1072Please respect copyright.PENANA59hBRBK2RH
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAZ8IotTLTmL
「但我估唔到你會記住。」她說,「估唔到你會記到童桐以外既事啊?」1072Please respect copyright.PENANApsX4jRV2Y3
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAqYcgWllOgt
「咪笑我啦。」1072Please respect copyright.PENANA5BRmCExT8m
1072Please respect copyright.PENANA6NJV3D0vhE
她笑了。1072Please respect copyright.PENANACslmGK0uV9
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAzMAGth1QU8
「尋日係好日,佢就係尋日結婚…」妍妍看著漆黑的海說,「終於都完,感覺就好似發左場夢咁。」1072Please respect copyright.PENANAjrTi12aRoY
1072Please respect copyright.PENANATiAUrdw9BE
「係好夢定惡夢?」1072Please respect copyright.PENANAI5bmpRufWw
1072Please respect copyright.PENANA7rkXstzhI9
「…同現實比,係好夢。」她說,「同個時我地打算過既將來比,係惡夢。」1072Please respect copyright.PENANAIRmsGjMJ5N
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAncO94sqOe8
我仔細咀嚼這一句當中的含意。1072Please respect copyright.PENANA4BJerBUjWj
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAM9gDgFAqHw
「曾經我同你一樣啊,呀遊。」她說,「曾經我都將一個人視為全宇宙,視為我既一切,我既世界就係圍住佢轉。過去,現在,未來,都因佢而起,因佢而存在,亦因佢而有寄望。」1072Please respect copyright.PENANAUlYPlmYVXw
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAwoxv8KzLUX
雖然我猜到了個大概,但我決定沉默。1072Please respect copyright.PENANAMgzGo9DaaP
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAeRpLQVYc3V
有時候甚麼也不回應,只是陪伴,就是最好的回應。1072Please respect copyright.PENANA2NP0Kx2qId
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAmyZyWQZoUt
「我係你身上,就好似睇到曾經既自己咁。」妍妍說。1072Please respect copyright.PENANAE16fYPdjYv
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAdqYxC48Cy3
然後,她把頭靠到我的肩膊上。1072Please respect copyright.PENANAa8u2glW4Nz
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAHtNUl5u6NK
「仲相信愛情,只為左一個人而活,全心,全靈,為左自己鐘意既人博盡全力去爭取,連對手係植嵐晨咁既級數既人都繼續前進。」1072Please respect copyright.PENANAX46SjtcCoT
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAMTgaUtDGkv
她一頭棕髮沿我胸膛傾瀉而下,撲鼻而來的是她頭髮的香氣夾雜海水咸味。1072Please respect copyright.PENANAHf0gzseuJq
1072Please respect copyright.PENANA7daHRlvmZI
妍妍深呼吸,然後嘆了一口氣:「唉,但…依加已經完晒,其實早就應該完,當年就應該完,係我一直放佢唔低,直到佢尋日婚都結埋…我先知道一直走唔出去既人係我,亦…只有我一個。」1072Please respect copyright.PENANAX4KLwUCEvN
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAoUDsBKX6Wv
在之前我也想像過童桐結婚而新郎不是我的畫面。1072Please respect copyright.PENANA6HRr5WCKVA
1072Please respect copyright.PENANARIZSStRs8z
在之後,我連想像的勇氣也沒有。1072Please respect copyright.PENANAPbr7ThILMu
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAhk6JKmeCGl
那是信仰的崩潰,世界的崩潰。1072Please respect copyright.PENANAaehGhnvNaA
1072Please respect copyright.PENANA5T3GclYwwE
萬物的崩潰。1072Please respect copyright.PENANAhktvtUcnUl
1072Please respect copyright.PENANA39kWDmE1Ck
「所以你分手之後做PTGF…係因為…」1072Please respect copyright.PENANAeQVSHXDZmp
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAsFoOjwDGt5
「我以為佢會在意。」妍妍自嘲地冷笑,「至少以為佢會嬲,佢會話我污糟之類,但係…佢根本完全唔在意,我試過自己上網唱佢,佢都係理都唔理,本身至少想佢憎我,如果可以,我想佢至少憎我一世。」1072Please respect copyright.PENANAbKOsre4EeS
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAIdV6tJf7VT
妍妍說著說著,眼淚便靜靜的淌下。1072Please respect copyright.PENANAiYU6hGHKTD
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAUPhptnNREl
「點解…點解連憎我一世都唔可以?」妍妍哽咽地說,哭著的她全身在發抖。1072Please respect copyright.PENANApHkeDqSmZF
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAtHrhqPEYzd
愛的反面不是憎恨。1072Please respect copyright.PENANAZ2sdeJZV42
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAUGyeeS090G
愛的反面是徹底的無視和冷漠。1072Please respect copyright.PENANAheBlOEMCoH
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAYEmCVOYyAi
不知道是不是她已經習慣了這表情,竟然連抹也不打算抹,恍如連自己也要放棄自己一樣。1072Please respect copyright.PENANANVyrjf9MAT
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAAt68r8tiU2
這光景,我看過。1072Please respect copyright.PENANASE81Ph0Eoe
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAG1OgwTGaG8
我在曾經的自己身上看過。1072Please respect copyright.PENANAZOnWUbN1we
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAagQWaYIVZn
「你唔應該咁對自己。」我掏出紙巾輕印她的眼淚,「始終要放下。」1072Please respect copyright.PENANAPAdR1gbZio
1072Please respect copyright.PENANADWDYdZkXWJ
「我知,但我做唔到。」把頭枕在我肩上的妍妍說,「等於我叫你放下童桐一樣。」1072Please respect copyright.PENANAuKoCMVLYmx
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAsU9qr5YI8r
「無可能。」我搖頭。1072Please respect copyright.PENANAeIWHsfa99V
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAeFRgWjfxmn
「嗯,無可能。」她點頭。1072Please respect copyright.PENANAj1n83IQf1k
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAT7i65aM4UM
她繼續說:「一開始我只係咁自暴自棄,後來…我就覺得無所謂,點都無所謂,同唔同既男仔去玩,去蒲,做咩都好…我已經無所謂,過得一日就一日,反正又有錢收。」1072Please respect copyright.PENANAsJGYMu1gfp
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAj1Q1vJcNPl
她打了個哆嗦,然後說:「既然唔知做咩好,咁樣就做咩都得。」1072Please respect copyright.PENANAG6Eq1tiIYX
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAFgypqQiYvM
失去人生目標的滋味,我倒還記憶猶新,大約幾小時前吧。1072Please respect copyright.PENANAc3W0tcCSLu
1072Please respect copyright.PENANA1QMxfbpGOU
而且再往前回溯,在中學畢業後的暑假我也是這樣,唯一等待的就是自己慢慢在角落腐爛,做任何事也只是因本能而行動,也不記得今天是星期幾,幾月幾日,因為沒有需要。1072Please respect copyright.PENANAFMZTHCSQUF
1072Please respect copyright.PENANA88O8d5vtLM
甚麼也再沒需要了。1072Please respect copyright.PENANAJwBHG7HPgA
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAznOEUveLCJ
妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己。1072Please respect copyright.PENANAZOxbA07XpK
1072Please respect copyright.PENANA0uayciEx1y
我也在妍妍身上看到曾經的自己。1072Please respect copyright.PENANAnkGYTQ2WZ5
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAYxDAJ7kSvE
我把自己那時的頹然喪志和妍妍說了個大概,她同樣地靜靜的聽著,而且聽著聽著她把自己雙腳抱住,似乎好像聽到甚麼不願意回想起的事一樣。1072Please respect copyright.PENANA0AufZyd5pR
1072Please respect copyright.PENANARwrdXASOjk
話畢。1072Please respect copyright.PENANAR1Ae848rC5
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAjtCn5ewMzn
妍妍閉上眼思考了一會兒,然後開口說:「睇黎我黎搵你呻係正確既選擇。」1072Please respect copyright.PENANAh1wjV5sGEt
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAYBSuZk8RLz
「你想既,幾時都可以。」1072Please respect copyright.PENANAoxKAKMnJUN
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAUGDSCCADdg
她沉默了片刻。1072Please respect copyright.PENANASI0iXtNQA0
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAXnAqcOUX0p
「咁你個時點走出去?」她問我。1072Please respect copyright.PENANA7qVJvtoKef
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAuvl6SVrmiI
「一黎童桐唔俾我繼續摺落去喇。」我說,「二黎就係射返箭,射箭個時個人會好專心,射中靶會好有成功感,漸漸就走左出黎。」1072Please respect copyright.PENANAY7a4Na2pKf
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAxZAXrMvdEr
「無興趣。」她微笑說。1072Please respect copyright.PENANAzQdrJ4nNI5
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAgJ8YrHToKB
「…咁點解個時你唔搵我?至少我可以好似童桐拖我出房咁樣幫你,我地細個都一齊玩過,我唔會唔理你。」我說。1072Please respect copyright.PENANArCi5O3D7MA
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAKfTOdxhk65
「個時我都未搵返你。我地細個個時又無Facebook IG呢D。」妍妍說,「係去到情聖係TG Group臨時要女仔同你去街,我先知個個係你。」1072Please respect copyright.PENANAHGHhxHhwKs
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAh94qwkIdUG
「係咪…好失望?」我苦笑,「搞到要搵PTGF………雖,雖然係用黎激童桐啦,我本身都無諗住要搵PTGF,一日都係情聖自把自為,未未未未等到30歲轉生做魔法師囉…」1072Please respect copyright.PENANA7FF0H2FXHT
1072Please respect copyright.PENANA64pzVulObs
我說到了後半句才發現自己的發言何等窩囊,馬上手忙腳亂地想修正,但是似乎愈描愈黑。1072Please respect copyright.PENANAb6gREI4Dmt
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAGK0NSHSf4X
「好啦,唔使解釋。」妍妍被我的慌張樣子逗笑,「你真係除左射箭咩都唔識架喎。」1072Please respect copyright.PENANApmNQlBpLpq
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAwOjgZAMcrr
「連你都咁講,嗚…」1072Please respect copyright.PENANAlCVjPb2ASG
1072Please respect copyright.PENANA81LurC9pTF
「咁樣先係你既賣點。」妍妍輕撫我被海風吹亂的頭髮說。1072Please respect copyright.PENANANShoqPkf6o
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAUATQ2SfvDQ
同樣是看到我使出全力追求童桐,情聖在我身上看到自己沒有之物並覺得耀眼,而妍妍在我身上看到曾經的自己並覺得懷念。1072Please respect copyright.PENANAuPBqqXasZP
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAhFhHFwrcf3
我完全不覺我自己會為任何人帶來啟發,但似乎他們不這樣認為。1072Please respect copyright.PENANAOh15cFPM7G
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAh1l5QXp2C8
「咁你以後有咩打算?既然個個人已經連婚都結埋。」我說。1072Please respect copyright.PENANAj1rmFL399c
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAYAHWXN0Xp4
「……我唔知。」妍妍看著海的雙眼變得空洞,不過她還把頭靠在我肩上,我很有信心她沒有任何投海的念頭。1072Please respect copyright.PENANAJRtgRT0C7V
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAagFm45WlOZ
然後她開口問:「你呢,如果最後童桐都係唔同你一齊,你又有咩打算?」1072Please respect copyright.PENANARIqaWwN3mk
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAqY8WIYnJSm
「……我唔知。」我給出和妍妍一模一樣的答案。1072Please respect copyright.PENANAnhsEQEE5ug
1072Please respect copyright.PENANA9xirvopSiP
看來我真的沒有鼓勵人的天分,但畢竟我也自身難保嘛。1072Please respect copyright.PENANAYcqXJ3praN
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAERNf2ZCaUC
「……」1072Please respect copyright.PENANA04hzOcvCvy
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAfNEsdVZQE1
兩個不知還可以怎樣辦的人,就這樣互相倚靠在一起,坐在海邊喝著廉價的啤酒,吹著因暑氣而帶點異味的海風。1072Please respect copyright.PENANAaJ8rB2WG5m
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAi0XbDwXqfx
不是甚麼事也能憑決心,憑努力去改寫的。1072Please respect copyright.PENANAA52xSu6Hp6
1072Please respect copyright.PENANAq3N9MZ4cvl
夏天,也到尾聲了。1072Please respect copyright.PENANAEe5hKfEdt9
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【實體書有售】《青梅竹馬真係最難追》
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【實體書有售】《青梅竹馬真係最難追》
作者:
陳立正

篇 #53
第十四章:各人有各自的愁緒 29072022
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